LadyoftheDeadlyDance
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Joined: 13 May 2004
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 Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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Hi, tis me. I was just wondering if I could get a rating on the first chapter of this little ficcy I have. It's posted on a couple of websites, but I'm stuck and I need a few more comments. It ends in a cliffy, the OC is still undefined, but that's how I wanted it, because I'm going to be revealing her character in later chapters. ^_^ Thanks everbody! (It's a Yu Yu Hakusho ficcy...)
Rating: PG-13 (now, the whole fic is R)
Beautiful in Red
Chapter 1: Stolen Gum and a Rip in a Paper Bag
Part I. (Kurama)
At an unknown time, there was no beginning, there was no endthere was nothing. Not a speck, not a sound, not a spark of life or movement. But there was always the Great Grey. And from the Great Grey was born all things, for the Great Grey instilled in her children her spirit, and they themselves became her aspects.
Time was her first Child, and he controlled the past, present and future. It was he that allowed the creation of the universes and the underverses to begin, with nothing but a simple push.
Her second Child was Creation. He was charged with the creation of the worlds, influenced by his great mother. He whipped the clouds, scheduled the sunbursts and the supernovas, separated the dimensions, and spun the star dust into suns and planets. Yet all of these were still dark objects, not yet instilled with life.
Her third Child was the dual entity simply named Ai. She was the embodiment of pure love, and of pure hate, the first of the Great Greys children to give life. He awakened the suns and gave them her heat. She struck the dry grounds on the planets, and they gave forth green plants, each filled with a fraction of himself. He filled the oceans with water, the skies with clouds, and dotted the worlds with volcanoes and crevasses, all of this done in billions of years. But to an immortal, it seemed only seconds.
She was the mother and the father of many children, but eight of them were most prominent.
Ryu was the guardian of food, the embodiment of gluttony and the first being to ever fast. He was given control of the waters, and the sea was now his domain.
Makkitotosimew became the incarnate of lust and virtue, the fashioner of all body types. It was she who created the molds for her children and the children of her brothers and sisters, sculpting them in all sorts of shapes and sizes, insuring they would multiply when they were given life.
Yukiko was born the ruler of generosity and greed, her domain became the earth. She whispered to the plants that her father had created, telling them which could be beneficial, and which would be deadly poison.
Mieko controlled fire, the only element which required fuel to survive. He became known for his humility, and for his ballooned ego, which was why his favorite creation was helium. He gave the suns that his mother had awakened new life, and implanted within the planets a searing hot core, insuring their life and eventual destruction.
Kenji became the master of the mind: all thought and inspiration came from him. His sister, Makkitotosimew, created a special body part for him, which she named the brain in all of her designs, so that he would have some influence on all intelligent beasts. Envy and compassion were his possessions, and he showed them on all of his brothers and sisters children.
Ryukossei controlled wrath and mercy, and his domain was the heart, another gift from Makkitotosimew to her siblings. Ryukossei would eventually fall from grace, for he became embittered and lost all sense of mercy. He came to earth in the form of a great blue dragon, and reeked havoc. But this did not stop him from mating. This resulted in a dragonling who would eventually take the place of Ryukossei as the guardian of Revenge and Forgiveness, for even though Ryukossei had been cast out of the Divines presence, his friendship with Mieko allowed his decedents to rule in his place after he passed away.
And finally, the youngest of all Children was Nozomi, the gentle guardian of hope and despair. She was the most important of her siblings, for it is she that began to create life. Human life.
Each Majestic had power over time, for their uncle was not selfish, but distant and remote. They ruled fairly, populating the worlds with their flesh and blood children, who were unlike their parents in that the Majestic were abstract, whispers in the wind, living inside the heart and mind of each of their children.
The Majestics had many children, and they lived on the worlds happily and without pain. But not all was good. The Majestics children became infected with their parents worse halves, and began to bicker as tensions rose, until finally, war broke out between the children and massive casualties ensued.
