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darkkuest Newb
Joined: 13 Feb 2004 Posts: 14
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Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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this is the intro to the book....PLEZZ,PLEZZ READ IT. IT WILL BE WORTH IT!! I WUD REALLY APPREACIATE IF U DID AND REPLIED...THANK U!!!!!
He clasped the stone running toward the forest. As he was running, Zareapode noticed Xaphora fighting off three of the Death Spirits. He put the stone into his pouch, pulled out his sword and ran toward her. Take the two on my right! commanded Xaphora, slicing the head of one of the enemy soldiers.
Probably twenty minutes into the battle, Zareapode felt the warm touch of his blood, lightly trickling down his dry, chapped lips. Anthropaph! Go help Anaxorya!
Qaine quaame quaare! He felt the wind lifting him up off the cold bloody ground. Zareapode looked at Anaxorya, her back---including our own bodiescurved to an arch, and her face looked as if the air alone supported the weight of her head, almost as if it formed a pillow below her neck. Her arms spread wide, and her legs dangled above the army below us. Now, the barbarian realized why they were hovering above the battle that raged below them. Smoke filled the air, and a putrid smell of rotting fleshgoblins flesh--- filled the tainted the air. I saw the bodies were slowly decapitated! We then, started to steadily drift down to the ground. Well, I guess we dont have much to go through anymore huh?!
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darkkuest Newb
Joined: 13 Feb 2004 Posts: 14
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Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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cmon ppl! read! its really good....im not soundin vain i just wawnt my future consumers thoughts on it....yes i wud like to get it published so read! |
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ScarletTears Member
Joined: 15 Mar 2004 Posts: 76
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Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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Your story is coming along nicely. I don't want to sound mean, but I would suggest changing your character's names. They are hard to pronounce, therefore hard to remember, and they sort of sound like they are viruses(Agh, Biology has posioned my mind). Sorry if that affends you, but that's what I think. If you really do consider changing the names and you can't think of any that are good go to a baby name website, that's what I do. Another thing is the point of view. You have to make up your mind. You speak as if you were a character in the story, but then you say how the other characters are feeling. You wouldn't know that if you were really there. It's a bit unclear to me. I hope this helps and I'd like to see where the rest of your story goes. :wacko:
~Scarlet~ |
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Ph33R Very bored
Joined: 26 Mar 2004 Posts: 110
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Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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:ph34r: Idem ditto(:latin fo just the same) (comment) just change the names an its good stuff now its 'decent' :ph34r: |
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iamem0tionless How can I get a custom title thing?
Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 889
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Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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This doesn't belong here... |
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