my story gray please help

[killakthe1]

Is this a good story so far this is one my recent works help me out


It was a snowy night. The date was April 1st 2026. The city streets of Repule were quiet. Nothing but homeless cats and dogs roamed around the neighbor hood. Even the street lights were resting. The light of a houses ended the darkness. A kid opened the window of the two story home.
Close that window. said the voice of the kids mother.
The kid closed the window and the light was turned out. A small black glowing circle appeared in the ground of a small ally way. The glow suddenly transformed into a black whole. From the whole arose a tall dark figure. The figure was pitch black. The figure wore a hood over his face so its face was not visible. The figures left eye had a weird gray glow to it. The figure looked at his wrist. It wore a weird looking watch. The screen of the watch began to glow, the face of a hooded man appeared on the watch.
Gray, have you arrived in Repule yet? asked the man.
Yes. answered the tall dark figure.
I dont think that they will come to this small city, it seems to obvious. Gray announced.
Is it dark? asked the man.
Yes.but. began Gray.
Just wait around, something is bound to happen. Answered the man.
Okay whatever you say. Said Gray.
Gray pressed a button on his watch which turned the communicators power off.
Damn, I dont have time to wait around for this shit. Said Gray.
Gray looked into the sky as the snow began coming down even harder then before.
Well at least I can stop this snow. Said Gray. Looking into the sky.
The glowing Gray eye began shining brighter then before. A small beam shot from his eye and into the sky. The snow suddenly paused in mid air then vanished. No more snow fell after. Grays gray eye then went back to its normal shine. Gray looked forward and noticed a cat looking towards the entrance of the city. The tail of the cat was sticking upward.
Hm, that cat seems worried. Said Gray.
Gray walked forward towards the cat. Suddenly a creature made of pure black smoke came jumping towards Gray. The creature was shaped like a lion with large fangs in its mouth. The creature had a long tail that was very sharp. The face of the creature was skinny like a reptile. The cat quickly jumped into the trash can. The creature stopped two feet in front of Gray. Four more copies of the creature appeared on the side of the first. The creatures were barley visible seeing that the city was dark. Suddenly the creatures became completely invisible. Grays gray eye began shining bright. The gray eye gave him the ability to see the creatures as white smoke.
Follow me! yelled Gray.
Gray jumped back onto the wall of a three story house. Gray stick to the wall and was now standing right side up on the wall. The creatures jumped after him. Gray jumped to the houses directly across from the one he was standing on and began running up the wall as the creatures chased him. Gray stopped at the window as he noticed two girls kissing.
Hmm. Said Gray.
Gray used his gray eye to see through their clothes. Suddenly from inside the house a smoke creature came running towards the window. Gray jumped out of the way just as the creature shattered the window. Gray jumped high into the air and looked down at the creatures that were flying up towards him. Gray pulled out a gun with a ten inch barrel and squeezed the trigger five times quickly. Five rockets shot from the barrel of the gun and hit each of the creatures causing them to disintegrate. Gray vanished and appeared on the ground.
Hilands here must mean they have arrived. Said Gray.
Gray ran to the middle of the city and stopped in front of a huge statue which stood in a small pound. Gray began pressing the on button on his watch but it would not turn on.
Bitch! yelled Gray in anger.
Gray tossed the watch to the ground and it shattered.
Die. Whispered a voice.
Suddenly Grays gray eye went black and he fell to the ground with a sword in his back. Gray was laid out in a pool of his own blood. In front of him he could see the legs of a human covered in a black cloak then everything went black.
Ten years before, on a sand filled beach surrounded by a vast ocean kids played in the sand and built castles for enjoyment. The island of Verdeny was a very beautiful place to live. A care free world in its own. This is the place where kids without parents were shipped to live on their own. The island had three parts, a beach, a village, and a forest. The village is were everyone lived. The beach is where everyone played. The forest is were the kids gathered their food but it was forbidden to go at night. People thought of the kids of Verdeny as a tribe. The leader of the tribe was the eldest, he was seventeen years old and he went by the name of Tork. He lived in a tree house up high which gave him a perfect view of the beach and the village. Past the village was were the kids worked. The kids were not allowed to work until they reached the age of six. The kids knew of the cities and towns inside their world but they were out of their reach. The kids had no source of transportation so there was no way to cross the ocean. No one had dare attempt to swim across. Today was the day that Tank, a young boy in the village became six years old. Tank was a tall boy for his age. He had wild green hair with red highlights. He wore a green vest with a small sleeveless red shirt underneath and red jogging pants with a small portion of white and green. The pants stopped directly at his shins, on his feet he wore black and green shoes. Tank was sitting down in his small one room home in the village. He had a sad look on his face. He was glaring out of the window, Tank noticed a happy looking girl the age of nine approaching his house.
