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Need a critical eye to help edit my fan-fic

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Joined: 06 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2012 11:33 pm    Post subject: Need a critical eye to help edit my fan-fic Reply with quote

The fan-fic I'm currently writing has been a pet project of mine since high-school (god, my 10 year reunion is next year... I feel old right now...), when I was really into Star Trek Bulletin Board-RPGs. This time spent role playing gave me a set of characters that would be used in several versions (the previous versions being scrapped as my skill grew over the years.) of my fiction culminating in the current version I have up on this site.

Things Left Undone (http://www.fanart-central.net/story-59136.html) is a Star Trek fan-fiction set in the current Pocket-Book novel continuity, taking place after the events of the Destiny Trilogy and in the middle of the Typhon Pact story arc. I currently have 10 chapters and a Prologue written, and will most likely start on chapter 11 tomorrow evening.

Here's the synopsis (which would normally be found on the back of a novel).

The year is 2382. The Federation, still picking up the pieces after the devastating invasion by the Borg a year ago, is now facing a new threat calling themselves the Typhon Pact. Despite this, President Bacco continues to make good on her promise that Starfleet’s original mandate of exploration will continue. The USS Endalla, Captained by Jonathan Reynolds, will set out into the unexplored regions of the Gamma Quadrant. Her crew, many of whom still dealing with the loss of loved ones and places they called home, steel themselves as they are asked to leave a Federation facing uncertainty, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

The story is primarily character and dialogue driven, and runs like a script almost, with minimal description, letting the character interactions move the story forward.

Any help fixing any mistakes, grammar errors, plot holes, or advice on how to better work anything would be greatly appreciated.

Helpful info:

Some of these characters backgrounds or personalities haven't been worked into the story yet, which is planned for future chapters, should serve as an idea of how things should play out.

Senior Staff
Captain Jonathan Reynolds – Commanding Officer, Human. A seasoned officer. Friendly but stern, not afraid to crack a joke. A mentor. Married to Lindsey Reynolds, and a Son Andrew.

Major James Scott – Executive Officer, Human. Highly decorated Dominion War Veteran, accomplished pilot. Out of the box strategic thinker. Currently dealing with the loss of his brother in the Borg invasion. Off-duty he's the kind of guy you'd want to drink a beer with. Haunted by a decision forced on him during the Dominion War.

Lieutenant Commander Akira Sugimoto – Chief Engineer, Second Officer, Human. Accomplished engineer. Was ship-yard foreman for the construction of the Endalla, knows the ins and outs of her ship, literally. Always the funny one in a group, always ready with a joke, sometimes to the annoyance of others.

Lieutenant Halee Valco – Chief Security/Tactical Officer, Human. Daughter of an Over-protective Admiral who made sure she always had 'safe' assignments. Was stationed on a planet that was destroyed by the Borg, killing her father, a day that still haunts her dreams. A by the books officer, comes off as too stern, despite her best intentions. Currently in a relationship with the ships school teacher, Sarah Elbaz.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Marion Andrews – Chief Flight Operations Officer, Human. Daughter of a retired Starfleet Captain. Was part of the second graduating class after the Dominion War, her consistent postings to uneventful ships and duty shift scheduling to night shifts meant that she saw little action and had almost no chance at advancement, even midst the Borg invasion. The death of a childhood friend and mentor during the Invasion greatly upset her. Processes an eidetic memory, a solid grasp of mathematics, and certification as a Computer Systems Specialist.

Commander William Macmillan – Chief Medical Officer, Human. A seasoned officer of almost 40 years, William has seen it all, and isn't afraid to pass on his experience to others with his trademark Scottish charm.

Lieutenant Commander Amber Fox – Chief Science Officer, Human. An Astrophysicist, Amber was stationed on Betazed when the Jem'hadar occupied the planet during the dominion war. Injured in the first attack, she spent most of the war in a coma. She keeps the burn scars to remind her that life is fleeting. As developed a close working relationship with Marion Andrews.

Ensign Li Essa – Chief Operations Officer, Bajoran. Former Bajoran Militia engineer, she graduated in the first academy class after the Borg Invasion. Still in need of seasoning, as her nervousness sometimes gets the best of her.

Lieutenant Laura Stevenson – Diplomatic Officer, Human. Twin sister of Kestrel Stevenson. A clever diplomat who specializes in trade negotiations. A friendly and appreciable woman.

Ensign Kestrel Stevenson – Engineer, Human. Twin sister of Laura Stevenson. Very much the opposite of her sister. A tom-boy grease monkey who loves to annoy her sister. Massive ego.

Ensign Brett Cruise – Engineer, Human.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Michel Howards – Deputy Chief of Security, Human.

Ensign Kristoff Chernienko – Security Officer, Human.

Chief Petty Officer Mary Williams – Transporter Chief, Human.


Lindsey Reynolds – Captain’s Wife, Holographic Scientist, Human.

Andrew Reynolds – Captain’s Son, Student, Human.

Sarah Elbaz – School Teacher, Human. Currently in a relationship with Halee Valco. If Halee is by the book, Sarah loves to bend the rules, but somehow manages to keep things together to be a good role model for her students. Was present when the planet Halee was stationed on was destroyed, and doesn't know the whereabouts of her family. Is a shameless flirt.
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