WARPED ~ Zone fo The Enders: A New Orbital Frame

[FluffysPrincess2968]

I would like some critiquing on this story please. It's most likely going to be a very long-draw-out story, but i have writers block right now, so no updates for a while.

Link:
http://www.fanart-central.net/story-49530.html

Short Summary:
Mai Chirouko is the youngest agent in the CIA, a 12 year old with insane physical strength and stamina. When a strange blob of heat forms over The Washington Memorial, Mai must investigate. Little does she know, that what comes out of that blob will send her spiraling into the future, only to meet a clearing full of different fighter robots shooting at each other. Soon, she will find the reasons as to why the war is going on: two Orbital Frames, incredibly powerful fighter mechs, called Jehuty and Fang. While running from another enemy attack, she stumbles across Leo Stenbuck, both of them running into an abandoned hanger, where the stuble upon the very Orbital Frames that were the cause of the war. Now, Mai must choose to go to the enemy force BAHRAAM, or help Leo, and later, Dingo Egret, keep Jehuty away from BAHRAAM, and save everyone from Nohman's, the leader of BAHRAAM, rule.
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YOU'VE JUST BEEN SPECKLEDORFED!!!!