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Orlando_Hamar
Very bored


Joined: 12 Aug 2005
Posts: 120

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 10:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well...here's something for you all:


    Returning to his vehicle, he swung himself back into the pilots seat, and activated the engines, removed the landing gear, and blasted into the air; the ship moving effortlessly from one speed to another as it climbed gradually higher and higher.

    It had only been an hour since he was up here last, but it felt like forever. The higher that the ship took him, he felt gradually more and more freedom. The citys bonds slackened with every measure of altitude, and the effects that the constant presence of that infernal prison had on his mind weakened as the ship climbed ever toward the skies.

    Exit the atmosphere, Damien! Kagan half-begged. Do it!

    Not again! Damien groaned. Why do you want me to leave Mars?

    Not leave, Damien; simply view from a better angle.

    Weve seen it all before. Remember?

    You mean when Leigh took you up that first time? That was barely freedom. You were behind a small pane of glass. Here, you have a massive view of the world. You can see the entirety of what will soon belong to us!

    I dont want to have control of this planetI dont want control of anything. Not now. All I want is to look upon Haddens corpse as I wrench my blade from his

    Yes, yes, so do I. But, seriously Damien, you must do it. You are so weak right now; so weak

    Weak? To my knowledge, I am the only man to have escaped from that prison!

    You feel weak. You have no power. Chase looks down on you; resents your presence. Keira fears and hates your potential, Paige uses you to keep her damnable pennies from the mobsters, and Matt, last but not least, is only watching you to see what he needs to defeat. Everyone is your enemy, yet you feel so drowned in self pity and rage that you have forgotten that you are the one to be looking down on them all! You are the one they should see as a leader and view with unmatched awe. Once you realize that you are powerful once more, you will be able to do anything. You will be able to rule these peasants with the will of The Dragon, you will be able to take Troy from under Haddens mutilated corpse and with this you will be able to take the planet! Mars will be yours; you will end this war, and you will have your redemption! Is that not what you want, my friend? My brother. Is this a fight against Hadden, or a fight for your redemption? Damien, my brother, become who you were born to be; become The Dragon of ages past and realize your potential. You are a god among insects, and all it will take for you to realize this is for you to leave this world and see the true extent of your powers. And then look to the sun, and see to the right those who stand against you.


Tell me what you think. Any questions you need answered on it, just ask.
I apologize for it not being a fanfic, but if you want to comment on my fanfic, all you need to do is check out the most recent post in the Fanfiction Critique section.

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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
Has No Life


Joined: 14 Jan 2005
Posts: 509

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 11:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jack: That was really mind trapping/good. I enjoyed it a lot.

Here is my story. It is the next part of Alyssa's story a few posts back. I hope you like it.
___________________________________________________________________
Alyssa sat on one of the barstools in her kitchen. She rubbed at her temple, trying to ease her headache. He was still there, begging to be heard, needing her attention. She couldnt help him though. She wasnt able to without the knowledge of his name. She thought about this life, for the first time noticing that in her memory of his entire life no bodys name was apparent. Not his mother, not his father, not even his childhood pets, only their appearances. Alyssa took a sip from the bottle of juice that sat on the counter, but spit it out quick. It was warm and spoiled; she looked at the expiration date seeing that it had passed about two weeks ago. She sighed, nothing was going right.

* * * *

He sat at his desk rolling the rubber band ball back and forth. His job was boring; leaving him to wonder how hed ever landed it. Crunching numbers and looking over spreadsheets was not his idea of fun. Sure it paid well, but who cared about the money when your eyelids are always closed.

Damn. He said aloud, letting the ball roll to the floor. He leaned back in his chair and propped his feet on the desk. He placed a pen between his teeth and began to grind them, making the pen wiggle. He closed his eyes, hoping to stay awake long enough to hear his boss come into the office.

Who are you?

I dont know.

How can that be?

I dont know.

He could hear the voices clearly, but there were no bodies to match. He stared into the darkness; it wasnt a normal kind of dark. It was much blacker, much more impenetrable. It brought forth what little fear was inside him. He recognized his own voice and focused on his words.

I dont know. He said. His own mouth moved when the words were spoken, increasing his fear. He listened intently to the voice that followed. It was a woman; she seemed scared, yet amazingly beautiful. He could feel her body against his, but he couldnt see her no matter how hard he tried. He strained his eyes until they hurt, but he was still blind. He grabbed her around the waist, trying to believe that she was real. As he touched her skin he awoke in his office chair. Sweat beads slid down his face. He looked to the doorway, realizing that his boss no stood there.

I think you should take the day off, his boss said warily. He blinked a few times and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. He nodded. The comfort of my home would probably be the best thing for me right now, he thought. After a nightmare like that, home seemed like the safest place.
____________________________________________________________________

Sorry about the confusion of his dream state. He is in fact in a dream, eyes closed and everything. It goes in quick, especially to confuse, just kidding. No, it transitions quick because that is how I want it. Hope I've cleared the confusion.
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Orlando_Hamar
Very bored


Joined: 12 Aug 2005
Posts: 120

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was pretty good. The idea was very interesting. However, a problem I detected was that I couldn't tell whether he was entering a dream or whether he was simply hallucinating. A technique I'd use is shorter, more vague sentences for the transition, then revert to normality once you're sure he's in the dream. Do you understand what I mean?

Anyway, here's a bit I wrote a while ago. Tell me what you feel as you read it; it would be appreciated.
And I know it looks long, but it's LESS than 1000 words, and it only looks long because it's all short bits of speech.


    Soeveryone here is a Vampire? Damien asked.

    Everyone. Was the womans reply.

    Are you going to turn me into one?

    The woman chuckled. No, I couldnt.

    Damien noticed a gleam in her eye. Why not?

    Because you are one.

    Damien coughed suddenly, staring at her incredulously. What?

    Did I stutter? She smiled. Perfect red lips curving and revealing pearly white teeth; such a beautiful smile that it made her remark meaningless. You did, I notice. And you never even said anything.

    Howhow can I be a Vampire?

    Im surprised you didnt know. Its not exactly something youd miss.

    Noyou dont understandIm human. I was born human

    You were born a dormant Vampire.

    Nosee

    Damien, everyone with the Vampyric gene is born a human. They just havent awakened into their Vampyric flesh, yet. Even children born of two Vampires are born dormant. So were you.

    But my mom isnt a Vampire.

    There are rare cases of children being born into Vampirism through the bond of two humansits not unheard of, but it isnt exactly common. I doubt you were born like that. We found you just an hour after the explosion, and there are marks of your turning on your neck.

    Damien slapped his hand to the pain of his neck as if hitting a fly. No

    Yes. Someone turned you.

    But whywhy would they?

    If they hadnt, you would surely have died. Your body healed away a lot of otherwise life-threatening damage. She looked into his eyes. The dark oblivion of pure beautythat was the only way he could possibly describe her eyes. Black to the pupil, pearly white to the skin. You should be thankful to whoever it was who turned you. Without them, you would have met your end.

    Do you know who turned me? Damien stared back at her darkly. I think Ill have to thank them.

    I dont knowand in your current state I wouldnt let you. Youre still angry over it.

    Cant I go back to being human?

    Damien, you would have turned to Vampirism some time in your life. Its better now youre young, as you can get used to it. Stronger, smarter, and you live forever. Not something you should pass up. The woman said. By all means, be proud of your human lineage, but with us, you will find that the Vampires are by far more worthy of being honored.

    I know a lot about Vampires, dont worry. The VA and all that stuff. My brothers friends told me.

    They were Vampires?

    Damien nodded. Yeahwhere is my brother, anyway?

    The woman paused. When we found youwe found you alone.

    You didnt see anyone?

    No. You were the only person we found alive in that city. Bear in mind that we skimmed over it. There was too much wreckage for us. She hesitated. You were found in an almost empty area.

    Damien took a deep breath at this. His brotherhe couldnt have died. If Damien had lived, so had Leo. HeLeo probably went to the college he was talking about before the explosion.

    Probably. You were found completely alone, strange, as everyone else was found in groups or clusters. Well put a search out for your brother.

    There was a long silence before Damien suddenly asked; Whowho is we?

    Sorry?

    You keep talking about we and us. Who are you with?

    Im with my party; The Phoenix Presidency. Im your planets president. I have been for three months now.

    The President? Did she really expect him to believe that? He looked back to the window, back over Mars. Maybe she did Im not really in touch with politicsmy mom doesnt vote. Sowhat, exactly, is your

    My people call me Phoenix. But you, seeing how you gleam with promise, probably to be my most advanced student, you may call me Leigh. Of course, your question was my exact name. Leigh Mariah Carlito Maylin the third.

    Damien almost blushed.

    Come with me. You look like you could do with something to eat. She took his arm and escorted him to the dining room.

    You said something about me being a student?

    Oh, yes. You will be sent to a facility in Mars City where you will undergo beginner training in basic fighting, while still building at a very advanced level your education. When you turn sixteen you will be taken to Berlin, on Earth, where you will train to achieve your destiny; to become what you were born to be.

    Damien gave her an odd look. And what was I born to be?

    A Dragon.



Megan might understand it a little more than the rest of you...unless you've read my story, Dragon: The Insurrection. This is, by the way, not in that. Well, not what's posted on FAC at the moment, anyway.
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brilliant, abso-fucking-lutely brilliant, all three ... No... Two of you! Damn, I can't count. x-x

Anyways, those were awesome, guys. Speechless I am...
~~
Fourth Chapter: Starlit Nights and Fireworks
~~

Rin sat with her back against the navigational tower of the ship, her knees drawn to her chest. She was wearing the night robe she wore when she was on deck, and the coarse material made her arms itch a little. Her warm linen gown was twisted around her legs. Her hair was down from its elegant bun it was usually in, and she had been considering cutting it short so it wouldn't be such a hassell; the red hue of the strands glimmered purple in the faintly blue light from the moon.

Zuko was standing with his back against the railing, still as a deer that had just heard a noise as Iroh replaced the bandages on his face. His right eye scanned the skies for any sign of an Airbender, a habit that had developed over the days before, and he sighed in aggravation. "The Avatar's been gone for almost a century. What makes my father think that he's still alive?"

