Crushes

scarlet11 · Member Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 75

uh uh uh... hi. is this a good place to post about guy trouble? cos thats what about the first three pages are filled with. advice and stuff.

CheshireGoddess · Forum Stalker Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 1063

yeah you need advice? ^_^
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I'm just a simple MEGGY MAE.

scarlet11 · Member Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 75

yes terribly. ok, i know i am a bit young for boyfriends (i am only twelve) but i did have one once and it didnt go well. i think i am too aggressive sometimes. i pushed my own boyfriend once and he dumped me in a week (wut a baby) now i like this other guy at school and i dont know how to act around him. i am afraid that by some coinsadence we will run in to each other and i wont know what to say. i shuvved him once to. eesh. maybe i am holding a grudge. i hate boys, a lot, cause they don't respect me and never will. so i always wanna punch em! how am i supposed to act? its really embarrassing, the things i do.

scarlet11 · Member Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 75

and another problem. i have a friend who is a guy and well, he is obsessed by me. we are just friends but i can't seem to make that clear to him. once he even wrote my name plus his name on his arm and binder. he even included my last name. (what a pal) i sware he will never stop. i want us just to be friends. what if he finds out i like someone else and he doesnt wanna be my friend anymore? people are always making fun of me. ITS NOT FAIR! Sad

why cant the guy ilike switch places with my friend? that would be a nice twist.

Raymei · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 9:05 am Post subject:

my advice is you need to wait a couple years before you get into dating.

The relationships you have so far sound more like friendships and palling around rather than a boyfriend-girlfriend scenerio. And that's good, you only get so many years that you can do this kind of stuff.
A lot of kids your age seem to be trying to skip right to growing up, and you won't miss it until after it's long passed. But realize you only have so many years for certain experiences.
Plus, you probably won't find guys that respect you just yet (they're too imature at this age)

Your friend may be "obsessed" with you, but his not-acknowledging the fact that you just want to be friends is disrespectful in itself.
It sounds more like he just wants something to occupy his mind.

Just hold off for a while. Look at the sort of things that interest you so you can get an idea of what sort of personalities, etc will make you happy in that sort of relationships.

But you said it yourself in your first line:
"I'm a bit young for boyfriends (I'm only twelve)"

Chi_02 · Newb Joined: 10 Mar 2004 Posts: 11

i agree, i think 12 is a bit young for dating...i had my first boyfriend around that age. it was such a bad relationship that i didnt date again till i was 14. which isnt too long to wait i guess, but dating so young made me wary and untrustful. the guy you like may be the sweetest thing, but he has no clue as to how to treat a girl. he just isnt old enough or experienced enough to understand. id wait it out and see how he is to you in a few years.

as for your guy-buddy...
i had the same issue in 4th grade. i was a major tomboy and had only two girl-friends. two of my guy-friends ended up getting crushes on me. if its wierd for you, just tell him, he may be mad at first, but hes young, he'll adjust. you guys will still be friends, just give him time to cool down. and if he doesnt accept the fact that you two are strictly friends in your eyes, than you need to tell him that you guys should not spend so much time together because he makes you uncomfortable. that'll clear things up if he really likes you. ^_^

good luck.
-ALi

btw, my crush is Adam. although i guess hes more than a crush now cuz we kissed, so hes more of a...really, really, really close friend of mine. a really close one. :wub:

scarlet11 · Member Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 75

ok, i suppose that helped (i didnt understand some of those words here and there but still, its good advice) i understand what you are trying to say about how i should try and be a kid for as long as i can. believe me i am trying. i guess its just the atmosphere of my school. pretty much everybody in the 6th grade has a boyfriend and they are possessed. the girls are always saying "i just am so madly in love with my boyfriend!" "my boyfriend said the sweetest thing!"...my boyfriend my boyfriend, her boyfriend, your boyfriend. the whole reason i had a boyfriend that year was because while i was the dentist my so called "best friend" got me into dating a guy. then she couldnt stop talking about how she hooked me up and i should be soooo grateful to her. i thot it was really awesome, but i hated it. now i know that i should get to know someone before i actually date, which i dont plan on doing till i am about 18. i would rather be on my own. i hate the whole crowd thing er wutever. thanx raymei.

