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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 12:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

<>

This, is part of a book that I am writing. This part is happening just after the King's daughter was kidnapped and his wife left him. The second part is just minutes after he finds his daughter - It's short.
____________________________________________________________________

I tossed and turned with the suffocating emptiness that enveloped me. I reached for her arms, but she didn't reach back. I screamed out her name, but she was silent. I tried to feel for the warmth of her skin, but the bedsheets were like ice. After six months, I still hadn't grasped the fact that Joleen, my wife, was in love with someone else.

My mind raced with questions: What did i do? Who was this guy? How am I going to get her back? Will she ever come back? God, I couldn't bare it; I was going insane. I was losing everything that I stood for, but that wasn't the half of it.

I stood up from the bed, beads of sweat clung to my face and chest. I fixed my pajama bottoms so they more loosely around my waist. I paced back and forth through the room, running my fingers nervously through my hair. For a split second I felt a sudden urge to give up, I couldn't deal with the pressure I was under. I was suffocating, my lungs were collapsing, dying from my own self indulgences.

____________________________________________________________________

A cold, silver barrel of a pistol stared at me, challenging me to piss it off.

I looked around the room, its elegant design and elaborate fixtures left nothing to the imagination, but the depressing feel of it all tore at me.

I saw Lexis lying on a bed; she was beautiful. She looked at me with terror flashing through her eyes. I could have murdered Randy right there on the spot, but the pistol began to growl. I threatened me, begging me to move, testing me with a short fuse that had just been lit.
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theWriter
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks a lot. I'm not the only good writer here, though. I love your Charlie brown sig and avatar. They are great. *sigh* The only good Charlie Brown was the X-Mas one...
And the Easter one.
And the Halloween one.
But that's it.

