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Looking for constructive criticism and fans! <3

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Joined: 14 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 5:47 am    Post subject: Looking for constructive criticism and fans! <3 Reply with quote

Chapter 1

When the first wave slapped her face and stung her eyes, she knew that there was only a minuscule chance of ever surviving this. The water was cold and deadly, threatening to drag her down. Gulping what she thought would be her last breath, Aimi fought for her life. The salt water splashed and sprayed around her, but trying to breathe only made it worse. Lungfuls of air were turned into mouthfuls of salt water, slapping at the sides of her throat and burning her lungs. She felt the current, so strong, so frightening, dragging her from one tide to the next. The looming darkness below was vast, it stretched until god knew how deep, and Aimi did not want to feel the bottom. She attempted kicking with all her might, hoping to stay afloat, but it was no good as Aimi stubbed her toe against various rocks from below. Which meant it wasn't as deep as she'd thought. She still didn't want to meet the bottom.

Her blonde hair clung to her skin, threatening to obscure her vision as it fell into her eyes. She fought and fought until she found something to grab hold of, managed to stay afloat and breathe again. Her breathing was in short bursts, as though she'd go under again. And she did. Once there was hope of getting out of the water alive, a pair of hands curled around her neck, and she was forced beneath the water once more. The attack was a surprise, so again, she swallowed another gulp of salt water, feeling the stinging in her throat. Adrenaline pumped through her, but no matter how much she struggled, no matter how many kicks or punches she lunged at her attacker, she could not reach the surface.

Aimi's muscles soon gave out, and she was pushed into the depths of the ocean, darkness surrounding her completely. She could not hear anything. She could not see anything. Her body was going numb, devoid of any feeling. She could not even feel the extensive amount of chilled water surrounding her. She could not speak. She could control nothing of her own body. She was a rag doll, controlled by the ocean's will. Just another body thrown to waste, destroyed from the inside out. But there was still hope. It's when she felt a sudden tug. A pair of hands. She was being lifted, out of the water, by a pair of hands. She might live, she might breathe. She may overcome the swiveling evil darkness, the cold that bit at her skin. By the feel of it, her saviour was a male. She could feel the strength in his arms, the strength she had lost long ago. It wasn't long before her face reached the surface, and the wind was wiping at her face, causing her to shiver. Her eyes were still pressed shut, and she was drained with fatigue. Aimi could feel the weight pulling her down, dragging her under, lulling her to sleep. She dreamt of being chased, and not managing to outrun her attacker. She dreamt of being stuck, and watching her death toll tick silently before her. Aimi dreamt nightmares, nightmares of her life at the verge of ending.


Her eyelids fluttered open, and with a stifling moan, she frowned. A load of questions came to mind as she stared at the ceiling, examining the wooden pillars. At first, she wondered why she was in a room she did not recognize. Then she started wondering what happened to have her been brought here in the first place. Everything she was thinking about, she had no answers to. Once she gave up trying to think, the girl sat up, only to be hit with waves of pain and Aimi clutched her sides. Sitting up only caused dizziness and pain, so she laid back down. She was so exhausted. She frantically searched her mind for any sort of memory in her past, anything that had happened before whatever brought her here, but all she could remember was the water, and the strength of the current, as well as the darkness below. She wondered how long she'd been unconscious.

She wasn't offered much time to lie there, because with a creak, she heard the wooden doors open. Turning her head cautiously, her eyes met a young man at the age of what could have been eighteen. With jet black hair in long strands, a thin white shirt, some faded blue khaki shorts that went down to his knee's and flip flops on, curious eyes met hers as he stopped to look at her.

"Isaac!" she heard someone call. Another male, older though. His voice was rougher, and he sounded.. tense? Panicked? She couldn't quite tell. The male in the room with her, who she assumed was the one called Isaac had turned his head toward the door he'd just come through.

"Yeah pa?" he answered, but he stayed where he was.

It didn't occur to her that she could have been kidnapped, or something. She presumed since she wasn't tied up, and she was wearing what looked like clean clothes, she was a guest, and not a victim. She wondered for a moment who changed her clothes, but she was interrupted by yet another male who entered the room. She was proved correct by his older features, but she could seen the resemblance. Father and son, like he'd responded. His stance was slightly bent, with a half shaven beard, light skin, black hair, and faded blue eyes. The resemblance was as clear as day.

