Grammar and Spelling Assistance Offered

[Astri]

Awesome!! I'd be happy to.

Okay, first off, the title of your first chapter ("Begining") is spelled wrong. It should have two "n"s--"Begin[b]n[/b]ing."

[b]A young fox boy was sweeping his parents bedroom floor, the last of his chores.[/b]

Because you are not actually referring to his parents, but to the floor his parents own, there needs to be an apostrophe after "parents," like this: [b]parents'[/b].

"A young fox boy was sweeping his parents' bedroom floor..."

[b]His parents had gome to the castle in order to inlist in the army.[/b]

It's actually "enlist," not "inlist."

[b]The war had become official only five moths ago.His father was the hero in many wars, and his mom was an exellent nurse.[/b]

Now, you might have meant that the war became official five moths ago, but I think what you actually meant was "months," since moths are USUALLY not used to measure time (although it would be extremely interesting if they were).

You also missed the space after the period at the end of the first sentence, and forgot the "c" in "exellent." It should be "ex[b]c[/b]ellent."

[b]That was not expected only of him, but of all siver haired foxes.[/b]

Firstly, you forgot the three spaces at the beginning of this sentence. Your other sentences are all indented, but for this one you accidentally missed it. As well, the word "siver" should be "si[b]l[/b]ver," with an "l".

[b]Both foxes and canines are held high in society for both thier bravery, and thier loyalty.[/b]

Grammatically this is correct, but I would personally change the word "are" to "were," simply because the rest of your story is in past tense and it screws things up when you change tenses suddenly like that. Secondly, the word "thier" should be "their," with the E before the I. Forget the whole "I-before-E-except-after-C" thing--it's stupid and doesn't work about half the time. Their is "their." And finally, you can take out the comma after "bravery"--you don't need it there, it just slows down the reading.

[b]Gold colored fur is taken to be a sign of loyalty for most Dogs, and siver is suposed to symbolize great courage for foxes. This was generaly true.[/b]

Put a hyphen between "gold" and "colored"--"gold-colored fur." Siver should, once again, be "silver." "Suposed" has two "p"s ("sup[b]p[/b]osed) and "generaly" has two "l"s ("general[b]l[/b]ly").

[b]With his siver pelt, he was as couragous as they come.[/b]

Another "siver" that should be "silver," and you might want to change the word "come" to "came." It's that pesky tense-switching thing again.

[b]He was actually unusualy shy, and quiet.[/b]

Add another "l" to "unusualy" (so that it is "unusual[b]l[/b]y"), take out the comma as it slows things down here as well, and then change the word "shy." Shy and brave are, unfortunately, complete opposites of one another. The word "quiet" is fine, but a person cannot be both shy and brave. "Soft-spoken," "retiring," "low-key"...all of these would work. But shy, sadly, does not. So change that to something else, lest you turn Bandit into an oxymoron.

[b]But he has never backed down from a challenge, and has never given up on anything.[/b]

More tense-switching. Consider changing it to,

"But he never backed down from a challenge and never gave up on anything."

Says the same thing, just in a better flow of a way. Like Megan says, it's all about the flow ~.^

[b]But do not worry, this is our good guy, he only steals when he must. But back to Bandit.[/b]

Okay. Here we encounter the awkwardness of talking to the audience, which, although you can do it, is generally a bad idea. If you can avoid talking to your audience, do so--talking to the audience brings them into the sphere of influence of the story, and that makes the story itself, which you are trying to present as truth, seem less real than your reader. Translation: talking to the audience makes the rest of your story sound made-up.

So instead, maybe write it more like this:

"But despite this, he was still a good person; he only stole what he needed to survive."

Change it however you like, obviously, but change it you might want to...