Wow, Sapphires already here. Said Tank.
A know occurred on the door. Tank walked to the door and opened it slowly as if he didnt want any guest.
Hi! Sapphire shouted happily as she embraced Tank in a huge hug.
Seconds later Sapphire let Tank go.
Has your elder moved out already. Asked Sapphire.
In Verdeny when you are below the age of six you must have an elder kid living with you. The definition of an elder in Verdeny is a kid the age of ten and above. At the age of six through nine you must live all by yourself but when you reach age ten it is a possibility that you will be ordered to live with a kid. The elders are like the parents, if an elder tells you to do something you have to follow that rule. All of the elders must follow the instructions of the eldest elder which is Tork, he is like the king while his sixteen year old sister Mika is the queen. Together, Tork, and Mika lead others into building the village of Verdeny, they also created the system of government they have. All of the kids of Verdeny follow the rules most of the time, never are there any major problems in Verdeny.
Yes, he moved. Tank answered Sapphires question.
Well today is your birthday and that means you are six years old, you know what that means right? asked Sapphire.
Its time for me to work. Tank answered.
Right! said Sapphire happily. Come on Ill take you to the work station. she announced.
Tank followed Sapphire out of the house. Tank paused and looked into the sky.
Whats wrong? asked Sapphire in conern.
I was just wondering, how did we get here. asked Tank.
We were homeless and were sent here. Sapphire answered.
I know but, how did we get here, was it by boat, by plane, or by airship? asked Tank.
I never really knew how, maybe you should ask Tork when you get the chance to meet him. said Sapphire.
Okay. said Tank.
Sapphire began walking along a long road in the village. In the distance a large gate made of wood was visible. No more houses were no longer in sight. Minuites later they reached the gate. Two thirteen year old kids wearing bandanas were standing on each end of the fence. Both of the kids wore blue bandanas on their forheads. They had on baggy blue pants and blue vest with no shirt underneath.
Hello Sapphire. said one of the boys.
Welcome Tank, today is your first of many days at work, Tork is inside waiting for you. announced the other boy.
The two of them worked together to open the gate. Sapphire and Tank entered the gate and followed the road which led to a huge wooden building.
Dont worry, your first years of work wont be that hard, when I first started working are project was to build this building now we have a new project called project succeed. Sapphire explained.
You helped build that building? asked Tank in surprise studying the well put together three story wooden building in the shape of a church.
Yeah, they started when I was four and finished when I was nine. answered Sapphire. Dont worry Tork makes work fun. Sapphire noted.
How long have you guys been working on project succeed? asked Tank.
Before I was born. answered Sapphire. We had to build the building to hide project succeed then we continued on it. she explained.
The two of them reached the door and walked inside. Inside kids were working on assembly lines. The assembly lines were made of wood and pushed by small wheels. On the assembly lines were all types of different metal parts. In the middle of the building was a huge object being covered by a sheet.
Project succeed is under there. Sapphire stated.
Ah Tank. said a voice.
Sapphire and Tank looked to the right to see Tork approaching them. Tork was a tall kid. He had short blonde hair that spiked up. His eyes were a shiny royal blue color. He wore a long blue cloak with metal buttons on random spots. His pants were also blue and freshly ironed. He wore large yellow and blue boots.
Tank, this is Tork, the eldest elder. Sapphire introduced.
Hey. said Tank in a nervous voice.
Ive seen you around Tank, you entered the tournament at the age of four, a first in Verdeny history. said Tork.
In verdeny ever three years there is a fighting tournament. The kids of Verdeny all had to learn to fight, it was the only way to get food from the creatures lurking in the forest. The elders taught the kids to fight. All of the kids in Verdeny possessed a special energy that they called soul energy. Soul energy allowed the kids of to use their soul as a form of outside energy.
Yeah, but I only made it to the second round. said Tank
Do you remember who you fought in the second round? asked Tork.
Some girl. said Tank replied
That girl was my sister Mika, and you gave her a pretty tough time, who taught you those moves? asked Tork.
I dont know they just kinda came natural. said Tank
Sounds like me. said Tork.