"I do not know, Prince Zuko. However, with the Meteor coming again in two years, he wants to be prepared. The Avatar could still be out ther-"

Zuko had walked away by then, lost in thought. He walked past Rin, who stood up and followed him.

"Zuko-san? Are you alright? Zuko-san, please answer..." She waved a hand in front of his face, and he grabbed her wrist and held it for a long moment before sighing.

"I'm not in the mood, Rin-san... I'm sorry, but I really need to be going to bed."

"But Zuko-san, I was going to set off fireworks in honor of your mother... Hers and your favorite fireworks. You know, the ones of the spirits."

Zuko hesitated as he started to let go of her wrist, and he turned around a little to face her. "Alright, I'm staying..." He was faintly smiling, though.
---

Rin had disappeared into the storage shed, and she walked back out with a large box being dragged behind her by a rope. She moved effortlessly - Almost like water, Zuko and Iroh thought at the same time - and she eventually set them up alone. One could smell the powders in the fireworks.

A spurt of flame set the small braids of ropes at the ends of the dragon-shaped cones, and she sat by Zuko, her arms under her knees. The first one went off, spiraling into the nighttime sky, and the sparks formed the shape of two fish, a white one and a gray one, that formed the Yin and Yang symbol.

"Those're the moon and water spirits," said Zuko in awe, almost speechless. "How did you find-"

"They were here on the ship."
---
As the last fireworks set off into the sky, Rin had fallen asleep, her head resting on his shoulder. Her dyed black bangs fell onto his bare neck slightly, and he looked at her, his right eye showing that he was half-wondering why she would have gone with him anyways. She mumbled something in her sleep, and as the last firework lit up the night sky with a bright white light, he saw a slightly bloodstained bandage leading from her shoulder to her back under the robe, but it disappeared as the last firework's light faded.

"Rin-san, that was brilliantly-" Iroh started to say, rather loudly.

"Shhh. She's asleep," Zuko whispered. "I'll take her back to her room."
---

After Zuko set the slumbering girl on her bed, she opened her eyes a little, still half-asleep, and mumbled, "Z-Zuko-s-san? C-Could you t-tell me a story?"

He stared at her for a moment before realizing she was half in a dream, where she'd been about nine years old and he'd been ten. She'd been plagued by a bad nightmare that wouldn't go away unless she was told a story, and Oni was no storyteller. Iroh's stories put a child to sleep on the first word, and Rin preferred to stay up till the end of the story.

"Alright, Rin-san. What one would you like to hear?" He sat on the edge of her bed and held her hand.

"D-Doesn't matter... C-Could you tell me the one about the A-Avatar?"

He stiffened when she snuggled up against his side, but he slipped an arm under her shoulders and said, "Alright, Rin-san..."

The Avatar controlled all four elements: Fire, Water, Air, and Earth. He or She could bring about the end of the world, or a new beginning to it. Ever since the beginning of time, the Avatars were the middle line between the living and spirit worlds, serving as a bit of a medium between the elemental spirits and the humans. However, a few got out, like the Face Stealer. One of the Avatars was vengeful after he stole his beloved's face, and the Face Stealer was banished to a tree in the spirit world...

He trailed off, noticing that she was looking up at him with her eyes open. She'd woken up in the middle of the telling, and hadn't interrupted him through fear of angering him. When she shut her eyes to mimic sleep again, he continued, smiling very faintly.

A hundred years ago, it was found that the newest Avatar was an Airbender. He disappeared, and he hasn't been seen since...

She opened her eyes slowly, yawning a little, and mumbled, "Thanks, Zuko-san..." Her voice was sleepy, and her eyes drifted shut again. He nodded, whispering a response, and he eased his arm out from under her shoulders and pulled the sheet back over her small form. Her face was peaceful in her slumber.

Gently, he brushed a strand of crimson hair out of her face, and silently walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

~~

Better than I hoped, I suppose..
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Orlando_Hamar
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nilly, that was good. You definately had a clear idea of where you were going, and from the way you tell it, it sounds like you know where you're going afterward. However, there're some problems where word-placement is concerned. Some words you don't have to say at all, as they're implied in the next statement.
This bit, for instance:


Quote:
"Rin-san, that was brilliantly-" Iroh started to say, rather loudly.


Could be changed to say "Iroh began" or something along those lines. The fact that he has been cut off requires as little information afterward as possible. When a character has been cut off, you need to get straight to the point. The fact that he was speaking loudly is implied by Zuko afterward. Sometimes it's best not to point out something that's been implied, since when you have to think a bit more, it makes reading ever more interesting.

The same thing goes for the last line. You needn't put "shutting the door quietly behind him." as that was implied by "silently walked out of the room".

Please don't be offended by this. You have great potential and ideas for writing, but I would advise reading over it again because it helps you iron out the creases which we all make when writing straight out.



Anyway, not to sound irritable or anything, but could someone please comment on my "short Tomb Raider fanfic"? It's the most recent posting in the Fanfiction Critique section.

Oh, and By the way, here's another extract for you all. Wrote it last night, wondering if anyone can guess what happens next.



    Why did you call me? Damien asked. I dont have work tonight.

    I know. Paige replied meekly. I wanted to ask for your help.

    My help?

    Do you remember when you first came to mealmost two months ago, you fought off those gang members?

    I remember a lot of fightsbut I dont forget any of them. She gave him a confused look. Yes, I remember it.

    Ten points if you can guess what she wants from you! Kagan said, over-enthusiastically.

    Im not going to guess what you want me to do, Paige. Damien replied. But why me, exactly?

    That was a really stupid question.

    Im a member of the Elite, okay? Only by word, though. Ill take up arms when Im needed. But Ive heard people talk about how good you are. She sighed, and took a deep drag on her cigarette. Sitting on her desk and crossing her legs, she continued. Youve climbed the ranking ladder like wildfire. I dont know of anyone who could have done that. You completed your first mission in two hours! She laughed manically. Why you, Damien? Why you? Because youre the best.

    Andyoure sending me in alone?

    No. She replied. Matt is coming with you.

    Matt? Damien frowned. Who is Matt?

    The bartender. She gave him an odd look. Youve been working here for almost two months and you dont know his name?

    I dont speak to him often.

    You should. You and himyou have a lot in common.

    I bet we do. Damien stared at her as she took another drag on her cigarette; her eyes screaming with an almost frenzied stress. But I dont care about that at the moment. What will I be getting in return?

    What do you mean?

    Well, you cant expect me to do this for nothing in return.

    I can pay youa million dollars.

    A million?

    Once we have them, Ill be able to get my money back its nothing compared to the rest theyve received.

    Wellthat sounds like a good deal. Damien frowned at her. But Ive got a better one. A million and you get Keira to Mars City so she can be accepted into the VA.

    Change it to half a million, and youve got yourself a new recruit.

    Okay, deal. But just so you know; Damien added with (what could be perceived as) a smile, I dont really care about the money.

    Paige put a hand to her temple, almost massaging it. Well, if this works out, neither will I.

    There was a moment of silence as Damien stared at the girl before him. She was staring at the floor, clearly having forgotten that he was here. A lone tear slid down her cheek. Paige

    What? She asked, looking up quickly and removing the tear with Spirit. Sorry, I thought youd gone.

    Do you know where Ill find them?

    The mobsters? No, I dont know where their base of operations is. When I made the deal the deal for my moneythe one that started all this out they came here. I contacted them through one of their men, who I just happened to see running past my place.

    Damn. Damien paused, having to think only for a moment. Do you know when their next payment is due?

    They come randomly. Sometimes days betweenbut theyve never waited this long. She gave him a wary look. Youve scared them away for two months. But they wont stay scared forever. Do you know why I asked you to come to me today?

    It crossed my mind.

    Because this morning, I received a call from a payphone somewhere in the Second Quadrant. I was told that I had two weeks to pay them a hundred thousand dollars. Otherwiseall they said was that I would regret doing otherwise. She hesitated. I wasnt given a chance to ask how I could pay them.

    The girl began to shake, her skin becoming paler than it already was. Those eyes, those bright blue eyes, obscured by the dark makeup screamed a silent fear. If I give them that money, I wont have enough money to support my club. This clubits everything to me. Its all I have. I put my heart and my soul into this place, and if I co-operate or not, they will still take it from me. They gave me this club, and now they want to take it back. She stood up, the makeup on her face smudged by the tears. Before Damien knew it, the girl had embraced him and was crying on his chest. He hesitated, and put an arm around her. This is my club, Damien. I cant let them take itI dont want them to have it. I built it. Its nothing without metheyll turn it intointo aan abomination.

    Dont worry about it, Paige.

    Butwhat can I do? She looked into his eyes for a moment, hopeful and innocent. Something he would have considered pathetic if he didnt know her so well. What can I do? Either way, I cant keep the clubId be ruined again back to square one

    You can fire me.

    She gave him a look that asked if he had completely lost his mind.

    If you fire me, you go back to asking for ID. Theyll come to you and ask you for money. And then Ill follow them.

    She smiled and looked at him again. Those strong red lips untouched by the tears, and the makeup that was, had formed into an erotic beauty unlike any he could recall. For a moment, he stared deep into those eyes: strong blue contrasting the black around themso beautiful.

    Before he knew it, he had leaned in and kissed her.




A critique would be really welcome Smile
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theWriter
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bah. I need to go do some critiques anyway. I've been lagging behind on my writing quota this past month. :(

Great job, Jack. I assume that this has been installed in the story? I hope very much so. If not, I'd be bummed. The dialouge and everything is great. Kudos.
----------
"Manya!" Lena screamed at him, mouth agape and eyes wide. "Manya!"

He turned, ducking behind the remnants of one of the last flat complexes in Groznny. His younger sister was vying to kick out of Uncle Kuzma's grip and run towards him. The girl couldn't be older than five and she was fighting to get to her brother. Her last remaining brother.

"Stay down, Lena!" Manya screamed, voice muffled over the pop of artillery and bombs. She paused momentarily but then continued her struggling. He felt compelled to run towards her to make her stop, but he knew at the moment he was pinned. So Many did all he really could do. Continue to scream. "Lena, for the love of Allah, stay down!"

