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VincentValentine13 Forum Stalker

Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 1306 Location: Delaware, The United States of America
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 5:13 am Post subject: |
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Ooh, I really like this! It's so nice! Great job on it! Thanks for reading mine! I was worried people would be afraid of the size!
Here's the next bit for mine!
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Victor jerked awake, the sound of creaking filling the room. He looked around to see that the room was empty and very dark, with only the light of the half-moon bleeding through the window. Victor stretched and looked around, because the creaking noise continued. He noticed the door was opening slowly, and Victor rose up as Doctor Burton came in.
Just came to check on you, he said quietly. Victor noticed he was holding something in his hand, and as he stepped into the light from the window, Victor saw it was a ragged, stuffed bunny.
I brought this, Doctor Burton said, indicating the stuffed rabbit, It was Alices when she was a girl. I thought it may help her. Has she done anything out of the ordinary?
Victor wanted to say that her being here at all was out of the ordinary, but then, he knew the doctor was referring to her typical, blank stare.
No, Victor lied, Nothing strange. She fell asleep a little while ago, while I was reading to her.
Very well, the doctor replied as he placed the bunny next to Alices head. Alice awoke for a moment, looked at the rabbit, then clutched it slightly and pulled it to her side before falling asleep again.
Doctor Burton didnt say a word as he turned to go, but stopped at the door and asked, Will you be coming along now, Victor? We have a room set up for you at a little place down the street.
No, Ill stay with her a little longer, Victor answered. For some reason, seeing her asleep with the moonlight on her pale, thin face, she didnt seem to be quite as frightening as before, and Victor didnt think he could leave her now. Doctor Burton nodded and said, As you wish, and started to leave. Then he stopped and turned back around. Here, he said, handing a key to Victor. This is a copy of the key for the room. A good deal of the patients are locked up for the night, but sometimes we have a problem with attendents not shutting the door properly. The patients like to take advantage of this sometime. Be sure to lock the door when you leave. Victor nodded, not understanding where the mans trust for a young person came from, but decided that it was fine either way. As Victor took the key, the doctor turned and walked through the door, closing it behind him.
Once again, the room was completely dark, with no light from the hall to brighten it. Victor looked down at Alice again, and settled back in the chair, preparing to fall asleep again. He closed his eyes, but heard the door open again. He rolled his eyes as he stood up.
What is wrong, Doctor Burton? he asked as he turned around, but didnt see anyone in the dark hallway, just beyond the open door. Shaking his head, and mumbling about the doctor not knowing how to shut a door, he closed the door and sat back down. Just as he did, the door opened again, this time very slowly, and the creaking sound it made sounded more like a scream then a creak. Victor looked to Alice to see if the sound had awoken her, but she hadnt stirred if she was awake, so he got up and tip-toed to th door again, this time, his breath quicker, and his heart beating a little faster then usual.
This time, he closed the door and locked it with the key Doctor Burton had given him. The lock worked on either side of the door, so he locked it, then tried to to open it. It wouldnt budge. Thoroughly pleased with his cleverness, he turned to sit down. The moment he turned, the door opened with a creak, and Victor felt himself shaking, his heart beating hard in his chest. He turned to see the door open fully, and suddenly a gust of wind blasted through the opening. It was cold, and chilled him deeply, but as soon as it started, it stopped, and Victor was panting as the peculiar wind ended.
Forgetting the door, he turned around to see if Alice was well, though he doubted that he himself was. When he looked to his cousin, he jumped, for Alice was sitting up straight, her rabbit held close to her, and her eyes wild with a fright.
Alice! Alice! Are you alright? He ran to her bedside and took her hand in his. As he did, she started to mumble something. He could barely understand her at first, but as she spoke, her voice grew louder and louder, each word seeming to have increased to a volume higher then the previous one. Victor would have been able to appreciate that these were the first words he had personally seen her speak, if he wasnt too terrified at the moment to think about it.
They call me back to heal the land, and bleed the sickness from her veins. To sooth her wounds and hold her hand, until her mind is sane again. And then Ill sleep without the fear; no voices, shivers or attacks. And if my sleepworlds free of tears, I think, perhaps, Ill not come back!
This last phrase was said with so much force, and was said so loudly, that Victor worried Alice was going beyond any form of madness she had before. She turned her eyes towards his, and he felt completely numb in her gaze. It was so terrifying, that he wanted to shut his eyes, but found that impossible. The wind had started again, this time as powerful as Alices voice had been, and it whipped around the room with a terrifying ferocity. Alices hair flew about wildly, and the rabbit that she clung to seemed almost alive. Its button eyes shone with a fire, and Victor started to back away from the pair. He stumbled against the wind, and tripped over the chair behind him. He couldnt even shout, he was so horrified by everything. The wind, the rantings of his cousin, the crazed look of her eyes, and then the stuffed rabbit. All of it was horribly overwhelming, but he couldnt close his eyes to escape it.
The door slammed close as he stumbled to it, and the wind died again. Victor, now probably as crazed as some of the patients turned when he heard bare feet step onto the cold floor. Alice was out of bed, and was walking towards him.
Stay back! Victor ordered, backed against the door as flat as he could. Alice ignored him, and continued to move forward. Suddenly, a voice called out from the bed, and both turned to see a small, white rabbit with a top hat, waist coat and pocket watch.
Please dont dawdle, Alice, it cried, We are very late indeed!
Alice only nodded to him, then turned back to Victor. The look she gave him was perhaps the most terrible yet, for it a was a smile. A sweet, innocent, and yet wicked smile, and Victor wanted to scream. However, he quickly found he had another reason to, for, from under the bed, a large crack crawled across the floor towards him and Alice. It spread out like a serpent, and then split apart, until it had completely covered the floor, like a giant, black spider web.
Victor followed the cracks trip with his eyes, and when it stopped, he looked back at his cousin. For a single moment, she seemed to be just as confused as he was, but Victor saw this for only a moment, for with a terrible crashing sound that rose to a crescendo in a mere moment, the entire floor fell away, and the inky blackness below swallowed him, Alice, and the Rabbit up.
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As he tumbled down the hole, screaming as he did, his hands stretched out for anything to stop his fall. The moonlight from above shone down the hole, and in its dim light, he saw things lining the hole. A broken cuckoo clock, book shelves, stoves and portraits, seem to hover about him as he fell. He looked around, above and below himself, and he couldnt see his cousin at all. The fall wasnt as fast as it started out as, and he seemed to descend into the darkness below very gently. It was very cold, and he rubbed his arms to ward off the goose bumps that climbed his arms.
Now I understand what Alice meant about falling downstairs, he mumbled to himself, I dont believe Ill think much of it either
He surprised himself, however, at how calm he had become. The whole situation in Alices room now seemed so trivial and ridiculous that he felt as though it happened all the time. Still, the rabbit, which, now that he thought of it, was the White Rabbit, was more then a little unnerving. Then, as he considered it, he realized as well that he must be falling down the Rabbit Hole. As a child, he had wanted nothing more then to do this, to fall down, down, down into Wonderland. However, there was also the fact that he always saw Alices tales as just that, tales. Day-dreams was all he heard when she told him about Wonderland, and the looking-glass, and never did he imagine that he would be falling down the rabbit-hole. But was Alice here with him? Where was she? Victor didnt know, but hoped that he would find out soon, for the light from above was becoming nothing more then a tiny speck. Soon, he was engulfed in darkness once again.
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Victor had no idea how long he had fallen, if he had fallen asleep as he was falling, or if he was even alive. There was no way to know anything, and so it came as a sweet relief when he felt his feet touching something solid. Of course, as he had not been moving his feet very much during the fall, they had fallen asleep on him, and when he landed, they fell out from underneath of him. His face hit the ground, and he got a mouthful of dead grass for his trouble. He pushed himself up, a scowl on his face as he spat out the vile-tasting grass, and found himself face to face with a cat who had a huge, and somewhat frightening, grin across its face.
The Cheshire Cat Victor whispered to himself. He recognized the smile, at least from what Alice had told him, but the rest of the cat certainly wasnt what he thought it should look like. It was tall, and rather emaciated, so much so that he could clearly see the cats skeleton beneath its it ragged fur.
Youve grown mangy cat, Victor heard a young woman say, and he stood up and turned to see his cousin coming from behind him. Alice no longer had her dreadful look, for her hair was now nicely brushed, and framed her still pale, but not nearly as thin, face. Her green eyes seemed to have a bit more life in them, and instead of her dingy patient clothes, she had on her blue dress and starched white apron. Already, Victor was confused, by not only by his cousins change in appearance, but also by the fact that she spoke.
And youve developed an attitude, the cat replied, Still willing to learn I hope. Now then, who is this? he asked, waving his paw towards Victor.
V-Victor Liddell, Victor answered, And may I say, this is somewhat of an honor for me.
The honor isnt mutual, the cat replied, then turned back to Alice for an explanation.
He is a cousin of mine, Alice replied, walking between Victor and the cat, Now then, just where is that rabbit? He owes me an explanation for his rude wake-up call.
I was only doing as I was told, the rabbit insisted, seeming to appear out of nowhere, After all, you were the one who sent me, Cheshire.
Victor listened to the bickering, and found that he was very confused indeed.
_________________ [img]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k56/veggie_02/tamaki02.gif[/img]
You Know You Love A French Prince! |
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Nilitac_Tesgrah Oldbie

Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 2496 Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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Vincent: :wacko: Long, but brilliant. I think I'm going to fall over now... *falls over* I just hope I don't get pulled into the world of Alice McGee!!
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... still kind of stuck.
~~ _________________ Best Quote Ever: "B&."- Said by multiple people.
Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage. |
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VincentValentine13 Forum Stalker

Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 1306 Location: Delaware, The United States of America
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, it's definitely long, but it's the only ay I can get people on here to read it! No one does on Fanfiction Critique, so this is the next best thing! _________________ [img]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k56/veggie_02/tamaki02.gif[/img]
You Know You Love A French Prince! |
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Nilitac_Tesgrah Oldbie

Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 2496 Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 4:20 am Post subject: |
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It was really good though. ^_^ And I, too, notice that not a lot of people read in Fanfiction Critiques. It makes Nilly sad.
