The Dumb-ass Tactics

[VR_Jay]

Ok, so last week I went over several cheap tactics that make you a soulless cheating asshole. This time around, I'm going to go over some tactics that everyone seems to think are clever but never actually work, or the benefits are far too outweighed for them to be practical. In short: The Dumb-Ass Tactics.

[b]The Flag Toss:[/b]

Most often used on Coagulation and Beaver Creak during a capture the flag game, the attempted point of this tactic is to grab the flag in the enemies base and then toss it up through the gaping skylight-like hole in the ceiling so that team mates on the roof can grab it and make it back to base before the opposing team knew what hit them. The inherent problem with this tactic is that, in reality, it barely ever actually works. Once you start playing against good people, aka, rank in upper 20's, no one is going to allow a bunch of shits to loiter on top of their base while some dumbass tries to toss the fag up. Secondly, doing this takes skill, and almost always the idiot who makes it to the flag will attempt to pull this off in the middle of a firefight instead of just slipping out again while everyone is distracted. I watched my own team mate continually try to toss a flag through a window in Beaver Creek until the both of us were cluster fucked by the entire opposing team (most of whom we had dispatched seconds earlier but had since conveniently respawned right on top of us because the stupid s**t wouldn't take the five extra seconds to run out of the base). And when they do manage to get the flag up there, half the time everyone is already dead, meaning the flag sits on top of the base, meaning you have just put the objective in a far more defensible position. You dumb fucks. Three competent people entering the base, stealing the flag, and simply running it back has a better success percentage then you're overcomplicated dumbassery. Choke and die.

[b]Flag Juggling:[/b]

Named as such because the player will repeatedly pick up and then throw the flag ahead of him as he runs, in an attempt to negate the ill affects of carrying the flag (namely, running considerably slower). I did a little experiment, because I do like to back up most of what I say with fact, helps make you people look dumber). I started out at the blue base in Coagulation. I then ran normally towards the warp exit near the cluster of rocks, taking me 15 seconds to reach it. I then repeated this, but instead flag juggled my way to the rocks, shaving an amazing [i]two seconds[/i] off my time. So: Yes, flag juggling makes you run faster, but not fast enough to make any difference to anyone in the game, considering if they are close enough to shoot you, you are going to be moving far too slowly anyways to avoid [i]dodging bullets[/i]. And to think, all you had to sacrifice was you current position to the enemy. You see, if the flag is dropped, a marker immediately appears on the map showing everyone where it is. So, you can pretty much just sit back and watch someone flag juggle their way across a map, even if you have no line of site to them. What does this mean? Simple. This means that you are screaming out "LOOK! LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK WHERE I AM! LOOM WHERE I AM HEADED! NOW THAT YOU KNOW MY POSITION AND EXACT DESTINATION, YOU CAN MORE EASILY CUT ME OFF AND INTERCEPT THE FLAG BEFORE I MAKE IT BACK TO BASE!!!" The dumb shits who do this, especially when a hint of discretion and stealth could make or break our game, make me want to tear out my own eyes.

[b]"Duck Hunting" It:[/b]

Any idiot who runs into a defended area by himself, making himself a single target to be taken down with little or no thought, aka, a "duck hunt". I cannot tell you how easy it is to hold a position [i]by myself [/i]when enemies only come at me one at a time. Hell, I could defend a flag all day. Basically, I am a tactics player, and kind of a dick about it, so I hate players who rush in, get killed, respawn, immediately rush in again, over and over and over. If you are smart, you will wait until your team is of a considerable force before moving into any objective. Three average players are always a match for one really good player. Its simple "swamp 'em" logic, the "zerg affect" if you will. So long as you aren't an idiot, and I can make no promises on that one. <_<

[b]The Banshee Bum-f**k:[/b]

Used on Coagulation, this is a single man grab attempt that never, ever works. Simply take on dickhead and allow him to get to the banshee before anyone who could have put it to good use. He will then 1. Fly directly to the enemy base, 2. Land on the roof, 3. Dispatch the defenders (if he's smart, if not, he'll move directly to step 4), 4. Drop in through the roof and grab the flag. Good job, f**k-tard. This might have been a good plan if only for the fact that you cannot operate a vehicle and hold the flag at the same time. Not only have you just handed over a very useful craft to the enemy, but you will most likely only make it about 3 paces out of the base before being mowed down by every opponent in the area converging on your stupid ass. The only credit I can give for this is that you did get the flag out of the base, but in all likelihood it's down near the garage, meaning no one is going to be able to get to it anyways.

That's all for now. Catch you idiots on the flip side.

