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Pitiful

 
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ShadowFalcon
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Joined: 26 Mar 2009
Posts: 103
Location: Louisville

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2012 10:37 pm    Post subject: Pitiful Reply with quote

Well, my first semester as a college student has come to a successful conclusion. I met new people, made great new friends, and love my university and the community that inhabits it. I had loads of fun... To a certain extent.

The specter that is my undying love for my ex-girlfriend still continues to follow me around, haunting my sleep and even disturbing my thoughts during the day. I would have figured that not talking to her form nearly half a year combined with being nearly 450 miles away would have done something to help alleviate the stress I suffer from her absence in my life.

In all honesty, it's gotten worse. This lack of communication between her and myself and this physical distance had actually intensified both my love for her and the hole created by my inability to speak to her. I understand that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but given our history I thought it would be the best.

I really do love her, I take pride in being able to say that without hesitation. But at the same time, I feel like I'm broken. I don't know people who stay in love with the same person for so long. Especially with the lack of contact and reciprocated affection that characterizes my situation.

Can't help but feel like there's something majorly wrong with me.
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luckylace222
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Joined: 05 May 2007
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Location: Baby Fishy

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is nothing wrong with you; everyone will suffer this feeling of loss whether it is from a loss family member, missing child, ex-girlfriend/boyfriend....if you have done everything you can to let her go, give yourself some patience and a pat on the back. Only time will tell!

We should do an art-trade sometime!
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ShadowFalcon
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Joined: 26 Mar 2009
Posts: 103
Location: Louisville

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 2:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know what to think anymore when it comes to her. I've done absolutely everything I can to erase her memory from my mind and to let go, but I can't and it sounds pitiful. It looks pitiful.

When August of this year rolls around I will have been in live with her for a good seven to eight years. I'm honestly starting to lose track of how long it's been.

She's been the only person who has stuck with me all these years and losing her as not only my girlfriend but also my best friend has crushed my moral to a certain extent.

She's graduating from high school in a few weeks. I really want to be there. I want to see her walk across that stage. But I know I can't go, and even if I could my presence there would probably garner a negative reaction. Even if she wanted me to be there, no one else would.

I should have been there for her so many times before. I can't help bit feel like since I've failed so many tines before that it's the reason she lost faith in me. I did so many wrong things.

I even haven't gotten the chance to apologize.

I spent my entire first year of college acting like nothing was wrong.

I'm tired if acting like I'm happy around people when I'm really not.

As for that art-trade, when I get back on Sunday just tell me what and when.
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luckylace222
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 1:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awww, you remind me of a friend I had in high-school. He was always blaming himself and apologizing for always "messing things up," but you may have to put yourself into perspective. People and forgive and forget, even if it does not seem like it. People move on, even if it does not seem like it. Perhaps you are the only one stuck in this hole, and it is about time for you to move on.

If it is still on your mind, you have probably left something behind, and you feel you can do something more. If you need to apologize, apologize. Send her a text/email/something. Some from of contact. I do not know enough about your relationship to give good advice, but I know...(I should take my own advice) keeping things unexplained and "left alone" when there was so much more you could do....is painful and eats away at you!
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“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checked by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
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ShadowFalcon
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Joined: 26 Mar 2009
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Location: Louisville

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've got all summer to think about it, I guess. I miss her, and still want to be her friend. Honestly, I still think we can do it, I just have to try harder not to let my overt feelings of undying love bubble up to the surface.

Anyway, thanks for the help. It's nice to have someone to talk to about it.
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luckylace222
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 7:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I just have to try harder not to let my overt feelings of undying love bubble up to the surface.

You do not have to!
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“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checked by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
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ShadowFalcon
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Joined: 26 Mar 2009
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Location: Louisville

PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you mean?
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