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Is it right of us to presume another's sexuality?

 
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LUAjake
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Joined: 18 May 2010
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 6:09 pm    Post subject: Is it right of us to presume another's sexuality? Reply with quote

I'm not sure what I'm so inspired about is, or why I was enjoying my day so much just before moments ago. But I feel that I've been so satisified with my work eithic, and with how well things have worked out due to my efforts. I've worked hard all my life, but just until now I was never able to see how much I've impacted people on the internet with what I've done. Whether it be administrating for a forum and DOUBLING the active, or leading a clan and teaching leadership to young gamers. Its weird. It really is.

And competely unrelated to that, today I was told by a women I really love. I mean truthfully, I'm not even a romance person, but I know this is the person I've loved more than anyone I've known. Told me she is a lesbian now, that she tried it and just loved it, and that's all it took. Which is a lot to take in all of a sudden... Its like when we were in a relationship that it practically didn't matter or effect her thought on that at all. Which has got to be one of the biggestartinst disapointments of my life, not about myself, but just to hear. Its not heart-breaking either, but just something I'll have to live with, and I'm not sure what to think of it.

Is a women's sexuallity really at that much question when in a relationship? It just gives me so much to think about now honestly, because we live our lives knowing sub-conciously that when we're dating someone that they're straight, gay, whatever. You know when you start. But thinking back on all of the situations where I've seen relationships end and then they say they're gay or something. Now more than ever do I acknowledge these scenarios. I'll always date a girl thinking she likes men, but is that really right of me or the women anymore? I'm just lost now, I don't know what to think of this only because its happened to me.

I guess what its really make me think of is how we're almost arrogant and conceited when starting relationships thinking that they're the same sexuality as us. Is it wrong of us or not? To me its beginning to feel like when I do this that just because its an awkward subject to speak of to someone that we don't know, that we never really bring the subject up. I understand fully why we don't do this, but does that make it ok still? I'm just stuck in awe on this subject. I don't know what to think, because there's a lot of truths but even with the truths of it, there's nothing we can do. We just have to deal with these situations, with our wasted time, with the false-interpretation of emotion. ... Which I can't stand to think of, its too disapointing. Its a problem that could be avoided but because of how timid most women are when things are serious on relationship levels that this leaves great people to get emotionally abused...
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luckylace222
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
administrating for a forum and DOUBLING the active, or leading a clan and teaching leadership to young gamers. Its weird. It really is.

That is pretty good! It is always nice that someone comes back saying they have made constructive change with themselves.

Quote:
Its like when we were in a relationship that it practically didn't matter or effect her thought on that at all. Which has got to be one of the biggestartinst disapointments of my life, not about myself, but just to hear.

You do not know that. I bet having a relationship with you had some if not minuscule part to do with her decision. Every human's sexual decision is fueled by bits and pieces of their romantic experiences, whether they are with a boy or girl.

Quote:
I guess what its really make me think of is how we're almost arrogant and conceited when starting relationships thinking that they're the same sexuality as us. Is it wrong of us or not?

"Arrogant" and "conceited" are not really the right words to use. More like people want to be "confident" that they really have a chance with their partner- and that sexuality would not be an obstacle. It is not wrong at all. Don't you want to feel confident when you start a relationship too?

Quote:
I don't know what to think, because there's a lot of truths but even with the truths of it, there's nothing we can do. We just have to deal with these situations, with our wasted time, with the false-interpretation of emotion. ... Which I can't stand to think of, its too disapointing.

It would be an awkward question if you make it awkward. Crack up a joke right after you ask him/her and note that you have just had experience with people changing their mind about their sexuality. If your partner is truly understanding, he/she will give you leeway. You should never let society's social restraints keep you silently anxious; you should always speak your mind.

Quote:
Its a problem that could be avoided but because of how timid most women are when things are serious on relationship levels that this leaves great people to get emotionally abused...

Lol, that is a problem that can be applied to anyone, not just women. If you are looking for serious relationship, but you notice your partner is scared/timid when getting serious, maybe one needs to rethink one own's aspirations for this relationship. The "abused" are usually the ones that bounce off more mature than others. Consider yourself lucky you got this experience before you had to get it when you are really serous. P;
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LUAjake
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Joined: 18 May 2010
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

luckylace222 wrote:
Quote:
administrating for a forum and DOUBLING the active, or leading a clan and teaching leadership to young gamers. Its weird. It really is.

That is pretty good! It is always nice that someone comes back saying they have made constructive change with themselves.

Quote:
Its like when we were in a relationship that it practically didn't matter or effect her thought on that at all. Which has got to be one of the biggestartinst disapointments of my life, not about myself, but just to hear.

You do not know that. I bet having a relationship with you had some if not minuscule part to do with her decision. Every human's sexual decision is fueled by bits and pieces of their romantic experiences, whether they are with a boy or girl.

Quote:
I guess what its really make me think of is how we're almost arrogant and conceited when starting relationships thinking that they're the same sexuality as us. Is it wrong of us or not?

"Arrogant" and "conceited" are not really the right words to use. More like people want to be "confident" that they really have a chance with their partner- and that sexuality would not be an obstacle. It is not wrong at all. Don't you want to feel confident when you start a relationship too?