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My muse stopped bugging me about continuing the fanfic, and here's the next bit of the chapter. I own nothing but Shizuka, the girls in her school, and the school, as well as The Golden Jewel Flute, which actually has a part in this fic that is later used. The dragon belongs to Japanese director, Miyazaki. (Can't remember the full name. TT_TT)
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She had always loved books, probably since the day she was old enough to read, and the librarian, a young woman with yellow-gradient-to-blue eyes, didn't slap her wrists for having her eyes open. "Afternoon, Shizuka," she said, her voice naturally quiet.
"Afternoon, Amane." Shizuka climbed a ladder and picked a book from the top shelf, humming quietly. Amane held her head to one side as Shizuka nimbly slid down the ladder and landed on her feet. The younger girl sat at a table and started reading; the older girl caught a glance of its title: [u][i]Dragon Histories[/i][/u]
"Why... Why would you read such a book?" she asked, a bit unnerved.
"I just want to know more about dragons." That was always her answer. She really didn't know the reason behind it, either; something compelled her to read books on dragons.
**
Just as the sun started to disappear behind the mountains, an unusual clamour of metal clashing shattered the stillness, and Amane darted out of the library. Shizuka snapped her book shut and ran after her, forgetting that she wasn't supposed to follow teachers in time of crisis.
The music room, which the librarian led her to, was a mess, what with the instruments thrown everywhere. Shizuka shut her eyes as the headmistress, an elderly woman, turned around.
"Shizuka, I confess to knowing you would come here. I need your help, and-" She took a quivering breath. "-you have to be able to see what you're doing. Open your eyes. What do you see?"
Shizuka opened her eyes, and instantly she knew something was wrong. The headmistress was holding the protective charm that had protected the Golden Jeweled Flute for centuries, and a trail of bright red blood led out of the door behind the case. "I see... I see a trail of blood leading to the... the Shinto garden..."
She was dimissed, but she headed straight to the garden immediately. She stopped at the bright red Shinto gate, her head bowed slightly in silent prayer because this was the borderline of the living half of the school from the spirit half, and she continued walking after a gentle breeze carressed her face. The gravel crunched under her wooden sandals; the smell of cherry trees and jasmine flowers drifted around her. Her foot stopped just above a large, dark puddle, and she quietly gasped when she saw something coiled at the base of a nearby cherry tree. It was a dragon: white scales shimmered faintly in the moonlight; a jade-green mane flung limply over the right side of its neck was matted; its mouth was open slightly as it struggled to breathe.
She took a step toward it hesitantly, and she flinched as it snarled at her. Numerous wounds bled on its long body, and blood dripped from its mouth. Its eyes were shut tightly against the pain.
"A-Are you alright?" Shizuka asked, receiving a low growl as her resonse. It looked at her, the snarl that had adorned its face fading when it realized she was afraid as well. It shook its long, graceful head before resting it back on the ground. She was snapped back to reality when she heard panicked yelling, and she kneeled beside the dragon and whispered urgently, "You can't stay here! Run away!"
A cold, steely hand threw her into another tree, and the last thing she saw before unconsciousness was the Shimasu Octuplets, the girls who had been in her dance class, giggling at her and the dragon, who was trying to break free of the headmistress's iron grip. She saw the grief-stricken face of Amane as her eyes shut, and she knew no more.
"Take them to the basement and chain them with iron," snapped the headmistress, a scowl making her already-wrinkled face look even worse. She tapped her arm as she added, "Find out if that dragon is male or female, while you eight are at it..."
~~
Cliff hangers are my life, and yet I hate them with a firey passion. Here's a preview of the next chapter.
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Chapter 2: I Promise I Won't Let Them Hurt You
When Shizuka finally awoke, she found a form laying limply over her waist; she saw a faint shimmer of white and knew it was the dragon. She tried to sit up, but found that she was chained. The rattling made her wince, and the green-and-white dragon lifted its head wearily to look at her. She thought her heart would break when she saw the sad look in its eyes, and she managed to lift a hand to rest on its long snout. [i]It's male; if he had been female he'd've been set free...[/i] she thought, sitting up and looking around. He raised up to walk off of her, and he collapsed not too far away from her. In her pocket, she found a small clump of seaweeds, which, upon her tasting a little, were bitter, and she gave him a little in the hopes they'd help him heal faster.
~~
I'm evil with cliffhangers and previews. _________________ Best Quote Ever: "B&."- Said by multiple people.
Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage. |
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend Has No Life

Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 509
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 11:11 am Post subject: |
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My class is about to end, so I'll add coments when I get home.
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One hundred candles burned around the room as Alyssa lay on the rug, looking over the pages. She wasnt really reading, more like just seeing the words. His face was plastered in her brain; he was all she thought about. Though, she didnt know why. It wasnt as if they were close or that they even knew each other at all. Alyssa had only seen him once and in that span of twenty seconds, she knew all about him. His blood type was AB, his favorite meal was four-cheese lasagna, and he almost died at the age of three when he fell into the lake near his home. She knew everything except his name.
But that wasnt anything new; she never knew their names. It just wasnt part of her gift, if you could actually call it a gift. Alyssa associated faces to the life; she knew more than half of the nation, yet no one had a name. Normally she wouldnt care, by now she would have probably forgotten about the person, but he was different. He didnt want to be put in the back of her mind like all the others, he wanted to be the center of attention, and he wanted to get to know her. She couldnt let that happen, no one was allowed access to that information. She was almost killed the last time someone got that close.
Alyssa sat up and stared at the steady falling snow outside. Her window was frosted over, letting only tiny bits of light through, but it was just enough to see the snow. She yawned and stood up to walk to the kitchen, ignoring the slight throbbing in her head. Alyssa neared the refrigerator, the pain at her temple was growing stronger, but still she ignored it. He was growing intrusive; he began demanding her attention more and more until she finally blacked out.
Darkness surrounded her, but she could feel his presence. This had never happened to her before, it wasnt normal for someone to be so forceful. Alyssa looked around, trying to adjust her eyes to her surroundings, but the dark was abnormal.
Why are you here? asked a rough voice. Alyssa jumped at the sound, she refused to answer. Why are you here? it repeated.
II dont know, you brought me here. She said slowly.
Did I now? Are you sure about that?
Yes, why in the world would I be here willingly? It was silent. Alyssa took a step forward and ran straight into him. Although she couldnt see through the thick blackness, she could feel that it was him. A part of her was terrified, but another part felt a bit overjoyed. It was comforting to know that she wasnt alone, but knowing who was with her was only fueling her fear.
Who are you? she asked. It was still silent. She could hear him breathing rapidly. He seemed to be getting closer. When his lips brushed against her ear she heard him say, I dont know.
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Nilitac_Tesgrah Oldbie

Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 2496 Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 4:59 am Post subject: |
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Lex, that was brilliant. Really, it was. I could see the darkness... the candles... everything. Just wow.
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Continuation of Chapter 2.
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Chapter 2: I Promise I Won't Let Them Hurt You
When Shizuka finally awoke, she found a form laying limply over her waist; she saw a faint shimmer of white and knew it was the dragon. She tried to sit up, but found that she was chained. The rattling made her wince, and the green-and-white dragon lifted its head wearily to look at her. She thought her heart would break when she saw the sad look in its eyes, and she managed to lift a hand to rest on its long snout. It's male; if he had been female he'd've been set free... she thought, sitting up and looking around. He raised up to walk off of her, and he collapsed not too far away from her. In her pocket, she found a small clump of seaweeds, which, upon her tasting a little, were bitter, and she gave him a little in the hopes they'd help him heal faster.
Almost instantly, he shuddered, and he spat out the three segments of the golden flute that Shizuka's headmistress valued so highly.She gently rubbed his side as he vomited a little, trying to help him calm down. Besides the flute itself, he seemed to have snatched some of the titanium triangles and one of the drumsticks used for the large, bearskin bass drum. When he finished dry heaving, he fell and lay still for a long moment. For a second, Shizuka thought she had killed him, but his tail and head slowly faded, and a boy of about seventeen lay where the dragon had been. The shackles that had held the dragon tightened considerably, but he didn't respond. She turned him onto his back, and she sighed in relief when she saw that he was breathing.
After a while, he opened his forest-jade eyes a little and winced as the gash in his right side bled freely, now that it had no scales to block the flow,. She restd a hand on the wound, and she said softly, "Don't move. You're hurt." He stared at her for a minute, then slowly sat up to avoid hurting himself further. However, he must have injured himself on the inside because he coughed up blood. After tying a bandage ripped from the tattered sheet on the ground nearby, she asked, "Who are you?" He took a shuddering breath before answering.
"KoHaku Nusu. Why are you helping a thief?"
"Because I'm not like the idiots here." She folded the sleeve of her sweater and wiped his mouth clean of blood. "Plus, I think I'm the only girl in this building that bothered to learn healing. Hold still: I think your right arm's broken in the elbow." She had him bite of piece of wood before she jabbed her own elbow into the crook of his right arm. He groaned in pain through the poor excuse for a bit, but he was otherwise silent. He wasn't accepting help, but he wasn't refusing; he wasn't in any condition to argue or or fight. She wrapped his arm in the poor excuse for a sheet and tied her sweater so that it could be used as an arm sling before looking at him. "I'm Shizuka. Before you ask, no, I don't have a last name as far as I'm concerned."
She sat across from him, staring sadly at her feet. "You really shouldn't have come here," she whispered, not looking at him. He looked at her, an eyebrow raised. "The headmistress will torture and kill you."
"Why do you care?" She smiled faintly.
"I just do. Also, if they catch you in your current form, they'll kill you the moment they see you. This is a female-only school."
He sighed. "That would probably be a better alternative to working for Yubaba... I broke a promise to a friend, and it's been six years since I last saw her."
"Who was she?"
"Her name was Chihiro-"
"She was my sister!" She froze, and looked back at her feet. He didn't respond directly to her suddenoutburst, but he said, "I don't suppose you know where she is..."
"I'm sorry to say so, but I haven't heard from her for about three years." She noticed that her voice was cracking.
Haku sat by her after a long silence, which only gave way to another uncomfortable pause. The fire boiler not five feet away went out suddenly, making the room go icy cold. The thick smell of mold and must combined wrapped around them. Sighing, Shizuka stood up and walked over to the boiler. She threw a single coal on the faintly smouldering ashes, along with a block of dried oak, and reached into the pile and buried her hand under everything. He watched her, wondering silently if she was crazy, but a glow appeared in the small cave that was the heart of the old-fashioned furnace.