Lex, the writing is faaabulous. Good description and it flows very well. However, when I think of "king" I think of middle ages, rats with diseases, and those poor serfs. This seems to me like the present time and age, which is fine, but I dunno...The description of "king" could've been better defined because I instantly thought of middle ages and got thrown off by what followed afterwards.
But it's still great. Smile
My turn! This was a little demo thing we did in Creative writing. The first two lines are what everyone writes, and then they continue with their own story from then on. We each had a four minute slot, so if it's not my best, you know why:
~~~

It was Christmas Eve.

I had been sound a sleep until I heard...


A low creak sound through the house. For a moment, I froze, as dread filled me, then I paused. The fear ebbed; it was probably only the cat. Damn feline. Such a silly think to think otherwise, so I slumped back into my pillows and tried to drift into la-la land.

But then there was another creak, closer this time, and it carried more ominous thoughts then the latter. Instead of bolting upwards, making my bed groan loudly and therefore alerting whoever this was, I merely snapped my eyes open, glanced left, and then right.

Another crack, and suddenly a loud thud, and then a very large object landed on my bed.

Jesus!

I gasped and shot up, close to screaming, and frantically tried to kick whatever it was away from my bed.

Then my eyes adjusted to the dark completely, and I looked to see a playful old face inches from mine.

"Hello," the old man said, grinning. "I'm Christmas past."
~~
Yes...It's making fun of good 'ol "A Christmas Carol" but Bah! Humbug, I'm feeling Christmasy today. Anyone else want to get in a Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza groove?





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SilentSoul92
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 6:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SilentSoul92 (Rita) wrote:
It reminds you of pokemon? :huh: How?

I'll repeat myself again, just cause I'm curious.

While I'm at it, nice entry. I didn't expect Christmas Carol when I read this.
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theWriter
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 2:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks. I think what Yunie means by Pokemon and, if this is wrong, throw me a bone because I have barely seen that show...But like in one of them there is this "blue spirit" thing that is like a mysterious "new" pokemon out to kill the world, and the blue thing in your story might have had a resemblance to the EVIL pokemon of death.
I dunno. I'm going out on a limb.

Thanks. Merry Christmas to everybody! And here's a new story:
~~
It once was white.

Now it was red.

Brian stared down at the snow in front of him, hands in pockets, eyes fixed unblinkingly upon that one spot where she had been before. Where they had been talking, laughing, playing around, having a snowball fight. The snow had been white; smeared with some mud and crushed under boots, but it had been white, ivory, the color of the pureness.

Now it was red; crimson and angry.

For a moment Brian watched as they carted the body away, watched as the EMS crews slowly hitched her corpse into the van, watched as they all gave him sad, understanding looks before driving carefully away...

Then he turned on his heel, and began to walk. He didn't know where; he had no idea what he was doing, but he was walking. As he walked, his hands, clenched into his pockets in a death grip, began to lose feeling. Brian clenched his jaw, his teeth hurt. He tried to fight away the feelings that ate at him, gnawed on his soul, but he knew it was no use.

The thirst for revenge had overtaken him.

Brain gave one final glance back at the snow, where it had been white, now red, and then turned.

He started to run.
~~
I know, violent and morbid. I'm kinda pissed 'cuz we didn't get a white Christmas.
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

<> Yeah that's it, sorry for the confusion.
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theWriter
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 3:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No problemo. I have now been enlightened.
Smile
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 6:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

<< I feel sad, so I'm gonna write about it. >>

I said my goodbyes, I went to the hospital to see you. You barely noticed who was in your room, but I understood. I shed the few tears that I'd allowed to flow, but I didn't want to. When you lay there, not speaking and hardly moving, it hurt. You wouldn't have been like that had it been a normal day. You would have stood tall, you would have been smiling, but in that bed you weren't.

Was it true that the blood that spilled from your mouth was supposed to be secret? Why would you do that? Why would you make us believe that you were ok, when you were silently dying? I don't get it, but maybe I not supposed to. I wish I could have done more than turn my back on your illness because I couldn't deal with it. I wish I could have said more to you.

Grandpa, I miss you...I love you...goodbye.

<< I feel better now, thanx for listening. >>
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theWriter
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2005 8:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's what we're here for. "Shrinks R Us".
Not a problem, though...Did this happen recently?
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ultima_yunie
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2005 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SilentSoul92 (Rita) wrote:
It reminds you of pokemon? :huh: How?


The day I posted that I had to watch that movie with my 2nd cousin. There's a little girl in it who has this whole dream world thing and she gets very, very upset if anyone or anything disrupts that. So upset I think she tries to kill them.

I just saw that similarity, that's all.
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 12:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yea, the funeral was December 19th....
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SilentSoul92
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ultima_yunie (Yunie) wrote:
SilentSoul92 (Rita) wrote:
It reminds you of pokemon? :huh: How?