Kuzma was struggling to keep his hands around the girl. She was young but small and very thin, giving her the gift of easy manuverability. And she wanted to protect her brother. The others had all died. Yuriy, Muhhamad, Stas. Yuiry when he crossed the street, decapitated by falling rubble from the nearby flat as the Russians bombs dropped across the city. Muhhamad by another rebel fighter who had accused him of being a traitor. Stas had died the most normally--he committed suicide naught but three months ago, kissing his automatic's barrel and then bidding the world good-bye.

"Manya," Kuzma finally shouted, "She's not going to stay much longer!"

Manya finally made a decision, eyes racing across the barren and ultimately shelterless landscape. He could clearly see, not too far in the distance, a small, cap covered head bobbing indiscreetly about a window. The glint of a rifle barrel was all he needed to know.

They were fish in a barrel. Snipers on both sides, the rebels versus the Russian army and for what? For a goddamn capital that wasn't even in existance anymore.

The window that that head was hiding behind, though, made an excellent shelter. Manya knew what he had to do. He had to kill that man. He had to do it now.

Another shriek from his younger sister. Manya shot a look over to her and smiled gently, trying to seem calm amid the hell that surronded them.

"Honey, you're going to have to stay down. Brother's going to be there in a minute." As she gazed at him with wide eyes, he nodded his head and continued to give an encouraging smile. "I promise, Lena. I promise."

She stopped squirming and grew still in her uncle's arms. Manya gave a sigh of relief before bringing his shotgun to his shoulder and sighting down. The head bobbed once, twice, three times near his eyes before he finally had him. Manya gave one last look to his sister.

And fired.
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 12:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent as usual, Meg. ^_^

~~

This is more an update on some of my stories. FF.net won't accept my Condemned fanfic because they don't have that category. Metal, Fire, Water is currently on Hiatus. I am now working on another *don't ask!!!!* Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic, as you have all seen.

But this is an expansion on my skills. I am going to practically KILL my brain. One-shot between Riku of Kingdom Hearts and an OC that is not a Mary-Sue. I only describe her so much because I want the reader to see her in their minds, be they feeble or strong.

I own only the plot of this miserable little songfic one shot, which I think is going to be a piece of s**t. Sad
~~

A female figure darted through the shadows of the remains of Hollow Bastion, which had turned mostly mechanical. The castle had changed drastically in such a short time, only a year...

The form tripped on a lump that lay on the ground, and she fell onto her face with a grunt. Her naturally tanned skin clashed with the sheer white-and-golden color of her hair, which fell in straight locks around her face. Her black robe was tangled around her legs as she sat up, wincing and squinting her eyes shut before their odd color could be seen by whatever she'd tripped over.

The 'lump' on the ground sat up, wincing vaguely at the soreness of its arm, which now had an ugly purple and brown bruise on it, and the head turned toward the girl. Two sharp aquamarine eyes narrowed when she started to move away in fear of a reprimand, but when it saw that she was injured, its eyes softened, and it held a gloved hand out to her as if to say it meant no harm.

She opened an eye, this one her left eye that was a startling crimson hue, and stared at it with that eye. Its form was mostly hidden by a black cloak that looked vaguely similar to hers... She dismissed the thought as she opened her right eye, its icy blue color contrasting sharply with her red irised left eye. She looked at it for a long while, her gaze eventually moving to the outstretched hand, and she stood up, saying softly, "I'm-I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to trip over you. I-I'd best be going, I'm late for a meeting."

She started to back away, but her back hit an invisible wall that had just flown up. However, it was flucuating slightly, and it molded to her back's shape. She looked at the form, startled, and her contrasting eyes widened as the form collapsed after standing up. The hood fell back, revealing platinum blue hair, and the skin on the boy - who looked like a girl somehow - was pale, almost as white as the whites of an eye. His breathing was labored, and his right hand was tightly gripping his left side in pain.

"Are... A-Are you with the O-Organization?" she asked, taking a step toward him. He looked up, his sea green eyes questioning, and he whispered, "No... I don't know where I am or whose side I'm on..." He shut his eyes as his left arm gave out, and she caught him in a fluid motion, his chin coming to rest gently on her right shoulder.

He mumbled something incoherently, and he moved away, sitting down facing her. He studied her for a long while, as if to find some personality flaw that would prove her weak, and said, "Why do you ask if I'm with the Organization? Just because I wear black doesn't mean-"

"SHH!" She clamped a hand over his mouth and looked behind him, squinting for a moment, before looking back at him and placing a finger to her own lips. "Just shut up and look pretty. There's someone here who's after me. Just shut up, alright? You don't want to get killed; Axel's a real pain. Don't say a word; pull up the hood and stay here."

She stood up and walked over to somewhere behind him and said, "Okay, Ax. You found me." She threw her hands up in the air. "I give!"

~~~

Gosh darn it, she really sounds like a Mary Sue. That's not what I wanted. x-x
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
Has No Life


Joined: 14 Jan 2005
Posts: 509

PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 7:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nilly: Very Happy
Megan: ^_^

Alyssa's story continues. Warning, it is a bit graphic.
___________________________________________________________

Alyssa stood in the express line at the supermarket, waiting for the man ahead of her. He was fat, slow and obviously had more than 15 items in his cart. She looked at her own items; she only had three, but they were her staples. Gum, cherry lip balm, and sour cream chips. She could imagine her mother's face expression as she complained about Alyssa's choice of essentials. Alyssa smiled while trying not to look at the people around her. She must of looked odd to the people in the store. Here she was, a gorgeous blond with piercing hazel eyes, yet she stared at her items as if they were going to do a trick.

The man in front was almost finished, he was on his last item and paying with a card. Alyssa looked at him briefly and immediately pressed her hand to her temple. His life, like so many others, was playing in her brain like a home movie. She closed her eyes to see the images more clearly. Her heart pounded relentlessly as she bore witness to a human sacrifice. A woman lay on a rusted metal table, bleeding heavily as if a faucet had just been turned on. She wasn't dead, her chest moved up and down with each shaky breath she took. The man in the grocery line stood next to her with a hack saw in hand. His mouthed moved, but she was watching a silent movie; at least he was the silent one. As the man began to cut into the woman's chest, she screamed. Her screams were loud and ear-piercing, Alyssa couldn't take it. Her eyes shot open, she couldn't stand to finish the scene. Although his life still played in her head, it was blurred. The screams began to die down, almost becoming silent; almost being the key word.

She looked at the man again; he looked like a stereotypical truck driver. He wore pants that sagged, revealing his butt crack. A white t-shirt that was a size too small and clung to his torso, letting the bottom of his beer belly hang out. To complete the look, he wore a blue trucker at that said, No Fear in faded lettering. He looked at Alyssa and smiled, her head began to throb. He collected his purchases and walked away; another evil life to add to her collection.
* * * *

Alyssa sat at her kitchen table, trying to push the new lives to the back of her mind. She was tired and on the verge of being sick. Her stomach turned at the occasional murder or sick fantasy as she continued to push them back. There was only one life that never joined the others, but he wasn't new.

It had been six months since he had pulled her into the darkness, but by no means did it mean that he was through. He needed her help then and he still did, but like before, she still couldn't help him. She needed to know his name first.

She began to play his life, she wanted to find the piece of information that she desperately needed. She knew it wasn't there, it had never been there. She had played his story everyday for the entire six months without much success. He was the mystery life that had no suspects.

Alyssa stood up, allowing his life to fade. She grabbed the phone off the counter and dialed her parents' number. It rang three times before her father answered.

Hello? he said in his classic, rustic tone.

Hey daddy, it's Alyssa. Is mom there? she asked.

Is everything ok?

A long pause.

Sweetie?

Yes, I just need to talk to mom.

You don't sound like everything is fine. Please tell me what is going on.

Guy troubles. she said, which wasn't a complete lie.

Her father sighed.

Ok, I'll go get her.

Alyssa waited. If it were up to her she'd talk to her father in a heartbeat, but he couldn't relate. He didn't share the same gift that had been given to her by her mother; his was different. He could emulate emotions, feel what someone else was feeling by just brushing against them. It wasn't the same.
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2496
Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 3:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lex: Wonderfully done. ^_^ A girl from a family of psychics... Nice.

~~
A total revamp of the one-shot. x-x I felt my OC was too perfect. I HATE perfect. x.x
~~

A female figure darted through the shadows of the remains of Hollow Bastion, which had turned mostly mechanical. The castle had changed drastically in such a short time, only a year... She tripped over a broken stone, and fell to the ground with an eep.

Her naturally tanned skin clashed with the sheer white-and-golden color of her hair, which fell in straight locks around her face. Her black robe was tangled around her legs as she sat up, wincing and squinting her eyes shut before their odd color could be seen by the people around her.

She pulled her hood back over her head as she opened her eyes again, standing up and looking around. She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her black cloak-like robe and continued walking, singing softly under her breath.

If you are living under the ocean
I'll become a fish
Just to be with you...


She opened a door to what looked like a teenagers' bar, one without the overly-alcoholic drinks the pub down the way sold, and she sat at the counter after muttering, "The usual... minus the shot. I'm in no mood to be even half drunk."

The hand that tapped its fingers on the table agitatedly wore fingerless biker gloves, the back of her hand showing. A cross scar glared an angry white at anyone who looked at it, and forcing those who looked to return to their drinks

She looked up as the bartender set her drink in front of her, and she set two diamond-shaped munny on the table before picking the glass up and taking a sip. Briefly, her left eye shined through the shadows of the hood that she wore - an angry crimson color the iris was- but it disappeared when she cast her gaze at her boot-clad feet.

"... and it looks like we have a guest toniiiight!" said the announcer at the stage nearby, waving his hand in her direction. "It's our local singing celebrity, Amari!"

There was little applause, mostly because the people who knew her weren't there yet, and the fact that there were only three people there besides herself, the two workers behind the bar, and the announcer.

A dog, with always laughing eyes, that sat on a chair. A duck with a blue hat and glaring eyes. And a boy with spikey brown hair and somehow sad blue eyes...

She stood up and walked over to the small, morphed-wood stage, nodded her thanks to the announcer, who walked off the stage and to the counter with a small smile, and she pushed her hood back, letting her platinum hair fall down her back. She opened her eyes, and the boy's own eyes widened.

Her right eye was an icy, sharp blue color, almost white in its clearness. Her left eye was a warm, but also sharp, crimson hue, nearly the color of fire. The contrast was shockingly scary, and yet calming.

She tapped the microphone with a slim index finger, making the speakers echo slightly, and she winced when the speakers whined from feedback.

"Um... Looks like we have a three of a kind in the house tonight," she said, feebly laughing, her normally loud voice now weak and barely in hearing range. She always got stage fright at the worst of times, but this was the best of them.

Which really made things better.

"Eh..." She cleared her throat and continued, "This song is the English translation of Koe. This is the interpretational lyrics, not the actual."

After taking a sip of water from a nearby glass on a stool, she kicked a switch at her feet, and piano music started playing from an old, worn-out grand piano in the corner.

Her singing voice strongly contrasted with her speaking voice. When she talked, her voice was low and frighteningly dark. But when she sang... You'd mistake her for an angel, you really would.

"If you were living in the depths of the ocean
I would become a fish
Just to be with you"


The boy crossed his arms and looked at the duck, who sat to his right, and muttered, "Who is she?"

A cricket, wearing a patched vest and beige pants and a top hat with a bright red square patch on one side, appeared on his shoulder and said, "She's an exile of Organization XIII. There were originally twenty members, but she lost her mind for awhile and killed six of them. She was banished."

"I meant her name, Jiminy."

"The announcer said it, already, Sora," said the dog, scratching an ear with a front paw. His odd hat bobbed slightly.

"I don't think that's really her name..."

"I would descend the deepest of pits
Wander the darkness as a shadow
Just to be with you..."


Sora closed his ocean blue eyes and leaned his chair back a little, falling silent.

The duck and the dog looked at each other worriedly.

"Do you think she's Riku's sister?" asked the white duck, his orange beak butchering his speech slightly.

"Riku didn't have sisters, Donald," said Sora, still listening to the song and them at the same time. Donald huffed and crossed his arms as well.

"Our memories still drift vividly
I had been drowning in my own sorrow
You're gone
I know
I know..."


She stepped on another switch, and some musicians appeared behind her from a curtain. She looked up, blinking her contrasted eyes. A light shined on her suddenly, her white-yellow hair going full white. A scar ran down the left side of her face, and a jagged tattoo was engraved on her right cheek, just under her eye.

Jiminy quickly and quietly sketched her down, making note of the scar on the back of her right hand. Sora seemed to be asleep, and Donald and the dog, Goofy, were quietly talking to each other.

"The sun rises, rises, purifies my world
A tepid wind carries off the scar carved into my mind..."


Some more people had started to walk in, hearing the local celebrity's singing, and all sat down in some of the tables. One person, wearing a dark blue and yellow hooded sweater and dark denim jeans and converse shoes, sat down at the counter, his arms on the polished oak top. From under the hood, you could see a lock or two of white-blue hair and two aquamarine eyes.

"If it would bring these
Words to you
Then I would gladly
Sacrifice my voice..."


"A vivid scar and this despair
Your warmth that overwhelms all my sadness
I yearned for it
Yearned for it
Even if it is just an illusion..."


The band started playing again, and the song took a deeper tone.

The boy at the counter turned slightly on his stool to watch her singing, and, when he saw Sora, he turned away and stared intently at the wall across from him.

"The fading, fading warmth takes me away
I want to fall asleep in your forgiving embrace..."


The girl sat down on the stool to catch her breath while the musicians hit a cresendo of the notes, and, if one looked hard enough, scars could be seen along her neckline and across what little you could see of her collarbones.

When she stood up again after catching her breath, she looked somehow different. Her red eye was slightly pinker, and her blue eye was going a gentle violet color.

"The sun rises, rises, purifies my world
I want to fall asleep in your forgiving embrace
The fading, fading warmth takes me away
A tepid wind takes carries off the tattoo
Carved into my mind..."


Without missing a beat, she lowered her voice and continued singing in almost an eerie voice.

"Memories are wearing thin with time
I'm like an earring without its needle
I forget, it all fades
Your voice vanishes amidst the noise of a crowd"


She picked her voice up, one hand resting just below her neck out of habit.

"It falls apart, I lose my grip
I'm like an earring without its needle
I forget, without a trace
Your voice becomes static"


The music stopped almost abruptly, and the whole room erupted in applause. She sat on the edge of the stage, breathing heavily but smiling. She waved a little as her eyes went back to their normal hues, and she pulled her hood up as she walked out, humming under her breath.

The boy at the counter stood up and silently walked after her, his shoes silent against the hard cobblestones.
--
Amari leaned against the balcony overlooking the darkness-engulfed half of Hollow Bastion, her hair waving into her face because of the gentle winds. She smelled smoke and fear, and she sighed, crossing her arms a little. Her single earring - a coppery crimson moon - dangled and shivered as she turned around.

"What do you want, Riku?" she asked, her voice slightly threatening as he took a step closer.

"Just an answer." He pushed his hood back, his platinum blue hair shimmering weakly in the moonlight, and said, "You left the Organization. You weren't banished like the rumors say."

She smiled faintly and turned back to the small town she could see. "You're wise to look beyond the lies. But what will happen if you find the ugly truth?"

"Very funny, Amari. Or should I say Amane?"

Exaggeratedly, she sighed. "You caught me red-handed, Riku. I'm evil for hiding my true name from you..." She smiled as he laughed a little.

"Amane, just tell me. Why did you leave the Organiz-"

"Because I didn't belong." She looked back at the town again, one hand resting on the railing of the balcony, and she said softly, "It's a long, painful story. I don't think you'd particularily like it."

"With all I've seen and done, I'm sure I can deal with it."

