Preview of the begining of my book.

SirTyler48

http://www.fanart-central.net/story-43122.html
I want some critiques. I want to make sure it is ok, and if there is any way to improve it. This is just the preview of the first 20 pages.

SilverKitsune · Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 6:55 pm Post subject:

It's ok. It just needs to be double spaced and have quotations added, perhaps a bit of rewording as well.
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SirTyler48 · Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 6:59 pm Post subject:

Aye aye, capn'.