"I'm one eighth fire dragon," she said flatly, puling her now soot-covered hand out of the warm, crackling fire.
~~
That's all I have for the moment. Normally, my chapters are about two or three short paragraphs, but I have a lot planned for this fanfic. ^_^ _________________ Best Quote Ever: "B&."- Said by multiple people.
Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage. |
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VincentValentine13 Forum Stalker

Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 1306 Location: Delaware, The United States of America
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 5:09 am Post subject: |
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Alice was dozing contentedly under the warm sun. The bright, radiating light shone down onto the shining tea cups and teapots that were scattered about on the white table cloth. Alices eyes drifted about stupidly from the chair across from her to the one next to her, the one where the Mad Hatter was seated, sipping his tea and chattering to the March Hare. The Hare sat on the other side of the Dormouse, and the Hatter and the Hare had, once again, propped their elbows up on the poor creature as he snoozed.
Would you care for some more tea, my dear? the Hatter asked, turning to Alice. He removed his tall, pale green hat with a price tag still on it, to reveal a teapot perched precariously on his head.
I havent had any yet, Alice replied, snapping awake, So I couldnt possibly have more.
Ah, you mean you couldnt have any less, the Hatter answered, taking the teapot off his head and pouring some tea into Alices tea cup, You can always take more of something!
Lets hear a story! the March Hare declared suddenly, I think Alice should tell us one this time. The Dormouse always tells the one about the three sisters and the treacle well, and Im growing quite bored with it!
Well, what sort of story should I tell you? Alice asked, still not quite conscious to the conversation. She felt dreadfully tired for some reason, and just couldnt bring herself fully awake.
Recite something for us! the Hatter said in an almost demanding tone.
Yes, I do love a good recitation! the March Hare agreed, They are ever so lovely!
Very lovely, very lovely the Dormouse mumbled.
Wake up, Dormie! Hatter said cheerfully, knocking the Dormouse on the head with a spoon, Its time for the tea party!
So, shall I begin? Alice asked, rubbing her eyes.
Yes, please do, said the Hare, Before you fall asleep like the Dormouse here!
And when you come to the end, the Hatter added, Stop.
Very well, Alice answered, How about this? They told me you had been to her, and mentioned me to him. She gave me a good character, but said I could not swim
Alice had really meant to say a rhyme she had learned last year, before she began to come regularly to Wonderland, but this set of verses came to mind instead. And since she felt too drowsy to try and think of something else, she went ahead and said them.
Why, that was the shortest story I have ever heard! the March Hare proclaimed.
Yes, the Mad Hatter nodded, sounding rather irritated, It was much too short! You must tell us another!
Another? Alice asked wearily, but didnt argue and instead asked, So, why dont I tell you of the most darling thing Dinah did the other day?
Im sure I dont really care, the Hatter said haughtily, But I shall listen anyway. Now, who is this Dinah again?
Why, Dinahs my cat- Alice answered. However, the moment she said cat, the Dormouse shot wide awake, shaking violently.
Cat!? Cat!? Where is a cat!? And with that, he sprung upon the table, knocking over three tea cups, a sugar bowl, and a platter of butter.
Grab him! the Hatter cried, reaching for the panicked Dormouse. The Dormouse rushed to other end of the table, squealing about cats, with March Hare and the Mad Hatter hot on his heels, both crushing crumpets and sugar cubes and kicking over just as many tea cups as the Mouse, and though the whole scene was pandemonium, Alice laid her head down on her arms on the table and fell asleep. Meanwhile, the Hatter had grabbed a teapot and was trying to pour tea onto the Dormouses nose, while the March Hare held him by the tail.
This hot tea shall calm him down! the Hatter explained to the Hare.
Is it Darjeeling? I should like some of that afterwards if you dont mind, the Hare said quickly.
But of course, the Hatter smiled, completely forgetting about the Dormouse, and reaching for another tea cup. At this point, the Dormouse was still in a panic, and had finally managed to pull its tail free from the Hares grasp. It rushed down the table again, and knocked into a lantern that was hanging above the table by a string that was hung from two trees. The lantern fell onto the table, shattering the glass as the oil spilt everywhere. The tiny flame in the lantern quickly spread over the oil, and soon, there was a small blaze right in the middle of the tea table.
The Dormouse, having seen what it had done, had hopped off the table and was running about in circles around the table shouting, Aaah! Oh dear! Oh dear! Meanwhile, the Hatter rushed to Alice and was shaking her furiously.
Wake up, Alice! Wake up! he cried, just as frightened as the Dormouse.
You must save Alice! the Hare shouted above all the noise.
You must save Alice!
Alice jerked awake from her bed, where she had been sleeping for the past hour.
Glancing around the dim bedroom, she thought that everything was in a haze, and found that it was not from the bleariness of her eyes (as eyes usually are after you have slept for a while) but instead from the dark billows of smoke puffing up from the doorway of her room.
Mum! Father! Alice cried, very frightened as she heard a window shatter down the hall. She jumped off her bed and ran to the door, but the brass handle was hot, and a red glow beneath it, along with the smoke, drove her away from it.
Get out, Alice! she heard her mother scream. Having no other way out of her room, Alice gathered all the courage her little eight-year old body had, and threw open the door, only to step into an inferno in the hallway.
The horror that filled her was as overwhelming as the heat. Flames ran up and down the hall, doors and rafters had fallen in on themselves, the blue wallpaper peeling of the wall and the glue melting before it fell to the floor. Her fathers study, the one nearest her own bedroom, was completely engulfed in the raging fire, and from inside, she could hear the horrible sounds of Dinah and her kittens as they squealed to escape. The doorframe had fallen in, blocking off the room, except for the top, where Alice could see Dinah, her beloved cat, and her litter of kittens, scrambling about to avoid the fire and falling debris.
Dinah! Alice cried, trying to move aside some of the charred wood, but the flames bit her hands, and she found she had to leave the blocked entrance to avoid a falling piece of the ceiling.
Save yourself, Alice! Get out of the house! she heard her father yell, and Alice ran to her parents room, avoiding the holes in the floor, her eyes burning from tears, smoke and ashes. The orange and red glow continued to intensify as she made her way through the collapsing hall, her mind bent on nothing else but getting to her parents room. Her parents room was also blocked by debris, and from inside she could only listen as her father tried to comfort the terrified voices and screams of his wife and Alices older sister. Mother! Father! Wendy! Im scared! she screamed to them, Please! I want you, mummy!
Get out, Alice, now! her father cried again, and Alice found herself obeying. She couldnt resist the pull to run, though she wanted nothing more then to go back to her family, but found that there was nothing for it. Her body seemed to be running on its own, and she could only watch as she went back down the stairs, all the way to the bottom floor now, towards the front door. The first floor didnt seem to be touched by the fire yet, but Alice barely noticed through the tears streaming down her face.
She finally reached the front door, and was climbing down the stairs when she heard one, final scream.
Alice!
She turned when she heard her mothers scream, and was met with a huge wave of heat. It knocked her backwards, and her foot slipped on the edge of the first step, which was covered with ice and snow. She fell backwards, knocking her head against the stone stair and landed in the snow at the base with a thud. The last thing she saw and heard was the sound of her mothers long and pained scream, combined with the collapsing of her home into a burning pile of flames, as sparks shot up into the sky like thousands of red and orange fireflies.
Wonderland.where are you now? _________________ [img]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k56/veggie_02/tamaki02.gif[/img]
You Know You Love A French Prince! |
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ErdeKaiser Forum Scalleywag

Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 947 Location: New York
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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Hey good. _________________ [URL=http://z3.invisionfree.com/ErdeKaiser/index.php?act=idx][img]http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i168/Erdey/Banners/BB2.jpg[/img][/URL] |
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Nilitac_Tesgrah Oldbie

Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 2496 Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:51 am Post subject: |
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*falls over* Vincent, pleaaase use the enter key more than you did... big... jumble... of text... It was good, but I think my eyes are bleeding. X_x
~~
Continuation of Chapter 2: I promise I won't Let Them Hurt You. Yes, I am posting the whole chapter. -.-;
~~
Chapter 2: I Promise I Won't Let Them Hurt You
When Shizuka finally awoke, she found a form laying limply over her waist; she saw a faint shimmer of white and knew it was the dragon. She tried to sit up, but found that she was chained. The rattling made her wince, and the green-and-white dragon lifted its head wearily to look at her. She thought her heart would break when she saw the sad look in its eyes, and she managed to lift a hand to rest on its long snout. It's male; if he had been female he'd've been set free... she thought, sitting up and looking around. He raised up to walk off of her, and he collapsed not too far away from her. In her pocket, she found a small clump of seaweeds, which, upon her tasting a little, were bitter, and she gave him a little in the hopes they'd help him heal faster.
Almost instantly, he shuddered, and he spat out the three segments of the golden flute that Shizuka's headmistress valued so highly. She gently rubbed his side as he vomited a little, trying to help him calm down. Besides the flute itself, he seemed to have snatched some of the titanium triangles and one of the drumsticks used for the large, bearskin bass drum. When he finished dry heaving, he fell and lay still for a long moment. For a second, Shizuka thought she had killed him, but his tail and head slowly faded, and a boy of about seventeen lay where the dragon had been. The shackles that had held the dragon tightened considerably, but he didn't respond. She turned him onto his back, and she sighed in relief when she saw that he was breathing.
After a while, he opened his forest-jade eyes a little and winced as the gash in his right side bled freely, now that it had no scales to block the flow,. She restd a hand on the wound, and she said softly, "Don't move. You're hurt." He stared at her for a minute, then slowly sat up to avoid hurting himself further. However, he must have injured himself on the inside because he coughed up blood. After tying a bandage ripped from the tattered sheet on the ground nearby, she asked, "Who are you?" He took a shuddering breath before answering.
"KoHaku Nusu. Why are you helping a thief?"
