From Our Friends At The Catholic Church

[theWriter]

Often I have no problem with those they call citrus. Except...

Quite frequently I get orange juice in my eye when cutting one open. Maybe it's a self defense. Sure works. Ow.
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[Red_Quatre]

Ohh..yes..yes, the old squirting technique. Dirty little rascals, those oranges.
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[theWriter]

No doubt. No doubt...
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[DragonicFlames]

Oh snaps. I knew I was just whorshiping the devil! : X They just have me pegged.

>/ Pst. Are you sure that came from the Catholics? Sounds a little baptist to me. OH NOES! Conspiracy. Baptists playing catholic?!
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[UltimaMewtwo]

I'm not into labeling, but according to this, I'm pretty goth.
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I'm a zombie. Yarg.

Member No. 5,524

[VR_Jay]

[quote]-Frequently wears black clothing. [/quote]
Ninjas are teh uber goth.

[quote]-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. [/quote]
My Bob Marely shirt could kick your MCR shirt's ass.

[quote]-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish. [/quote]
I agree. This one is evil.

[quote]-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.[/quote]
Can't say that I do, though I'm more into the hemp variety.

[quote]-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.[/quote]
Just got a price estimate on a tattoo yesterday. Still mulling it over, though.

[quote]-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) [/quote]
I prefer The Baby Jesus Butt Rape Malitia (their single [i]Fuck Your Mom Backwards With The Short End Of A Crucifix [/i] is an instant classic) but I guess Manson is good if you're trying to look "ironic".

[quote]-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.[/quote]
Oh silly. Goth people don't have any friends.

[quote]-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.[/quote]
Man, this one makes fun of itself better than anything I could come up with.

[quote]-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.[/quote]
Because death is a tool of Satan, not a natural part of the process of life.

[quote]-Takes drugs[/quote].
Check

[quote]-Drinks alcohol. [/quote]
Check

[quote]-Is suicidal and/or depressed.[/quote]
Check

[quote]-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) [/quote]
Does biting count? I bite. Hard.

[quote]-Complains of boredom.[/quote]
God forbid a child want for someting to do.

[quote]-Sleeps too excessively or too little.[/quote]
Both at the same time.


[quote]-Is excessively awake during the night.[/quote]
Hey man, digging up corpses at the grave yard so you can smear peanut butter on their privates and then film it as your dog licks it off can be a little conspicuous during the day.

[quote]-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.[/quote]
Just so I can hack up my drifters in peice.

[quote]-Spends large amounts of time alone.[/quote]
Nah, I got those girls tied and gagged in my closet for company.

[quote]-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)[/quote]


[quote]-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.[/quote]
Oh fucking face it. Your kid is 18 and you're just afraid to let go, you overbearing cock-munch.

[quote]-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.[/quote]
I blame Green Day and sugar.

[quote]-Misbehaves at school. [/quote]
That bully who beats up the goth fags is just angry because he wants to be a goth fag too.

[quote]-Misbehaves at home. ...not often [/quote]
If they do just invite Father Mackey over to have his way with them. Straighten those little fuckers right up.

[quote]-Eats excessively or too little.[/quote]
This is not an eating disorder. This is a sign that Satan has entered your home and your lives. Burn your house and all that lies within in to purge it of this vile evil. Then shoot kids and blame it an religious fanaticism. The Bible belt will welcome you with open arms.

[quote]-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. [/quote]
HAhAhAhaahahaHAhAahaahahahAHAHAAHAHAHahahaahahahahaaHAhAHAHAHAhAhahahhaaaahahahAHAaaahAHHAahaaahAHAHAHAAhaaahAHahAhAh!!!!!

[quote]-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)[/quote]
Actualy, Vampires drink blood to sustain their own fucking existence. C'mon, you could at least [i]try [/i]to make your misconstrued facts convinicng.

[quote]-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)[/quote]
Veggie Tales rocks my cock.

[quote]-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature[/quote].
What the-

ROLEPLAYING??

Fcuk on the shet, huh? :huh: :huh: :huh:

[quote]-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.[/quote]
Mostly just for infant porn.