~~~
Will work on this when I get back. School. x-x
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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Joined: 17 Dec 2005
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Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.

PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pardon the doublepost. x-x I finished the next chapter of my Avatar fanfic.

~~
I still don't own anything but Rin, Oni (who makes a reappearance!), and some of the plot. Most of it goes along with the show as a side thing. Also, I don't own the song in this that Rin sings.
~~

Two long years passed since the day Zuko and Rin had been banished, and Zuko had gone through a total change. He'd gone from a happy, carefree young boy to a cold, nearly emotionless young man. He almost never spoke, but when he did, his voice had a sharp, angry edge to it, even when he wasn't angry.

Rin still smiled once in a while, but watching Zuko suffer had hardened her heart considerably. She daily practiced her dancing, music, and singing for whenever they landed in a town so she could raise some money on her own, but, so far, the most she'd ever earned was a few copper coins.
---

Oni looked down at a lifeless form on the ground, his once-warm blue eyes now sharp and cold. Blood stained the dirt around the dead figure, and he bent over to flip the body over. The face was hidden by shadows. A flicker of fire erupted from Oni's fingers, and the form was...

Who was that girl? Dark red hair that went down to the waist, yellow eye with flecks of crimson, tanned skin that was sickly, a scar over her right forever-shut eyelid...

She looked at Oni, a weak glare in her remaining eye, and he laughed softly. It wasn't a laugh of defeat... What was it? A victorious laugh of hate?

"You said you were strong enough to defeat me. Well, you were wrong..."


Rin opened her amber eyes, staring at the starry sky above her. They'd landed on an abandoned island, and she'd wandered off to look at everything. Sitting up, she looked around the clearing she was in.

Various trees dotted the edges. Ginko trees, cherry trees, bamboo trees... Lush, thick, green grass lined the ground, and she ran her hand through it. It was softer than the mattress she'd slept on for two years, probably because the mattress was now over three years old and counting.

Sighing, she stood up, brushing some blades of the fine green plant off her autumn-colored kimono, and walked back to the ship, stopping occasionally to examine a tree she found different from the others she passed.
---

Zuko was in the navigational tower, finding a course to the next nation they hadn't yet gone to: The Southern Water Tribe. Absently, one hand lifted to brush the scar on his face, and, gritting his teeth as hard as he could, he slammed a hand onto the map.

He rolled the map back up and slid it into its compartment by the metal steering wheel, and he climbed down the ladder to the deck. He walked to the railing, resting the heel of his right hand on the cold metal, and closed his eyes, letting the breeze brush his face as gently as his mother had done when he was ill.

He opened his eyes, his left eye opening only partly, and saw Rin half-running to the ship. Her hair was a mess, her kimono had grass stains... He smiled very faintly. She always took a nap on-land when she could.

---

When she was back on the ship, she went immediately to her room to change. It was sweltering hot, mostly because the crew had used so much coal to fire up the engines, and when she came out of her room, she was wearing brown cloth slacks and a sleeveless shirt she'd made from a sheet she'd torn in the midst of a nightmare she'd had.

For a girl at the age of fifteen, Rin never cared about her appearance unless she was going to a teahouse for an appointment.

She walked down to the shallows where they caught fish and washed her face off there, letting the white face paint drip into the salty waters with the red powder she'd used as blush. The red lip chalk took longer to come off, and the charcoal she'd used to paint in her eyebrows refused to come off at all.

As soon as the white mask-like appearance was gone, she looked almost like Azula, Zuko's sister, except for a few choice differences. Her eyes were more almond shaped, and they held kindness, even when she was angry at someone. Her nose was a little smaller, and her lips were thin, but not like Zuko's.

She was rather sallow looking at times, mostly when she hadn't been outside in a while.

Sighing after staring at her distorted reflection in the moving waters, she stood up as Zuko opened the door.

"Are you alright, Rin-san?"

"I'm fine, Zuko-san. Just tired and sore. I haven't been practicing my water bending or my water bending like I should've been, and it's tiring." She brushed some of her hair out of her face as she walked past him with a slight bow, and she disappeared down the corridor.

What was wrong with her today?
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Inu-chan_rox_mah_sox
Has No Life


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 3:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(Wow, that was long. XD But really good! I liked it! This one's part of a songfic I did for my character when her husband, Roy, died. Sorry if it's a little confusing. ^^; )

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time I saw your pretty face


Shianne sighed deeply. No woman should ever have to go through this. No woman should have to arrange her husbands funeral, and then have to explain to her three children why Daddy wasnt coming home from the war. Several months ago, a war had started up, fueled by old rebellions in Lior. Lieutenant Colonel Shianne Mustang and Brigadier General Roy Mustang had both been chosen to go to the battlefield, both being State Alchemists.