Quote:
I don't know what to think, because there's a lot of truths but even with the truths of it, there's nothing we can do. We just have to deal with these situations, with our wasted time, with the false-interpretation of emotion. ... Which I can't stand to think of, its too disapointing.

It would be an awkward question if you make it awkward. Crack up a joke right after you ask him/her and note that you have just had experience with people changing their mind about their sexuality. If your partner is truly understanding, he/she will give you leeway. You should never let society's social restraints keep you silently anxious; you should always speak your mind.

Quote:
Its a problem that could be avoided but because of how timid most women are when things are serious on relationship levels that this leaves great people to get emotionally abused...

Lol, that is a problem that can be applied to anyone, not just women. If you are looking for serious relationship, but you notice your partner is scared/timid when getting serious, maybe one needs to rethink one own's aspirations for this relationship. The "abused" are usually the ones that bounce off more mature than others. Consider yourself lucky you got this experience before you had to get it when you are really serous. P;


Its not about our relationship having anything to do with it, but the fact that she changed so suddenly. This wasn't something that had years times inbetween, this was months ago. Then bam, out of the blue, she's a lesbian?

And how is it not conceited of us? We do it all subconciously unless we draw suspicion. Its not like we look at everyone we would date and the first thing we ask ourselves is "Are they straight or gay?". There's no confidence in what we're ignorant of ourselves acknowledging.

I wasn't referring the question in the context of a partner, but someone who could possibly be the partner. That's where I'm saying this idea is a little awkward. Should we enter a relationship asking their sexuality because commonly people aren't going to ask because they assume. i.e see above post.

I would rather things got to the point of being serious and all of this happened, rather then being sh*t on at ground level any day. For the sake of the poorly worded analogy, I'm just saying, I would rather have the experience of a relationship I was hoping to be serious, whether things got questionable or not then to be kicked when I thought it was going to work out. I'm not the type of person to feel like my time was wasted or any of that.
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luckylace222
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Its not about our relationship having anything to do with it, but the fact that she changed so suddenly. This wasn't something that had years times inbetween, this was months ago. Then bam, out of the blue, she's a lesbian?

Months are still a long time. People change fast depending on how fast events/life is going for them. I am saying that in those few months, I can assure you that her relationship with you did not "not matter," like you said. Everything that she has done romantically has probably affected her decision somehow.

Quote:
And how is it not conceited of us? We do it all subconciously unless we draw suspicion. Its not like we look at everyone we would date and the first thing we ask ourselves is "Are they straight or gay?".

If you think every form of confidence that humans have when dealing with others is "conceit," then you must not have much confidence in society. Razz

Quote:
There's no confidence in what we're ignorant of ourselves acknowledging.

I have no idea what you just said.

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Should we enter a relationship asking their sexuality because commonly people aren't going to ask because they assume.

WHY NOT? :I If you are curious enough, and they are open enough (which I sure hope good relationships in general are, then we have a good introduction going!

Quote:
I'm not the type of person to feel like my time was wasted or any of that.

Getting your hopes let down is not a waste of time. It is experience. P;
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setzaroth
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's really odd...just out of the blue like that.

These days people are just weird. I don't understand where people get off thinking that homosexuality is a good thing. regardless of religious beliefs, if you just look at it from a strictly scientific standpoint...if the point of existence is to perpetuate your race...its wrong.

So, for you to assume someone is straight is perfectly fine. If they turn around and turn out gay...its something wrong with them (either social/chemical or emotional) not you.
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LUAjake
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:

Months are still a long time. People change fast depending on how fast events/life is going for them. I am saying that in those few months, I can assure you that her relationship with you did not "not matter," like you said. Everything that she has done romantically has probably affected her decision somehow.


If you're right on that, then its just more depressing; though said and done. Its still a disapointment that happened, to me. Its like if your father suddenly turned gay after a child was born. :MINDF*CK: But the impact is mindblowing whether it would be the 'child' level or my level. We didn't break up because it didn't work out, but because things got complicated. I'm not pushing towards the idea of everything I did impacting her decision because I don't know how that would make sense. Things working out fantastic in a straight relationship, then suddenly?... Yeah.

Quote:

If you think every form of confidence that humans have when dealing with others is "conceit," then you must not have much confidence in society.


You're right on the dot there. I hate society with a passion.

Quote:

have no idea what you just said.

There's nothing to be confident about; of what we don't know we're acknowledging. Its only sub-conscience, if that, generally to when we question a person's sexuality.

Quote:

WHY NOT? :I If you are curious enough, and they are open enough (which I sure hope good relationships in general are, then we have a good introduction going!

Well, I guess it depends on when you ask it. Which could easily be done at a more appropriate time other than running up to someone and asking the question. But regardless then this idea of presuming it would be obvious to the one being asked. Things like "What did you think I was?" would come to mind and it may offend them.

Which isn't a huge problem, doesn't mean its suddenly over for you, but the idea is that its awkward. It makes you look worst for a moment, and its mostly because its not what we expect. Like I said we don't have this subject on our minds when we're trying to make a move on someone we like. Usually unless there's a reason for us to suspect, but usually then we're less interested already and standards sometimes are even raised.

Its just a lot of things we avoid generally because the easy outcome of avoiding it, and the slightly more complicated aftermath of bringing up the subject.
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