"Because I'm not like the idiots here." She folded the sleeve of her sweater and wiped his mouth clean of blood. "Plus, I think I'm the only girl in this building that bothered to learn healing. Hold still: I think your right arm's broken in the elbow." She had him bite of piece of wood before she jabbed her own elbow into the crook of his right arm. He groaned in pain through the poor excuse for a bit, but he was otherwise silent. He wasn't accepting help, but he wasn't refusing; he wasn't in any condition to argue or or fight. She wrapped his arm in the poor excuse for a sheet and tied her sweater so that it could be used as an arm sling before looking at him. "I'm Shizuka. Before you ask, no, I don't have a last name as far as I'm concerned."
She sat across from him, staring sadly at her feet. "You really shouldn't have come here," she whispered, not looking at him. He looked at her, an eyebrow raised. "The headmistress will torture and kill you."
"Why do you care?" She smiled faintly.
"I just do. Also, if they catch you in your current form, they'll kill you the moment they see you. This is a female-only school."
He sighed. "That would probably be a better alternative to working for Yubaba... I broke a promise to a friend, and it's been six years since I last saw her."
"Who was she?"
"Her name was Chihiro-"
"She was my sister!" She froze, and looked back at her feet. He didn't respond directly to her suddenoutburst, but he said, "I don't suppose you know where she is..."
"I'm sorry to say so, but I haven't heard from her for about three years." She noticed that her voice was cracking.
Haku sat by her after a long silence, which only gave way to another uncomfortable pause. The fire boiler not five feet away went out suddenly, making the room go icy cold. The thick smell of mold and must combined wrapped around them. Sighing, Shizuka stood up and walked over to the boiler. She threw a single coal on the faintly smouldering ashes, along with a block of dried oak, and reached into the pile and buried her hand under everything. He watched her, wondering silently if she was crazy, but a glow appeared in the small cave that was the heart of the old-fashioned furnace.
"I'm one eighth fire dragon," she said flatly, puling her now soot-covered hand out of the warm, crackling fire. She waved her fingers around, watching as the soot drift to the ground in front of her. Haku stood up and walked to stand by her, watching the flames.
"I'm a water dragon, as you saw." He sat down and closed his eyes.
The silence was punctuated only by the snapping of the fire, as well as the sounds of mice scuttling around. It seemed that Shizuka had fallen asleep, for her eyes were closed while she was sitting, but eventually she whispered, "Do you really want to know where Chihiro is?"
"More than anything else."
"She... She d-died. In a fire, three y-years ago. Her and my ancestor, a fire dragon, kept the flames away from her, but something in the smoke damaged her lungs so badly that... that it killed her." Her voice broke without warning, and she pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed into her arms. Haky stared into the fire, his mouth opened slightly in shock, but after a moment or so his mouth set itself into a grim line before he moved away. He turned into his dragon form and curled up into a tight coil. Shizuka hardly heard him. She hadn't thought about her sister's death since last year...
She jumped when she felt a tail rest on her shoulder, and when she saw it was only Haku, she smiled waterily. "I promise I won't let them hurt you," she whispered. She curled up by him without really realizing it because she was so tired, and she fell asleep. He watched her sleep for a long while, then rested his graceful head on the ground, his white whiskers wavering slightly in his breath.
*change of scene*
The headmistress looked at the railroad leading away from the school, frowning when she saw that the water level was still rising, even after the dragon had been knocked unconscious. Her arthritis crippled right hand gripped the railing of the balcony as a paper dragonfly fluttered toward her. It landed on the rail, and the almost-transparent image of Zeniba, Yubaba's kindly identical twin sister, appeared.
She casually examined herself, muttering [i]Still transparent, gotta work on that...[/i], and said, still looking at herself, "I hear you captured a dragon of the river. If you don't let him go, I'll see to it myself that you suffer as much as he does."
"Oh, buzz off, Wrinkle Winkle. It is my business, not yours," the solid woman snapped, swiping at the image. Her particularily sharp nails sliced the paper dragonfly to shreds.
"Oww, papercut..." Zeniba's image groaned, falling to pieces below and fading out of sight. The old woman on the balcony looked back at the waters, noticing for the first time that the normally crystalline surface had become a bright, transparent crimson.
"So the dragon's heart is bleeding, is it?" she said softly, smirking faintly as she turned around and walked into the building.
~~
Ooooo, another cliffy... *gets hit by a saucepan* X_x Something about it bugs me though... Haku just seems so out of character. X_x _________________ Best Quote Ever: "B&."- Said by multiple people.
Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage. |
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VincentValentine13 Forum Stalker

Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 1306 Location: Delaware, The United States of America
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:03 am Post subject: |
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There, I fixed it! ^_^ _________________ [img]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k56/veggie_02/tamaki02.gif[/img]
You Know You Love A French Prince! |
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theWriter Very Oldbie

Joined: 19 Nov 2005 Posts: 2689 Location: Big Sky Country
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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I haven't written here in many a while.
Once again, a revenge story. Damn, do you know that that is the most common archetypal plot known to man? And though I hate it, I love it too. I'm not angry. Just...frustrated periodically.
~~
"Have I seen you before?" she said, head cocked and eyes scanning, investigating. I glanced over at her side to see a small girl, damn, she couldn't be older than five, staring up at me with big green eyes, framed with these beautiful long, black eyelashes. Black hair, green eyes...She is going to grow up to be gorgeous.
I rolled my eyes and showed my teeth in a grin. "Naw. I get that a lot, though."
She blinked, slowly, as though evaluating, than shrugged. "I'm sorry."
"Not a problem." I said.
She gave me that apologetic, half-impatient smile that people do when they fucked up but don't want to accept it, then slowly turned on her heel and began to walk away. I knew that my eyes were following her as she slowly slid into one of the aisles. Before she did, though, the little girl quickly swiveled her head and gave me a knowing look, a confused look as though she knew me.
I felt myself echoing my earlier statement, staring without blinking at the distance, still seeing that little girl and her mother.
"Not a problem."
~~~
[i]"Have I seen you before?"[/i]
Yes, actually. Though there were some changes in the process...
[i]Stare at the face staring back at me. The cheekbones are definetely more pronounced, and I know that something changed about my noes and lips. Gingerly I bring a shaking hand up to the face that now has a stranger blinking at me and know that something has happened and now I'm forced to act upon it. [/i]
So, did you think I'd forget?
[i]Load the rifle. Is it clean? Yes. Oiled? Yes?
Are you ready for this?
I am.[/i]
I never forgot, sweetie-pie. Never forgot. You stole her from me. You stole her straight from me.
[i]Blood...So much of it...Where's the telephone. Where is the telep--[/i]
I never got to watch her grow. Never really did.
Bitch.
[i]"Watch your sights, your flanks, and everything around you. For Chrissakes, you're sniping a woman in broad daylight. You might not make it out alive. So watch. Where are the cops. Where are any witnesses?"[/i]
Did you think I'd never find out? I knew that something was up. I knew that you were going to do something. But I never guessed it would be this severe. Never guessed that it would be like it was.
[i]"Can I help you?" A polite smile, lips over teeth, eyes warily scanning this stranger that stands before me on my doorstep.
"Yeah," he says quietly. There's a motion, I lean backwards to have a gun at my throat. "First you can die, asshole."[/i]
So get ready, Yelena. Get the hell ready. I'm not stopping this time. Not at all.
It's a beautiful day to die...
[i]"You lost nearly two-thirds of your blood, Mr. Dawson...and was shot over fifteen times, six of those shots striking the upper torso and your face. The rest? Well, obviously from the blood loss and bruises you'd assume that vital organs have been hit..."[/i]
It's wrong to make her see this. It's wrong to make her witness the death of her own mother.
[i]There, do you see her? Leaving the store. Get ready. Crouch behind that brick. Make sure you're slightly hidden. Just enough...Just enough.[/i]
But you killed me. I remember you standing over me and smiling. Now that hubby's dead, you can run off with your boyfriend. Perfect scheme, isn't it?
No.
You were sadly mistaken, Yelena. Sadly.
So am I dead?
[i]Yes.[/i]
But you forget. Revenge is a powerful elixir. It cures even the deadest of men to fight back. I thought you knew that. I really thought I did.
As a parting shot, would saying that you sure proved the death of me make me satisfied?
[i]The sight is now focused. She is right at the epicenter. Right there. Face is in the crosshairs. There are people around her, swarming, like ants. That's what humans are. We're ants that think we're powerful, all mighty, all knowing. But the reality is, we're ants, prone to...death. Prone to...helplessness. We are all little creatures on a planet that could care less.
There. The parking lot. Watch her. Watch her carefully. She's walking towards the care, bending down, reaching for the keys. Move, Danielle, please, move out of the way.
Good. Rise. Stiffen your back. Get the keys in the lock. Perfect. Now stay right there. Just...right...there... [/i]
Maybe a parting shot (pun intended, maybe.) would not be the best thing. No, now that I think of it, that wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't be satisifed.
But I know one thing that will.
I'm caressing the trigger, Yelena. It takes an ounce of pressure and you are gone. Completely gone. Your soul? Nevermore. I have a power and you don't. I am alive and you are not. My eye is down in the sight, and I'm watching you make your last moves. Watching you get prepared to step into a car and drive home, giddy as a tapeworm in a meet patty. But guess what?
The tables have turned, Yelena. I know that saying something won't make me happy. It won't bring back what I had had.
But this will.
Ready...
[i]Blood is rushing to the head, adrenaline surging...[/i]
Aim...
[i]This won't hurt. Not at all...[/i]
Fire.
Blink.
Goodbye, Yelena. _________________ [color=red][url=http://www.fanart-central.net/user-theWriter.php]What[/url] [url=http://untitledroadway.deviantart.com/] does[/url] [url=http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1015309/] it all[/url] [url=http://www.fictionpress.com/~thetwilightpen] MEAN?[/url][/color] |
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Nilitac_Tesgrah Oldbie

Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 2496 Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.
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Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 4:13 am Post subject: |
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Megan, that was excellent. ^_^ Just a bit of confusion though... what's going on? o.o It's a bit vague... But then, I got up not five minutes ago so... everything's vague...
~~
Got up in the middle of the night, switched the radio to the country music station, heard "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts, was inspired and wrote this. Then fell asleep. Sira is mine... Well, she's the only character in this besides her ass parents, who are owned by all in the Nerve Gas RP. Mentions of other characters... Here's the owning of them:
Zekk: Shara
Astri: Evann
Emily: Kikoro and a random jock from the start of the RP
Nilly(me): Sira, brothers of Sira, sister of Sira, ex-bf of Sira
I think that's it... I always give credit where credit is due.