[b]Talking aloud to his cat, Bandit said "Tim, I wonder where mom and dad are. They should be home already".[/b]

Firstly, you need a comma after "said" and before the quotation marks. Secondly, you should capitalize "mom" and "dad," since you're using them as names. Thirdly, move the comma at the end of this section inside the quotation marks. So the whole sentence should look like this:

Talking aloud to his cat, Bandit said[b],[/b] "Tim, I wonder where [b]M[/b]om and [b]D[/b]ad are. They should be home already[b].[/b]"

I also have one question--Dogs and Foxes seem to be humanoid in this story. Cats clearly are as well. Are all animals humanoid, or are there some that are humanoid and some that are still just animals? And for that matter, would a humanoid animal really keep an animal as a pet?

Just curious...

[b]Talking aloud to his cat, Bandit said "Tim, I wonder where mom and dad are. They should be home already". Tim didn't reply. Sighing, Bandit started towrds the door, grabbing his keys as he went. "Tim, i'm going to go look for mom and dad. I want you to be good". Tim purred at him. Looking dubiosly at the cat, bandit locked the door and started towards the castle.[/b]

Let's see. I showed you the corrections for the first sentence already. The second one is fine. In the third, "towrds" is missing an "a" ("tow[b]a[/b]rds"). In the fourth, "i'm," "mom," and "dad" should all be capitalized. In the fifth, again, move the period inside the quotations. Nothing in the sixth. "Dubiosly" is spelled wrong in the seventh ("dubio[b]u[/b]sly") and "bandit" needs to be capitalized, since it IS his name.

Now, another stylistic note. Almost every time you write dialogue, you want to skip a line once a character is done talking. In this case, there are also stylistic lines I would skip. I would personally divide this paragraph in this fashion:

"Talking aloud to his cat, Bandit said, "Tim, I wonder where Mom and Dad are. They should be home already."

Tim didn't reply.

Sighing, Bandit started towards the door, grabbing his keys as he went. "Tim, I'm going to go look for Mom and Dad. I want you to be good."

Tim purred at him.

Looking dubiously at the cat, Bandit locked the door and started towards the castle."

You don't need to skip lines after Tim's actions, but I like the way it makes it sound. You might not, in which case just ignore me here. It's all to personal taste.

[b]Walking down the road (called Greenway by all), Bandit stared at the marvelous oak trees that made a hall for this road.[/b]

ALWAYS put commas inside parantheses. ALWAYS. Always put them inside of quotations and always put them inside parantheses. Commas hate being outside of the action. ALWAYS stick them inside.

[b]Rasberries and strawberries grew among the oaks, and bandit stopped to pick some straw berries (more for thier taste than for food). [/b]

"Rasberries" is actually "ras[b]p[/b]berries," with a "p". "Bandit" needs to be capitalized, once again. "Straw berries" is one word, the way you wrote it at the beginning of this sentence. And "thier" is "their," as we know. But thank god you put the period outside the parantheses. That's EXACTLY the way it's supposed to be.

[b]Sighing, Bandit marveled at this wonder of natures beauty. [/b]

Since the beauty belongs to nature, put an apostrophe before the "s"--"nature's."

[b]Wondering aloud, he asked the air "Why cant all of Werrein be this beautiful?". A soft voice behind him said "There's only one place that isn't". Whirling around and pulling his sword, Bandit ended up staring at a young woman. She wore ragged clothes, and had a worn look about her. "Oh, don't fear me, I am but a simple travler on her way to the castle" said the woman. Looking closer at her, Bandit observed that she was a cat, a Leopard, and that her color was bright yellow and dark black, meaning that she was indeed friendly. Sheathing his sword, Bandit asked "What is your name? If we will be travling together, and I think we are, It would be best for us to know each other". "My name be Delilah, Nice to me you... , wait a moment, should you not introduce your name first?". "Oh, thats right, sorry, my names Bandit, and it is a pleasure to meet you, Delilah" replied the boy.[/b]

Sorry to take this last all as one chunk, but there's more spacing to be done.

I think I'm just going to rewrite this the way I would space it, put in all the corrections, and bold them, since this post is becoming a bit lengthy. If you want a full dissection, just let me know and I'll make another post doing so. Here you go:

Wondering aloud, he asked the air[b],[/b] "Why can[b]'[/b]t all of Werrein be this beautiful?"

