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gothic_ginny Still very bored

Joined: 21 Aug 2004 Posts: 272
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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Hmmm.. If I had to choose between your two choices, I'd say the first one... Especially to describe situations, landscapes... I like to describe thing in such a way that it leaves the reader questioning. With characters, I'm more straight forward -- kind of I tell you only what you would notice at first glance it you were really there. Make any sence? _________________ "Pregnant?? We Can Help!"
"Hint: everything moves" |
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Stratadrake Elder Than Dirt

Joined: 05 May 2004 Posts: 13721 Location: Moo
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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Ah, the perennial debate of "show vs. tell". Your first clip is an example of "showing", the phrasing is active, yet subtle -- the description it gives the impression that you are actually [i]witnessing[/i] what is taking place before you.
Your second example, on the other hand, is a salient example of "telling". The phrasing is passive (notice all the is/has conjugations -- "was", "were", "had", etc.), there is no description, just [i]exposition[/i]. _________________ Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
[size=9]Disclaimer: Posts may contain URLs. Click [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]at your own risk.[/url][/size] |
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falconwing Member

Joined: 22 Oct 2004 Posts: 82
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 4:27 pm Post subject: |
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To use Stratas phrasing I personally like to show. It just seems that my stories have more substance that way. |
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JINTEIthe76thKAISER Forum Scalleywag

Joined: 03 Mar 2005 Posts: 1019 Location: Philippines
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 8:05 am Post subject: |
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I like to describe almost anything broadly. I think you can see why.
Except cars and physics concerning automobile racing, though, which are my specialty. _________________ --Small minds talk about people, average minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas. But of a humble heart, the Lord wil not scorn, and from its abundance the mouth speaks.
--People don't mean to kill each other. It happens because they are poor or desperate or really thirsty or in need of a vacation or something. |
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Fayore Moderator

Joined: 12 Mar 2004 Posts: 6195
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 4:00 pm Post subject: |
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I like to do mine subtly because it helps the person reading imagine things a little easier, without interrupting the flow of the story. The other method is much more juvenile in style, and interrupts the story like God only knows. o_o; _________________ [url=http://vdexproject.net/user.php?user=15636][img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/trainer.png[/img]
[img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/partymini.png[/img][/url] |
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gothic_ginny Still very bored

Joined: 21 Aug 2004 Posts: 272
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 4:08 pm Post subject: |
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Isn't description supposed to add to the story rather tan interrupt it. I mean, Fayore, you sound like you have only two choices: either it interrupts, or it doesn't interrupt, but doesn't add -- king of like a minor annoyance.. _________________ "Pregnant?? We Can Help!"
"Hint: everything moves" |
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amerowolf How can I get a custom title thing?

Joined: 20 Mar 2004 Posts: 825
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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I like to discribe the aspects of thier faces and hair more so than what thier wearing. The problem wiht me is I tend to have straight men as the main character...and well sometimes I kind of make it seem like he's lusting over a perticularly cute baddie because of the way i describe him. It's become a nasty little habit as of late. |
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Fayore Moderator

Joined: 12 Mar 2004 Posts: 6195
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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Trust me, I've read enough fics to know that if you describe things in a straight-forward manner, it will most likely interrupt the story. In fact, many people skip over descriptions that are lengthy and written in such a manner - it's just too annoying to read. _________________ [url=http://vdexproject.net/user.php?user=15636][img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/trainer.png[/img]
[img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/partymini.png[/img][/url] |
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gothic_ginny Still very bored

Joined: 21 Aug 2004 Posts: 272
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="Fayore ()"] In fact, many people skip over descriptions that are lengthy and written in such a manner - it's just too annoying to read. [/quote]
Aww, thats sad. I like to read everything, unless they used the whole thesaurus (you know what I mean, right?).
What about real stories? I mean like classics with description -- something like Dickens maybe. _________________ "Pregnant?? We Can Help!"
"Hint: everything moves" |
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KFelidae Still very bored

Joined: 19 May 2004 Posts: 295
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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Personally, Dickens has been the only author that I've found boring enough to put down solely on his writing style. The man could spend a page just on describing a street corner.
Writing for me is almost all about show. I try to keep tell to a minimum, unless you're seeing something new or unique for the first time. Then it will go for a small bit, but never take over the story completely.
-KF |
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dolphinprincess Cold Warrior

Joined: 10 Apr 2004 Posts: 1976 Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 7:04 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm....I never really thought about that before. I guess it depends on the story I'm writng. So I'd have to say that I use both techniques. _________________ It took me about ten minutes to defeat Giga Bowser, Ganondorf, and Mewtwo from Super Smash Brothers Melee using Peach.
How long did it take my brother to defeat those characters using Yoshi? Two minutes.
I like to obsess over stuff. Here are all the things I'm obsessing over:
Song: Seize the Day by Default
Anime: D.Gray Man
Anime character(s): Kanda
Video Game: Super Smash Brothers Brawl
Video Game character: Wolf O-Donnell from Star Fox Assault
OC: Ray Eclrida, copyright of me (duh!)
OC Quote: "No, he just keeps getting beaten in the head with his own stupidity."-Ray Eclrida |
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JediRevan20 How can I get a custom title thing?

Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Posts: 829
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 10:52 am Post subject: |
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I'd say I'd do it subtlely, so it doesn't sound too boring. |
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gothic_ginny Still very bored

Joined: 21 Aug 2004 Posts: 272
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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Seriously, what is it with people hating description these days? Is it supposed to be all plot-plot-plot and action-action-action?
I don't see anything wrong with describing a street corner for a couple of pages. Description is the beauty of writing. Not boring -- beautiful. :wub: _________________ "Pregnant?? We Can Help!"
"Hint: everything moves" |
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Fayore Moderator

Joined: 12 Mar 2004 Posts: 6195
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 2:52 pm Post subject: |
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No, no, no. We're not hatin' on describing things. We're just saying that that style has absolutely no tact. (Or, at least, that's what I'm saying.) The style of straightforward description interupsts flow and doesn't leave much to the imagination. Like... Let me present a couple examples for you. It's not all about plot and action, although I'd have to say that plot at least takes precedence over description. In fact, I think that's what you haven't been understanding so far. I'm showing the difference between subtle description and straightforward description, and why I use one but not the other. It sounds like you just think I'm hating descriptions in general. :|
Subtle (and since I'm so lazy, I'm gonna gank it right out of an RP bio I wrote):
[i]Felix watched the sunlight glitter through his long hair as wind rushed past. He'd always wanted to dye his hair, but a flat refusal from his mother always stopped him when he was younger. After his father had taught him a bit of alchemy, however, Felix found that it was fully within his rights to change his hair to a golden shine even if he'd look like a small, thin, dirty sunflower (as his mother was prone to complaining). His father, of course, was just proud of Felix's accomplishment, and his mother was quite unable to change the colour back, not liking the idea of alchemy at all.
He turned his emerald eyes to the sky, watching a bird flow by on a breeze. He briefly wondered whether he should catch it or not - the spiders he had collected for a particular task were getting a bit rowdy in their shoebox. [/i]
Same character, except straightforward:
[i]Felix had long, dirty-blond hair. He dyed his hair through alchemy even though his mom didn't want him to, and he was pleased with the results. He was thin and a little bit on the short side, and had emerald-green eyes.[/i]
There you go. Same information, although the first one didn't make the writer (me) sound like a fifth-grader. =_= See? Subtle = good. Also, the first description also adds what the character is currently doing, and actions help the reader visualize a little better.
EDIT: And Dickens is indeed a good writer (otherwise his works wouldn't be considered "classic") but reading a page full of a description of a street corner (which, by all rights, should be pretty nondescript in itself) would make me want to throw the book at the next thing that moved. =_=; I can't read that kind of dribble; the only Dickens I ever read through was Oliver Twist, and I barely even remember what it was about because the descriptions overrode the events. I just remember pages of adjectives, not actual events themselves. I mean, in my copy, one sentence can equal a paragraph *and* take up seven lines. :/ _________________ [url=http://vdexproject.net/user.php?user=15636][img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/trainer.png[/img]
[img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/partymini.png[/img][/url] |
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gothic_ginny Still very bored

Joined: 21 Aug 2004 Posts: 272
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 7:54 pm Post subject: |
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Fayore, I do like your first example. And I understand the show versus tell thing. (Although the tell can also be used in good way. You overexagerrated a little )
However, people were just complaining about discription in general, saying that it's boring and they like to skip over it. Thats a bit different from your case. ^_^
There's nothing wrong with a page describing a street corner, I tell you. grrr. Nah, seriously... it's interesting. _________________ "Pregnant?? We Can Help!"
"Hint: everything moves" |
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Stratadrake Elder Than Dirt

Joined: 05 May 2004 Posts: 13721 Location: Moo
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Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 8:15 am Post subject: |
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[quote]There's nothing wrong with a page describing a street corner, I tell you.[/quote]
Agreed ... unless there's a high-speed chase, a gang shootout, or other intense action sequence taking place at the time.... _________________ Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
[size=9]Disclaimer: Posts may contain URLs. Click [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]at your own risk.[/url][/size] |
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Khrogan Newb

Joined: 06 May 2005 Posts: 3
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Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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I try to discribe with all the senses, though some of them may be difficult. It works well...I think so, anyway. |
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Hawk4444 Very Oldbie

Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Posts: 2568 Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowwhere in Arizona.
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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I myself like to describe things in like a script.
The man walked up to the desk and rang the bell. (ding ding).
Man: hello can i have some serve here, its late and i want to go to bed.
Mostly like this i describe things in paragraph's and then put a name and then a : to have the characters speak. Its just me but i think that it makes the story a little more detailed and describes better.
Catch You Later
Hawk4444 _________________ I'm a bit silly on the goofy side on nonsense. ^_^ |
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Stratadrake Elder Than Dirt

Joined: 05 May 2004 Posts: 13721 Location: Moo
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 9:54 am Post subject: |
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[quote]Its just me but i think that it makes the story a little more detailed and describes better.[/quote]
Well, no offense, but . . . I think it [i]is[/i] just you. I mean, compare these two examples (based on yours), which one sounds better?
Guy (standing at the reception counter of a hotel ringing its service bell): "Hello, can I have some service here? It's late, I want to go to bed!"
He stood there against the desk, pounding repeatedly on the bell. "Hello...?" He called out to empty hallways. "Can I have some service here? It's late. I want to go to bed!" _________________ Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
[size=9]Disclaimer: Posts may contain URLs. Click [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]at your own risk.[/url][/size] |
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Rebus Very bored

Joined: 23 Jul 2004 Posts: 224
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 10:04 am Post subject: |
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I don't mind description if it's done well. In professional books, especially the classics, I usually enjoy reading it. On the internet... no.
Most of the writing on the internet isn't very good, because most of us are amateurs, and quite a lot of us don't understand the basics of writing. It's a great place to learn, and on occasion I've found some lovely pieces, but on the whole description just isn't well done. People don't ask themselves 'will the reader care?' often enough, or even at all in some cases.
And I came into fiction via non-fiction - I'm not very flowery So in my writing, I probably have too little description. But I'm working on it |
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