A hundred lies have made me colder
And I dont think I can look at this the same


Roy, however, had ordered her as both a commanding officer and husband for Shianne to stay at home. Someone had to watch the kids, and he knew how delicate Shianne could be. She had never had to take a human life, having not been in the State during the Ishballan rebellions, and he didnt want that to start now. He remembered how hard it had been on himself to take a life, and there was no way in heaven or hell that hed let his love have to go through that pain and guilt.

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face


So Shianne had stayed home, taking care of their children, Kia, the oldest, Renee, the middle child, and Locke, their infant son, along with their dog, Kai. She remembered the day she had been called so clearly, and her eyes filled with tears each time she recalled it. She had been doing the dishes after lunch, and was carrying a few to the cupboards at a time. The phone rang, and Renee had picked up, a moment later calling to her mother that it was for her. Shianne had picked up the phone and told the man on the other end to wait a moment before calling for Renee to hang up the other phone. When she heard the click of the other phone hanging up, she asked the man what it was that he had called for. He explained that he was from the military, and thats when Shianne felt a slight tug at her heart. He sounded so solemn, as though he would start crying any moment. Whats wrong? she had so stupidly asked. She could hear him take a deep, shaky breath on the other end before he started to explain. Shiannes teal eyes had widened and the plates slid from her hands. Im sorry was all the man could muster before she heard the distinct sound of sobbing before she hung up again.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
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Orlando_Hamar
Very bored


Joined: 12 Aug 2005
Posts: 120

PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 8:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was pretty good. I liked the use of the italicized poemy thingies...(and I call myself a writer...pfft!). However, I felt the beginning was kind of weak. You had your ideas, and then you just told everyone. Something that can be very difficult (I have fallen into it many times myself) is trying to retain mystery. Trying to keep things in the dark, but still making it possible for the reader to understand.
For instance, in "and then have to explain to her three children why Daddy wasnt coming home from the war", you needn't say "...from the war". And then introduce the war and how it spawned later on in the extract.
I also noticed some repetition of words...war being one of them. The same with "take a [human] life". That's a very small problem though - something that everyone does.

And now, my extract. Feel free to critique all you wish.
    Jacks eyes shot open and he looked around, confused, but he couldnt see a thing he was blind.

    No, he wasnt blind. He growled at his own stupidity. Someone just hadnt removed his blindfold. It had beenhe didnt even know how long but it was a long time. All through that, he had been fed through a tube, and he had been blindfolded and gagged. His forearm and lower leg had been amputated, and the would-be-stumps had been stuck in casings of not-yet-settled stem cells. Eventually he would be as good as new, with only a thin scar marking the injury. But he didnt care how many limbs he had formed or not for as long as he resided in this horrible place.

    The least he wanted was to see again, not just to know where he was going or who it was that was taking him, but to experience sight again. He could last without speaking, but the gag made it difficult to breathe. Kandrer had considered puncturing his brothers windpipe, but that would hurt for only a short period of time, and then he would actually suffer less. That was definitely not among Kandrers intentions.

    The journey was absolutely silent. He was in a kind of soundproof case which got very hot very quickly. Of course, this kind of thing would not have a cooling system this was a prison created to invoke suffering. Even if it didnt make a person change their ways, it would make them miserable for the rest of their henceforth deemed short lives.

    There was a sudden sound of something before him moving, and he felt a breath of fresh air bathe his body. The air, naturally, was by no means fresh, but in comparison to what he had in this coffin, it was like breathing

    He felt a hand close over the blindfold, nails or were they claws? scratching at skin as it was torn from his face. Either way, it seemed he would soon find out.

    or not. The room was pitch black; he couldnt see a thing. Unless, that is, he counted the floating green orbs.

    He felt the gag get ripped from his mouth. The moment he felt the rough fabric leave his mouth, he lunged forward, coughing and spitting, then trying to take in all the air he could at once. It was like opening up to fresh air after sucking through a straw, only a thousand times better.

    Immediately, he took his chance.

    What the f**k do you want with me? He yelled at the floating orbs. What do you want? His voice went quickly hoarse. No water

    Learn to survive on rations, human. Came the purr of a female Lecoda. You wont earn our respect unless you do.

    Respect? Jack spat, his voice still rough. Respect? Do you think I give two shits about respect? I want freedomor at least water Talking was difficult, he found himself drifting into a throaty rattle when not concentrating.

    Well give you water when were ordered to.

    Jack suddenly burst out laughing, his dry throat making it horribly painful, but he couldnt resist. A bit of mad laughter at the utterly wretched creatures; he found himself wondering how they would react to it.

    What are you laughing at? A male snarled. Cease.

    What am I laughing at? Jack laughed intentionally harder. You.

    He felt something hard and hairy smash against the side of his face, resulting in the horribly painful cracking of his jaw bone. A tooth popped out onto his tongue, and his mouth began to fill with blood. He yelped with pain, choking on his own blood, and he spat the tooth to the floor with a meek splat. Following was a crunch as one of the Lecoda crushed it beneath the heel of one of their boots.

    Why Jack began, breathlessly. Why did you bring me here?

    Havent you worked it out, yet? The female mused.

    Worked it out yet? Jack snapped. I cant see a thing besides your night vision goggles, and hear anything besides your voices. My other seven senses are pretty much useless to me from there on.

    I notice you havent lost your charming and enticing wit. Came another voice. Cold and cruel it approached from far ahead. Prison time drives many of the occupants mad, and yet you are the same old you.

    Who is that? Jack snapped. He recognized the voice clearlybut he couldnt match it to a face. It wastoo unlike anyone he could remember. His brotherno, it wasnt Kandrer. And his father would never talk to him like this. Let me see you!

    Oh, what exactly makes you think Im going to turn on the lights? My friends and I can see perfectly with these handy little goggles. Besides, Im wearing uniform, you wouldnt recognize me anyway.

    Uniform? Images and faces flashed before his eyes so fast he could barely recognize them as his own thoughts. Words and past conversations rang in his ears, the whispers screaming and the cries silent, his subconscious outwardly made to match the voices.

    Your mind is taking control I notice. The man laughed. I was wondering when the drugs would kick in.

    Jack barely heard him. His mind was racing, tearing through his brain and searching in the deepest depths of his psyche for what it sought. Before he knew it, his head began to pound as the grey matter strained. He could feel it twisting and churning inside his mind, looking through everything he knew; all his memories and thoughts enhanced a thousand-fold. If he had been looking for something in particular, it didnt seem likely that he would find it.

    What have you done to me? Jack screamed, forcing his arms against the bonds; the pain was horrible, and what he saw and felt was even worse. Recounting entire years in a few short seconds.

    And then, just as quickly as it had started, his mind came to a halt, and all of a sudden, he recognized the man before him. The man he looked at through blind eyes, and heard through a maddened mind.

    Nono it cant be.

    It is, Jack.

    Noyou arent him. You arent.

    The man laughed. Do you seriously think I would be as good and kind toward your people as I made out to be? Please. When I told you I was a double agent, why would you think I would be working for the Elite?

    Butis Keira alright? Jack snapped. She isnt here too, is she?

    I havent seen her. The man said, his voice tinged with an unnatural calm. But from what Ive heard, she hasnt seen much herself.

    Go to hell.

    No, Im sorry, Jack. He cut in. I am not the one who will be going to hell. And before you even begin to think so, neither are you. He sighed. In fact, it will be everyone else on this pitiful rock.

    Jack glared into the darkness. Who are you working for? He half stammered.

    Who? The man laughed again. Jack hated that laugh; it was as painful to hear as it was to mimic. Well, it isnt your friends in the Elite. But I think you already know that. It isnt your father and his arrogant bastard of a brother, either. Although they still think Im working for them. And that leaves one more enemy of yours.

    I cant His mind began to race again, and the familiar, skull crushing, mind ripping pain returned, as that annoying drug searched for memories once more.

    Think beyond the feeble walls of this city, beyond the pitiful walls of your half-decimated country, beyond the millions of miles of nothingness and toward the largest star in the sky.

    Earth

    Score one for the Martians! the man laughed, clapping his hands. Now, dont worry, you arent in the Prison anymore.

    Thenwhere am I?

    You are on your way to a more secure location.

    Where?

    Now if I was to tell you, that would take away all the fun, and we wouldnt want that, now, would we? The man took a deep breath. Just know that you shant be embracing freedom again in this lifetime.


Glossary
Lecoda - A cat person. But better than the ones on Doctor Who (I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST!!!!!)
Kandrer - Jack's brother.
The Elite - An organization of freedom fighters/terrorists, if you like.
The man - HAHAHA! Like I'm gonna give that away. Feel free to guess, though.
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You'll get a PS3 for this game...

Don't Piss Her Off...
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Both of the people above me: Just brilliant. ^^ Really, it is.

~~

Chapter 6 (the last one was chapter five)

~~

Rin was standing on the deck, leaning against the railing. Her arms were crossed on the top of it, and her head was bowed. Her red hair - now just brushing her shoulders - was pulled back into a short ponytail, some strands waving in her face. She'd earned a faint tan, but it sometimes faded to a sickly yellow when she was hidden away under the ship's wooden flooring.

Sighing, she closed her amber eyes, letting the wind caress her face. She'd pulled a winter robe on because the temperature was dropping rapidly as they grew closer and closer to the south pole, and she hardly jumped when a hand rested on her shoulder.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather stay on board where it's warm?" asked Zuko, standing beside her.

"I told you five times already. As a failed maiko, I'm still expected to go with my escorts." She shrugged his hand off her shoulder and said, "Besides, I'm used to going off the boat with you. Just give me a while to get ready."
---
Zuko watched her go down the stairs leading to her room, and he turned back to the vast oceans, sighing. He didn't want her to get hurt, but it was hard to tell Rin that he cared about her as more than a friend and more than an adopted sister.

To say the least, it felt like love. But he didn't know what the word meant, or what it implied.
---

Rin picked up the wide, fan-like brush and ran it over her face, the white powder that was on it covering her skin cleanly. The areas around her nostrils and lips, as well as around her eyes, were left alone. She took a smaller brush to fill in the gaps, and soon it looked as if she were wearing a white mask that fitted perfectly to her skin.