After years of conflict, in a cruel effort to win the selfish war, the humans, who were given control over the barriers that separated the worlds, destroyed one of the dimensions. Nozomi was so heart-broken that she died in despair, but not before passing on her power of hope to her children, wriggling herself within all of their souls. Because of this sin, the other children of the Majestic agreed to strip the humans of their powers, and cast them about the worlds.
The lesser children of the Majestic began to hunt the humans, believing that in eating their flesh, they would gain some of their former power. Soon, the lesser children grew attached to the flesh, and it became their main diet.
Because the other Majestic (who now called themselves the Shichi Higurashi) had loved their sister, they created a separate dimension so that the humans could thrive and live in peace. They instilled in the humans a sense of curiosity, along with all of their own traits. But humans still, to this very day, bare the burden of keeping hope alive. And that, according to the Centari people, is how this world was created
Shuichi Minamino snapped the mythology book shut, sighing deeply as he sat underneath a large oak tree, enjoying the lazy summer day. He was tempted to smash the book on the ground in frustration, but thought better of it, knowing that the library would murder him if there was even a tiny rip on one of the pages.
Its not that he didnt like legends of ancient peoples, it was just that most of them were so ridiculously under detailed that it felt like reading a childrens book. He wanted to know about the characters, to be able to feel them, instead of getting just the scraps of information on their adventures. It just aggravated him.
Dont kid yourself, Kurama. Fairy tales dont get on your nerves, theres something wrong, and you know it. He thought, addressing himself by his former name.
Why else would you be flipping though tons of old books, looking for legends that will predict this worlds end? You are being far too cautious for your own good.
His emerald green eyes scanned the skies, as if the great blue ocean was ready to crack and fall, forcing him to play Chicken Little. He had been jumpy lately, and anxious, feeling as though a huge cloud was hovering over him.
He had no reason why he should feel sodoomy. It was summer break, he had aced all his classes, and best of all, he wasnt in danger of being killed anymore. Now that the Dark Tournament was over, he would be able to live in peacesomewhatand enjoy his time where he could do normal things. He should have been happy. Hell, he should have been ecstatic. Instead he felt like he had become some Lilliputian that was running around in circles screaming Were doomed! Were doomed!
It was extremely time consuming, and very annoying.
He sighed again, picking up his book and rising from his little spot under the oak tree. Brushing his fire-red hair out of his face, he breathed in the warm air one last time and walked down to the spiraling sidewalk of the park, watching his feet and not where he was going
-OOOWF!-
His body collided with another, and he fell on his butt, painfully. Paper bags were sprayed all across the grass, along with the few loose items that were knocked from their containers and now rested on the green carpet.
Im so sorry Kurama began picking up the items around him, not yet knowing just whom he had hit.
Sokay came the strange voice ofa woman. The voice was coated with an exotic accent, something akin to a mix of Irish and Roman tongue. His mind immediately conjured up an image of Jin, a wind master with a thick Irish accentbut this womans voice was different. Besides it being much more feminine, It wasseductive. Mysterious. Dangerous
And it was somewhat familiar
She smelled so gooda light perfume that smelled like plums had nothing on her true scent. With his heightened ability of smell, he could distinguish her unique scent, although his mind could find no words to describe it.
He picked his head up from the items on the ground, and looked toward the stranger, curiosity beating at his brain.
It took Kurama every inch of his will to control the urge to goggle.
To the eyes of a normal human, she would have seemed exceptionally pretty, if slightly intimidating with her big calf-leather boots, black shorts, dark sunglasses that obscured her eyes, a grey tee shirt that was two sizes too big, a silver cuff that wrapped around her upper right arm, and front bangs dyed a vicious red. But to Kurama, who had a sharper vision and a talent for feeling auras, she was radiantand as murderous as a rattlesnake ready to strike. Darkness cloaked her being, making her more mysterious, more terrifying and more attractive. And then there was this nagging feeling of deyja vu.
Um
She chuckled slightly, fixing the backwards baseball cap on her head and running her pale fingers though the snags in her curly golden hair. She was a foreigner, for sure
Do you always do this to ladies who are innocently walking in the park? She asked as he jumped to his feet, holding out his hand to help her up. She did not take it, however, since she was already up from the ground even before he reached his full height.
