Logan :wub:

[PhunkYMunkY]

WHAT THE f**k IS SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND!!?

It's nothing personal; this is just in the wrong f**king section! You won't acknowledge that I'm right because you don't like me. Woopedy-doo! Doesn't mean you can't listen to reason. Maybe you're just a shallow person, I don't know.. I don't care. Stop giving s**t back and just conform like everyone else. You can dodge the bullet and get your slab of underlined text reviewed at the same time.. Why do you have to revolt, just because I say? Try paying attention, kid, you might get somewhere.

Matilda (1996)

Harry Wormwood: I'm smart; you're dumb. I'm big; you're little. And there's nothing you can do about it.



-----
lol this is good, too..

Agatha Trunchbull: I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. They're the bane of my life. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible. Hah, [makes spraying gesture] psst! My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children... at all.

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

Wow now I'm shallow awsome!

[PhunkYMunkY]

Don't spam :angry:

You're a spammer, too.

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

I know....hay you do hate me wow I'm worthy of such a cause!

[Funky_EsterMan]

[b][i]Kiger, you're swell. How about a more in-depth story, that's written more coherently? Just asking, is all...[/i][/b]

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

[quote="Funky_EsterMan (Gar Logan)"] [b][i]Kiger, you're swell. How about a more in-depth story, that's written more coherently? Just asking, is all...[/i][/b] [/quote]
what

[Fayore]

Wow, Kiger, I don't see why you're getting so angry. Gray was only saying that your work would have gotten more attention if you had posted it in the Fanfiction section. Which is true, since this [i]is[/i] fanfiction, after all. This section is about books, commercial ones. The kind you can buy in a bookstore.

And if you bothered posting it, it means you want people to read it, right? Well, next time, just remember that more people will read it in the Fanfiction section.

Oh, yeah! And also, most people post a link to their story which is uploaded on FAC rather than typing it all out as a post, so they can keep comments/reviews all in the same place. :)

Anyway, I've read quite a bit of it, and Logan's right: you're pretty good at your writing, disregarding the miscellaneous spelling/grammar errors. Which are actually pretty good - most of the problems I found were just missing commas every now and then. Keep working on it; I think this will be a really good fic with a little more effort. :)

Just as a note, though: It's kinda hard for people to read things all underlined, so next time, plain font would be best. It's a lot easier on the eyes.
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[url=http://vdexproject.net/user.php?user=15636][img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/trainer.png[/img]
[img]http://vdexproject.net/p/15636/partymini.png[/img][/url]

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

................................................................................................................................................................................................................

[eclipsedmoongoddess482]

Please don't spam Kiger. Fayore was being nice to you. Whats wrong now?

Anyways, I reread your story (and I'm very happy that you got rid of the underline text because it was much easier on my eyes) and as I said before it is very clever and has some great potential. I have a friend who wrote a story similar to this only it was more modern and didn't have the feudal feel of yours. I like a good nd this one surprised me as being really good for your age. There's a few missing commas and misspelling here n' there but thats nothing a spell/grammar check on Microsoft Word cannot fix.

I especially liked that line where Kie is complaining about how she only got eight years out of her life. Very creative line. And why did you have to hurt Zyph? He was my favorite character.

Now if you get mad at me for this review then I really don't know what else to say. Well except maybe to not get offended or defensive about constructive critism. I remember writing stories like this when I was your age and I got the same "your missing commas and your spelling is a little off" and I did get mad at first like you did. You put a lot of work into it so why should you change it now? Especially when you like it the way it is, right? But I'm telling you some of the advice people may give you here will help you. Logan and Fayore's advice is very good and it would be in your best interests to try and follow it. They are trying to help and so are Gray and I. We just want you to succeed with this story and if a little constructive critisism is what it will take then you just have to swallow your pride and take it.

Do you get what I'm saying?

I hope so because I don't want us to bicker and bitch at each other anymore. It takes all the fun out of coming to FAC.
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Vaccum cleaners may look fun, but are deadly sex toys. as are certain vegetables like, terri schiavo -Powtaz

[Funky_EsterMan]

[b][i]Sweetheart, the "fun" in FAC hast been gone for months...[/i][/b]

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

How 'bout since I came on!?

[eclipsedmoongoddess482]

Its that kind of negative attitude that makes the forum boring. You guys need to stop pouting and bitching and actually [i]do something[/i] if you're so unhappy with the way the forum is.

Kiger let me tell you something my parents told me when I was your age: If you think you're going to have a sh*tty time then you're going to have a sh*tty time. That goes the same for the forums. If you come here all mad and negative about the people and the subjects here then you just aren't going to have a good time here. I don't know what else to say except maybe get an attitude adjustment and lighten up. You know? Do that thing where you lift the muscles around your mouth up into one of those...dare I say...smiles?


By the way, are you going to update your story soon? I'm still waiting.
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Vaccum cleaners may look fun, but are deadly sex toys. as are certain vegetables like, terri schiavo -Powtaz

[slavetotheWALL]

*reads* not bad not bad at all ^_^

Of course when I considered writing stories at your age I always expected to be worshipped for my hardwork which of course was my downfall in writing <_< . The storie is good but my curiousity asks me what age does the storie take place modern, medievil or future. I think the story is indeed good but what I always did when it came to writing is kept on rewriting my story and sometimes set it aside for awhile to give my mind a break. Dont expect to recieve perfection it cant be rushed. I also suggest taking it to your reading teacher. What usually catchs a reader is Fluency, Metaphors and similes and lets not forget foreshadow. But dont go writing it all at once it gets quite boring after awhile and a little rushed. It took J.R.R tolkien what 4-5 years to write one book of lotr trilogy.

Everyone makes mistakes dont be angry at yourself or others because it happens be happy that your not casted straight to hell for making them but that others are there to help you out and that your given multiple chances.

What I like most about the story are the names they are very original how long did it take you to come up with all of the various names :wacko:

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

uh thanks
I've took it to my teacher
It's supposed to be like A.D

[slavetotheWALL]

When A.D. medievil (as in knights and [u]dragons[/u]) or modern day today

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

~.~
A.D. as in knights and dragons.......We don't live in the A.D's!

[slavetotheWALL]

much confuzzled ^_^

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

huh

[Funky_EsterMan]

[b][i]Don't mind him, my lil Pink Floyd. I think it's a SMASHING idea!

WANNA PLAY BASEBALL?! It's America's pass-time SPORT OF CHAMPIONS![/i][/b]

[Alagaesia1silverfang]

......hum