After burning and blowing out the flame on a stick of charcoal, she looked into a small mirror and drew the stick over her eyerbows, which had previously been covered by the paint.

After changing into her kimono with the help of a dresser on the ship, she painted a dark red color on her lips and pulled her hair up into an elegant style as she could manage.

At times, she really hated being a geisha, and it clearly showed in how she agitatedly covered the back of her neck with the last of the white body paint. She really saw no point in wasting ten more minutes of her time.

She picked up her semi-transparent red umbrella and followed Iroh to the deck. Snow fell quietly onto the deck, melting instantly from the warmth of the wooden panels, and she stood just beyond the view of the towers she could see.

Was the Avatar here, at the South Pole? she thought, shivering faintly. The dresser wrapped a fur shawl around her shoulders, and she nodded a thank you. Looking back at the towers, which were growing closer, she shivered again, though more with anxiety. What was beyond here?
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Merlinhamill
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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ending five

Anakin, in one of his nervous fits, set a plasma bomb inside the senate, and blew everyone, including Palpatine, to kingdom come. Mace Windu thought Anakin was the Sith in disguise and had him executed the next day. Or at least, he would have if Anakin hadnt tried to escape and locked himself inside a lightsaber proof bacta tank.

Ending six

Im sorry, my friend. And with that, Dooku activated the droids. As well as the self destruct sequence for the bridge upon which he stood, due to the fact that he had pressed his finger in between two command buttons rather than one. He cursed under his breath as he remembered his childhood playing dodge ball with the other children.. Butterfingers Butterfingers!!! Just you wait!!! Ill become a jedi, take over the galaxy and destroy your precious lives!!!
Hed made good on most of his promises. Except hed only taken half the galaxy. And none of his old school mates lived there. So really, he had in fact made good on none of his promises and completely ruined the precious lives on the side of the battlefield his classmates were opposed to.
And as usual, he found them making fresh mockery of his clumsiness in his head, much like his master had.
Count Dooku was a polished swordsman.now. It had taken him 74 years to finally master the lightsaber to the point where he could survive an attack from Yoda. With his new talent he felt himself invincible, the best the jedi had ever known. He intended to use this newfound ability to destroy the blasted people he had inhabited the school with.
And now, in thirty seconds, his infernal classmates would succeed to ruin him with their taunting once again. But not if he had anything to say about it. Unfortunately, he had been brooding over his classmates for the sum of time that was required for the self destruct sequence to go off. Thus, the sith destroyed themselves, as tradition demands, and the galaxy was at peace. For about half an hour the jedi stared around in confusion. The droids were deactivated and the command bridge was little but charred rock.

Curse that man! Curse it curse it curse it!!!!
Lord Sidious had just lost the war he started a few hours ago. All because his apprentice couldnt let an elementary school grudge drop!!....Well, he couldnt talk. After all, he had based this entire scheme upon a grudge he had held against the jedi for almost a thousand years.
He walked up to a mirror and stroked his chin. Hmmmm, and not half bad for a thousand years if I may say so, mmhmm, lookin good, oh yeah, UhExcuse me Chancellor Mace Windu had just arrived with Yoda to report, and were quite taken aback to find their noble leader posing in front of the mirror. Given his well known hatred for models they were surprised, and wondered if this wasnt also the work of the Dark Lord.
Umuuh yes, masters Yoda and Windu, ah, I take it this is good news? Said the Chancellor while quickly readjusting his robes.
Yoda gave Mace a look and quickly ran out to laugh while the other Jedi handled the situation.
Master Windu, however, was in the same fix as Yoda. He wasnt one to smile or make jokes, but this, was the exception of exceptions.
He quickly covered his face and said, You know sir, maybe this isnt such a great time. Dont get me wrong, er, it is good news of coursebut uh..
Mace Windu, one of the most serious, esteemed, powerful jedi of his age, was about to wet his robes. As he looked over, anywhere really, to avoid the Chancellors gaze, he noticed several figurines laying about a desk drawer that had been left unsealed. These figurines looked strangely like a Nubian senator he knew.in fact- NOOOO!!!!!! Palpatine force leapt and shut the drawers. Shes miiine!!!! He hissed. My oowwwn, my precious!!!
The master couldnt decide what to make of the situation. He was caught between taking out his saber, and bowling over with laughter. He figured the leap was just adrenaline, after all, those padme figures would create quite a stir and make for good blackmail, regardless, he was concerned for the Chancellors health, and mental sanity
Uh, heh heh, sir? Perhaps I should call in a med team..
The precious. He stood there with one of the figures, gently caressing it as he would have his lightsaber if he hadnt been so dimwitted and gotten that far in the movie.
Yes sir, the precious will be fine, now lets take you up to the medical center just over here-
Auuuughhh!! Nooooo!!! He nearly blasted Mace with force lightning, but in his craze, completely missed. The Korun master was a bit more serious now. Yoda!! Get in here, you wont believe this.
The master came in, sat in a corner and observed, with a hint of amusement on his face.
Ah, so here have we the Dark Lord Sidious. Go on, you may, Master Windu. Need my assistance, you should not.
With a look of confusion Mace bent over the fallen Chancellor and raised his lightsaber, only to lower it onto a blaze of lightning pushing him back.
Auuuuugh, I cant stop it!!! Help! Help! His lightsaber came so close to his face he could smell the ozone.
As usual, Yoda heaved one of his infamous sage sighs, slowly walked over, and sealed some rubber gloves onto Palpatines hands.
Much still to learn have you, my young jedi. Watch Macgyver with the students for 3 weeks, you shall. Then, will you be ready to understand the mysteries of duck tape. An old friend has returned from the netherworld of the force to show me such knowledge. Your old master.
Mace gasped, Richard Dean Anderson!!?!?!?
Teach you and the students to commune with him, I will.
(A few weeks later: Chancellors confines)
The cook came in at approximately 11:30 to bring the sith lord his lunch. Impeccable timing as always. He was surprised when he found himself being shot at with surging lightning from the prisoners hands. However, that didnt stop him from continuing on his daily routine. Taking Yodas advice to heart, Mace had everyone based in the station put some rubber underwear on just in case. No one was too pleased with it, but it seemed to get the job done. And eventually everyone died. Isnt that just special.
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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Joined: 17 Dec 2005
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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 3:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... It was interesting, to say the least. Rubber underwear? o.o;

~~

DAAMN IT! THE DAMN THING FROZE ON ME IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING SOMETHING AND I LOST IT ALL!!

Sarah_K_O_M owns Spike, Spike's story, Natara, the village, the Spite, and Gabrielle Van Helsing (not the last name).

I own Maria, Malie, and Orina, and Vlad, though I wish I didn't. And some of the plot.

Song by Kelly Clarkson.

Some quotes in the dialogue are directly from the RP this is from.

Minkami Village and the Crimson Sacrifice is from Tecmo's Fatal Frame 2.

Reason for the song is realized at the end.
~~

What if I told you it was all meant to be?
Would you believe me?
Would you run away?


Maria Naruka sat with her back against Spike's back, her legs crossed as she sat on the bed of the hotel room they were staying at for the day. A circle-the-words wordfind rested on her lap. A blue pen literally danced on the back of her hand, making a flower tattoo of temporary ink.

"You know... It's better that I possessed Natara," Spike said quietly, not looking up from the automobile magazine he was looking through.

"What do you mean?" She turned around a little, picking the pen up off her hand and messing up the stained-glass design she had been telekinetically drawing on the petals of the tattoo flower.

"It would have happened anyway. Natara would have been just another Fallen Maiden. And even the children would have died... Natara would never hurt a true innocent, and I would never harm a child."

Maria turned around some more to look at him, a bit confused as she said, "I'm aware that it would've happened anyways, but... I don't understand..."

Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
That we've met before
So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come and now...


"And this time... There'd be no Redemption. No Sacrifice that would heal the scar. Just endless pain, spreading beyond the village, into woods and forests, town and cities, all over the world. They would have died in time, cursed. At least this way, it stays where it is deserved. And there is a hope." He closed the magazine and stared at the back of it, which advertised a local coffee shop.

"What is that hope?" She stuck the pen above her right ear out of habit, her gaze worried and yet hopeful. There was a way to save the Village after all?...

"A Sacrifice, as always. But one of love... All the real Rituals are from love... Ever heard of Minakami village? The Crimson Sacrifice. It was twins loving each other so much, that they wanted to be one so they could not be parted... That is what created that Ritual; the Abyss just played along to get what it desired." He swallowed, and closed his eyes. Maria didn't say a word, silently telling him to continue.

After clearing his throat, he said, "In the first Ritual of Kyaren village... Two people, true loves, would cut their wrists, be bound together, those wrists tied by ropes of the Maiden's hair. Then, they would fall into the Chasm, together forever. Never parted. The Chasm was not evil to begin with: it is corrupted."

"So something happened to mess it up." It was a statement, not a question. She turned around a little so her feet touched the floor off the left side of the bed.

"It wasn't me. I came afterwards. It was... the first drops of blood drawn not by a love but a priest."

"So it was the priest who killed Cyrian?" She rested her chin on her hand after setting her elbow on her right leg.

"No... the first drops of blood happened long before. That is why the Rope and Soul Ritual was created."

A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this


Sighing, Maria muttered, "It makes no sense to me at all here..." He looked at her over his shoulder, his blue-gray eyes sad.

"The Ritual was changed, because of one man. The Chasm needed the Ritual, so it could give long life to the villagers, and good crops. And it wouldn't be ready for so long... He dragged them out of the house, scared they would all die. He told them what he wanted, but one had doubts. He cut the girl's wrists. The blood fell... and the Chasm was corrupted. No longer would the Pure Ritual work. One of sin, and seperation had to be created."

Maria looked at him, her face blank and yet expressionful. "... How do you know all of this?"

Spike didn't hear her and continued, "They both survived, and left the village. In time, they had children. Sahrai, first born boy. Samuel and Sianna, twins, boy and girl. They would have had one more, but he died before he was born. Afterwards, the girl killed herself and her husband. The children said that their unborn brother had made her, without meaning to. And that he hadn't hurt them at all because they would have hurt him." He looked away.