The day I posted that I had to watch that movie with my 2nd cousin. There's a little girl in it who has this whole dream world thing and she gets very, very upset if anyone or anything disrupts that. So upset I think she tries to kill them.

I just saw that similarity, that's all.

ok, got it
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

<>

He stood there staring at me, wanting me to come near. I refused. I was scared of him, of myself, of what I'd do if I was alone with him. It wasn't like before when we were just friends, Back then we could laugh and joke without the reprecussions of offending one another. Now it was different, everything was different. I liked it, but I hated it. A small part of me wanted things to go back to the way things were, but a larger part wanted to continue with the journey we had started on. I wanted to take the risks that would come, just not at that moment.

I wanted to run away to a place were he'd never find me; the feeling of loneliness stooed me. I'd been alone for far too long, but I was ready to welcome it back with open arms.

My biggest fear was that he'd be like everyone else, I couldn't get past that.

I looked at him, allowing his arms to wrap around me. I breathed in his scent and smiled, it was funny how all of my fears and worries could be erased with one single hug.
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theWriter
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cuutte...Kinda. Hugs are fine, though I'm not the touchy-feely type. In fact, i abhor hugs from people...
But I'm uptight, so--
Good. And past tense is just as fine as present tense. In fact, most people prefer righting in past tense because it's easier to digest. Sometimes righting in present makes it sound like a screenplay or something; or at least that's the case to me. It shows emotion and works well as a story. You have the inciting incident, the events, the climax, and then the resolution. Not bad. And dreadful sorry about the funeral.
Anyway:

Driving.

There is a certain fear associated with it. Most of us can't explain it, but everyone's had those moments when you're driving, and something just seems...Wrong.

You can't define it. Can't fathom what is possibly could be.

But you're driving and something, something is wrong.

It could be that diesel truck towering behind you.

It could be the shadows that clutch at the sides of your car, enveloping you in darkness.

Or it could be yourself.

You mind.

Funny, how the brain plays tricks on you.

I didn't understand it at first, either. For years I'd be driving, and when that chill swept over me, I'd shake it off, not understanding why I could be so afraid. It was my head, I'd think. Alrighty, Scott, time to change from caffine to decaf, but then overtime, I knew something was out there. Just knew it.

And when my wife and kids died in a car crash on a stretch of highway, I knew what had happened.

And it scared the s**t outta me.
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Sarah_K_O_M
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 10:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, That's great! Quite mysterious and slight touch of suspense.


Right, this is just a small excerpt from a story I just began writing.

To look at, the two Lionheart twins were identical in face and body. Their hair, midnight black, straight and reaching their curved waists easily, framing their glittering violet eyes. Their bodily proportions were evenly matched and they were roughly the same height, give or take a centimeter. When the were calm their walk was usually graceful and dreamy, as if their minds did not occupy the slender frames that were their bodies, but away in the clouds, dreaming
In mind and soul, they were complete opposites. Rosa, the younger by 10 minutes was always smiling, laughing and dancing. A wild spark dwelt in her soul and reflected in her bright eyes. This gaily manner was befitting as she was born 5 minutes before midnight.
On the other hand, Rosalind was darker, more solemn then her bubbly sister. Rosalind was the oldest by 10 minutes, and had almost died during her first year of life. This had given her a quiet but fierce disposition, she would never instigate, but would finish the argument with much vigour. Her gothic nature was a reflection of her birth in the midnight hour.
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LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

theWriter: I like how you keep the reader in suspense until the very end.

Sarah_K_O_M: Very descriptive, I could picture the twins standing before me. Very well written.
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theWriter
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, thank you very much. Yeah, the description is very good, Sarah. You can see it in your head.

Here's one:

Crouched behind the largest cargo box she could find, he waited, praying that it wouldn't find him, praying that he would stay safe.

Then he heard a thud; low, ominous, and very, very near. In fear, he shrunk back against the box, as though it would hide him from the hunter, save him from it.

Another thud. Then a soft crooning.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," it whispered, voice floating on a surreal breeze. "I know you're there. Don't try to hide."

He said nothing, back to the box, and instead began to inch away from the voice, knowing that if it came closer he would be dead.

"Why are you hiding?" it asked softly. "There's no reason to hide from death."

He shook her head, and finally, damn his loud mouth, he spoke. "There's reasons to hide from death if death is ill to you."

The voice laughed. "Maybe so, friend, maybe so. But why do I have to have ill-will towards you? You are someone close to me. A friend. A compandre. There is no reason to hide."

He knew that the voice was trying to make him think, make him stop from fleeing. As he moved, he continued to speak.

"Wrong. You were a friend...I-I don't know what you are now."

A dark chuckle. "Ah...But you do." there was a pensive pause. "In time, I guess. In time. But, poor friend, I believe the time is now."

There was a rustle of fabric. He spun away, trying to keep his torso away from the impending doom he knew was about to reach him, as the silver of a blade spun down at him, wishing to kill, to maim. He lunged to the side, rolling away, and rapidly reached into his pocket, coming out with--a rock.

He knew it was almost worthless, but he had no time. He rose to his full height and threw it with all his might.

The rock hit with due course. There was a dull thud, and then a shriek of anger.

