Nutswingers...must Die

fallenangel · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 4:52 am Post subject:

Without a doubt the most overused term on a few other forums (to the point if you say anything positive about a few certain people you get "omfg u r teh nutswinger!"), [i]BUT[/i] the actual nutswingers must die. Die slow and painful deaths. Nutswingers of normally uncommon subjects are almost mildly tolerable. Like if someone was running around worshipping Roxx Gang, that's almost kinda funny. But please, does anyone really care how much so-and-so loves Van Halen (insert any other universally accepted "big" group)? Would you be interested in Jim Bob automechanic from Arkansas going on and on about how much he loves Aerosmith? I hope not.

Though there is a very clear difference between a fan and a nutswinger. And for my ranting pleasure, this is it. (basically a music rant, but kinda big...)

For the sake of example, Van Halen (DLR of course) will be my example bitches, but can be replaced with any other group that is obviously of legendary or near legendary status.

[b]How To Be A Nutswinger[/b]

1. "Van Halen is the best group ever" must be your motto. No one is better than Van Halen.

2. Van Halen can do no wrong. The craziest of stunts, no matter how horrible or how unfair to fans, is not their fault. It was the promoters, the managers, the reps, the fans, and of course they were "misunderstood".

3. IT REALLY HELPS IF YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS CUZ IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU REALLY LOVE VAN HALEN!!!!! SO MUCH YOU'RE SHOUTING ABOUT IT!!!!!

4. If anyone says anything that isn't gushing praise of Van Halen, you must fight them to the death! No argument can be dropped. If someone insults Dave's hair (or lack thereof), you're required to carry on with the thread for as long as it takes, no matter how ridiculous and childish it becomes.

5. If anyone ever mentions Van Halen or anything related to Van Halen, you have to make a 500 word post (minimum) telling everyone how much you love them. Because someone may not have seen the other 2000 posts you made, and everyone has to know you love Van Halen.

6. If a member of Van Halen has a website, it's the best website ever. No website is better than their website. What, they maintain it themselves? They're brilliant! Best programmers ever! Should any of them participate in a forum-like atmosphere, you must agree with everything they say. Too starstruck to come up with an actual thought? No problem, a simple "Way to go, man! You rule!" will clearly get you noticed by that person.

Now doesn't that sound like a horribly annoying person? I don't want to know that person. But alas, they're out there. If you're the biggest Dangerous Toys fan ever and want to shout from the rooftops how much you love them, hey, have fun. You're pretty much the only person and it becomes rather funny. But there's a good size group of bands that, well, 90% of people don't want to talk about unless they've done something amazing or stupid lately. "Why? They're awesome! Why not talk about how great Van Halen is?" Because it's been talked about for the past 25 years. It's well established how good they are. But they are not gods, not perfect, and sure as hell not worth spending every waking minute licking the ground they walk on.

[b]How to be a fan[/b]

1. Don't follow any of the numbers in the first section.

If you find you fit the profile of a Nutswinger....STOP IT. If you don't and hate them as much as I do...join me as I destroy them!

The most recent band that's well on its way to being a band of chicks if a few of these people don't get off their balls soon, is Velvet Revolver. Half the people love them, the other half don't get what the big deal is, and half the people who love them now will soon be renamed to the "they sold out!" group if they sell a few more records. There was a flood of "omg I bet they rock!" months before the album was even being recorded. Then again when it was released. And yet again with each video. Ok. We get it. You people like them. La di fuckin' da. With so much hype, every possible topic has been covered at least twice. No one wants to read your essay about how much you love them.

Congrats if anyone read all that. I just really really hate those people right now, especially the big names that don't need to be brought up. Because it's boring. An "Isn't Motley Crue Awesome?!" thread is about as useful as a "Discuss _____ here" thread. If Nikki Sixx didn't throw his bass at you, shut the fuck up.

Which is precisely what I'm going to do now. If anyone else has some particularly amusing experiences with nutswingers (and oh I have, but this post is long enough), do share.
_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

fallenangel · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 3:33 pm Post subject:

Then consider yourself lucky. They're not really posers or scenesters 'cause they really do honestly love the group/person. They just get carried away in a horribly annoying fashion.

They like them [i]so[/i] much, they're blind to any faults those people have.

N' sure we can have a marathon, long as you'll help me kill the nutswingers.
_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

ragingflea002 · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 3:47 pm Post subject:

I'll kill the LP ones..and the CG and the Blink-182.

