How To Be A British Monarch

[VR_Jay]

[b]HOW TO BE A BRITISH MONARCH[/b]

[b]1. Go to the nearest balcony.[/b]
Wave

For the properly tight wrist motion, pretend to unscrew a lightbulb. If you have no idea how to change a lightbulb - and why would you? - pretend to polish an orange.

[b]2. Always carry scissors.[/b]
If you pass a hospital, school, or agricultural research center, open it.

[b]3. To keep the continent "on its toes", occasionally hint that you are making military plans for "another crack at the Hun."[/b]

[b]4. To maintain the correct somber "royal air" during coronations, weddings, funerals, imagine your parents having sex.[/b]

[b]5. If anyone tries to start a conversation with you, turn to the staff and announce, "Off with his head!"[/b]
In the modern era, alas, your order may not be obeyed. But you will have reminded the public that no one is supposed to speak to a monarch without being spoken to first - the best perk of your job. Don't give it up.

[b]6. View skeptically your oldest child's suggestions for "exciting" new recreations.[/b]
Do not redeem gift certificates for lessons in skydiving, Grand Prix auto racing, mountain climbing, or bull-fighting.

[b]7. Feel free to have sex with any of your subjects or staff.[/b]
However, do expect to have anything you say or do in the bedroom to appear in the next issue of [i]Hello![/i], [i]News of the World[/i], or [i]The National Enquirer[/i].

[b]8. Once a year, generate a scandal to keep the respectable media interested.[/b]
Remember, you have a responsibility to the British economy. A year without a royal indiscretion could trigger massive unemployment amoung the empire's journalists, ink suppliers, and mug manufacturers.

If necessary, confide humiliating personal secrets to a "trusted confidant", preferably over analog cell phone.

[b]9. Once a century, abdicate.[/b]


[i]Excerpt from The Best Case Scenario Handbook[/i]
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[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[Brianhjh]

My favorite is the number 4
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[Dogss]

ewww

Parent sex. >_O
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[VR_Jay]

#1 is my personal favorite. ^_^
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[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[1_4lvl]

1 and 9 are great...

'tis funny all together...

[celestina67]

I like number 5 haha

[River_Phoenix]

i liek all of them, but u should make another step where they have to learn the accent ^_^

[Brianhjh]

Just askin', what IS the monarch's family name???
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[Sephir0th666777]

oh god

that's great
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Red_Quatre:Who's the guy that says "Get over here!" and then grabs you.
Blad: A rapist

[KeheiZero]

Think it's Windsor.
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"You know what? My squirrel instinct tells me he's even more of a bastard than I first thought." - Gene Hunt