A soft voice behind him said[b],[/b] "There's only one place that isn't[b].[/b]"

[b]Bandit whirled, pulling out his sword, and found himself staring at a young woman clad in ragged clothes, with the worn air of one who has been traveling for a while. She looked back at him mildly.[/b]

"Oh, don't fear me, I am but a simple traveler on her way to the castle," said the woman.

Looking closer at her, Bandit observed that she was a cat, a Leopard, and that her color was bright yellow and dark black, meaning that she was indeed friendly.

Sheathing his sword, Bandit asked, "What is your name? If we [b]are[/b] traveling the [b]same way[/b], and I think we are, [b]i[/b]t would be best for us to know each other."

"My name be Delilah[b].[/b] Nice to [b]meet[/b] you...wait a moment[b].[/b] [b]S[/b]hould you not introduce [b]yourself[/b] first?"

"Oh, that[b]'[/b]s right, sorry[b].[/b] [b]M[/b]y name[b]'[/b]s Bandit, and it is a pleasure to meet you, Delilah[b],[/b]" replied the boy.

So, in conclusion? You have an intriguing world for your story to take place in, Nicholas. You have a little trouble with grammar and a little more with spelling, but you've got a good base underneath that. Fix up the spelling and you've got yourself a good, solid story here.

Good luck! ^.^
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[color=blue]Disgaea's [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-31977.html]Overlords Dance[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25745.html]Worlds Beyond Infinity[/url] while [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-27428.html]Mifuyus Magical Multiplying Mole[/url] reads the epic [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25652.html]Chronicles of Yord[/url], and you learn that your [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37925.html]Craving[/url] for [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37922.html]Finding a Heart of Snow[/url] is [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37924.html]Taboo[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37910.html]VG[/url] unless you dare undertake [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-32962.html]The Combine of Sin[/url]...[/color]

[NicholasDWolfwood]

Thank you! Sorry for the terror of having to go through that! I will edit my story now!
And as for some of your questions... here you go!
[quote]I also have one question--Dogs and Foxes seem to be humanoid in this story. Cats clearly are as well. Are all animals humanoid, or are there some that are humanoid and some that are still just animals? And for that matter, would a humanoid animal really keep an animal as a pet? [/quote]
Tim is... different. When I get around to writing more, you will see .
Sice you only asked one question, I only need to give one answer.
Thankies!

EDIT: Okies, I have added and edited. I couldn't stand to change the dialoge, as I plan to make this into a real novel. How do you like the newest installment?
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There's no I in Team. There's a Me though if you jumble it up.- Dr. House

92% of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Post this in your signature if you would be one of the 8% watching and laughing.

[Astri]

Well, "Beginning" is spelled right, so things are looking good so far! ^.^

[b]A young fox boy was sweeping his parent's bedroom floor, the last of his chores.[/b]

I'm sorry. I meant that the apostrophe should go after the "s" in "parents." You see, writing "parent's" means the room of his parent. He still has two parents, ergo you must make it plural--parents' room, not parent's room. Sorry, I should have been clearer about that the first time... >.<

[b]He was actually unusualy low-key, and quiet.[/b]

You missed the second "l" in "unusually."

[b]"But despite this, he was still a good person; he only stole what he needed to survive." [/b]

I'm flattered that you liked my sentence enough to put into your story, but take out the quotation marks around it. It's your story, after all ~.^

[b]Raspberries and strawberries grew among the oaks, and bandit stopped to pick some strawberries (more for their taste than for food). [/b]

You forgot to capitalize Bandit's name here, but other than that it looks fine now.

[b]"Why cant all of Werrein be this beautiful?". [/b]

You need an apostrophe for "cant" ("can't"), and you REALLY need to put your periods inside your quotation marks. All of them, and there are quite a few.

[b]If we are travling the same way, and I think we are, it would be best for us to know each other".[/b]

"Travling" is "trav[b]e[/b]ling."

[b]"Oh, thats right, sorry. My names Bandit, and it is a pleasure to meet you, Delilah"[/b]

Apostrophe for "thats" ("that's") and "names" ("name's"). Put a comma after Delilah, but before the quotations ("Delilah,").

