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Nilitac_Tesgrah Oldbie
Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 2496 Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:32 am Post subject: |
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You don't have to know anything about the movie, honest. ^^; Things are explained in due time.
After watching Spirited Away sometime last week, I was hit with an idea: What happens six years after the movie's over?
I'm aware that my OC, Shizuka, seems like a Mary-Sue, but she's one of the main characters, and I want the reader to be able to envision her clearly in his/her mind. *eerie music*... *hits Nosferatu, who is playing the organ again* Stop it, Nossy. x-_-
Metal, Fire, Water
I think the dragon (Haku) is a litt'e out of character. I'll be adding the second chapter in a few days. _________________ Best Quote Ever: "B&."- Said by multiple people.
Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage. |
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theWriter Very Oldbie
Joined: 19 Nov 2005 Posts: 2689 Location: Big Sky Country
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Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 9:41 am Post subject: |
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Well, Nilly, I found the premise fun to read. As usual, your writing style is evolving. Give yourself a year or two and you'll do great. I couldn't find a lot of punctual errors--an occaisonal one here and there, but that was it. So, in lue of such a situation, I've decided to critique the content.
I've noticed that you use the name Shizuka quite frequently in your fanfics. While this is not bad, try to add some more variety to the spectrum. People get sick of one color overtime, and so just to mess with their brains, try something new once in a while.
The character Shizuka, however, is quite good and I enjoy the background info that the reader kinda gets but doesn't get exactly. That being said, I do believe that you should try to expand more on all character emotion, thought process, and speech. While it's there, it's not [i]there[/i] and this kinda leaves the reader in the blanks. Expand on everyone's emotions, the environment, how pretty the sky looks, how ugly a girl's shoes look...you have the capacity to do so, Nilly. I'd appreciate if you'd try.
I think that's about it. There's not a lot I can say.
Good luck. _________________ [color=red][url=http://www.fanart-central.net/user-theWriter.php]What[/url] [url=http://untitledroadway.deviantart.com/] does[/url] [url=http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1015309/] it all[/url] [url=http://www.fictionpress.com/~thetwilightpen] MEAN?[/url][/color] |
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Astri How can I get a custom title thing?
Joined: 30 Dec 2005 Posts: 912 Location: Valencia, CA
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Posted: Thu May 11, 2006 5:02 am Post subject: |
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Wow...that's really interesting. If I had ever thought about what happened after Spirited Away, [i]that[/i] wouldn't have been what I thought, that's for sure ^.^ You're a really good writer, Nilly!
The only thing that somewhat, slightly bothered me was the "one-eighth fire dragon" part. It seems like it could be possible...but I guess I'm just so used to imagining Chihiro as a completely normal (well, okay, maybe not [i]completely[/i],) girl that envisioning her as being a fraction fire dragon was a little unsettling. In truth, the more I think about it the more it starts to make sense. But really, aside from what Megan said about adding a little bit more description, I have no criticisms. I really like it--keep going! _________________ [color=blue]Disgaea's [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-31977.html]Overlords Dance[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25745.html]Worlds Beyond Infinity[/url] while [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-27428.html]Mifuyus Magical Multiplying Mole[/url] reads the epic [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25652.html]Chronicles of Yord[/url], and you learn that your [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37925.html]Craving[/url] for [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37922.html]Finding a Heart of Snow[/url] is [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37924.html]Taboo[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37910.html]VG[/url] unless you dare undertake [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-32962.html]The Combine of Sin[/url]...[/color] |
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