First try at storytelling critz greatly needed

[forestguardian]

This is my first try at script writing but I think it is good. Im to attached to my work to crit it right and would love any suggestions or comments you may have.

Storyline for The Trials of Essen Chant-

763 years after the fall of man a young Honovian named Hania, Dyani age 16 that is about to under go a test of to become an adult. Along with his best friend Yamka, Elu age 15 will face the hardships and Triumphs of the 7 trials of Essen chant. Unknown to Hania, she hold a spiritual bond with her friend that is much more than just friendship. She can feel everything he feels. Along there Journey Hania will put to the greatest test anyone could endure the death of his family. In the end will Hania be strong enough to endure the pain and sadness of the greatest thing anyone one can loss his family?

Here is the 1st chapter and pilot (this is a rough draft). Enjoy-

Chapter 1- Childhoods Final Days

[url]http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/4/27/1021456/Chapter%201%20Family%20VS%20Freindship.doc[/url]

If you have any questions about the story or would like to leave a suggestion please post.

Thanks for Viewing