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Metal, Fire, Water

 
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2496
Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't have to know anything about the movie, honest. ^^; Things are explained in due time.

After watching Spirited Away sometime last week, I was hit with an idea: What happens six years after the movie's over?

I'm aware that my OC, Shizuka, seems like a Mary-Sue, but she's one of the main characters, and I want the reader to be able to envision her clearly in his/her mind. *eerie music*... *hits Nosferatu, who is playing the organ again* Stop it, Nossy. x-_-

Metal, Fire, Water

I think the dragon (Haku) is a litt'e out of character. Uneasy I'll be adding the second chapter in a few days.
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theWriter
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Joined: 19 Nov 2005
Posts: 2689
Location: Big Sky Country

PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 9:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, Nilly, I found the premise fun to read. As usual, your writing style is evolving. Give yourself a year or two and you'll do great. I couldn't find a lot of punctual errors--an occaisonal one here and there, but that was it. So, in lue of such a situation, I've decided to critique the content.

I've noticed that you use the name Shizuka quite frequently in your fanfics. While this is not bad, try to add some more variety to the spectrum. People get sick of one color overtime, and so just to mess with their brains, try something new once in a while.

The character Shizuka, however, is quite good and I enjoy the background info that the reader kinda gets but doesn't get exactly. That being said, I do believe that you should try to expand more on all character emotion, thought process, and speech. While it's there, it's not [i]there[/i] and this kinda leaves the reader in the blanks. Expand on everyone's emotions, the environment, how pretty the sky looks, how ugly a girl's shoes look...you have the capacity to do so, Nilly. I'd appreciate if you'd try.

I think that's about it. There's not a lot I can say.

Good luck. Smile
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Astri
How can I get a custom title thing?


Joined: 30 Dec 2005
Posts: 912
Location: Valencia, CA

PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow...that's really interesting. If I had ever thought about what happened after Spirited Away, [i]that[/i] wouldn't have been what I thought, that's for sure ^.^ You're a really good writer, Nilly!

The only thing that somewhat, slightly bothered me was the "one-eighth fire dragon" part. It seems like it could be possible...but I guess I'm just so used to imagining Chihiro as a completely normal (well, okay, maybe not [i]completely[/i],) girl that envisioning her as being a fraction fire dragon was a little unsettling. In truth, the more I think about it the more it starts to make sense. But really, aside from what Megan said about adding a little bit more description, I have no criticisms. I really like it--keep going!
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