He flashed his best lady-killer smile, regaining control of himself and whipping out the charming charisma that had enslaved all of his female (and a few male) classmates at school.
Only to the beautiful ones. Kurama said as the woman grinned, grew slightly pink, and took the bags from his arms.
This beautiful one needs to loose weight. She chuckled as he shook his head no. She held his book in one of her hands, long black nails clicking against the spine, and her eyes scanned the cover, the expression on her face changing to that of light amusement. For a moment, Kurama wondered what those eyes must look like underneath those dark sunglasses
Hm. Legends from the Centari Lands, eh? A poor mans Atlantis, I hear. The woman said as she dusted the dirt off the crisp new book and handed it to him with care, betraying the coolness in her voice.
So, you too have an interest in the Centari culture? The second lost continent? He asked, recalling the headlines in the newspapers that screamed of a sunken city some hundred miles or so from the coast of Japan. The papers reported of a vast city with buildings of European style, which was unusual in itself, but also in the middle of the city was an enormous tower filled with horns.
At first, Kurama had believed this all to be a hoax, until a book was published containing the recorded myths of the Centari people, taken from the very text archeologists had found within the doomed city. How the paper had managed to survive the salty ocean was amazing, and the fact that the paper didnt seem all that old was a miracle in itself. By all rights, the sunken civilization should not have existeduntil now.
Well, sort of. I guess you can say that my father was very interested in mythsya know She shifted the bags in her hand, and Kurama could tell she was getting uncomfortable. Not wanting to seem like a bother, he began the goodbyes.
Ibest be going he said, reaching into his hair to scratch the back of his head, but instead, he pulled out a single rose. The womans mouth opened slightly as he slipped the rose into her free hand, enjoying his smoothness.
Huh! She exclaimed, smirking as she sniffed the rose delicately. She peered at him through those black sunglasses, and Kurama began to guess at their color. Blue? Nogrey? Maybe even violet. No, it had to be a deeper color, a richer color
It seems like I should allow myself to bump into handsome strangers more often. They have flowers. She grinned and walked past him, taking a look back after she was a few steps away from him.
Thank you for the rose. The woman put the said flower in her brown shopping bag, making sure it would stick out of the top. Later. She waved with her free hand, and turned her back on him as Kurama waved back.
I hope so he whispered to himself as he turned on his heel and walked away. That would be niceto see you again
Once she so far away he could not see her anymore, Kurama noticed a strange pressure in his right hand. Opening it, he found that a long piece of gum wrapped in silver was in his palm. After inspecting the gum more closely, he noticed that, to his shock, it had belonged to her (he had seen the pack sticking out of her pocket, but paid no attention to it). He had picked her pocket, without even knowing! He shook his head darkly as he moved on, slightly disturbed by his strange behavior...
It seemed Youko had struck again.
~~~*~~~
Part II. (Hiei)
Heat curled off the steaming pavement as the hot afternoon sun beat down on the city sidewalk, making the trash smell even more miserable than before.
It had been the eighth day in a massive heat wave that incased the city of Tokyo, and its slums would not escape the wrath of an angered sun. It was strange, considering that a slight break in the oppressive heat had occurred around noon, leading the people to believe that it was finally over. It would be folly, however, since the heat was back by 2 in the afternoon, baffling citizen and meteorologist alike.
It was not the first of baffling events that seemed to have struck the world over the past week.
The world was undergoing a massive drought. Everywhere. The hotter the world grew, the less water was around, and sooner or later, people feared that there would be none left. But scientists and the like brushed off the peoples concurs, believing them to only be born of paranoia and inaccurate apocalypse films. They had stated that the world would come out of its drought eventually, for the water must form into clouds, and it must rainsometime. And yet the world remained to grow dryer and dryer, and not a drop fell from the sky.
But that didnt stop the thunder storms from ravaging the world.
Hn. Humans. What stupid idiots. At least the foul demons knew when to get the hell away from danger. And that was why Hiei was here, walking up a street that would eventually lead to Tokyos underclass, the rock bottom of Tokyo society
Hiei was coming back from the secret demon subculture of Tokyo.