Song in italics by Rascal Flatts, as stated. Fraction of song Sira sings (tongue twister. ) is Japanese version of Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru
This is basically what happened the day before Kikoro found that Sira was being abused by her dad, and her mom couldn't and wouldn't do anything about it.
~~
Sira opened her deep blue eyes and stared at the ceiling of her room, seeing the lyrics of songs written on it. Her eyes wandered to a verse on the wall next to her.
[i]I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me[/i]
She didn't wipe the single tear that fell from her right eye as she remembered how her three brothers died. The one thing that could've saved them hadn't worked. Stupid brakes... She sat up, sobbing quietly. Her red hair fell in her face, but she didn't brush it away. She looked up at the suitcases and packed boxes in one corner of her room, hidden by the open closet door, and smiled faintly. At least she was leaving this rathole one day.
[i]What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin to do [/i]
Breakfast was the same as it always was: Dad yelling, Mom crying, older sister running out of the room with a bloodied nose from Dad. Sira always got slapped, either for simply having an elbow on the table or from dropping her spoon. Whatever was going through her father's head was beyond her.
After school, she came home around three thirty to find that her father was still at work, and she went upstairs to grab her acoustic guitar. She found a note from her father that said that if she wasn't home by the time he was back at six o'clock, she wasn't allowed in the house. She rolled her eyes; she really didn't care if she was allowed in or not. She looked at a photo on her dresser, and she felt her throat clench shut.
[i]Its hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But Im doin it
Its hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and Im alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken[/i]
It was a picture of her now ex-boyfriend and herself, happy and laughing. She blinked back tears, and jogged out of the house. Quietly, she sang a favorite song, though it was in Japanese and she got some of it wrong. "Imadoki yakusoku nante fuan ni saseru dakekana negai wo kuchi ni shitaidake sagasou kunimo shoukai suruyo kitto umaku ikuyo..."
[i]What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do [/i]
That night, after Kikoro found out about her father being abusive, Sira didn't leave her room at all. She stared out the window, tears running down her face.
[i]What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do [/i]
Sira lay down on the bed, still wearing her jeans and t-shirt. She drifted to sleep, still crying. She really missed having Rano, her ex, to talk to... but he had died along with her brothers.
[i]Not seeing that lovin' you
Is what I was trying to do...[/i]
~~
It came out worse than I thought. X_x _________________ Best Quote Ever: "B&."- Said by multiple people.
Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage. |
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Alpha_zero Forum Stalker

Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 1696 Location: Over there!
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Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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@Nilly: that was qite touching. Though it seemed slightly rushed, with the time of day changing so quickly, but otherwise it was very good.
Chapter two of Raven. The claws of life. I was running out of inspiration, so I added in some new characters, and this is where it all begins to take off...
Chapter two-The claws of life
The ship clumsily battled through earths atmosphere, thundering through it like a fireball in water. Suddenly, it calmed, and was zooming away, towards the land below it. Northern America, home to Raven wood, and the city of Afrethen, with the capacity to home 600000, but only the ability to job 200 of those thousand. That sort of trouble was casing America, Europe and Asia in rock, etching a future into young peoples mind.
The only place with capacity to hold them was earths now vast army. Raven was among one of last generations with the choice. Serve in the army, or suffer the mocking laughter of the world.
Raven spun the ships drop motors downwards, to slow the drop, throwing wind and air gushing over the landing joint. A branch of special factionists marched forwards to greet those who left the craft.
They stood, waiting, unmoving, and imposing. The automatic doors began to whir, and dropped to form a ramp, which the squad marched down, guns raised ready to fire should the need arise.
Raven nodded to the captain of the unit of special factionists, signalling he was an ally, and an important one at that. He led the soldiers to a large, blast-proof door, as were almost all of the army doors, and through it.
The skyscraper fingered the sky, like a hand twisting away upwards. It leapt 103 storeys, into the polluted sky, and watched as ships went about on their business, 300 feet from the earths surface.
Raven slowed his pace, as did his men, slouching slightly, letting their guns drop, and their guard. Now they were past this levels unit of special factionists, they were safe. Get on the wrong side of the faction, and expect more than just an ear bashing.
Raven was over-commander of the special faction, the silent commander, or silent partner. Though he owned a lot of it, he wasnt referred to during meetings, or as an equal to the faction. Instead, he was considered simply a bright, slightly arrogant s**t that worked in lesser realms of earths army.
Together, the group crowded into a lift, and somehow managed to tap a button sending them downwards. Suddenly, with a groan, and a small bounce that almost knocked Raven off his feet, but for the men around him that cushioned him.
Ok, guys file out, and take your leave. You all thoroughly deserve it!
SIR! They all shouted, attempted to salute with terrible results. There was a scrambling as a number of them were squeezed from the lifts interior, snorting indignantly. Others were simply crushed against walls.
And if youre going to ever salute to me in a lift again, which we SHOULDNT, let me get out first Raven groaned, pushing away the armoured bodysuits that were crowding around him.
There was a low rumble of Sorry Sir as the left the elevator. Raven grinned behind his helmet, tapping another button, and whizzing with the elevator to the commanders office.
There was a TING and the sleek metal lift opened.
What was revealed was a savage sight. Instead of being greeted by a smart man behind a large oak desk, Raven was thrust a ragged and tattered room, full of destruction and blaster shots.
There was a blooded body on the floor; its once precious life resource now a stain on the carpet. The windows were smashed, and a crater was carved in the mantel, probably rockets.
This was an assignation, probably of Fendrin doing. Raven scrambled out of the lift and over the desk to the blooded body. He leant down examining it, and tapping a button on the desk. EMERGENCY! THE COMMANDER IS DEAD, REPEAT, DEAD! SEND RESPONSE TEAM NOW!
He darted back over to the wall of windows; examining the shards they littered the floor. Moving faster every time he got up, Raven moved to the automatic doors, situated on the right wall, away from the windows and opposite the elevator.
Claw marks were drawn deep across the metal frame, as though an attempt to escape had been made. There were scorch marks around it, and a tiny flame. The disintegrator ray, had struck here.
Just to check, Raven felt along the doors wall, and found the small door. He swung it open, finding the commanders weapon stash. Sure enough the disintegrator ray was gone.
Then, without warning, the automatic door swooshed open in a rush of steam.
FREEZE! Shouted the first man to enter, swinging to face Raven, and raising his Auto-Rifle.
Woah big guy Said raven, raising his hands in mock fear. Please dont shoot!
Raven? the soldier inquired, inspecting the battle armour, and the scras if battle that were stretched across.
The one and only
Whatre you doing up here? Did you kill the Commander?
What do you think I am a communist?
A Fendrin is disguise? A Morphon? (Morphon: A breed of Fendrin with the ability to shape-shift)
Nope
Ok then, whats your business around here?
Around them response was searching everything, everywhere for Fendrin, but finding none.
Came to see the commander. And hey.--he called to the response team. --Youre wasting youre time! Theyve gone--And he pointed to the window.
The Flash 990 (Nine ninety) craft pondered over the launch bays of Afrathens Raven wood tower, before revving its deep engines and speeding out across the busy skyline. It contained a tall man, with a head covered by a sleek helmet, and a shinning visor reflecting the little light that clambered through the dark glass.
This is Fusion, Ravens good friend and battle partner. They had always fought together until Raven was claimed by the special faction, and classed as a member of the army.
Fusion is a specialist, a soldier who can fight and battle with anyone, and anywhere he likes, assuming he following orders loosely. He has a suit designed to his specifications, with adjustable arm cannon.
Fusion grunted as he turned away from the city, diving down into the woodland area. The sleek, rounded Flask 990 purred happily through the tree line, until suddenly the Raven wood complex stretched ahead of him. He lowered his speeding car, nudging the gears into third, quickly followed by second, then first.
He opened the doors, and looked as he saw Raven beneath him, staring at the sky and arcing his head with the hover ship. Neither could see it, but both were smiling behind their helmets. The team was being rebuilt; the league of earths defenders was being reformed.
Fusion pulled out over the landing bays, stabbing the gears into landing mode and fiddling with the height control. Then, he lurched downwards, clattering to the metal floor.
Raven was already there waiting for him. Before any words were spoken, they embraced, lowering their visors.
Brother! exclaimed Raven. How long has it been? Two, three years?
Three grinned Fusion, pulling from the embrace. I see you have recalled us. Where are the others?
Youre the first said Raven, looking at the empty sky. I have plans. Were all to go specialist again, its been fixed by earths current leader. I do not trust Kellman, but he as good a man as any to lead us into the war ahead
Another larger ship cruised across the sky. It bore the marks X-19 V63.
Look said Raven pointing to the craft, Its Crome!
Indeed it was the silver armoured section commander Raven and Fusion had both known in their earlier days, during the phantom conflict.
Cromes craft landed in the same bay, and there was a scuffle behind the heavy doors then a whir. The doors slowly rolled open, revealing the shiny armour that Raven and Fusion knew so well.
Brothers! said Crome, looking down at them and lowering her visor. Crome walked elegantly down the doors as they closed. She hopped off at the end, smiling. It has been too long
Yes agreed Fusion with a nod. But we are the only arrivals, as of yet He trailed off as a bright and fast land-buggy slid around the corner and into the parking bays among other different land-craft.
From its interior slid a young Asian male, enamoured with simply a loose jacket and a blue T-short underneath bearing the words AND WHAT? emblazoned across it.
Raven laughed the moment he saw him. Hellstag?
The Asian turned to him, and grinned a wide grin. Raven he mocked, raising a fist and attempting to hit Ravens. Raven sighed and balled his hand into a fist.
Safe said Hellstag. Kept it tight in the army then, bro
Raven snorted. Yeah, spose most of us have
You is well stupid man, big up the street life, blads
Raven groaned, and Crome butted in with Blads?
Init yo!
Fusion moaned out loud, rubbing his eyes. Knew thisd happen. But nooo does anyone listen to Fusion when he says releasing him from the army would be dangerous to his mind!
Release me into wild yo!
Raven committed an act of blasphemy, and then pushed Hellstag over into the dust. Hellstag just laughed, and got up brushing himself down. Ok, Ill be serious now
Raven raised an eyebrow.
Really! he protested, backing away.
