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Looking for helpful critique(and possibly new readers!)

 
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ShadowsGirlfriend1_0
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Joined: 14 Mar 2006
Posts: 13
Location: EVERYWHERE

PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 10:32 am    Post subject: Looking for helpful critique(and possibly new readers!) Reply with quote

- Title: Team H.A.K.
- URL: http://www.fanart-central.net/story-48240.html
- Series: Sonic the Hedgehog
- Pairing? N/A
- Summary: Three kids are accepted into a privately-owned organization. What they think is a simple day job, turns out to be a hardcore squadron program. In order to become the best of the best, they must learn to work together and fight unexpected enemies.
- Advisories: There is very coarse language, a lot of blood shed and violence(plus it will be descriptive as possible!), and black humor. This isn't for people who are easily nauseated and troubled either.
- Extra: I've been known to write horribly long chapters for a story before this one. So this time, if a chapter becomes too drawn out, I am splitting it into sections. So it'll sort of be like a 'chapter within a chapter'. I am hoping this will do me, and whoever is reading, some good. So just bear with me please, I will make this as enjoyable as possible Wink
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MrGimp
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Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been reading this story, and so far, it's really good. You manage to capture every little detail and pay attention to every characters personality, which makes everyone unique rather than a blank person. The details in every characters action, describings of the surroundings, and the thoughts are well done. I'm really looking forward to read more! Very Happy
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Tinner1214
My First Post!


Joined: 05 Apr 2008
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 6:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You should develop the plot more, I think. Everything is good so far. A nice assasination attempt might liven things up.
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