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The Freewriting thread
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Stratadrake
Grammar nazi
(and proud of it)


Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 13679
Location: Moo

PostPosted: Sun Oct 30, 2005 8:27 pm    Post subject: The Freewriting thread Reply with quote

It may be handy to have a thread for keeping our writing skills in practice. Pretty simple, really, take a few minutes to compose a short passage of writing for other members to discuss. You can write a new passage at any time or discuss previous passages written.

Rules while inside this thread:
  • Please do NOT link, or copy and paste, something you've previously written and already submitted to your FAC account, personal website, or so on. This ain't Show & Tell, or Self-Promotion, the idea here is to spend some time right here, right now, and create something original. Something new.
  • Please limit yourself to a range of 300-1,000 words per passage. This isn't a blog, but neither is it a contest about Who Can Write The Most In One Sitting.
  • To help encourage community activity, try to give some feedback about the previous passage in the thread, before adding one of your own.

I'll kick off this thread with this quick composition:


    The humans continued their discussion amongst themselves, speaking in incomprehensible babble that only they could understand. Every now and then he heard them speak something recognizable. It was the name they called him by. The word which they spent years drilling into his mind, the only word of their curious tongue that held any meaning to him.

    He looked to his two companions, a hawk on the right, and a gryphon on the left. He gestured to Gryphon with his own leathery wing. "What are they talking about?"

    Gryphon uncurled tightly from his resting position. "They're discussing us. Why we're here, and what they should do with us."

    Hawk stepped quietly over to him and pecked at his wyvern tail to get his attention. "You mean, they're discussing what happened to us?"

    "They don't even know," Gryphon answered. He suddenly perked up towards the humans as they continued their discussion. "Did you hear that?"

    "Hear what? You're the only one of us who understands them, you know," Wyvern answered.

    "That word they used," Gryphon answered. In a moment, he perked again. "There! Did you hear that?"

    "Yes, but what does it mean?" Wyvern inquired.

    Gryphon curled back up in his resting position. "It means we have been marked for death...."



Last edited by Stratadrake on Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:37 pm; edited 3 times in total
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petit_cat24
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Joined: 04 Nov 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:huh: ...
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so there I am! 15years old, speak more french then english, but i'm pretty good in english whatever!
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Stratadrake
Grammar nazi
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Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 13679
Location: Moo

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some sport YOU are <_< Come on, pound those keys! It's not that hard to think of something to write about....
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Brianhjh
 


Joined: 25 Sep 2004
Posts: 8014
Location: Queen's University

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Humanity, in its purest form, is meat.
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Inu-chan_rox_mah_sox
Has No Life


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Locke sighed, running a hand through his already messy, black hair.
"Look, I'm not saying I don't want to do that...." he said, shaking his head a little. The anesthesia had still not entirely worn off, and his head was still spinning. The nine-year old girl looked up at him with unseeing eyes.
"Locke....Why no-" she was cut off by Locke's voice. "Because my way of life is too dangerous for you!" he half-shouted. Even though she was blind, he could still see the hurt in Ellie's milky eyes.
"Ellie...I'm sorry...It's just that...it's not safe for you where I am. There are muggings, gangs, and sometimes even murders. It's not a place for a little girl. Especially like you. They'd use your weaknesses and exploit you. Some of them aren't above raping a girl as young as you..." he trailed, remembering the fate that had befallen his older sister.
"I don't care about that!" Ellie shouted. Locke looked rather taken aback; he had never heard Ellie raise her voice before. "I don't care, Locke...You're like a brother to me...and a father...I don't even remember what it was like having a family..." she said softly, tears glistening in her eyes. Locke immediately regretted raising his voice to her and wrapped his arms around her, cradling her in his arms. Ellie seemed to draw comfort from his warm embrace, and nuzzled her face into his shirt. It was times like these, when nothing else mattered, and she could simply lose herself in thoughts and memories.

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SilentSoul92
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
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Location: Lala land *hums*

PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww how sweet, sadly overused too. Still, I have to say kudos for two things:

It's no a BAD fanfic as in spelling, grammatically, and word usage correct.

It's not a story about some randomd Mary-Sue character.

*clap clap* nice job. That aside you might want more description and less dialouge. Open a book, notice how there's not a lot of talking on whatever page you're on. Most books actually have more detail then speech (or maybe that's just the books I read...)

Compare and contrast. This is the same character, two different times in the story.

Lark felt a weight on her shoulder as Luca jumped on her back and hugged her.

"Hey, you survived!" she stated cheerfully as she clamped her arms around Lark's neck.

"How nice of you to notice." Lark retaliated as she pried the girl's finger off her and tried, unsuccesfully, to throw her off her back. Luca hung on tightly as she was swung around in a large circle, partly because if she let go, she'd most likely fly into a tree. After Lark gave up though, she let go obediantly and got off.

