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ashbrook Rookie
Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 36 Location: my imagination
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Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 10:15 pm Post subject: original story, by me... need serious help!! |
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well... this is the first chapter to a story that's been developing itself for the past year... any suggestions for sentence structure, conflict, resolution, plot... etc... would be extremely appreciated...
thanks so much...
oh and it's fantasy... trust me
brooke
link: [url]http://www.fanart-central.net/chapter-39373.html[/url] _________________ Art of romance.
Meetings long,
partings few, we had it,
calloused hands upon
distinct curves of silk,
strawberry kissed whispers
among nature''s rustles,
warm desire of the season.
- Summer : by ashbrook
check out the rest here :: http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37076.html |
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Astri How can I get a custom title thing?
Joined: 30 Dec 2005 Posts: 912 Location: Valencia, CA
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Posted: Thu Jun 29, 2006 10:02 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I don't see that you need serious help. Your spelling is marvelous, your style is wonderful, and your structure is sound, and trust me, that puts you head and shoulders above a lot of other people.
The one complaint I do have is that some of the more suspenseful moments seem rushed. There is no time to build suspense before the moment is over and done with. Lord knows I'm not saying it needs to be [i]longer[/i]--it's definitely a goodly length already ~.^ Just, if you want moments like deaths or discoveries to build suspense, you need some more time with them.
That only applies once he gets back in Eratonia, by the way. The part in our world seems pretty much perfect.
Now as for what you should do with it? That I don't know. I still know nothing about this world that he's in...it's a little difficult to say what I think should happen in it, you know? I suppose that might be the next step--in the next part, explain more of the world. For you, yourself, try and figure out what you want to happen. Is the Empire going to be revived? Is a new government going to form? Is the main character going to become anything, like a king or what have you? Figure that out, and the rest of the story should flow to its ocean.
Not without its fair share of detours and dams along the way, of course... _________________ [color=blue]Disgaea's [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-31977.html]Overlords Dance[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25745.html]Worlds Beyond Infinity[/url] while [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-27428.html]Mifuyus Magical Multiplying Mole[/url] reads the epic [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25652.html]Chronicles of Yord[/url], and you learn that your [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37925.html]Craving[/url] for [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37922.html]Finding a Heart of Snow[/url] is [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37924.html]Taboo[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37910.html]VG[/url] unless you dare undertake [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-32962.html]The Combine of Sin[/url]...[/color] |
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ashbrook Rookie
Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 36 Location: my imagination
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Posted: Thu Jun 29, 2006 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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thank you... thank you!!! i've been working on the second chapter for a while... i probably post it soon.. it goes a bit deeper into what the world is like and stuff... and i'm so happy to hear that i have a great style!!! that just makes me uber happy!!! i was afraid it wasn't too good... thank you... thank you!!! i'll post here once i get the second chapter up!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! i can't thank you enough!
brooke _________________ Art of romance.
Meetings long,
partings few, we had it,
calloused hands upon
distinct curves of silk,
strawberry kissed whispers
among nature''s rustles,
warm desire of the season.
- Summer : by ashbrook
check out the rest here :: http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37076.html |
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Astri How can I get a custom title thing?
Joined: 30 Dec 2005 Posts: 912 Location: Valencia, CA
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Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 11:44 am Post subject: |
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Sure, any time ^.^ _________________ [color=blue]Disgaea's [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-31977.html]Overlords Dance[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25745.html]Worlds Beyond Infinity[/url] while [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-27428.html]Mifuyus Magical Multiplying Mole[/url] reads the epic [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-25652.html]Chronicles of Yord[/url], and you learn that your [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37925.html]Craving[/url] for [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37922.html]Finding a Heart of Snow[/url] is [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37924.html]Taboo[/url] in [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37910.html]VG[/url] unless you dare undertake [url=http://www.fanart-central.net/story-32962.html]The Combine of Sin[/url]...[/color] |
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ashbrook Rookie
Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 36 Location: my imagination
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ashbrook Rookie
Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 36 Location: my imagination
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 4:36 pm Post subject: |
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i decided to write a prolouge to the story!!
you can find it here: http://www.fanart-central.net/chapter-43672.html
thanks guys!!
oh, and if anyone needs any help w/ editing their stories, i would be glad to help and offer my advice!! (well duh, that's what this section of the forum is about)
brooke _________________ Art of romance.
Meetings long,
partings few, we had it,
calloused hands upon
distinct curves of silk,
strawberry kissed whispers
among nature''s rustles,
warm desire of the season.
- Summer : by ashbrook
check out the rest here :: http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37076.html |
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Bulletproofskunk Rookie
Joined: 11 Mar 2006 Posts: 36 Location: under your nose
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Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:18 am Post subject: |
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very nice! the story is very good |
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Bulletproofskunk Rookie
Joined: 11 Mar 2006 Posts: 36 Location: under your nose
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Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:18 am Post subject: |
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very nice! the story is very good |
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boondocksaint17 Has No Life
Joined: 28 Aug 2006 Posts: 576 Location: Dennison, Ohio Represent yo
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 4:51 am Post subject: not |
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not too bad not bad at all. keep up the good work homie |
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ashbrook Rookie
Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 36 Location: my imagination
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 1:32 pm Post subject: |
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thanks much! even if the story is way under construction... sorry... -___-
brooke _________________ Art of romance.
Meetings long,
partings few, we had it,
calloused hands upon
distinct curves of silk,
strawberry kissed whispers
among nature''s rustles,
warm desire of the season.
- Summer : by ashbrook
check out the rest here :: http://www.fanart-central.net/story-37076.html |
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