She moved around to sit by him and looked at him, even though he didn't meet her amber eyes. "... Were you the unborn child?"

He nodded, ever so slightly, "I remember them saying it to me... 'We wouldn't have hurt you,' and 'Your our little brother, Spikey. We gotta look out for you'..."

"Spike..." She hugged him, lost for words. Spike pushed her back, shaking his head sadly, "Don't do that. Anything could happen."

"I don't care. I really care about you. At first, I hated you... But now I see you're like any other person who wasn't raised by a loving family." Maria was visibly trying not to cry.

"I spread hate, by a single touch. That's not like anyone else." His voice was soft, but firm. It broke her heart to hear the bitterness that laced his words.

"Well, I grew up around hate. I was born to a street walker and raised by a gigolo who lost his job. He was the only real family I had until I met Vlad, my ex husband. My daughters were the one thing that held the damned marriage together, and Orina disappeared in the village, as you know. Hate doesn't affect me. It never will. I've seen it, felt it... At one point I WAS hate, right before I met you..." She fell silent, moving her gaze to her feet.

Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tender
I can't explain
Well I maybe dreamin'
But 'till I awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I'll cherish all the love we share


"It wouldn't work. Spite... and wreckage... They go hand in hand." He got up. "I have to go." She stood up, biting her lip.

"Spike, wait..."

Spike shook his head and left, at a run. The door hit the wall behind it with a loud thud, and Maria sat back down on the bed, crying softly into her hands.

------

Maria walked past a house, crying silently with her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest. What did I do? ... Spike... I don't care what happened to you... I love you too much... Her foot nudged something, and she looked down to see a necklace. She recognised it as the one Spike had been wearing earlier, and picked it up. The purple-amethyst stone glimmered in the setting sun, and the silvery chain was golden in the light from the sunset.

The necklace brought a flashback...

The boy walked through the house, a translucent shadow in the mirrors. He felt small and scared. Fear made him clumsy; he stumbled on a rug, and fell to his hand and knees. From where his skin touched, threads of decay spread...

He screamed, getting to his feet hurriedly, and ran up the stairs. In a room, he found two people, crying. One was a woman, with silvery blonde hair. The other was a man with spikey brown hair.

They sobbed fitfully. Spike leaned forward sadly, to hug his mother, tell her it was all okay, he was fine... And her eyes glazed over. He pulled back hurriedly, but it was too late.

She slashed the mans throat, then turned on herself.


For a moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this


A single tear fell onto the pendant of the necklace, her hand shaking. Spike... I never knew... Swallowing a sob, she started walking when someone behind her tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey, are you Orina and Malie's mum?"

Maria turned around, startled, to see a woman with black hair and silvery eyes. "Y-Yes. If I'm trespassing on private property, I-I'm sorry... I'm just looking for someone. Have you seen a man, about this tall, blondish hair? He dropped this."

"About twenty minutes ago. He was heading toward the old district down the street." The woman raised an eyebrow when Maria bit her lip. "What? He a boyfriend?"

"I... I don't know. I'm just worried about him. Thanks for telling me where he went." She turned around and walked the same path Spike went, and when she disappeared around the corner, Gabrielle Van Helsing, the woman, sighed.

"Just like Romeo and Juliet, I'm telling you," she muttered to herself.

Could this be the greatest love of all
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
So let me tell you this...
Some people wait a lifetime


Spike was sitting on the steps of an old building, staring at his feet. He hadn't been here in so long... He didn't look up when Maria sat by him, his necklace hanging limply in her left hand, out of his view.

"Um... you dropped this," she mumbled, handing it to him.

"Thanks," he whispered, shaking slightly. They sat in silence for a long while, not looking at each other. Eventually, Maria cleared her throat.

"Just so you know... you never hurt me. Not once," she said softly, staring at her feet.

"But I could have. I would have hurt you. I don't want that." He straightened up from slouching and looked at her. She looked at him, a tear sliding down her face.

"You won't, Spike. So far, the only thing you've done is not let me tell you something..." She swallowed back another sob, determined not to cry.

"But I will let you say it... I won't hurt you." He brushed some of her ebony hair out of her face with the utmost gentleness, and tilted his head to the side, as if to ask what she was going to say.

Maria turned around slightly to look at Spike better. "I'm going to tell you that I'm already as corrupt as can be. My mother was a street walker who gave me up when I was a child, and you know the rest. The day after I married Vlad, I died because I murdered my parents."

She swallowed.

"You can't corrupt someone who's already corrupt beyond what they should be."

She looked in his eyes and said, "I know you'll say I shouldn't, but... I love you, Spike. I'm not afraid to admit that."

"But... what if I hurt you? I love you, and I don't want you in pain because of me..." Spike cupped Maria's cheek in his hand, gazing at her sorrowfully. She rested one of her own small hands on the one that held her face and closed her eyes, tears falling again.

"You won't. I've told you time and time again. If you could have corrupted me, you would have already from the hugs and all. I'm still the same, but I feel like my heart's being torn in two because you don't want me to get hurt because of you. I'd face the worst nightmares just so I could be with you. I'm acting like a schoolgirl with a crush, I know, but I'm almost as old as you are."

For a moment like this
Some people spent two lifetimes,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this


She jumped as he leaned forward and kissed her gently, but the mild surprise faded, and she kissed him back, closing her eyes.

"Spike," she whispered when they pulled away, "I really mean it. I would face the worst terrors of the world for you. The only thing that hurts me is seeing the people I love in pain, whether physically or emotionally." He nuzzled her with his nose, a few tears of his own falling down his pale face.

"Maria, sometimes I wonder if you're not an angel in disguise."

They held each other for a long time, not wanting to let go. Maria closed her eyes, just wanting to fall asleep in his arms. She'd never felt so safe...

Spike would have given up everything, even his life, just so that Maria would be happy. What did I do to deserve the love of an angel like her? he thought, smiling faintly in pure happiness for the first time in many years. I guess I'll never know...

~~

*dies* So... damn... fluffy...
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Alpha_zero
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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lovely done Nilly, a couple of flaws I foget to mention, but good.

An Intro for a story I've been planning recently, first break of inspiration for a while due to writers block.

*

Her feet tapped on the metal floor. She paid no heed to them. Her long black hair glided down her back, but for now flowed down her shoulders. Her face was hidden. She was merely a child, possibly 14 years old, but yet still a child.

So, if only a child, why did the First Encounter Assault Unit shake wildly as every little tap echoed around the room. This moment had been comming a long time, years perhaps, but they thought they were ready.

The girl suddenly stopped, looking up, but not revealing her face. The bright, almost white, light only reealing her silhouette. The fear imprinted on the FEAU (Fee-Yu) unit was increasing, their trembling joined by sweating palms.

Suddenly another light ripped through the corridor. The girl didn't even flinch as a massive creature joined her, breathing heavily and letting blood spill from its toothed mouth. Fresh blood.

"They...fell" Marcus stammered, collapsing to his knees, letting the tension and stress of Earth 2016 out. He just let the tears roll from his eyes, the loss, the pain and the struggle that had become his life. He gripped his gun tighter, pushing his glasses up his sweaty nose, a determined expression playing his lips.

"...Hold it" Chuck said, holding a hand back against his squad, not moving an inch until he stepped forwards carefully and calmly. "Maree?"

The girl whose head had dropped to the floor, suddenly whipped upwards, eyes glowing white, hair swirling everywhere, power eminating from and suddenly...


<"I have waited for this moment">

The deep evil voice commanded attention. Anything not looking at had to be either deaf or blind. Or stupid.

Marcus slowly took a step forwards, standing next to Chuck, and raising his gun, muttering "Say the word, serg'"

Again Chuck refused to let his squad fire. The FEAU were confused. Earths threat was here, America's threat was here, why not fire!?

<"But it will be a short moment">

Chuck and Marcus moved back into the ranks, Chuck nodding. "Fire."



(Not quite finished)

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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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PostPosted: Sun May 14, 2006 1:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good, but I am slightly confused. Whose head fell? When did it fall? :blink:

~~

This is probably going to be a flashback for Sira later on in the Nerve Gas RP. I only own Sorra, Shima, and Sira. Sira's parents are bots, as well as her dog, Cooper.

~~

A twelve-year-old Sira stared morosely at the road in front of the school from the classroom window. A pile of notes had built up at her feet, most of them from the preps and bullies in the class. A few were from her friends, and those were the only one she'd bothered reading. The teacher slapped the pointer on the chalkboard as he explained some scientific theory about the universe, and Sira sighed again; it wasn't like anyone would listen to him. His voice was a dull, single note of an out-of-tune baritone.

The bell rang suddenly, signaling the end of period 1B and the start of the two-minute interval between 1B and 2A. The science teacher sighed.

"Never enough time!" he said, half-heartedly slamming the pointer on his desk. The students were already half-out of the class, and Sira was the last one out. She dumped the notes in the garbage can on the way out, and she was shoved into the wall by Sorra.

"Sorry, chick, but you're late. Again. How sad," she said in mock pity, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Takena is going to murder you."

"Shut up, Yukio. You're the worst waste of carbon in the world." Sira pushed past Sorra and continued down the hall, and she made it to her Career Awareness class just as the late bell rang. She sat in her seat at the back and wrote in her planner, while Kikoro, who sat in front of her, absently tapped his pencil to the drum beat of music that could be heard from the next class over, the orchestra class.

One could wonder how it was orchestra because they focused mostly on rock music.

"I still don't see the point in writing down what happens in this class," he muttered. "Same thing everyday this week. 'Do your resume, class' and whatever the other thing was."

"The cover letter." She tucked her blue ink pen behind her ear and crossed her arms. "I really didn't like how some of the girls were giggling in state studies today. Especially how they kept looking at Shara, Evann, you, me, and James when we were working on the study guide."

"Stop worrying, Sira. It's probably just some stupid thing they found funny about us, as usual. Probably you with that odd earring." He poked it with the pencil. "What is it with you and dragons?"

"I don't know. I thought it was cool. Dad flipped out, though." She paused. "But then, he's been yelling at me a lot lately..." She shrugged, and continued writing the assignment.

