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Throwing out the things my mom is attached to?

 
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Raccoonlady
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Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Posts: 94

PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 7:36 pm    Post subject: Throwing out the things my mom is attached to? Reply with quote

How can I?
To start out the things she does are a little strange such as having 6 large mats in our tiny bathroom, and setting all the clocks 2 hours ahead of time.
But what concerns me the most is that she wont let me throw out some of the things she doesn't use. For example,
There's an old small refrigerator that's kind of broken, we havent used it for 7 years. There's an old plastic container full of black water by the sink with a nasty old bar of soap and broken sink drainers, I'm not allowed to throw out.
Also there's a rusty can of old paint with a rusted thing (I have no clue what it is) holding old dusty lotions and soaps. I can't throw these out either. There's a whole room called "the storage room" filled with a broken bike and things she hasn't used for eons. Now she's putting some of these things in my sister's and my room.

But I think her behavior is being caused from stress. These stressors have been happeninh before her strange behavior. We have mold in our apartment and have to wear mask in certain parts of the house, rats constantly in the ceiling, I have been in the psych ward a bunch of times since moving here (I go to therapy and have been rightfully diagnosed) my brother who is a paranoid schizophrenic does not take medication, as a result he gets into a lot of trouble. As of now he's being evicted from his apartment. We can't let him come home because he kept trying to kill us. Finally we cannot afford to move because we are literally a paycheck away from being on the streets.
Dad was never really in the picture and has left to Africa for good.

See, I'm hesitant towards throwing these things out because she always reminds me that the apartment lease is not in my name and I'm not paying rent. Even when I contributed to the rent at times she has told me this.
What the heck should I do? lol If I tell my therapist my moms gonna get mad at me.
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luckylace222
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Joined: 05 May 2007
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Location: Baby Fishy

PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
lol If I tell my therapist my moms gonna get mad at me.

What you tell your therapist should actually be private and shared only between you two. Your mom should not know about it. What is the point of a therapist if you/your therapist tells your mother?

Quote:
To start out the things she does are a little strange such as having 6 large mats in our tiny bathroom, and setting all the clocks 2 hours ahead of time.
But what concerns me the most is that she wont let me throw out some of the things she doesn't use. For example,
There's an old small refrigerator that's kind of broken, we havent used it for 7 years. There's an old plastic container full of black water by the sink with a nasty old bar of soap and broken sink drainers, I'm not allowed to throw out.
Also there's a rusty can of old paint with a rusted thing (I have no clue what it is) holding old dusty lotions and soaps. I can't throw these out either. There's a whole room called "the storage room" filled with a broken bike and things she hasn't used for eons. Now she's putting some of these things in my sister's and my room.

She is showing some signs of hoarding (acquiring and failing to throw out a large number of items that would appear to have little or no value to others), which can be extremely dangerous if it is not controlled well. Indeed, this probably connects to the stress of taking care of her kids without a father, dealing with kids' mental health along with your own, keeping your financial state from barely hitting the gutter, maybe constrictions from her job/outside, and just the unlivable conditions she is surrounded with when she goes "home" is enough to cause this behavior.

Here are some tips to help make it through: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/03/19/compulsive-hoarding-and-6-tips-to-help/

If your house ever starts looking remotely like this though:

Then please seek professional help. http://www.hoardingcleanup.com/home

It may cost some money, but for the love of God, you will not regret it when there is a fire, and the fire department needs to actually get in your house. Also, just know that if you do have to perform some drastic changes to the house (ex: throwing away things she thinks she needs but obviously does not), just know that IT IS FOR YOUR MOTHER AND THE FAMILY'S OWN GOOD. It will always be for their own good. Sure, she suffers now seeing some of her stuff missing. Maybe because she has so little that the small things that may be useful in the future may be something to look forward to. However, she is probably slowly putting more value on those small broken things than her own children's safety and health. She is displaying some emotional/mental symptoms herself (does she go to the therapist too)? Thus, it is your right to step in. Go seriously speak to her about throwing it away. If she [predictably] refuses, go throw it away when she is out of the house anyways. Unless she is a brilliant engineer who can put all these items together and conjure a self-powering house battery so you guys do not have to pay electricity bills, I see little reason to keep the items.

Quote:
my brother who is a paranoid schizophrenic does not take medication, as a result he gets into a lot of trouble. As of now he's being evicted from his apartment. We can't let him come home because he kept trying to kill us.

Whuuuuuttttt?!

Quote:
I have been in the psych ward a bunch of times since moving here (I go to therapy and have been rightfully diagnosed)

Maybe you do not get this type of compliment often, but I am proud that you have been through so much emotional/physical pain and still had the integrity to post online and seek help for your mother and yourself (and draw at that)! This takes much more courage than you think.

Quote:
See, I'm hesitant towards throwing these things out because she always reminds me that the apartment lease is not in my name and I'm not paying rent. Even when I contributed to the rent at times she has told me this.
What the heck should I do?

"Home is a place of refuge and security, usually shared by a family, spouse, or even close group of friends." That is YOUR apartment too. Whether you have shared the rent with your mother or not, you live there. You have eaten there, slept there, shared jokes and watched TV there. That is your home, and if there is something you have the ability and able power to make better/fix about your home, you have every right to do so.

I know this is a little extreme for me to say, but do not care about your mother's obsessions and "attachments" right now. Do what you think is right, and if she hits or throws a tantrum, ignore it. You will all feel much more relaxed when you do this small thing to make the house a little better.

Also, if this still applies, do not stress/worry TOO much about it! Keep a level able-bodied calm state. Meditate even in a dark and messy house (if you are tolerant enough). If you let it all get to you, you will only be patient/victim #2.
_________________
“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checked by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
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Raccoonlady
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Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Posts: 94

PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 9:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow! Thank you
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Raccoonlady
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Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Posts: 94

PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well if I tell my therapist it might be one to one. But she calls for family meetings.

Yeah my brother believes the medication has made him worse and really doesn't want to take it because he thinks my mom put him on it.

Thanks for the compliment, but sometimes I feel like I need to try harder. I really want to be like my sister because she just lets things go and has a selective memory.
I too have acted really irrational. And it's not just the numerous suicide attempts, it's the angry outburst such as punching walls, breaking tables, etc... Which I haven't done since March but still. I need to let things go.
I'm crazy lol and I admit. And I don't want to be this way because I know it stresses my mom out and is the catalyst to her strange behavior.
I don't mind posting online because it's anonymous and won't be held against me in the real world.


Also my sister is on her side as well about the things I can't throw out. She says I should just wait until I move out because it's not my house. Which is true I guess. And I honestly don't feel like being pulled off the couch by my hair when my mom finds out I threw out her "precious" lol
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