"So, are Seth and Danen all right too?" she asked a while later, when they were both on their way back to camp. The sun was setting, casting a calm pink blanket over the sky.

"Hm?" The elf's ears perked up, "Oh yeah, they're fine." she said, only to recieve a large grin and hug from Luca. "I swear, you're such a child sometimes." she remarked, trying once again to get the adolescent to let go of her.

"I'm just glad you're all right," Luca told her when she was thrown off. "Ow, that hurt."


And this one too

"Wait here, I'll scout ahead." Luca shouted back towards the party as she ran off ahead into the dense fog. There was already a light rain and it was starting to get worse.

"Wait, Luca, it's not safe to go off on your own! Luca!" Reika shouted as she pulled her horse to halt and jumped off. Luca's shadow faded out into the fog as she ran out of sight.

"Dammit. That girl's gonna get herself killed." Seth remarked, pulling his horse to a sudden stop, which cause a neigh of displeasure from her. "She can fend for herself though, she'll be all right." he added after a moment's thought.

Reika shook her head, "It's not that, she rushes off without our consent, more than once she's forced our plan to change." She remarked sourly. The rain started to fall harder, nearly masking the faint sound that they all began to hear.

"Do you hear that?" Lark asked, straining her ears. There it was again, louder and more distinct this time. Reika didn't waste a minute.

She jumped on her horse in one sure leap and grabbed the reigns. "That's the sound of swordfighting!" she shouted, "That idiot's walked into a trap!" She whirled her horse around and kicked it hard. "Yah!" The horse gave a sudden jump and sped off ahead, followed closely by the others.

As they got closer they could spot some figures, though they were still too far to see. There was a fight, and all around were the bodies of the dead. Lark tried her best to to gag. The sight of blood still made her sick. Most of the bodies were horribly mutated and destroyed, like some monster and ripped them to shreds. However, as they finally drew close enough to see, the sounds stopped after one, bloody cry.

Luca was standing, panting and leaning against a tree. Her clothes had blood all over them, and so did her swords. There was a small pile of bodies from some of the dead soldiers nearby. But when she looked at them, there was no sign of recognition.

"Luca?" Danen said cautiously, getting off his steed. A cloud of vagueness swept over the girl's eyes, but she didn't move. Danen approached her slowly, but promptly stopped. Two twin swords were at his neck. No one had seen Luca move, but there she was, still looking as blank and cold as ever.

"Luca!" Lark shouted in alarm. Her cry peirced the spell as recogntion dawned on the assasin's face.

"Lark?" she said slowly, "Wha- What are you guys doing here?"


Sorry for the long post...
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Inu-chan_rox_mah_sox
Has No Life


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 11:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is okay, and I agree with you. It's just that the bond that grew between the two is expressed more through communication. Plus, it was off the top of my head. And I agree, it is a bit overused. But if you could read the rest of the story, it's a bit different. ^^'

Thank you for reading my randomness. Goodnight.
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SilentSoul92
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
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Location: Lala land *hums*

PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2005 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

eh, don't worry. Everyone has there own form of writing, drawing, etc
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
Has No Life


Joined: 14 Jan 2005
Posts: 509

PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2005 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He tore at the rope that I held so tightly around his throat. The tips of his fingers bled, the more he pulled at it the more the flesh wore away. What did I care? He meant nothing to me. He was just a stuffed toy that I could release my frustrations on. He stopped moving. I let him go. He wasn't of use to me any more, no he was just another dead body soon to be lying in the ground. I looked at his face and reached in my pocket. I pulled out the Ace of hearts because that was what he thought of himself. I placed it on his chest and walked away.


***I am not psychotic, for everyone who will probably say that I am <_< .....I just wanted to write a story about what goes through a serial killer's mind as they are killing WTF? ***
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theWriter
Very Oldbie


Joined: 19 Nov 2005
Posts: 2689
Location: Big Sky Country

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 7:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The bombs filled my vison, my being, my soul. When the ground shuddered, I shuddered in reply. I couldn't think straight. My head reeled. This wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening.
The Russians said they wouldn't bomb Grozny.
They lied.
The flat was in total chaos. Mama was screaming at the children to run, Papa was frantically grabbing any food and money that he could get his hands on. Downstairs we heard out neighbors packing into the hallways as they fled the buildings in fear. It was complete pandimonium. I was frozen in my chair, not wanting to believe that we were getting shot down like rabbits getting smoked in their burrow. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Suddenly I was jerked from the chair by my younger brother Dzhokhar. His innocent blue eyes were wide in complete and utter terror, and his mouth was agape, screaming at me to hurry. Why was I taking so long? We had to leave.
I grabbed Dzhokhar's hand and we filed after the family. Papa followed behind us, making the little family line into a convoy. Mama led the way, armed with a frying pan. As we entered the halls and hell itself, she screeched left and right at the people crowded around us, striking out with the pan to those who stopped her from leaving.
"There are children here!" Mama bellowed. "Have some decency and allow your children to run before you!"