"She's not there Isaac. She doesn't legally exist. I've searched everywhere for her, but wherever she came from, its not here," he urgently exclaimed. Once the man, through the look on his son's face, realized that Aimi was awake, his head turned slowly to look at her. With shoulders high and tense, the father exploded.

"Now, you tell me who the hell you are, or we'll have problems! You hear me?" he snapped. When Aimi stared at the father in fright, Isaac stepped forward, and placed a hand on his father's shoulder. That's when she realized Aimi herself could not recollect even the slightest bit of information about her. She couldn't even remember who she was! How was that possible? Had she lost her memory?
Aimi searched her mind frantically once more, but all that came to her was the troubling ocean. She wanted to stamp her feet, scream and cry all at the same time, she felt scared. She didn't know where she was, who those people were, and who she was. By the looks of it, these people didn't even know her, after all, she was screamed at for not legally existing. How can she not exist, she felt pretty alive.

"Not now pa, she's just woken up," he uttered gently. The father just grunted and left the room muttering to himself. Aimi again tried to remember something, but her mind was blank.

"I'm sorry... my dad... he..." Isaac didn't continue his sentence, only shook his head with a sigh, and ending it there.

"You must be feeling very confused, and above all, tired. I..." he lowered his head, unsure on what to say. There was a small pause, and Aimi felt uncomfortable in the silence. By the looks of it, Isaac did too, since he again came up with something to say.

Last edited by Silent_Writer on Tue Jul 13, 2010 5:49 am; edited 2 times in total
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Joined: 14 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 5:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself earlier, I'm Isaac... and... well..." he paused for a moment, before continuing, "Is there anything you want to ask, or are you hungry.. or.." the man again, let his sentence trail into silence. Aimi smiled nervously. What were they going to say when they found out she didn't even know who she was? She nervously lowered her gaze.

"Um..." she pondered on what she wanted first. She was starving, both for food and for knowledge. "I can admit, I am quite hungry. How long have I been sleeping?" she asked in return, leaning against the wall as she sat on her bed. Her heart was beating in strange rhythms, and she played nervously with her fingers. She didn't know what to do. Should she leave, run when she had the chance? She didn't know if trying to fend herself was smart, she didn't even know where she was, she could be in the middle of no where for all she knew. Before she could even think out plan A, Isaac walked closer and nodded.

"You must have been sleeping for what was it... a day or so?" Isaac paused to think, before shaking his head and leaving it at that.
"Alright then, follow me," he motioned for her to follow him and walked out the door. Aimi followed close behind, observing everything she could for any ideas as to what she would do. She entered the rooms he passed through to access the kitchen, and the first thought she had was 'boy, did they have a nice kitchen'. A back door lead to a beach, as though it were their private garden, and the counters were made of wood, as well as the cubboards. Light colours such as peach, and plum covered the kitchen, as well as the lovely wooden colour, and the sun shone through the windows.

"Wow..." she breathed, distracted by its beauty.
"You like it?" he grinned. She nodded slowly, still looking around in awe. While she was standing in the middle of the kitchen, he cracked an egg in a pan. Her finger trailed along the counter as she walked around, then turning to look at him. Before Aimi had a chance of eating though, heck, not even a chance of asking a single question in the span of the few minutes she had spent in the kitchen, a bunch of teenagers around Isaac's age burst through the back door.

"Isaac! Beach! Co-" the boy that was in the midst of talking to Isaac had stopped abruptly as he noticed Aimi.
"Who's this?" was his curious question, no longer interested in the beach. Isaac laughed.
"Alright guys.." after they all gathered into the kitchen with curious eyes, Isaac turned to Aimi, and motioning each person, he introduced his friends,"This is Reed, Keto, Jian, Sloane, and Reagan. And guys, this is.." after realizing that he did not know Aimi's name, he turned to her expectantly, hoping she'd just fill him in, but instead there was a huge gap of silence.

"Uhm.. well.. you see.. I... uh.." Aimi stuttered as she thought for an excuse, but nothing came to her. She was at a loss for words, and she didn't think that she could hide her memory loss any longer. She tried to make up a name on the spot, but with her heart in her throat, and her brain refusing to cooperate, she lost the chance. Aimi scratched her head and fiddled with her hands.
"Well.. I.. uh.. kind of.. forgot?" she mumbled.
"She's fudged up.." Sloane observed, only to have Reagan nod in agreement.

End of Chapter 1
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