Sapphire, go monitor section B, today is the day we unveil project succeed, Tank you come with me I have a special job for you. said Tork.
Okay. said Sapphire.
Sapphire walked away from Tank and Tork.
Follow me. said Tork.
Tork lead Tank up a large set of stairs. They ended up in a long hallway with doors on the side.
Where are we headed? asked Tank.
To the briefing room. answered Tork.
They reached a door at the end of the hallway and stopped.
Their waiting for you inside. said Tork.
Whos waiting for me? asked Tank
The team. answered Tork.
Tork reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a set of keys. Tork placed the key into the door and opened it. Inside of the huge room was a large group of kids ranging from ages ten to seventeen. The room was all white with nice marble floor. It was nicely furnished with burgundy leather seats. A pool table was placed in the center of the room. The front wall was replaced with a huge glass window which gave a view of the workers down stairs. Blending in with the window was a glass door that lead to a small walk way which lead to an octagonal platform with a small control panel on it.
Meet the team. said Tork.
Ive choosen the best fighters in Verdeny to test out project succeed. began Tork.
You chose me as one of the strongest fighters. said Tank in shock.
Yes, are objective is to find the corporation that sent us here and take them down for revenge. After the corporation is taken down all the kids of Verdeny can move to the cities and live like normal kids. Tork explained.
Everyone looked determined.
Now I will unveil project succeed. said Tork.
Tork walked out the glass door and headed to the control panel. Everyone topped working and looked up.
I reveal to you.project succeed. Tork pressed a button and a crane hanging above the object removed the cover reveling a destroyed airship.
Everyone looked in shock as the airship that they had been working on for years was torn to pieces. Tork fell to his knees.
Why, why is this happening.when am I going to get off this damn Island! screamed Tork. He punched the ground in anger. Everyone go home, project succeed is a failure. said Tork.
Everyone looked up at Tork in confusion.
I said go home! yelled Tork.
Everyone began to leave with sad faces.
Tork walked back into the room. Everyone in the room had faces of mixed emotions.
Apparently somebody doesnt want us to leave this island. said Tork. The one who destroyed or airship has probably escaped to the forest by now, Tank I want you to track him down. he announced.
Me! exclaimed Tank.
Yes you, this will be your first mission. said Tork.
But the forest is so dark and spooky. said Tank.
Dont you want to be apart of the team? asked Tork.
Yes. answered Tank.
Well go. said Tork.
Tank exited the building and walked to the forest. Tank was now standing in front of the entrance of a dark forest. He took a deep breath and walked into the forest. The forest was full of fog. Tank was looking around in fear.
This way. whispered a voice.
Huh said Tank in confusion.
A bright beam of light began to shine in his face.
Follow the light. said the voice.
Tank followed the light until he reached a bright white portal. A boy dressed in while walked through the portal. Who, who are you? asked Tank.
MeI am an imperfect child. answered the boy.
What do you mean an imperfect child? asked Tank.
Nobody wants an imperfect child such as me, I neither belong with you the children of Verdeny, or the children that live peacefully in the outside world. answered they boy. You see the children of Verdeny were not sent here because they were homeless, it is because the religion of Geshi believe Verdeny children are doomed to hell and anybody who comes in contact with a kid from Verdeny is doomed to hell, so if you have Verdeny in your blood then you are shipped to this island.
How could you tell if you had Verdeny in your blood. asked Tank.
Because of your soul energy. answered the boy.
I on the other half am an imperfect child, I posses Verdeny blood, and also human blood, there fore I belong no where. answered the boy.
So what are you doing here? asked Tank.
Stopping you Verdeny children from entering the real world, that is why I destroyed your air ship. answered the boy.
So youre the one that destroyed the airship, why do you want to ruin our dreams! yelled Tank.
DreamsVerdeny children cant dream, they have one goalthat is to go to hell..it is not meant for you to see the real world, if you do then all hell will break loose. I tell you whatbehind me is the portal to the outside world, if you defeat me then it must be meant for you to see the outside world, but if you die here in battle then Tork will give up and you Verdeny children will die on this island.
I want die. said Tank.
Rex. said the boy.
Huh? asked Tank.
Suddenly the boy dashed to the left and vanished. The boy appeared directly on the side of Tank.
The names Rex. said the boy.
The boy delivered a hard round house kick to the cheek bone of Tank causing him to fly back towards a tree. Tank, while flying backwards bent his neck to see the huge tree his was flying towards.