[quote]-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.[/quote]
I like to sit quietly and contemplate the message of CHrist while listening to my Satan Metal Death Rock.

[quote]-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.[/quote]
She's a witch!!!!!

[quote]-Expresses an interest in sex.[/quote]
Because everyone knows you should be ashamed of your natural anatomy and all urges that come with it. In fact, the baptist Church is currently working on a top secret project that allows all its members to reproduce asexually, as God intended.

[quote]-Masturbates.[/quote]
Only while reading Deuteronomy.

[quote]-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. [/quote]
God hates teh ghey buttsecks.

[quote]-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology,Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.[/quote]
They forgot Judiasm, Islam, Animism, or just anything that isn't Christian.

[quote]-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".[/quote]
My pin says: "I'm so goth I strike infants with blunt objects." They do that now, you know. For Satan.


[quote]-Claims to be a goth.[/quote]
^ This is a good sign they are a goth. Skip steps 2-5 and go directly to step 6: Beating it out of them with the flat side of a Bible.
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[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[Ogrim_Doomhammer]

[quote]-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)[/quote]


You didn't make fun of that one Willo!
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[VR_Jay]

oops!

[quote]-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)[/quote]
*Add generic overused joke about masterbation and/or strangling blind puppies here.*
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[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[Ogrim_Doomhammer]

There you go
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[Hawk4444]

nice one ^_^


i'm sadly doing a couple of those. ;)


my church makes me giggle at its constant bikering about nonsense.


which is why i'm probably on the goofy side of nonsense :wub:
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I'm a bit silly on the goofy side on nonsense. ^_^

[Coronae]

[quote="DragonicFlames (DF)"] Oh snaps. I knew I was just whorshiping the devil! : X They just have me pegged.

>/ Pst. Are you sure that came from the Catholics? [b]Sounds a little baptist to me.[/b] OH NOES! Conspiracy. Baptists playing catholic?! [/quote]
[quote]The [b]Bible belt[/b] will welcome you with open arms...In fact, the baptist Church is currently working on a top secret project that allows all its members to reproduce asexually, as God intended.[/quote]

Thanks muchly for that, guys. <_< I love you too.
Nah, I'm kiddin'. You know us babtists wouldn't pose as catholics, with all their 'confessionals', 'wine', and 'glorifying saints'! C:

And how the aich-ee-double-hockey-sticks did you find out about the project, Will?!

[quote]-Takes drugs [insert] [i]that are actually harmful to your body and mind.  Not marijuana.[/i]
-[insert] [i]Excessively[/i]Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center or just sit down and actually talk to your kid.) <-- fix'd
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home. ...not often.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Pursues dangerous cult religions.[/quote]

Seriuosly, though, this is just retarded. A caring parent would be worried about their kids doing these regardless of their level of gothicity. "Hmmm, my kid's suicidal, they abuse dangerous drugs, have anorexia/binge, and regularly get drunk to the point that they pass out and can't remember what happened to themselves. But hey, that's only four, so hallalueh, they're not a goth!"

I'd be more worried about my kid joining a real cult where they'd kill themselves with poisoned kool-aid than any of those religions. I wonder why Kabbalah isn't on here? They were the hollywood fad religion before scientology. They must've made a deal with the Catholics. :D

But, yesh-yesh there's a good 16 that apply to me. How could I lie to myself like this for all these years?! D: I must go now and torture myself until I'm pure once more!

EDIT: OMG! I just realized, my preacher listens to Metallica and watches vampire movies! He must've been possessed. I must go immediately to literally pistol-whip the hell out of him!

[Red_Quatre]

A Quote from last night Sunday school class

"Father, why do you have shot glasses?"

'nuff said. My preist is a goth.
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[DragonicFlames]

[quote]You know us babtists wouldn't pose as catholics,
[/quote]

Riight, because that would actually mean you could trace yourself back to Peter and Christ. : O And that's bad. Damn those catholics damn them. Even though... wait. later comment..

[quote] with all their 'confessionals',[/quote]

And talking to yourself is better, right? : D Great. Love it. ^_^

[quote] 'wine', [/quote]

And grape juice is just tastier isn't it? : D

[quote]and 'glorifying saints'![/quote]

And that's where you pissed me off my friend, which started this whole post right here.