Fallen, rest assured, they will regret their mothers ever losing their virginity.
_________________
Not all who wander are lost.
"The separation between spirit and logic is reasonable because spirit is defined by faith and logic forces others to think about what they have faith in."

fallenangel · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 4:47 pm Post subject:

Even they don't annoy me as much as the legendary band fanatics. "OMFG AC/DC is teh awesome!!!!" Uh, yeah, and?
_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

ragingflea002 · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:15 pm Post subject:

In that case.

Fallen, have you ever met a hardcore Zeppelin fan? You're gonna have to think hard to beat my definition of one. There is one alive today called "Jeremy". He is the pure definition of your "nutswinger".

And I think it exceeds your idea of a Zeppelin fanatic by a long shot. It MIGHT.
_________________
Not all who wander are lost.
"The separation between spirit and logic is reasonable because spirit is defined by faith and logic forces others to think about what they have faith in."

fallenangel · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:33 pm Post subject:

Originally I wrote that first post explaining the difference between a nutswinger and a fanatic too, but it was too long. So I kinda...combined them. Sorta. Fanatics are worse but more rare. Like this Cindy girl who is on a mission to meet, seduce, and live happily ever after with Axl. Last I saw she was planning on "casually wandering by his house" ("but I'm not a stalker!")... hope she gets hit. That's a dangerous road up there. Or maybe he'd let the dogs out on her. Cool

_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

Sirius · Very bored Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Posts: 189

Hehe this is actually funny people worshiping these bands.
Well i'm glad the internet in it's current form wasn't around in the 70-80's
When those bands where really popular.
Now it's just a few people.

fallenangel · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 1:59 am Post subject:

Well back when they were in their prime they suffered more from trendwhores. Who act like nutswingers (and I suppose on some level are), but just like a band because they're cool at the time. Happens to every group, and I too am glad that most of my favorite groups are past their prime and the only people left are those who actually like them. Except every now and then when the "retro chic" thing comes back around and everyone's thinking it's "so cute".

I like nutswingers more than trendwhores. I just wish both of them would shut the hell up already 'cause I don't care how much they love The Ramones. It really only annoys me excessively on certain forums. I avoid fan-specific forums because it's nothing but idiots who think the band is perfect. Unfortunately some of those idiots wander elsewhere and insist on posting in every single thread how much they love so-n-so. . . . .

As if their avatar, username, and song lyrics in their signature all devoted to that group weren't enough.

_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

fallenangel · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 3:03 am Post subject:

Exactly. And it's usually the moderator that's the biggest dick of the group 'cause he's "the biggest fan ever, look I have a forum...say anything I don't like and I'll ban you..." Jesus, most of those people ban users for posting actual news articles about stupid crap the band actually [i]did[/i], not just rumors. But it doesn't make them look good, so of course it has no place on a forum about the band. :huh:

What kind of idiots are actually entertained by posting "isn't ___ great?" "Yeah, I luv 'em" "Me too" "who's your favorite?" over and over and over? People bitch about some other forums not being "friendly" or "too negative", but that's what makes a place interesting. Hearing about a guy who's well known to be a complete asshole only furthering his reputation by screaming at a chick because of the shirt she was wearing is far more fun than talking about how great he can sing.
_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

ragingflea002 · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 2:15 pm Post subject:

I was banned from the Tabcrawler forums for saying Hendrix was overrated as the "best guitarist of all time".

People won't take opinions anymore. It's always FACT.

If there's one nutswinger that will always piss me off, it is an Avril one.

"She is absolutely the BEST GUITARIST!!!!!"

I can't get a word in edgewise.

"Jaco Pastorius was better"

"f**k YOU. AVRIL RULES."

I'm not sure of these idiots Fallen refers to. I may have met one on mxtabs forums. He was very convinced that Ramones was the only band to talk about.

Entire thread was based off the question "wuts your fav s0ng"

_________________
Not all who wander are lost.
"The separation between spirit and logic is reasonable because spirit is defined by faith and logic forces others to think about what they have faith in."

fallenangel · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 3:51 pm Post subject:

Don't forget looking like they just dragged her away from the local trailer park. You can't tell me in those wife beater tank tops, dirty jeans, and whore-ish makeup she doesn't look like she was pulled out of her double-wide ten minutes before the interview....

No one informed me that was punk.

_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

ragingflea002 · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 3:57 pm Post subject:

She's...well, rock n' roll.