It wont be that easy. said Tank.
Tank suddenly transformed into a stream of water that flew into the tree. The tree grew taller. Once the tree stopped growing leaves began falling down towards Rex. Suddenly one of the leaves transformed into Tank. Tank threw a punch at Rex. Rex jumped back and dodged the punch. Rex threw a white orb at Tank. The orb hit Tank and he vanished.
Huh? asked Rex in confusion.
Two of the leaves that were on the ground next to Rex transformed into hands that grabbed his ankles and held him down. Rex arms lifted into the air uncontrollably and began to shake.
Damnthis is no normal Verdeny child. said Rex.
Two large vines shot up from under the ground behind Rex and wrapped around his wrist. The vines pulled back causing Rex back to bend all the way back until the palm of his hands were touching the ground. Rex was now down on all fours. His back was hovering over the ground while his stomach was pointing in the air. Rex began struggling to break free but his legs were being held down by the hands and his arms were being held down by the vines.
Damn to be six years old you sure a smart.I cant get out of this.
Rex looked up to see Tank standing on top of the large tree.
Tank began glowing white. Tank put his hands together and jumped down off the tree heading head first towards Rexs stomach. Rex began to panic, he tried his best to break free. Seconds later Tank landed head first into the stomach of Rex. Causing the vines to snap and the hands to sink to the ground. Rex back hit the ground cracking it apart. Blood burst out of the mouth of Rex as he screamed. Tank bounced up and landed on his feet away from Rex. Rexs legged kicked into the air then fell down flat as he was know laid out motion less but still breathing slightly. Tank looked down at Rex.
You are strong kid. said a voice.
Tank turned to see Tork standing behind him.
How long were you there? asked Tank.
I heard the whole thing. said Tork.
You coming or what? asked Tank.
Tork gave a little laugh then nodded his head.
Look! out yelled Tork.
Rex suddenly jumped up and delivered a hard spin kick to the back of Tanks head. Tank flew forward straight into a tree. He fell on his back unconscious.
You must be Tork, the creator of this island. said Rex as he whipped the blood off of his lips.
Tork ran to Tank and check his pulse. He was still breathing.
Yeah, Im Tork. said Tork as he turned to Rex.
So youre the strongest of the Verdeny race right? asked Rex.
Right. said Tork as he nodded his head.
You want to see the world right, pay those humans a visit right? asked Rex.
Why are you doing this? asked Tork.
I cant let you Verdeny children see the humans, you will cause chaos in the world if you do, all hell will break loose, you will create a monster, you must not go, I am trying to figure out what destiny really is, if you kill me, go through the portal, then this must be destiny, but if you die here, I turn and I leave, and the Verdeny race is destined to hell, today the world will find out the truth. Rex explained. So, your fate shall be decided here! yelled Rex.
Rex came running towards Tork. Tork clenched his fist and it began glowing white.
Given it your all huh? asked Rex.
I always do. replied Tork.
Tork jumped into the air and looked down at Rex.
Tiger Brawl! screamed Tork.
Tork swung his glowing white fist at Rex. A clear white roaring ghost tiger came flying out towards Rex. Rex jumped out of the way just in the nick of time. The tiger hit the ground and exploded living a gigantic hole in the ground. Smoke covered the area. The smoke cleared and Rex was standing in front of the hole with a smile on his face.
Looks like you must Tork. Rex said as he looked up.
Rex looked in confusion as he noticed Tork was gone. Rex turned to see Tork behind him. Tork swung his fist and three roaring ghost tigers came flying at him. Rex jumped backwards and landed on his feet. The tigers began running at him. Two more jumped out of the ground now there were five running towards him. Two jumped into the air. The other three continued to run.
Good move, but.it wont stop your fate. said Rex.
Rex clenched both of this fist and his body began glowing black. Two long black energy blades appeared in his hands. One in each hand. The swords were glowing black and purple with visible white lines in the inside.
Hmm, soul blades. said Tork.
Rex jumped towards the tigers. He cut the first two that were flying at him swiftly. The group of three tigers jumped into each other and formed into an energy ball that came flying towards Rex. Rex flew high into the air. The ball of energy began chasing after him. Rex stopped and began flowing in the air. Rex flew back an inch and the energy ball flew straight up past him barley missing his face. Rex looked up at the energy ball and tossed one of his swords into the air. The sword stabbed into the ball of energy and exploded into the three tigers. The tigers screamed in pain and vanished.