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SilentSoul92
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, you should review the story above your's before you write your own exert. First off, to the serial killer story, how would you know what a serial killer is thinking. :hint hint: Hmmmmm (nah, I joke) it does seem psychotic, like most serial killers are (key word: most)

To the one above me, niiiice. Is this from a real war or one you made up.
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
Has No Life


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I watch a lot of The History Channel and Crime Scenes Shows....and I've read a lot of books about Serial Killers......Ok So for my forgotten reviews......

Brianhjh: Nice, short, sweet and straight to the point....lol
Inu-chan_rox_mah_sox: I enjoyed your story, but I have to agree with SilentSoul92, the concept is a bit over-used. Nonetheless, it is good...
SilentSoul92: I love your story, though I tend to be drawn more to the 2nd one....it must be the action...yeah, that's it.....great job....
theWriter: Nice...I like the mother, she reminds me of my grandma....good job....

I hope I've done ya'll some justice.....Well bye, and keep up the good work everyone.....

Merry Christmas To All and To All A Good Night!!!!
Chad: You're a bit too early N.J
Ya Think.....

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Drakedragon
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Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 1601
Location: Virginia, USA

PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know, that whole 'serial killer' exert sent a whole myriad of fresh ideas reeling through my head, but I decided not to elaborate on it. Anyway, here is something else that appeared in my head during the reading of the whole 'you're like a brother to me' exert thing. Here it is:

"Eragoi! What in the world are you doing?!" Shouted the foolish mage's instructor Elia, the sage of Olkinai Academy.

In his hand he held the Forbidden Tomb of Elders, which was open to the middle. On the page which he was reading from, was an especially long incantation and he was almost done. In his curious foolishness, he had taken the forbidden tomb from his instructor's room and began to read spells at random. He was still very young and did not know what he was tampering with. Within this tomb was powerful spells that could alter the very world around them in drastic ways. The one he read, was suppose to 'Bring the dead to life' as he had decided to sum up in his mind, for he had family members who had died many years ago of disease, the prime reason why Elia had decided to take him under her wing.

"I'm almost done Elia!" He turned back to the tomb without a smile of confidence, "...Aik...Olria...En...KIJA!" Upon completing the last of the incantation, a bright light shot forth and blinded both of them.

When the light faded, both stood unphased, but all around them, strange glowing green lights, in the shape of orbs floated everywhere. The ground began to rumble violently. The orbs around them started flying everywhere, loud wails and violent screams and threats filled the air and threatened to envelop them both and send them into insantiy. The two of them rushed out the door and down the narrow hall, the stone walls did nothing to stop the howls from reaching their ears.

"Wh-whats going on?!" The young boy screamed to his teacher over the wails.
She did not answer for a while, so he called to her again as he stumbled into her, the violent rumbling having increased significantly. The walls around them began to crumble slowly.
The woman finally brought him closer to her, her mouth next to his ear,
"That spell you chanted has broken open a portal in Purgatory and hell and now all the souls contained are being released and finding new bodies!" She shouted into his ear, being no other way to do so.

The boy clung to his teacher, who picked him and ran out the stone home in which they resided and out onto the front yard, the ground beneath them beginning to crack open and more orbs of wailing light shot out endlessly. Soon after, rotted corpses, deformed demons and beings began to burst from the ground as well. All began to chase after them in a never ending torrent of terror and menace. Elia fought firecly to keep them away from her pupil, but her magic energy was draining quickly and the enemies never seemed to stop.

All seemed lost as they were overcome and surrounded by darkness...

I would add more but I have to go.
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theWriter
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Location: Big Sky Country

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I based it off Grozny, Chechnya. You know about that school bombing in Russia two years ago? Yeah, well the people "responsible" were the Chechens...Not really, but the Russians need to find a scapegoat somewhere.
Thanks.
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Stratadrake
Grammar nazi
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Location: Moo

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like an opening sequence for a fantasy story all right, DF. Welcome to the myriad :lol:

I've been considering one passage, for that FF7 novel I can never seem to continue....

I'll try to pound it out (straight, not crossover like my novel). Warning - slightly disturbing:
    Cloud Strife gasped in horror at the blood dripping down his weapon's edge, his mind spinning and churning like an ocean amidst a hurricane. He couldn't bring any words to the surface of his mouth to speak out, nor even a shout, or a scream.

    "What have I done?"