The class went by inchingly slowly, somehow moreso than usual, and when the bell rang, Sira was out the door faster than the rest of the class. Not that unusual, really.
~~
Will continue it later.
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 1:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pardon the double post. I wrote this piece of crap today, and I wanted to share it.

~~

Bright white lights hit my face full on, and I raise a snow colored hand up to shield my crimson eyes. I bare my sharp teeth, my canines extending slightly.

Bad move. VERY bad.

An arrow flies just past my left ear. My violet hair flutters slightly in the afterwind of it. I let my hand drop back down to my side. I look down at my clothes - if you can call a breastband and a loincloth clothing - and glare at the dark colors contrasting against my pale, almost translucent skin. You can see my veins, I'm so damned pale...

A voice, soft but strongly masculine, sounds from my left. "Anari, you really shouldn't run away again. It's not good for you in your... condition."

I scowl and turn around very little, due to heavy black iron shackles around my feet. I see nothing. I'm in the middle of a bright spotlight, but that's all I know.

The voice speaks again. "Anari, I know you talk. Acknowledge what I say."

"Whatever." I toss my short hair over my shoulder and scoff, "And what do you mean, my 'condition'?"

A blindfold is suddenly tied around my eyes, and my hands are bound in thick, scratchy ropes. I feel breath against my ear, and I hear the voice whisper, "You're a vampire now. I'm your sire. You do what I say." I could feel him smile as he added, "Even losing your credence."

"I'm no-"

"I know, I know... You've done it before, with those weak humans and lycans. We vampires are different. However..." An icy hand grips my waist, and I cringe as lips brush my cheek. "Something is still not..." The hand slides up my side to rest on my shoulder. "... quite right with you." I hear sniffing, and a faint hiss. "So, your turning brought back your innocence. You're an odd case. And..." Another sniff. "You're only half turned, as well..."

The blindfold is pulled down, and it falls around my neck. I blink my red-iris eyes a few times and look at my captor. His face is mostly in shadow and is also covered by his long, dark golden hair. His skin is, oddly, tanned, almost Mexican in a way. I can see a single eye, and it's the most astonishing shade of green I've ever seen. It's almost the shade of grass...

He traces my lips with a soft finger, and I only barely manage to control my breathing. Wait, I never breathe... He leans in close, his own lips barely an inch away from mine. His cold breath mingles with my warm breath, and my own eyes widen when I see his left eye - the one that had been hidden by his hair - is an unbelieveable amber color. Almost like the color of the stone that holds the prehistoric insects...

His lips barely brush mine, and I stop breathing for a second or two. Gone is what I knew about men. Gone is what I knew to give them what they wanted. Gone are the things I used to know...

I am afraid. For the first time in two whole years, two whole years in which I slept around to gain money to keep my family alive... I don't want to... you know...

He senses my discomfort, and moves away. He stands behind me and pushes my hair out of his way. One of his fingers - did I mention they look like mine, which are long and slender? - runs over two bite marks on my neck, and I wince as the edge of one of his nails catches on one of the healing scabs.

"You still need time to recover from your biting..."

He sounds sad, almost worried, as he draws away. "You'll find clothes in here. This is your room now." A door closes, and I'm alone. I notice that the ropes had disappeared, and I rub my wrists, which are scraped raw. I look around the room, once the light faded away, and I sit on the bed, on which a dress - I never really got to looking at it till later - lay parallel to the sides. The bed is a Cleopatra style, with ebony lace canopy.

I stand up and fumble through the drawers of the vanity dresser in the dark, pulling out a pair of slacks and a gypsy jacket. I pull the pants on with some difficulty - two layers, one sheer silk and one plain cloth - and look at the jacket in disgust. It wasn't really a shirt. I pull it on and find that a string could hold it together. Well, sort of.

I walk into the hall, nearly tripping on some shoes I hadn't seen, and look around. It's a bit like an old gothic style, and yet... It matches the millenia. Objects from different eras line the tables that line the walls, and I run a gentle hand over the top of a statuette. I can't quite see what it is, but it looks grand.

After exploring the large manor I now lived in, I retire back to my room. Or, rooms, I should say. I have five. One is for music. One is for reading. One is for sleeping. One is for feeding. The last is currently empty.

I might reserve it for a writing room.

I pick the dress up after turning the oil lamp on, and I gasp softly at how soft the material is. Almost like velvet... The shimmery purple color almost perfectly matches my hair, and I hold it against my form. It only goes to my knees, it seems. I go into a small changing closet to change into it, and I gasp audibly. It only barely reaches the middle of my thighs!!

I immediately crawl into the bed, pulling the cover over me. I curl my arm under the pillow - which has a black silk cover - and rested my other hand against my chest out of habit. My crimson eyes drift shut as sleep overcomes me, and sometime in the middle of the night, the young man slips in beside me, wearing white denim shorts and a black t shirt; his arm unconsciously slips around my waist. Is this... OUR room, not just mine?
~~

Yeah... Well... I don't know where this came from, alright?
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Everytime a n00b does something stupid - spams, harasses, refuses to read the rules - I hit my head on the desk. Please dun mack my poor noggin suffer drain bamage.
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Defender_of_Darkness
Very bored


Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Posts: 125

PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2006 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

splash
"All man, I steped in the puddle again..." Said I smileing.
"Stop playing around man, i said try NOT to step in the puddles" moaned Doon, Cedrics Best friend since he was four.
"im not playing around, im just plainly, Haveing fun. You should Try it someday....its enjoyable." I Shugged.

"Life Can't be 'enjoyable', I can't figure out why everything has to be fun to you. Take something's serious for once...." Shouted Doon.

I Stared Dumb-struck, why was he so mad?

"Sorry, gosh. You know, if i died in the morning you would take that back.....wouldnt you?" I Said Stratching my head.

Doon just frowned, and walked off into the sunset....

It was the last Time i saw him.....My Best friend, walked off into the sunset.
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
Oldbie


Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2496
Location: Glaring at Google SketchUp for shutting down automatically. Again.

PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 4:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

^Very interesting. Neutral It could use some work on the grammar, puncuation, and capitalization, though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a different Miya, k? I only own Miya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A shadowed form ran through the alleyways of Las Vegas, Nevada, the bright lights of the brilliantly lit casinos and clubs briefly revealing her features. Cheekbones just the right height - not too high or low. Lustrous, wavy black hair down to her waist flew out behind her as she ran. Emerald eyes shimmered in the dark - but not with happiness or joy. It was bitter hatred and sadness with a touch of something... animalistic.

She ran into a wall and rested the right side of her face against the cool bricks of the apartment building she'd run into, tears falling from her green eyes to the dirty pavement below. The tears splashed in the small puddle they made, some drops hitting her pitch black buckled boots. Her soft sobs echoed in the empty alley, and she clenched her fists where they rested against the wall next to her head.

Her naturally browned skin was sickly in the streetlamp's yellow glow as she walked onto the sidewalk, her face downcast. Tears still plopped onto the ground, but she did nothing to stem the flow. Rain fell down around her, drenching her already wet clothing even more, and she looked at her hands, which had tattered, now fingerless gloves on. Blood dripped away from the tips of the cat-like claws she had as the rain ran off and mixed with it, and the bloodstains on the road slowly washed away into the gutters.

She looked up, the animalistic look in her eyes fading as she saw someone walking toward her, and she let her hands fall to her sides and dig into the folds of her skirt to hide her claws. The young man had a gun held loosely at his side, and he tightened his grip as he saw blood from her purple corset drip away into her skirt. He lifted it, pointing it at her - but he never pulled the trigger or cocked the gun. His head fell away before he could even pull a breath to steady his trembling hand. Her hands were bloodied once more.

She sat in the alley, with her back against a building, after she washed and dried her hands, and she buried her face in her forearms as she hugged her knees to her chest, her tied shawl drooping from the weight of the rain. The stink of blood and rain mixing hit her nose, which wrinkled at the rancid smell. She ran her claws through her hair, lightly grazing her scalp with the points, and she stood up and darted away into the darkness of the L.A. streets...

When leaves have fallen
And skies turned to grays
The night keeps closing in on the day
A nightingale sings his song of farewell
You better hide for her freezing hell


Miya sat up, rubbing her cat-like ears where her human ears were supposed to be, and yawned widely, four of the teeth in her mouth glinting at their steely, sharp points. Her emerald eyes blinked as she looked around, and she looked at her corset, which was undone in the back. She looked at the form beside her and shook her head; another guy who had tried to use her in her sleep.

She crawled off the bed and escaped into the alleyways, and eventually found her twin sister, Georgie, who was as fair and sunny and optimistic as Miya was dark and moonlight and pessimistic. Georgie looked up from her book, 'A Tale of Two Cities', and said, "Where were you?"

"No where special." She sat down next to her sister, who let her rest her head on her shoulder, and said, "Could you read to me some more? I really like this book, and I hate not being able to read."

"Sure, Ya-Ya."

"Alright, Gee-Gee, stop it."

Georgie giggled, and flipped to the page she'd left off on when she was reading to Miya the day before. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

Miya was always asleep at the end of that statement.

On cold wings, she's coming
You'd better be moving
For warmth, you'll be longing
Come on, just feel her!
Don't you, see her?
Yeah
You'd better believe


Not long after joining a small group of people who were trying to find the cause behind the uprising of night creatures like shapeshifters, vampires, and werewolves, Miya ran off when David and Destiny fought like her parents had at one time. It hurt when she remembered their constant bickering, and seeing people actually fight like that hurt the most.

She hid in the abandoned dam outside of Vegs, curled up just under one of the water outlets, and cried freely, sobbing and shaking. The thin trickle of water that escaped made her cold, but she hardly felt it.

Anything had to be better than living as a monster who had no control over her werecat side.

Lee, a boy her own age who had been trapped between his werewolf form and his human form, climbed up to the outlet and sat by her. "We need you back at the house. Things're okay between Destiny and David now."

"I don't care. I am not going back, ever."

When she embraces
Your heart turns to stone
She comes at night when you are all alone
And when she whispers
Your blood shall run cold
You better hide before she finds you


Somehow, someWAY, Lee managed to get her down from the dangerously cold and high outlet, and guided her back home. She hadn't remembered how she'd gotten to the dam, and as such couldn't remember the way back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will finish tomorrow. I'm tired. x-x
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