1) That's not even catholics.
2) There is no "glorifying saints" in any chruch that can actually trace it's roots to christ. Unlike baptists who can only go to some dude.
3) That would be the orthodox. Now the catholics may be able to trace themselves to peter in rome, EVEN THOUGH peter wasn't A POPE (and you see they don't get that...). And the whole "picture saints" are called Icons. And you know why the orthodox chruch has icons on their iconstases (sp?) ? Because of rememberance. : D all the holy and glorious saints and people who died in the name of Christ... can't spell their word so what the f**k ever. Not up there for whorship, but there for rememberances.

And you want to know something else? Baptists... are freakin' reading King James Verison of the freakin' bible. LOLZ. If you don't understand what I find funny about that, then really, just leave please, before you embarass yourself on the interwebs. : D

Kthxbai.
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[u]Thank You, Layz :heart:[/u]

[VR_Jay]

The Catholics pray to Mary. Mary was only 14 when she gave birth to Christ. Joseph was about 30. Christ was not Joseph's kid. God cock-blocked Joseph, but it's ok because he was a pedder-ass.
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[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[Ogrim_Doomhammer]

[quote="VR_Jay (Will)"] The Catholics pray to Mary. Mary was only 14 when she gave birth to Christ. Joseph was about 30. Christ was not Joseph's kid. God cock-blocked Joseph, but it's ok because he was a pedder-ass. [/quote]
The funny thing is, that the girl got raped somehow, had a baby while she was 14 without any medicine she lived happilly for a long time, and now she is portrayed as a 30+ year woman with a baby in her hands
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[Red_Quatre]

Catholics don't pray to Mary as much as people say. They have like one prayer to her. They just have a respect for her because she popped out Jesus.
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[VR_Jay]

I, who went to Catholic school, can attest with all certainty that they say a prayer to Mary more often than not. They pray to the gal plenty. Its not the same reverance as to God or Christ, but prayer is still prayer.
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[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[Coronae]

D:

Jeez, it was a joke, DF. I know the saints are for remembrance instead of worship! I'm not catholic, but I'm not [i]completely[/i] ignorant. But bible-belt baptists mostly aren't fanatical, anti-sex, bible-waving crazies prepared to kill goth kids or gay people. It's just that the ones who are, are the loudest. Just like the problems you encounter with fluffies. I wasn't going to say all that in my post, though, since I knew/hoped you guys were joking.

Maybe my sarcasm wasn't sarcastic enough. Sorry 'bout that.

My church uses real wine for communion anyway, so I was being a hypocritical little prig on that point. In fact, that's why our church can't be 'officially' recognized as southern baptist. And I hate grape juice. I prefer apple. : D

I was trying to think about what a fanatic or a stereotype would say. I'm guessing from your reaction that I did a little too well...

And another thing about the king james version, I've never been able to get my hands on any other version. I may not be a stereotype, but the rest of my family (except for my dad) would more than likely lynch me for getting any other version, since they're very pro-KJV. I know there are several versions, most of which are just updated versions of themselves. I'm intrigued, but online resources can't always be trusted to give valid info, you know? I'm not going to be embarassed to say I've never had a chance to look into something.

EDIT: When I searched, I was only able to find pro-KJV arguments. If you have any references to anywhere I might be able to find the differences, then please share them. But maybe you were thinking about the new king james version, which I already knew was at the very least, incredibly controversial around here.

[VR_Jay]

[quote="Coronae (Jessica)"] This whole topic has become gay and pointless and I enjoy fresh vagina. [/quote]
fix'd
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[Ogrim_Doomhammer]

[quote="Red_Quatre (Galileo Galilei)"] Catholics don't pray to Mary as much as people say. They have like one prayer to her. They just have a respect for her because she popped out Jesus. [/quote]
Lies, in most catholic latin american houses, you can see people praying to her everyday....
They even say, that if you lighted a candle the day before an exam to pray to Mary you are definately latin american.......

Soap operas are a good example.
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