    Laughter echoed inside his head, loud as a chorus inside cathedral walls.

    Sephiroth... you did this, didn't you?

    Cloud looked once more at the Wutaian blade given him by the Wutai chieftan. The precious sword, a gift for saving Yuffie's life atop Dachao Mountain, but...

    He threw the accursed thing away. Splash, into the water it landed, never to be found again.

    Then Cloud's eyes met another pair, staring directly at him from far away.

    Vincent.

    "No, he knows," Cloud thought to himself. Cloud was afraid. Vincent had been a loyal ally, but he had seen everything, and if he told everyone else... if he told Tifa....

    Cloud quickly ran and jumped across the edge of the water, from one rock pad to another, trying to catch up. But it was hopeless. Vincent had already left for the floor above.

    Cloud reached the stairs, panicking inside himself. How would they react? Cloud leaned against the wall, sweating from the long run back; the cold wall against his head... cold metal... Barret would probably want to plug the end of his gun-arm right to Cloud's temple and pull the trigger for a few seconds.

    Is this how my end will come? Cloud thought to himself. Paying the price for Sephiroth's doing?

    Cloud knew he had to go up there and face it quickly. But he was afraid.

    "Cloud...?" Called a gruff voice from beside him.

    It was Red.

    "Vince... he...," Cloud sputtered.

    "I know," Red nodded. "I saw everything, too."

    "But I didn't ... I didn't do it...!" Cloud stammered.

    Red was silent for a minute as he stared back through Cloud with his piercing eyes.

    Then Red nodded. It was a slow, solemn nod.

    "...I know."

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SilentSoul92
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
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Location: Lala land *hums*

PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, the sentence structure and everything is fine. As for the story itself, that's really an odd twist on things. I can't say that I'm obssessed over FFVII, in fact I've forgotten some parts of the storyline. Anyways, this is nicely done though.
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Stratadrake
Grammar nazi
(and proud of it)


Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 13679
Location: Moo

PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aeris's death was a twist for most gamers in FF7... but that's a glimpse at the twist I'm planning to make on it myself. I didn't want to go into detail about exactly what happens (you can probably guess it anyway), but let's just say that in my version, Aeris's death causes the team to really have a major falling-out among each other. In particular, only Tifa and Red XIII will still want to accompany Cloud through the Northern Continent, while everyone else (Barret, Cid, Yuffie, Vincent -- Cait isn't present at the time) returns to the southern continents to resume fighting the Shinra directly.

That's going to be some seriously fun crap to write out. Three heroes trudging through the icy wilderness all alone, plus I think Cloud should go and drown his sorrows in alcohol for once. Laughing
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
Has No Life


Joined: 14 Jan 2005
Posts: 509

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

**Just thought I'd bump this and write something new"

I wiped my eyes hard. I wasn't supposed to cry, I was supposed to be tough, at least that's what my daddy told me. But now my daddy is dead and all I want to do is cry. Stupid Beau, why didn't he take Daddy's keys away? He knew that daddy had more liquor in him than a brewery, and he still let him drive. Now they're all dead, Daddy, Beau, Joey, and my Uncle Jay.....They are all dead.

**Not the best I can do, but it was the first thing that came to my head....Next time I;m going for something not so depressing....**
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theWriter
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Joined: 19 Nov 2005
Posts: 2689
Location: Big Sky Country

PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 5:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lex: That's rather sad. And you don't need to apologize for depression. Writing is about letting other people look at your stuff and make their own assumptions about it. Kinda like art, except this is written.

Darkness.
Light.
Darkness.
Light.
My eyes were sore from trying to stare up through the cracks in the wagon's roof, trying to figure out where I was, what was happening to me. I saw flickers of light, then nothing, then light, then nothing. My brain was throbbing, and I began to realize that I was going to die. It took a few seconds...Okay, maybe more than a few, but the slow realization that I wasn't going to "the zoo" that bullshit story that friends of your parents always tell you, began to sink in and I panicked. Death was not sounding like the best thing right now, the best idea.
But as I struggled in my bonds and fought wildly against the back of the wagon, trying to kick it open, it occurred to me that I was screwed.
And the only thing I could think of was "oh s**t".
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SilentSoul92
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Location: Lala land *hums*

PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 6:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To the one above me

That's good. Funny, but serious at the same time, nice combo.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Four pendalums swung in perfect sychronization. Just another reminder that time was running out. This race was against time, and time was winning. The walls were wet with blood and the floor frozen in ice and the sky above fought with itself as the sun and moon colided. The world was torn asunder as history began to re-write itself, into the ideal of a madman. And through it all, the four pendalums swung, unhindered by time, slowly, molatically, trapping the last fragment of reality inside the square.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Can't think, mind sleeping, playing games. XD
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