Too bad those tigers lost their vision when the transformed into that ball of soul energy! Rex yelled to Tork who was standing down on the ground looking at Rex.
Tork raised his hands into the air and a large boomerang came flying towards his ankles. Tork jumped into the air and landed on the boomerang which lifted him into the air towards Rex. The boomerang stopped Tork about three feet away from Rex.
Think you can beat the two of us? asked Tork.
You and that boomerang? asked Rex giving a little laugh.
Look again. said Tork in a confident voice.
Rex looked down at the boomerang, but this time it was not the boomerang that Tork was floating, instead it was Tank who had a soul katana in his mouth, Tork was standing on his back. Tork did a back flip as he jumped off the back of Tank. Tank came flying at Rex. Rex looked shocked. Tank pulled the soul katana out of his mouth and stabbed at Rex as he was close enough. Rex blocked the stab with his soul blade. Tork appeared on the side of them and kicked the two swords out of both their hands. Tank quickly delivered a hard punch to the stomach of Rex. Rex bent down and held his stomach. Tork then delivered a painful kick to the chin of Rex. Rex flew into the air uncontrollably. Tork held his hands out and nodded at Tank. Tank jumped into the hands of Tank in a standing form. Tork pushed Tank up towards Rex. Rex suddenly stopped and looked at Tank. Tank threw a punch at Rex. Rex grabbed the forearm of Tank and began punching him in the stomach then he delivered a hard head butt to his forehead. Tank flew back as Rex let go of his arm. Tank regained himself then came flying at Tank. He began attacking Rex with a series of punches. All of the punches he threw were being easily blocked.
Be serious. said Rex.
Tank reached into a small pouch on his waist and threw a black smoke out towards Rex. Rex dodged him and the smoke flew behind him. The smoke formed into Tork without Rex noticing.
Is that the best you can do, you deserve to die after such weak moves. said Rex.
Tork delivered a hard kick to the back of Rexs head causing him to fall to the ground. Rex landed on his feet. Tank was standing in front of him.
Why fight it kid, your going to kill anyway. said Rex.
Dont listen to him. said Tork who was standing behind Rex.
Hell is your home Tank. said Rex.
Hes lying, we did nothing to deserve to go to hell. said Tork.
If I were you I would rather go to hell, because if you survive this battle, your life will be hell anyway from here on out, your life will be worst then hell. said Rex.
Lets shut him up Tank. said Tork.
Your going to hell Tank. said Rex.
Tank stared into the eye of Rex and it began to shine, it had a weird glow to it. Tank stop staring as the glowing stopped.
If I am going to hell Rex, your going first. said Tank.
Damn you. said Rex.
Rex came running at Tank. Rex pointed the palm of his hand at Tank. A weird symbol appeared in Rexs hand. Hundreds of tiny beams shot out towards Tank. The beams froze, at the end of the beam appeared a clear white clone of Tank. Tank froze in shock. The clone grabbed Tanks hands and the beams flew back into the hands of Rex along with the clone of Tank and the real Tank.
There, now kill me Tork, Ill go to hell but Tanks coming with me. said Rex.
Damn it, Tank. said Tork.
Rexs hand began to glow white. He quickly grabbed his wrist in pain and began screaming.
What the hell is going on? asked Rex in shock.
The symbol appeared in the palm of Rexs hand. Tank jumped out of the symbol and appeared in front of Rex.
Dont fight it Rex, its destiny. said Tank.
Lets do it Tank! yelled Tork.
Right. said Tank.
Tank transformed into a stream of water that floated up to Rex legs and began wrapping around his entire body. The water then turned into a rope. Rex could not move.
Tiger Brawl! yelled Tork.
Tigers began appearing flying into Rex exploding on contact. One large tiger jumped into Rex creating a huge explosion. Smoke covered the area. The smoke cleared and Rex was laid out on his back. Tank and Tork were standing over him.
You two are going to hell. said Rex.
Whatever. said Tork.
Falling pain! yelled Tank.
A large red blade came from the sky and fell into the chest of Rex killing him.

[Astri]

I'm sorry, but did you read the rules of this section at all?
_________________
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[killakthe1]

im new here sorry i didn't read the rules

[Astri]

Okay. Please read the rules first. Might seem nitpicky, but please read them and follow them. We'd much rather have a link to your story so we can comment on it there as well as here, and posting whole stories here takes up too much space.
_________________
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