They all laughed out loud, as Raven beckoned for them to enter the drop-station, housing all those who had recently landed here and hadnt been allocated a section yet.
They sat and discussed old times for about an hour, when they decided to knock off, and head to the command section the Raven wood complex, where they would bed that night.
The following day, they all met in the command centre, where they would be briefed on their missions. All were groaning and stretching in their armoured suits as they greeted each other in the wide room.
Kellman, earths current leader strode in briskly saying Straight to work!
Raven slumped back into a seat, after shaking hands with Magraff, the final addition to the fighting team.
Kellman was quickly joined by Harry Geldoff (Some relation to Bob ) and Gerry Greenings, two very important figures in todays politics.
He sighed, and opened his mouth, decided not to, and licked his lips. He waited a moment, as if deciding exactly how to phrase his words.
Uh, these are desperate times he started shakily, but braised himself and continued. Earth has come under much fire in the last month, most of all the loss of our much esteemed leader. I believe it is a time for action, a time for us to eliminate the threat that darkens our skies every day!
What do you suggest though? Crome cut in, raising a hand. Theyve dug themselves in at the Nevada. The desert is officially off-limits to anyone
We should dig in then said Kellman, getting into his stride.
What, begin to fight them in open combat? asked Raven.
Yes!
Raven rolled his eyes. Bit cocky arent we? Its not like well do what they did in the early days of the phantom. This is our chance to establish ourselves in this universe, not to blow it away and pretend it didnt happen-!
-But Hellstag interrupted. This isnt a chance, not a game, its for real. No mistakes! Let us infiltrate and get some intelligence. Up until now, weve got nothing!
Risky moaned Fusion from the back. Taking a risk, not enough known to even infiltrate their bases. Too fucking dangerous
So we sit and let them make the first move! cried Kellman indignantly.
Whos actually fought with these monsters?
Everyones heads turned to Raven, and the calmness within his tone.
YouI suppose said Fusion.
Right, so why arent we taking that into consideration. Theyve made their move, and their waiting for ours. Assassinating Georges
Good point Said Crome, adjusting her position. So, maybe we do dig in, and prepare for the worst. Elite up there, high defences, heavy armour and probe them
Like it Said Hellstag, nodding as a grin spread over his face.
Fusion nodded as well. Whats to lose?
Raven remained solemn. Kellman was rubbing his hands together worriedly, as if this was going all wrong.
Go for it He eventually said, leaning back once more.
Kellman looked at his fellow politicians behind him _________________ I came
I saw
I ripped over a damn rock. |
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VincentValentine13 Forum Stalker

Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 1306 Location: Delaware, The United States of America
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:16 am Post subject: |
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Great job all of you!
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February 6, 1867, 8:00 a.m.
I, Doctor Theodore Pensington, being of sound mind and body, do write this first entry in my medical journal before beginning my time at the Rutledges Mental Institution. While I have been in the psycological practice for ten years now, I still have very much to learn. I must also confess that I am rather nervous about my new place of employment. I have heard dreadful stories coming out of that place, most of which would frighten anyone not used to such things. I, however, am, and despite the chilling tales I have been told, I shall brave the unknown and discover what knowledge awaits me within the dark and dreary confines of Rutledges.
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February 6, 1867, 11:00 a.m.
I have just received my first patient assignment. She suffered from a series of peculiar hallucinations as a child, and though they are clearly fantastic in nature, the patient insisted for a year they were true. Then, a year after the original hallucinations, the patient underwent another attack, once again returning to reality and stating that the visions actually happened. The urgency with which the patient so fervently described them to family and friends would show the firm belief in the hallucinations. However, that is not the full reason the patient is within Rutledges.
After the second set of hallucinations, the patients home and family were the victims of a terrible blaze. The patient lost both parents, as well as almost all personal belongings. This, in conjunction with the frequent hallucinatory attacks during the time spent in the hospital to recover form wounds received during the blaze, is the reason the patient is here.
The circumstances with which the patient has gone through to end up here are quite disheartening, but I shall not allow that to interfere with my work. The patient, a one Alice Liddell, has had but one visitor during her time in Rutledges, a Mr. Lewis Carroll.
It is now past medication and feeding time. That means I may go and see my patient for the first time. I shall continue my report later.
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February 6, 1867, 6:00 p.m.
I have spent a good deal of time with Alice, and on my first day meeting her too. As I stepped into the room, my eyes were met by her own, a vibrant green, though quite empty. She is so skinny that it would seem she has barely eaten. My superior, Doctor Edward Stanton, informed me that she never has much of an appetite, and is sometimes forced to eat to keep her from starving. This is disturbing, for it means that the will to live on is, in itself, deteriorating.
Besides that, it would seem that, speaking strictly from appearances, she is the same as any other patient. Her hair is a tangled mess; one would think that it had never seen a comb. Her face is a bit grungy, probably from the dirty bed sheets and room. I am disturbed that this girl, who looks no more the twelve, is locked in this awful place, with nothing but the window in her room as he only means of light and life.
After we were left alone, a pulled up a chair near her bed, where she sat, the thin sheets draped over her lap, her back propped up against the bars at the head of the bed. Trying my best to begin the patient-doctor bond, I smiled widely at he and asked, Good day, my name is Doctor Theodore. What is yours? Alice did not respond. Fearing that I may have set up a boundary by calling myself doctor, I decided to remove my title. You may call me Theodore, if you wish. So, now that you have my name, why dont you tell me yours?
Alice just looked at me with her emerald eyes and said very quietly, You have my name in your files. Why do you ask for it?
Why, so I may now it from you, I replied, After all, you may not wished to be called Alice, so I am giving you the opportunity to say so.
My name is Alice, she said firmly, before turning her head to look out the window. That is good, I thought to myself, at least she knows her own name.
So, Alice, I began, determined to take advantage of this somewhat talkative mood, I am told that you dont leave your room much. What is is you do in her all by yourself?
Alice did not look away from the window, but sighed and answered, I wait
Wait for what?
For him to return
Who is him? I ask, feeling good that we are making so much progress in such a short amount of time. However, Alice fell silent after this, and remained so for a whole fifteen minutes. She just looked out the window, at something just beyond the glass. I rose to my feet and looked outside, to see what she saw.
Just beyond the wall of Rutledges is the edge of Hyde Park. A little ways from the road that separated the park from the institute, a small group of children were playing outside. They seemed to be playing Blind Mans Bluff, with a young girl being the one blindfolded. She laughed as the other children ran about, stepping just within in her reach, and then retreating as she went to touch them, all giggling and cheering. Alice stared at them, or in the direction at least, for several minutes, before lightly placing her hand on the glass. Does she wish to be free? Does she wish to play once again?
This, I do not know, but I watched for her reaction to the childrens play. After another few minutes of silence, Alice finally spoke.
That girl, in the blue dressshe is going to get hurt
I looked for the girl she spoke off, and saw that the only girl in blue was the one wearing the blindfold.
How do you know? I asked. The answer was obvious, for anyone who plays the game knows there is a risk of injury to oneself from any numerous ways. Is she going to trip?
No, Alice replied, She is going to fall.
Is not tripping and falling the same thing, Alice?
No, Alice replied, shaking her head slightly, She is going to fall She said this with such certainty that I decided not to press it.
After that exchange, Alice seemed to become catatonic, and would not say anything to me, despite my questions. We spent the next few hours like this, until it was time for me to go. As I started to leave, I turned back to Alice to say good evening. She looked at me before I could speak, however, and said very quiickly, I am glad we had this time, Doctor. We really should try to reschedule for another appointment
I could only smile and wished her good evening.
After I finished filing my initial report for Doctor Stanton, I made ready to leave. As I left, I decided to walk through the park to help shake off the dim and gloomy atmosphere of Rutledges. I walked past the group of children who were still playing outside, and saw that the young girl in blue had climbed up into a tree and was perched on the branch rather like a cat. Suddenly, the branch snapped and the girl went tumbling to the ground. The fall was not all that far, and she stood up almost immediately, her face red with embarrasment and tears. The other children rushed to her, some concerned, some laughing, but the little girl appeared to be made of stout stuff, and came out alright in the end.
Still, this raises the question: How did Alice know she would fall? Is this just a coincidence, or a lucky guess? Perhaps there is more to Alice then meets the eye. I suppose the only true way to know is to continue my study on her. I can only hope that my time spent with her shall be fruitful to aiding in her recovery, and eventual release from Rutledges.
_________________ [img]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k56/veggie_02/tamaki02.gif[/img]
You Know You Love A French Prince! |
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Nilitac_Tesgrah Oldbie

Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 2496 Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.
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Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 4:22 am Post subject: |
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Vincent: *gapes* O_O Excellente! ^^ I'm speechless. And speaking Spanish.
~~
The song in this songfic is Lies by Evanescence. Really no characters or point. Fatal Frame characters, entities, blahblahblah, belong to Tecmo. Hell, everyone in this fanfic belongs to Tecmo.
~~
A single dim ray of light shined on a figure hanging in front of a stone pair of double doors, her arms bound by ropes. The thick smell of the Malice and death made her sick, but she couldn't leave. Not now. The ropes were her fears.
Nearby, a young man stood up and walked over to her.
"Kirie, are you alright?" he asked softly, reaching up with a hand to hold hers.
"Alright as I'll ever be..."
[i]Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again[/i]
For a long while, Kirie watched him walk around the small cavern that they were trapped in. Sometimes she envied him for being free... but it was really nothing she could help. She fell asleep, her head tilting to one side in slumber. Instantly she was plagued by the nightmares that had always ruined her sleep.
The Kurosawa Family Master had always told her, when she was alone with him, that she wasn't strong enough to hold the Abyss shut. She'd never been good enough for him. She knew she hadn't been created out of love, and now that she was the eternal creature that held the doors shut, she would never rise above again.
[i]You will never be strong enough
You will never be good enough
You were never conceived in love
You will not rise above[/i]
She whimpered faintly in her sleep, and he turned around and said softly, "Kirie, wake up."
She opened her eyes and turned her face away as much as she dared. "Mafuyu... will we ever get out of here?"
[i]They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me[/i]
Mio stumbled as she reached the top of the hill overlooking All God's Village, tears streaming freely down her face. Crimson Butterflies fluttered around the stone in the middle of the hill, and one silently flew toward her. It stopped just out of her reach, hovering while waving its beautiful wings. Mio reached out, and it flew away.