scarlet11 · Member Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 75

[quote]the guy you like may be the sweetest thing, but he has no clue as to how to treat a girl. he just isnt old enough or experienced enough to understand.[/quote]
You are so right.
[quote]if its wierd for you, just tell him, he may be mad at first, but hes young, he'll adjust. you guys will still be friends, just give him time to cool down[/quote]
I have tried that on him. I guess he wasn't crushed or anything, but at the same time he thought he was doing a good job at keeping the fact that he was pretending to accept it a secret.
[quote]and if he doesnt accept the fact that you two are strictly friends in your eyes, than you need to tell him that you guys should not spend so much time together because he makes you uncomfortable. that'll clear things up if he really likes you[/quote]
I suppose your right about that suggestion clearing things up, but, (ok this might sound baby-ish but) i talked to one of my parents about it and they said that if I told my friend i wasn't gonna hang out iwth him cause of the way he was acting, it'd destroy him. So now I get the impression that if I tell him that 'if he won't cool it i not gonna be his friend' that he'll feel guilty becuase he did something so wrong that it caused him to lose a good friend (i don't know if i'm a [i]good[/i] friend...).
[quote]good luck.
-ALi[/quote]
thanks. and thanx or the advice.

Raymei · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 11:48 am Post subject:

good for you.

That whole thing about girls your age saying stuff like "I'm so madly in love with my boyfriend" worries me a little.
o.o I still haven't experienced that many different kinds of love in order to use that phrase properly.

The idea that you have to LOVE someone to date someone isn't really a fact. You DATE in order to search for someone you love. You'd have to have known someone really well for a bit of time (like....at LEAST a couple of months) before you know them well enough to love them o.o

huh....these girls need to step back and think things through instead of band-wagoning

scarlet11 · Member Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 75

ok, maybe that i am so madly in love thing was a little bit on the exaggerated side...but something like that . . . .

CheshireGoddess · Forum Stalker Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 1063

Ok this time i need advice well agian . . . .

my other friend Rachel is 15 and has been going out with this kid for about a good 3 to 4 months and has said that she is really happy with him and that they have both said they loved each other. Then recently she came to me and said that there is this kid online (16 years old) that she has know for a little over maybe 6 months im guessing and she says that she REALLY likes this kid maybe to the point of loving. and im like how do u know that he just isn't a crush u know sense u said u loved ur boyfriend and she replied that when she thought of meeting him it made her heart hurt she said, she tried describing it like as someone squeezing her heart and then it sped up and she said she never felt that with her boyfriend. Thing is she has never met this kid before she has only talked to him and online and they know what each other look like. idk she said that it was hard for me to relate sense i couldn't put myself in her position and that she really fell for this kid hard YET she is already in a serious relationship.

Now this part confused me idk what to tell her. she says she feels horrible for feeling the way she does and still having a boyfriend (her b/f apparently doesn't know about all this and she told me he really cares for her) This in the kid she said she really really likes lives faaaar away like two time zones away almost (still in the united states though) she might get to meet him she said like in a few months or more and she wants to go see him. I know darn well if she goes and see's him she will want to and will at least kiss the kid (she seems head over heals for him) she tried explaining that is was for personality even more than looks. She says he told her how he felt and that he returned her feelings, im scared that she really is in love with him and idk what to do i mean she can't just wait around for this kid until he gets a chance to see her when she has this serious boyfriend that cares for her. She is really upset by all this and i just wish i could comfort her but im just as confused.

I believe there is more to it but i really have killed ur eyes already with typing all this. Please give ur thoughts and opinions i really want to help her out.
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I'm just a simple MEGGY MAE.

fallenangel · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 11:15 pm Post subject:

I don't like the idea of internet relationships at all. Reason being, most people I know in real life act completely differently when online. Not that they're pretending to be something they're not, it's just that in text they act differently than if they're talking to your face. I have friends that will talk for hours but will barely say two words online. None of their annoying habits come across online. You don't get much of a sense of what it's actually like to be with them from online. That's not to say you can't [i]meet[/i] someone online, but the sooner the people meet the better.

As for the particular situation, there's any number of possibilities. I'd say the long distance relationship as an actual relationship is not a good idea. Being so young, neither will move to be near the other (nor should they). Committing yourself to someone so far away at such a young age is just limiting your options in real life. She can't love him. Plain and simple, she doesn't know him. She knows his online persona, but that could be and probably is very different than actually being around someone. Personally, I'd guess that she just likes the idea of a somewhat mysterious guy that lives far away, but perhaps that's not it.