[b]''Nice ta meet ya, Bandit! How fare you and your family?", replied the girl.[/b]

Take out the comma after the quotation marks. You don't need it there.

"How fare you and your family?" replied the girl."

[b]Supprised, Bandit replied in southern fashion, "I fare well, and ya?". Laughing, Delilah curtsied, meaning that she and her family where fine.[/b]

"Supprised" needs an "r" instead of the first "p" ("Surprised") and "where fine" should be "were fine."

I notice you added on a little more at the end! It's much better now, however, you still have a few problems. Most severe is the fact that you MUST MUST MUST take all of the periods that are outside of the quotation marks and put them INSIDE. If you change nothing else with the dialogue, you must change that! All right?
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[color=blue]Disgaea's [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-31977.html]Overlords Dance[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25745.html]Worlds Beyond Infinity[/url] while [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-27428.html]Mifuyus Magical Multiplying Mole[/url] reads the epic [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25652.html]Chronicles of Yord[/url], and you learn that your [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37925.html]Craving[/url] for [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37922.html]Finding a Heart of Snow[/url] is [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37924.html]Taboo[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37910.html]VG[/url] unless you dare undertake [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-32962.html]The Combine of Sin[/url]...[/color]

[NicholasDWolfwood]

AHH! I HATE GRAMMA' AND SPELLEN'! Sorry, over reaction... I edited. Did I get everything this time? I hope you like the stuff I added!
_________________
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.........\/\/\/\/\/\/
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq6q8fU9PiM

There's no I in Team. There's a Me though if you jumble it up.- Dr. House

92% of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Post this in your signature if you would be one of the 8% watching and laughing.

[Astri]

No...you still didn't get everything. I think you actually missed a lot of the corrections I put in my last post. ???

The only typos in the part you added, however, are:

[b]Finally, when the silence was becoming unbearable, Delilah spoted what they had been looking for. "Look! Its the castle!"[/b]

"Spoted" requires two "t"s: [i]spotted[/i]. And "Its" is, in this case, an abbreviation of "It is," thus it requires an apostrophe. "It's the castle!"

Look at my last post again, and run through it like a checklist. There are still several spelling errors that you missed.
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[color=blue]Disgaea's [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-31977.html]Overlords Dance[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25745.html]Worlds Beyond Infinity[/url] while [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-27428.html]Mifuyus Magical Multiplying Mole[/url] reads the epic [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25652.html]Chronicles of Yord[/url], and you learn that your [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37925.html]Craving[/url] for [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37922.html]Finding a Heart of Snow[/url] is [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37924.html]Taboo[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37910.html]VG[/url] unless you dare undertake [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-32962.html]The Combine of Sin[/url]...[/color]

[NicholasDWolfwood]

Sorry, the new stuff was in my head and I needed to write. Okay, time for #3.
_________________
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.........\/\/\/\/\/\/
........./\/\/\/\/\/\

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq6q8fU9PiM

There's no I in Team. There's a Me though if you jumble it up.- Dr. House

92% of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Post this in your signature if you would be one of the 8% watching and laughing.

[Cclarke]

[url]http://www.fanart-central.net/story-39549.html[/url]
My first fanfic. It's a fan episode of "Everybody Hates Chris" called "Everybody Hates the Hospital."

[Astri]

I am REALLY sorry that I haven't looked at any of the stories here for months...I've just been supremely busy with college. Cclarke, I just read your story--I promise to edit it and get the changes up here soon.
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[color=blue]Disgaea's [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-31977.html]Overlords Dance[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25745.html]Worlds Beyond Infinity[/url] while [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-27428.html]Mifuyus Magical Multiplying Mole[/url] reads the epic [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25652.html]Chronicles of Yord[/url], and you learn that your [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37925.html]Craving[/url] for [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37922.html]Finding a Heart of Snow[/url] is [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37924.html]Taboo[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37910.html]VG[/url] unless you dare undertake [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-32962.html]The Combine of Sin[/url]...[/color]