Kiss Of Death

[Forest]

Title - [b]Kiss of Death[/b] http://www.fanart-central.net/stories.php?sid=28741
Rating - R (mild sexual content, violence)
- Type - fanfic
- Category - Anime : Get Backers
- Genre -Drama/Suspense
- Pairing - Akabane/OFC (sort of.... )
- Summary - Pretty girl, beware of his heart of gold. This heart is cold! An Akabane one-shot.

Many thanks in advance

Love
~Forest x

[theWriter]

One of the first stories here that had no grammtical issues to speak of...My only complaint was that the spacing was slighty...strange. It did distract me a little bit from the reading, but otherwise...

...Classy. Strange, a little dark, but incredibly classy. How can you go wrong with a debonair killer such as the one you told of? Answer: You can't. Unless...unless there's something missing to the story. Though it is a good short story, one of the best I've read in a while, it did end rather abruptly. You should continue with it, because it would be interesting to continue a story in the mind of a monster. It really would. There's a lot more history going on with Akabane than what the reader knows. It would be great to write more to this.

Thanks for the good read.
_________________
[color=red][url=http://www.fanart-central.net/user-theWriter.php]What[/url] [url=http://untitledroadway.deviantart.com/] does[/url] [url=http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1015309/] it all[/url] [url=http://www.fictionpress.com/~thetwilightpen] MEAN?[/url][/color]

[Forest]

Megan: First, thanks very much for your comment, and so detailed to - I love that Yeah...the spacing. How spacing works in general, I've never been too clear on...learnt a bit about paragraphing and stuff but really not as much as your *should* know lol. If you were talking about the other spacing problem where there are about five lines between each block of writing, I think that's likely due to it being saved in .htm form in Word....I think...

And you're dead right - you can't go wrong with a charming, "debonair", murderer, not really. There's just *something* about them that makes their characters so intruiging and multi-layered.....probably the reason I always love villains in movies and books and so often root for them Take Scar for example in Lion King....what a villain! Oh yes and how. And then there's the more "grey-area" villains such as Snape or (possibly) Smeagol. I don't know what it is...but there's defintely something there which sets them worlds apart from the "hero".

You think I should continue? Hmmm...I'd never really thought about it, but you're right, it could be interesting. Very. I might give it a go actually. No idea where it would go....but...well we shall see

Once again, thanks so much. ^^

Love
~Forest x

[theWriter]

I [i]do [/i]think you should continue; the story, while good, leaves the reader in a glitch. We root for the bad guy 'cuz...he's bad, and women just naturally have an unhealthy attraction to the bad-boy, but at the same time, we want to know more. People just don't decide one day, "Hmm...I'm going to go prey on women and kill them...not to mention add a punchline to each death." There's always something behind a killing. It's a multi-layered process. Death itself is an intimate act, and murder only moreso. Your character has a helluva lot of potential--though I've never seen though show and therefore cannot comment on it, I know from what I've read that the character could just be more and more amazing as time goes on. So do pursue expanding it.

Thanks for clarifying the spacing issues. I was wondering why there was such a big gap between text. Otherwise, the paragraphing was fine. The spacing, though, was slightly funkay.

But, ah, what can ya do when you're fightin' an inanimate object that what's your soul?

Happy to help,
Megan.
_________________
[color=red][url=http://www.fanart-central.net/user-theWriter.php]What[/url] [url=http://untitledroadway.deviantart.com/] does[/url] [url=http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1015309/] it all[/url] [url=http://www.fictionpress.com/~thetwilightpen] MEAN?[/url][/color]

[Forest]

That is so true....women do have a leaning towards the "bad boy"....wonder if its natural ... Hmmm...anyway, I'm having a few ideas as regards continuing this. The thing with Akabane is that it is more than plausible that he would go out randomly to prey on people - pureply for the fun of toying with them and then killing them to gain personal gratification from the death, because, as you say, death is an intimate act. I think continuing this would be an excellent way of delving deeper into the character, for even though killing is what he gets off on, who's to say that there isn't more behind what he did that one night and especially the character of Miaka....she said before that she had no friends on "this side of town"....who's to say she wasn't lying? (Warning...this could turn into a stream of consciousness so bear with me lol! ) Whatever happens, I don't think this will end up being a hugely long 20+ chaptered kinda story....but still...less can sometimes be more, right? Although in this case, more is more for the time being heh XD.

I'm open to ideas to muse on as to where the story should go next. As I said I have a few buzzing around, but nothing concrete. :)

Thanks again for all your help.

~Forest x

PS: I love your avatar....it's adorable ^^