"Mayu!!" She fell to her knees, sobbing. Her body quivered as she cried, and she looked up as a ray of sunlight broke through the thick covering of blackness as it thinned away. The sunlight rested on her, and she slowly stopped crying. She felt like someone had hugged her, and she looked behind her only to see nothing.
[i]But through my tears breaks a blinding light
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstretched, awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree[/i]
Rei sat bolt upright, her breathing gaspy. A sharp pain made her wince, and after it went away, she rested a hand on her shoulder. [i]The tattoo...[/i]
She felt arms wrap around her shoulders, and she looked behind her, startled. It was only a ghost, who faded away instantly. She stood up and walked out of her room, and kneeled down to pet Ruri, the cat in the house who happened to be mewing at her.
[i]Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you[/i]
Itsuki looked out the barred window of the storehouse, seeing sunlight shine into the village once more. His white hair glowed an irridenscent yellow as he turned away from the hole in the wall, and he looked at his image of himself hanged from the ceiling, a kicked stool off to one side. He reached up, and the rope untied itself. His body fell to the ground with an audible thump, and he disappeared. The body opened its eyes, and he sat up, half-wondering if he wasn't really alive.
He looked at the door, which had just opened, and saw Mio leaning against the doorframe, crossing her arms tightly over her chest to stop shaking from crying so much. He opened the cell door and walked over to her, and held her in a gentle embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder, crying again, and he knew what had happened. Mayu was gone.
"Yae... Mio, I mean... It'll be okay. I promise."
[i]They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me
They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me[/i]
Mio shut her eyes even tighter, sobbing more. "I just don't understand it, Itsuki! I didn't even know what was happening! One minute I'm standing in front of her, and the next she's lying under me, dead!"
"I guess Sae must've hypnotised you... It'll be okay, Mio."
[i]Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you[/i]
[i]They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me[/i]
~~
And I couldn't think of what else to write about. X_x _________________ Best Quote Ever: "B&."- Said by multiple people.
Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage. |
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Dark_Soul676 Member

Joined: 11 Feb 2006 Posts: 74
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Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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Vincent: Very good.
Nilly: love it, as always.
Nothing yet for my Racism story, just a new idea that popped into my head today.
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Dawn had come, it's golden rays of light bask apon the land of the sky. It's beauty unmasked by it's many moons. But the earth itself was long gone, now a barren abyss of shadows, death to the man who sank below into the darkness.
At one time, this land was threatened by a vast and power-hungry empire, and also an ancient prophecy that threatened to destroy the world! But all that was changed, when a single pirate, known as Vyse the Blue Rouge, began his life as a pirate, and ended up saving all of the world.
Now, life was at a stand-still. Peace washed through-out the land, as the Prince of Valuna and the newly appointed Nasultan signed the Treaty of Arcadia, ending the war between the two nations, and ending the great conflict that had lasted so long.
Now, technology was advancing once again. Schools were built, cities were bustling with new activity, and life itself was growing.
After Shrine Island rose above the sky rifts, the South Ocean, that was once a death-trap to all ships that passed by, became calm. Merchants and sailiors alike began to sail towards the South Ocean, building towns and cities on the large boulders that now sat around in the desolate and empty ocean.
But unfortunately, every paradise has it's drawbacks. In the case of Arcadia, it is the Black Pirates.
Black pirates are spineless cowards who sail the skies in search of weak ships to plunder and destroy. They make names for themselves by sinking fear into the hearts of merchant and civilians alike.
But, the Black Pirates are not what this tale is about. Oh no, this tale is about six brave lads, that, under the wing of the greatest Blue Rouge known to all of Arcadia, became a part of destiny....
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Just the intro, I'll get to working on this and my racism story soon. ^_^
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Pabbit_da_Rabbit Would like fries with that

Joined: 12 Apr 2005 Posts: 798 Location: The New World
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 6:48 pm Post subject: |
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Josh: nice. Just watch out for changes in tense. It goes from past to present. I like how it sounds like someone's telling the story in person rather than just a story on paper. How I got this perspective on your story is in the last paragraph: "Oh no, this tale..."
Heh, I haven't been here in a while.
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The alarm sounded softly next to Jaydens head. It was morning of the last day of school. Ah, liberation! he thought. Still, he kept her eyes shut and thought like any other day, No, it cant be 6:30 already! Maybe just a few for minutes couldnt hurt. Jayden pressed the Snooze button and turned away.
Ten minutes passed and his sister burst into the room, dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans. Her dirty blonde hair was slicked back from her face except for a few strands that stayed together in the front. Jayden knew it was his sister and pulled the cover over his head, moaning.
Get up, Jayden, Cynthia cooed a little impatiently. Last day of school, ya know? Come on, up-su-daisies! She pulled the blanket off of her brother.
Cut it out, Jayden moaned, still half-asleep. Ill get up. It only takes me, like, five minutes.
Cynthia began to walk to the door, then turned around. Last day aschool. Last day aschool. My bros a drool, a drool, a DROOL!
Her brother frowned, opened his eyes, and felt around his mouth. Some saliva had escaped while hed been sleeping. Spastically for kicks, he twitched his head to the side, rubbing the drool off on his sleeping top. Grrgh, eee!
Laughing, Cynthia went out to the kitchen to finish packing their lunches. Grudgingly, Jayden swung his legs to the side of his bed, giving his alarm clock and sidelong, half-asleep glance. The blinking green numbers read, 6:42. Giving another moan, he got up and walked to his closet. His hair was a dark black mess as he passed by his small mirror, but he didnt care. He was a guy, for goodness sakes!
Lethargically, he pulled on a random t-shirt and jeans from the closet. The shirt had a rather decorative and colorful E on it, for some clothing company. The way the E was designed, it reminded him of the pictures behind the Final Fantasy titles. Games, games, that was all Jayden ever thought of.
At the same time that Jayden was brushing his teeth, just starting to wake up, Cynthia finished making their lunches, eating breakfast, and getting all of her things together. As she put some presents for her friends in a plastic bag, she called up to him to hurry up.
Seven oclock, Cynthia came upstairs to get her brother, only to find him playing Soul Caliber III in his pigsty of a room, all of the windows closed.
"Geez! she said, exasperated. Youre not ready and we gotta go! Were still walking to school today, ya know?
Pausing the game, Jayden replied, What do you mean, Not ready? Look, I am! He quit his battle and turned off the game, making an about-face to show that he was ready, except for the fact that his hair was still tousled. See? Clothes all done, and I brushed my teeth.
Man, Cynthia chuckled, if only I could get ready that fast. All righty then, lets go!
The two of them donned their backpacks and headed out the door. After a moment of silence in the house, the door sounded as a key was jammed in and the door opened. Jayden ran back inside and grabbed his lunch while Cynthia rolled her eyes outside.
Today, school was filled with tense excitement and sadness at the same time. Cynthia went into her classroom, making an exaggerated smile that scrunched up her entire face. Her friends smiled and laughed back at her.
Cynthia, guess what? Alicia said as she passed in front of her desk.
What? Cynthia placed her bag of presents on Alicias desk.
My parents have decided! Were going to Hawaii for summer!
Haha, sweet, Alicia! Cynthia stuck out her bottom lip and looked sadly at the floor. I guess Im all alone for the summer.
Aww, no way! Isnt anyone not going anywhere this summer? Gina? Tiffany? Mista Eduardo? She pointed both fingers in a comical manner at Edmund sitting next to her.
Heheh, nope, Ed replied, Im on a Europe trip the same week.
Ooo, bummer, Cynthia. I guess youll just have to play video games the entire break with Jay.
No way! Cynthia yelled. Im gonna drag that boy outta his room and into the baseball field!
Sha-porty you, Gina said, just coming in. You always do all kinda sports. Is there any one you dont?
Come to think of it, Cynthia mused, striking a thinking pose, there is one: bungee-jumping!
Thats not a sport! Ed retorted.
Uh-huh, Alicia cut in, punching him in the shoulder. You just think that footballs the only one!
Si, si! Ed began to imitate an exaggerated woman. Tch, chica, you donna know what ya talkin bout. Like, huuh! Shoppan is da only shport der is, hun. He snapped his fingers. Ooo. Burn, baby!
The three girls laughed, including some other students around.
Oh, god, Gina smiled, shaking her head. Tone down the gay a bit, Mister Eduardo.
The bell rang and the teacher snapped, Number 6! Some students pulled out their homework and red pens to correct it while the rest quickly took their seats, fumbling to do the same.
Hey, Cynthia said quickly, I got presents for you guys. Wait up after class, okay? They nodded and she took her seat.
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OK, so this is MUCH happier than my first post here. It's very informal diction and simple syntax because I want to reflect on how school life is. But this will change later. Meh, I'm not that used to writing like this, so I'm rather displeased with how it came out. _________________ [img]http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h98/Pabbit_da_Rabbit/Stuff/ESlogo2_01.png[/img][img]http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h98/Pabbit_da_Rabbit/Stuff/ESlogo2_02.png[/img]Left for FAC, Right for DA |
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Honjetan Forum Stalker

Joined: 28 Sep 2005 Posts: 1224 Location: Temecula, CA
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Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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[u][b]Ryan Bell: A Serial Killer's Journal[/u][/b]
[i]Part 1[/i]
"I think we found some form of identification before Mr. Bell died." A grumpy looking, large man, who was not very well built, did not smell at all well, in fact, smelled more like a box of rotten donuts, flat greasy black hair, and a sweaty looking blue uniform. His cap was off at the moment, and hanging at a thin needle poking out of his side. How, or why he would put a needle in all places, would forever be banished to oblivion, unknown to the world. Small, eerie, pig-like eyes surveyed the world from under a mound of flab that threatened to envelop his forehead. His chin, which should not be mentioned, is more than a triple of even a quadruple or quintiple chin. If you can even imagine that, and which you shouldn't, you can see that it is an image best placed in hell. The large man took out a sheaf of papers from a manila envelop and placed them on a desk.
"Really? Where did you find the papers? Under his bed?"
"Very clever. Hell no, we found it in his basement."