It was simple, really, being able to keep the demon population secret from the humans. They were clever and they were tricky and they were good at it, being able to blend in with the humans or scaring them off. All they needed to do was take over a sector of the huge city, label it as a crime war zone and a drug land, populate the area and BINGO! No humans whatsoever.
Wellexcept those deeply submerged in the occult world, that is.
Hiei knew his way around the demon underground, it was a simple way of life, really. Stay alive, dont get yourself in trouble, and if anybody gives you s**t, you have the right to blow their heads off, as simple as that. These demons did not have the same rights as the humans, therefore, the order of Reikai had give Hiei permission to deal with a disagreeable situation as best as possible. In short, they meant he could kill any demon fuckup that even looked at him funny. If the demons didnt like it, tough; pack your bags and move back to Makai.
He only wished he had the same power over some of the humans he knew.
Hiei kicked a can across the melting tar of the street as he rubbed the cinnamon gum in his mouth against a fang, listening to the echoing clang as the sound bounced off the cracked concrete and brick buildings. The demons he had interviewed did not know much of the recent events. The strange weather seemed to have had them spooked even more than the humans, and most of the information he had managed to beat out of a few of them was a drabble about some false god trying to break his way into Ningenkai.
It was all religious bullshit. Nothing good, and nothing tangible what so ever.
It left Hiei with an even sourer disposition and crackling temper than usual. Which is probably why he didnt let HER pass without a fight.
He noticed the woman from a mile away. Her smell, her chi, the way she walked, everything gave her way. Well, that and the fact she was walking toward the demon haven he himself had just left.
He would have let her go, if fate had given him the chance. He wouldnt have stopped the strange woman as she walked down the street, carrying her grocery bags, not looking the least bit inhuman. She posed no threat to him; yes, she had sparked a bit of curiosity within him, but not enough to make him go out of his way and find out more about her. He would have been just as content with catching a passing glance at the mysterious being with golden curls stuffed under her hat which was worn the wrong way, and her dark, dark sunglasses that (he supposed) were worn to hide their true coloring. He would have just breezed by her, without a thought, without a spoken word, without any knowledge of her being.
But fate, frankly, is a bitch.
As if on cue, caused by cosmic powers that make sure lives are never easy, the bottom of the paper bag broke, and limes, lemons, and oranges came tumbling out. She grabbed most of them, although quite a few scattered on the ground, and one rolled down to his feet. It wasnt his fault the lime happened to get under his foot and be squished by his sole. It justhappened. And he simply began to walk past her as if nothing happened, while she was left on her hands and knees, picking up the fallen citrus.
It is strange to think of what chaos a simple thought could cause.
Baka
Hiei stopped in his tracks and narrowed his eyes. He knew she could not speak telepathically, for the voice was not inside his head, but outsideshe thought that word, and he picked up on it, as if the word had come straight out of her mouth.
He slowly turned his head towards her, keeping his back on her at all times. With a menacing snarl he whispered into her head, What did you call me, onna?
He had expected her to run, to flee in terror; who wouldnt if some red eyed stranger read your thoughts and spoke into your brain? A demon or human with any sort of a brain would have hauled ass a long time ago.
But this one didnt.
And that was when she stood up from her fallen items, and stared at him through her dark sunglasses, her mouth drawn in a tight line that ran across her face.
You heard mebut Ill say it again if youre too stupid to comprehend me. I called you a baka, and my statement gets truer and truer by the minute.
No one He growled aloud, narrowing his eyes even further as he grabbed the hilt of his sword within his cloak, but no one calls me a baka.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I actually have a few questions about powers and such...too. um..yeah.
First about Hiei's powers: After the dark Tornement, when he bonds with the dragon, does that mean there's a possiblity he can trasform into a dragon. Also, with his mind powers, he's telepathic, but can he control the body, too? Can he pop images into peoples heads? Does he still wear the bandages on his arms after the tornement?
And about Kurama's: Are Youko and Shuichi bonded as one soul, or are they two sharing the same body? Is it possible for Youko to influence Shuichi's actions?
^_^ Thankies again. |
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