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[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[garfield_maniac]

Though I may not have completely agreed with your Asshole Tactics, I have to back you 100% here. I was a defender with a sniper looking for the flag and I must admit I was having trouble... until he started Flag Juggling.[i]THANK YOU!! [/i] I plastered his brains on the wall behind him and the game continued. Another time I found someone trying to get on top of that big wheel (I forget what level is is but the attackers start out on a beach) and by the time he had... there was [i]two minutes [/i]left! And do ya know what the f**ker did next round? [i]He tried it again[/i]! I shot him and was booted, thankfully not having to deal with his dumb ass anymore. Now the Banshee trick can work, all you need to do is [i]use it as air support.[/i] I can't tell you how many times I have seen and have killed idiots trying that one, it makes you wanna puke *pukes*.
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Please vist my friends site: www.freewebs.com/thetteam for hilariousness...ness... whatever

"Caboose, we need to get back to base and your [color=red]mom [/color]can't come" Church, RvB

"Hey, next time you go out of town to embarras the crap out of us, bring me along. I'm great at losing, I could be one of our All Stars!" Grif, RvB

"For a rock, he flew pretty good!" Sarge, Halo 2

Smile... tomorrow will be worse.

[KeheiZero]

Thread necrophelia fails.

[Weresheep]

Tell me about it. I never did internet play, because that's where all of the gods and hackers are. But when me and my buddies play at someone's house, they actually tried some of these. James (RAI_man as he is known here) says that he is worthy enough for "Legendary", but he's what we would call "absolute rubbish". He is ok, but not THAT good. I remember that he tried SEVERAL times to do the flag toss, and ended up becoming one with the Force as I blasted his fucking head off every single time. And I didn't even have to try. Every time he came, I was like "Bing" right after giving him a head shot.

Now, James is kind of an idiot. He's a complete coward. Only attacking when an opponent is weak VERY OFTEN, and making mostly cheap shots and other chicken stuff.

One particular "idiot fest" as I call them was last year. It was Coagulation. The Red team was Me and Sam (another friend) versus Shawn D. (AKA, Flaming_Stick_Guy) and James, blue team. My God, I thought I was in Little Jimmy's retarded playpen of silliness. Now, I'm pretty good at shoot 'em ups. And Sam is what we call "The Master", becuase he's a real Army kinda guy. Shawn is well, on par with James. If not a little better.

Now here's the thing: They tried everything on your list except the wheel trick. And I mean almost all of them. Including this new one I call "Road to your idiotic death", where one guy gets in a tank, while the other guy stands on the tank to get the flag with the tank as protection. And since when exactly has a tank become a symbol of protection? No. Didn't think so. Anyway, what happened was that Sam went for their flag while I waited at the base for the time to strike. When the time was right, I pulled out a sniper, killed Jimbo who was on the tank, and then stuck Shawn while he was in the tank. When Sam finally got to the flag, James had just respawned. And guarding the flag. He didn't seem to notice Sam was there. As soon as Shawn respawned, they did the same thing--with a ghost. Thinking it would be faster. Sam was like "WTF?". I killed them, with just one grenade.

By the time Sam came back with the flag, he asked if I ran into any trouble. I said "Nothing, just takin' a shit".

So yeah, people are very dumb.
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"Nothing.....I can no longer see it.
It has disappeared.
There is nothing there.
All that was me has disappeared.
Oh my Paradise....I have lost you.
The cursed God from above has taken you away from me.
My Paradise....without it, I have only become a shell."

-Poem, "Paradise Lost"

[garfield_maniac]

Tell your friends a little "battle secret" the bigger something is, the easier seen it is, the easier seen it is the more likely it will be attacked. For this reason tanks are given the appropriate nickname "bomb magnets". Does anyone [i]really need [/i]to tell them that standing on a tank isn't a good idea? The entire anti-stealth trade-off thing is for the reason that you have a foot of armor plating between you and the bullets.

I was playing the other day and I noticed something else I really don't like. Very often some idiots will leave a base in a warthog [i]without [/i]someone on main gun. I understand when someone is transporting the bomb or flag but that exception doesnt extend to idiots who think they can snipe someone while the warhog is moving.
_________________
Please vist my friends site: www.freewebs.com/thetteam for hilariousness...ness... whatever

"Caboose, we need to get back to base and your [color=red]mom [/color]can't come" Church, RvB

"Hey, next time you go out of town to embarras the crap out of us, bring me along. I'm great at losing, I could be one of our All Stars!" Grif, RvB

"For a rock, he flew pretty good!" Sarge, Halo 2

Smile... tomorrow will be worse.