"Alright then! Let me confirm that these are actually his."A much more, well built man, one who brought a woman home every night, unmarried, with a high and tight styled haircut, blue eyes that were resistable, but had to, absolutely clean teeth with no trace of plaque whatsoever, and a clear face. A badge was on his left breast confirming his authority as a detective. He took the papers, examining them for a minute or two, and breathed in and out slowly. The air conditioned room with lazy, white plastered walls with a horrifyingly horrendous yellow and white striped wallpaper decorated the wall in a disgusting fashion. It was definitely not the detective's fault. The man before him who had owned this room [i]must[/i] have been homosexual. If not, he was gay. In the happy manner. He nodded at the police man who's eye twitched. He turned away and lurched out of the room like some bloated slug. When the man was gone, the detective gasped in air, hacked, and reached under his desk for his air freshener. He sprayed all over the room frantically ridding himself of the horrid smell the police man had brought in.
When all was done, only a tiny fragment lingered in the air, hinting the small existence of the police man inside the room. The detective settled down in his chair and examined the sheaf of papers sitting in front of him. He gripped the first page, put on his spectacles that he put on whenever he read, to avoid having to wear glasses permanently, adjusted his chair into a more favorable position, placed his two legs in a crossed position in the desk in front of him, and began to read the papers.
May 6th, 2009
Journal Entry #1
Subject: Planning
Location: Unrevealed
An urge to kill?: Yes.
Normal words cannot describe this bloodthirsty urge to kill I suddenly have. Could it be the work of Satan? Being a worshiper of this great and sure to prevail Lord, I really hope so. Could he be urging this destruction raging inside my mind? Could he be causing the infactuation of death in my attitude? May my life be changed forever? The answer to all of this, is a certain YES. I am sure to all of these things, and all of these things I will carry out. He wants me to do one thing, and one thing only. Kill. Yes, he temptates others into making other people's lives spiral out of control, but I feel he is dictating me to do something much, much greater. Much, much greater than that that he does himself. Kill. Something he has done before, but erased the trails leading to the conclusion. He had helped me find my first prey, my first victim, my first kill. It is a man.
An all out religious leader, he sickens me to the core. He is clean, holy, purged from sin. Though, sin swirls in every person. In every heart. No one can escape it, except God, and Jesus himelf. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit. Heh, let's see if that rings true when the Revelation begins. Satan himself gave me the tools necessary to complete my task. Weapons too. Weapons I would never dream of holding. I shall murder him tonight, when he is in prayer. Lucky for me, he is single, therefore, there shall be absolutely, positively no trouble at all breaking into his house and killing him in prayer. Life cut short, as they say. After he is dead, I shall inflict stigmata wounds upon him. I shall do this forwith to all the other victims that are to die by my hand.
Tonight, a murder shall commence.
A night, to remember, in the most bloodied way possible.
(Continued later...) _________________ I speak only at the most opportune of moments. |
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Stratadrake Elder Than Dirt

Joined: 05 May 2004 Posts: 13721 Location: Moo
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Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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Dark and brooding, certainly. The description of smells is a nice touch, although in most cases, you as a narrator should avoid addressing the reader direclty. It also threw me for a small loop how you went into the guy's journal with no visual formatting (or dividers), I thought for a moment that you were back on narration, and not describing a journal entry from one of the characters.
I have a new passage I can write out -- based on one of the Final Fantasies.
[list][u]For All the World Ending[/u]
It was a miracle that they had landed safely on the airship at all. The feathered esper she carried had safely delivered them from the meteor shower of a disintegrating landmass above them, but summoning the sleeping being had drained much of her strength, and she dropped to the deck, exhausted.
Setzer's two crewmates busily fought against the hurricane's winds and lightning, trying valiantly to keep their mighty, yet fragile craft from tipping over in the storm as the captain himself ran over. "What happend up there!?"
Terra stood up on one knee as Edgar braced her against the storm's gale. "The statues... Kefka...."
"That lunatic again? What does he think he's doing!?"
"He's disturbed their whole balance of power! Gestahl's dead, and with the statues out of alignment, they'll tear apart the whold world!"
"We already know that much!" Locke shouted back, his voice battling aginst the winds. "We were nearly flooded out at drydock repairing the ship's damage from our last assault on that continent. Reports are wiring in from all major cities. Mountains have fallen and broken apart, the seas are filling in new trenches between the landmasses, Narsche is reporting major earthquake activity. Vector capital is sitting right on the edge of this storm itself, so who knows what that's turned into!"
"We have to stop that guy!" Setzer commanded. He staggered across the wind-torn deck to the main navigational panel of the ship and started pressing buttons. The airship's engines roared higher, intensifying the gale as the ship began to chart a course through the vortex.
"But how?" Terra objected. "I can't summon that Esper again, I don't have enough strength left to get us there. And with more of that landmass breaking away each moment, there won't be enough left to land on, either!"
"...We won't have to," Setzer insisted as he grabbed the throttles of the ship and threw them forwards full speed. The airship began to dive through the clouds of the hurricane, combining gravity with speed and accelerating greatly. The sudden dive threw all Returners to the rails, which they clung against tightly to maintain safe footing.
"What are you doing?" Edgar shouted back.
Setzer levelled the craft off as it blew through a tunnel within the cloud rifts. They were flying into the wind, a dangerous technique for increasing the airship's velocity. Bolts of lightning struck against the ship's metal framework as the craft raced, tearing holes in the hydrogen ballast above the deck. Warning alarms sounded on Setzer's console.
"Just a little faster... hold together now...."
Setzer appeared to be talking to the ship itself. Then he threw the control stick backwards and the craft suddenly lurched up. They passed through the cloud banks of the hurricane, out of the storm-force winds, and what was left of the floating continent now arrived into view.
What was left of it. Bolts of energy and flashes of light richochetted from one piece of falling landmass to another, and Setzer was aiming for the highest piece.
"This is going to be a rough ride, HANG ON!" Setzer commanded as he veered the ship to the north, narrowly avoiding a chunk of solid rock nearly the same size.
It was like flying through a meteor shower, Terra imagined as he veered their ship again to evade another chunk. The field of debris was thick, and a spray of smaller chunks flew through the deck like hail, impaling holes into the ship's hull and ballast.
Setzer switched the ship's backup engines online to maintain speed. "We're almost to the continent!"
Bolts of lightning fired from above -- perhaps that mercenary Shadow was still up there, trying to stop Kefka.
One especially large rock slammed suddenly against the starboard side of the hull, ripping one of the ship's fins completely off without effort. The airship began to roll slightly as they continued their ascent.
"At this rate, we'll never be able to land on it!" Edgar objected.
"Who said anything about [i]landing[/i]?" Setzer laughed.
"What?"
"Second fastest ship in the world... all we need is ramming speed!"
Silence struck the crew.
"Setzer..." Terra thought aloud. "This is insane...!"
"Thank you!" Setzer shouted back. "I always feared you Returners would rub off on me eventually. Look, I don't know what you did back up on that continent, but we have to stop that Kefka fellow now, and this ship is the only weapon we still have!"
Setzer looked over his shoulders to the group. "There are enough parachutes stored inboards to go around. If any of you want to jump...."
"No!" Locke shouted back. "Kefka comes first. If we don't stop him now, there won't even [i]be[/i] a world left to protect!"
Terra and Celes reluctantly nodded. This was the end of the line.
Setzer turned back to the navigational console. "Okay, then, we're almost there..."
The remaining chunk of continent grew closer as they sped onwards.
"This will all be over soon..." Another alarm, a collision alert, sounded on his console, and Setzer did his best to ignore it. At this speed, the console predicted about ten seconds before their ship would smash itself to pieces against the remaining chunk of continent.
Seven seconds.... Setzer flinched, but refused to release his grip from the controls.
Four seconds....
"Brace for impact!"
It was a magnificent explosion.[/list:u]
_________________ Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
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Dark_Soul676 Member

Joined: 11 Feb 2006 Posts: 74
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Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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Strata: Very nice. I'm a huge fan of FFIII/VI myself. Cyan, Sabin,Shadow,Celes, and Locke Party>everyone else. ^_^
Alright, I finally found a perfect plot for my racism story. Here it is, bare in mind, that this chapter is a background on Yuan and the mysterious prophet seen in the last chapter.
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The sun had risen, a new day had begun, and the rise of war was near. A lone boat would be sailing on the Flanoirian Strait. Standing above deck, charcoal black orbs gazing towards the sun, Yuan would seem to be lost in thought.
"...Yuan. Do you realize what you're doing?"
Out of the shadows would enter the prophet. His scarf would hide most of his face, but Yuan was still able to make out his words. Sea green orbs gazing towards Yuan, as if he was examing his soul.
"Why have they sent you Shali? Doesn't Tyrael realize he's not going to change anything?"
Yuan would turn and confront the prophet. The fire within seemed to be unleashed, the rage that was bottled deep within Yuan for so long, was finally unleashed.
"Tyrael sat there and did nothing! While the humans did nothing but destroy everything, and kill innocent people."
Yuan would walk up to Shali, and get right in his face, asking for confrontation.
"Where was Tyrael, no, where was Seraphim? Where was Seraphim when the citizens of Meltokio began their half-elf massacre? Where was Seraphim when half-elves were driven into the forest by the citizens of the newly rebult Ozette? Where were they then Shali?"
Sea-green eyes would open and close, as if letting the fire within Yuan slowly flicker away.
"Yuan, your intentions are just. But your actions will only lead to more chaos and destruction. You must understand, that if you go on with this evil plan you are plotting will only lead to the demise of the world."
"Another blind prophecy? I've grown tired of your predictions Shali, now leave me be!"
With that, Yuan would turn his back to Shali, and no long respond to him. His mind was made up, there was no turning back now.
"....Yuan, your courage is strong, and your determination stronger. But if you only knew what Seraphim was planning this entire time. But alas, I cannot reveal these plans to you. They will be revealed to you in due time Yuan...all will be revealed in due time."
With that, Shali would step back into the shadows, and disappear. Char-coal black orbs would gaze down at the icy cold water of the Flanoirian Strait.
"Tyrael...what are your intentions this time?"
"Lord Yuan, we'll be reaching land soon."
The Captain of the boat would walk up to Yuan, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Sir, try to forget about Seraphim. Genis will be able to settle this once and for all."
"...It's hard to forget everything Dartz...but I hope you're right."
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It's a little rushed, but I hope you like it. |
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