This is Joan Jett, I assume.

The worst of them all, however.....

Trapt and Linkin Park fans take it all

It's only because they're the newer bands, really. The newest hits. It's confusing to watch them rave about how the lyrics are the "deepest in the history of rock".

Are they? :huh:
_________________
Not all who wander are lost.
"The separation between spirit and logic is reasonable because spirit is defined by faith and logic forces others to think about what they have faith in."

fallenangel · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 4:21 pm Post subject:

Clearly they are the deepest. U2, The Cure, and Nirvana ain't got shit on them. :huh:

I like how a whiny song about darkness, their tortured soul, how much everything sucks is automatically "deep". "oh my god, they express such deep emotions!" Uh...right. A few flowerly metaphors and mention of your "pathetic existence" does not make something deep. Sometimes I wonder if kids even know what "deep" means.

Reminds me I have a profile of Evanescence I've been meaning to put on Lasher's board. Very Happy

_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

ragingflea002 · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 4:57 pm Post subject:

Well, I guess I've been listening to the wrong stuff.... I guess it'd be best if I destroyed my Nirvana and Soundgarden C.D's.
_________________
Not all who wander are lost.
"The separation between spirit and logic is reasonable because spirit is defined by faith and logic forces others to think about what they have faith in."

Nyah · Very bored Joined: 31 Dec 1969 Posts: 178

Now that sounds like one annoying person*I'm glad i've never met anyone like that* I would seriously have to punch them in the face and tell them to shut the f**k up.

its OK if they like a group but going on about them so much is just freakishly obsessive. I myself if I like a singer or band then thats fine if a person bitches about that band or singer that's also fine because in the end it's just an opinion and well lets face it they'll always be somebody that hates your fav band and somebody that loves them. No point trying to persuade them to like the same group as you.

fallenangel · Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 7:36 pm Post subject:

I don't know very many in real life 'cause we're all pretty much clear on who likes what ("ok, so we all like the rolling stones...these two love Gn'R...those three love David Bowie...only she likes the Crue...etc") so there's not much use in talking excessively about it unless there's something new happening.

But online, good lord are there a lot of people who seem to have nothing better to do than spam forums with "___ rocks! They're totally better than so-no-so, no contest. Have you heard _____? It's the best song in ten years, dude! Best band of the decade hands down." . . . .

_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

ragingflea002 · Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2004 1:27 pm Post subject:

This reminds me of my praising Jaco Pastorius...

Which I will stand by until I hear someone completely master "Donna Lee".

It has not been done, yet. It can't be done unless someone uses a fretless bass. Jaco's speed kills them in the end.

The fucker was fast. May he rest in peace.....

But that was only for bassist...

Band of the decade? There are approximately 30,000 mainstream bands in the world. There are approximately 100,000 underground bands in the world. No one knows who is better because there's an excellent chance you WON'T hear them.

1: 130,000

That's where I lie now...
_________________
Not all who wander are lost.
"The separation between spirit and logic is reasonable because spirit is defined by faith and logic forces others to think about what they have faith in."

fallenangel · Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2004 10:04 pm Post subject:

"OMFG U DUN'T UND3RSTAND DEM!!!! U DUN NO WUT THERE LIFE IS LIKE OK?!!!!!!11ONE PPL SHULD JUST ST0P JUDGING DEM!!!111TWO WTF PLZOKTHXBAI Grr!

"

Being a miserable little fuck is apparently cool these days. Kids completely miss the point that you can write a "deep" song that's entirely happy, and you can write a depressing piece of crap about how unhappy you are and how much the world sucks that's shallow as all hell. "Deep" is actually having a thought or opinion or idea about something, and expressing it in a creative way. Has very little to do with what particular subject matter you're talking about.

Someone needs to beat that fact into the heads of all these little mall goths. Bad teen angst poetry with power chords...what could be worse?! Surprised

Hopefully someday most will grow out of it and realize "wow, that sucks".
_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

fallenangel · Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2004 11:08 pm Post subject:

Ha, that's great...but a little sad that it's so very true.
_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall

fallenangel · Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 2:12 pm Post subject:

[quote]sad thing about that is, probably 80% of kids won't grow out of it. [/quote]

I know. Sad

But maybe they'll add something worthwhile to it. As soon as they have bigger problems than mommy taking away their phone privelages.
_________________
"I care about people as much as I care about lawn furniture" - Dexter/Michael C. Hall