The real issue, far as I can see, is what to do with the boyfriend. If she's looking elsewhere, I think it's time to lose him. Hell, at 15 it's extremely unlikely it's anything long term. Better to get it over with and be free to look without the guilt.
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"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

mashu · Very bored Joined: 04 Jul 2004 Posts: 122

fallen, you pretty much just summed up what i said to meg in an IM right there........

CheshireGoddess · Forum Stalker Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 1063

hmmm, yeah thank you Fallen i very much appreciate and respect your opinion all in all it makes sense to me, its just idk maybe i am being a hypocrit at this stage of the game because i myself and im a serious relationship and i can feel/relate to her in my own odd way. I can tell she is being torn apart inside by everyones opinions because from what i am hearing right now and from what she told me everyone seems to have the same views as you and matt.

It just seems like things are all up in the air for her right now, i would want to tell her to wait it out and see if she can meet him in real life which they hope to and she says that he is going to try but even if they did i would have to stop and think that they both deserve to have an actual relationship even if they saw each other for what a few days then what one of them would have to go back to their own state and they would be alone, i know thats not how a real relationship and ur right she already has a real relationship and the fact that she is willing to give it all up surprises me but im not her and i can't judge u know i just have to be there for her and let her make her own choices but by God i have never seen her like this for a guy, not even her own boyfriend.
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I'm just a simple MEGGY MAE.

fallenangel · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 11:52 pm Post subject:

I look at it like this. There's not just two black and white options here. It's not like she either has to be in a "relationship" with internet boy or never speak to him again. What will being in a "relationship" get either of them except a snazzy title and ability to say "so-and-so is my boyfriend"? They can't go anywhere, hang out, or do any of the...other activities one generally associates with such a title, so in everything but name, they're really just a friend. And sure, you could argue that they both think of each other as more than a friend, but in three more years what will happen? Both with probably have met multiple new people in their actual area and will have completely separate career/life plans. Even if they were still "together", it's foolish to base your plans on someone else you've barely spent any real life time with.

That's why I don't put much thought into internet boy. Because he doesn't really matter. He won't show up at the pizza parlor and cause an uncomfortable moment or drive past her house at 2am honking the horn and shouting. It's more an issue of if she's tired of her current boyfriend and looking elsewhere, it's time to deal with that. Internet boy will wait. Smile

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"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

Raymei · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 8:06 am Post subject:

It sounds like she's just infatuated to me

It's a guy that's in a far away place that's new and exciting (anything new=a little exciting) and the fact that she HAS boyfriend and this OTHER guy likes her is exciting too (a lot of girls end up dating/HEAVILY flirting with two guys simaltaniously just because they like the idea that more than one guy likes them that way)

Your friend's little heart fluttering probably would have happened just the same as she was meeting some long-lost brother or if they won a trip to Europe or something.

She's got one part of love (passion). But it's made of 3

Myst · Very bored Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 176

That's a cool triangle ;)

Every time I think I like a guy and I wanna go out with him, I try and hang around him or his friends and see what he's like. So far every guy I've had a crush on turned out not to be what I thought. . . . . . .

Oh well, they're still cute. Very Happy

CheshireGoddess · Forum Stalker Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 1063

Fallen i really do respect your advice if i ever need some with my problems you are the first im going to haha ^_^ Raymei i respect your opinion sense u are older girls i will definatly take it to heart and try my best to give her my opnion and help her out. i think i will just need to show her this and tell her she needs to decided what she thinks is best over all ya know when it comes down to it all we can give her all the advice in the world but she will have to make her own choice like they say u can lead a horse to water but not make him drink or something . . . .

Thank you all very much both of you.
_________________
I'm just a simple MEGGY MAE.

Raymei · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 9:17 am Post subject:

[quote="CheshireGoddess (meggy)"] u can lead a horse to water but not make him drink or something [/quote]
sure you can n.n stick a tube down its throat like at keggers

lol jk

But yeah, it's up to her in the end. And our opinions/adivice isn't universal truth or anything, it's just what we think is best. *shrugs* I don't know where I"m going with this.... lol

scarlet11 · Member Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 75

hi, i have i problm with my little brother. well, he know that my guy-friend likes me and he wont shut up about it.every time he sees something related to a couple (like some people walking holding hands) he'll say "hey-my name-, there's you and -my guy-friend-!'' he does it constintly. i try to get back at him by making fun of him and his friend veronica, but he wont quit! i know this has nothing to do with crushes (somewhat it does) but i really need advice on howdda make him stop.