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Nurse000Shikonay Newb
Joined: 26 Aug 2007 Posts: 13
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Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:08 pm Post subject: 1st Poem: The Minds Trigure |
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[color=red]as hard as she does try
not to drown in her tears
inside she continues to cry
and drown within her own fears
In her mind shes alive
Fighting against all
but now she is backed up
into her minds wall
...shes attacked
and mentally shot
her mind cracked
she lost despite that she fuaght
her pale little figure
lay there alone
her mind pulled the trigure
and now she is gone
blood drips from her eyes
as pale she became
killed by her lies
a rose lay on what will never be the same
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[img]http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e208/blue--eyes/thdead.jpg[/img]
[color=blue]Umm...I'd prefer not to have too much critique...
i know there are spelling errors. lol
Just tell me what you think of the poem, please
=]
=D
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CrimsinD Newb
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 21
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:19 am Post subject: |
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That is a kinda melancholy poem, the picture adds a nice touch.
(Next time even though you probably wrote in red for a reason to give it more impact I assume, don't use read its hard on the eyes to read. Well my eyes.)
To make a poem look for appealing its good to put the title of it in your post.
Can I ask what was your inspiration for the poem? The picture itself? |
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Nurse000Shikonay Newb
Joined: 26 Aug 2007 Posts: 13
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="CrimsinD"]That is a kinda melancholy poem, the picture adds a nice touch.
(Next time even though you probably wrote in red for a reason to give it more impact I assume, don't use read its hard on the eyes to read. Well my eyes.)
To make a poem look for appealing its good to put the title of it in your post.
Can I ask what was your inspiration for the poem? The picture itself?[/quote]
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inspiration..? : Nothing really. Im bi-polor and have depression issues, so i ended up writing this.
Picture: I just found it and edited my poem to go along with the picture.
Sorry for the murderously late response...
=[
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