"You will pay for that," it said angrily. From behind one of the cargo boxes, a head, and then a body, began to rise. "With all the bones in your body, you will pay."

He took a step back, shuddering in rage in fear.

As he stared into the eyes of his sister.
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Alpha_zero
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 4:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, that story was brilliant megan. I also like it that someimtes you add a plot twist at the end.

This is part of a history, of my fantasy world that I am writng. This is one of its prologues.

Were you to look at the tower of Earlhall, you would see but a tall stone spike, leaping out of the ground into the stormy skies. But Earlhall has alot more to its history, and legend shrouds what little we know of its origin.
In the logs of each and every arch mage, they speak of it as a place of great evil, and is to approached with the greatest caution.

But that hasn't stopped travellers entering its bright halls, and feasting on its food. In fact Earlhall is very much an active place, with adventurers staying in its bright interior, being pampered, before hitting the open roads once more.

The only pattern that could be established by the arch mages, is that they haven't ever met any of the several million travellers that have stayed there. This is strange, as travellers usually visit the archmages halls.

Maybe Earlhall has something to hide. Maybe it doesn't. But whose job is it to find out?

Is it that of the current arch mage, Nursemals? Or even Golhorns king, Flairs? No one has taken it into their hearts to look past Earlhalls interiors, and into its crypt, where the future is carved into stone, and this is where the tablet of the seven links lies.
Maybe it is time, for someone to discover the crypt and its past. But what will they find?
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Nilitac_Tesgrah
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 6:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am trying to get inspiration, but I'm losing it. Sad This is my RPG character's thoughts. Different RPG on another site.
~~
Silence.

They say it can be deafening...

And they were right.

For years, I had to live, breathe, and see...all in silence. Cryogenic storage does that to a person. For a long time after I was discharged from the base, I couldn't hear a thing. It was like I'd gone deaf. I was teased at school as the girl who could both hear and not hear. They didn't know my past, and for that I was grateful.

For a time.

Soon, the virus controlled me, and I lost all sense of what was happening. Once in awhile, I could hear news reports, and that dozens of people had been killed by a monster.

I knew what that monster was.

It... was me. I couldn't cope with that, and I hid in an abandoned base.

Then I found out that someone was impersonating me. My own aunt, my father's twin sister, was trying to kill someone I would later love with all my heart and his friends. Being what I was killed me every day... but I wouldn't just stand by and watch innocent people get hurt.

When I got to the HCF base, where they were staying until a cure could be made for a genetic mutation of some sort (I never truly knew what it was), Alexia was fighting some girl. Her name was Destiny, I think.

I don't quite know what happened after that, but when I properly remembered where I was, I was actually... well, happy... I hadn't been that in ages.

As time went on for awhile, I fell in love with Lee, a boy my age. He was a really nice guy, despite his temper, which could go a little out of control sometimes. Okay, it could go really out of control, but that's beside the point. At the time, he liked a different girl, and I accepted that. Most other girls would be really angry, but I wasn't other girls, now, was I?

Lee and I were captured by Wesker after we rescued my mom and a boy named Rian. My legs were damaged pretty bad, one knee having been almost crushed to bits after my motorbike crashed into a lamp post. My other leg had been shot.

I felt really bad whenever Lee got hurt. I really thought that it was my fault... I didn't understand how I felt about him then. I had never known about love. Come on, I wasn't even around people for about nine years of my life, let alone known any guys. I got stuck at a load-of-bull school. The boys there were idiots.

Anyways, I didn't know that Lee loved me back until we got out. There was this monster, half-leech half man, and I'd heard of it before from a friend. It was impossible to destroy without sunlight, and I thought we were doomed. So, I tried to tell him, but the words just wouldn't form. So, instead...

I kissed him. It was kind of embarrassing, but when he kissed me back, I lost the embarrassment. When we pulled apart, I said "I love you." For a moment, he just looked into my eyes, then he said, "I love you too, Miya."

I'd never been happier in my life. And we're still together.
~~~

So... was it any good? The picture that's attached is Miya, my character who was narrating this. ^_^ I really shouldn't post the doll, because I got told off by the basemaker... but... I don't have any other dolls of her...
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Alpha_zero
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 7:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

-Hey what about me?-
--That was truly brilliant, I'd be interested in reading that RP--

The next part of the chapter, this is also rewritten, and really is totally new. Tis follows the prologue:

Galan looked on through the rains that beat the ships deck, causing puddles to plague the ship. The drum continued to beat from the boats hull.
The oarsmen grimaced, pulling their long oars to the beat of the drum, lifting then dropping, before pullinging them, then starting all over again.

Galan raised his mage staff, commnading the winds to blow in their favour. They agreed, and began to whistle into the sails.
"HOLD THE SAILS" Yelled their captain from the prow. The thunder echoed and rolled for miles around. But soon, through the haze and mist, an island drifted into view.
On that island lay many things, including Galans destination. The archmage. Nut what once seemed an island soon turnout to be only part of Golhorn, and the largest landmass in The deep plains.

They had been at sea for three days, heading for the port at Fellridges, but had gone drastically off course when a storm sent by the devil himself attacked them, all swords slashing.

The lightning continued to flash, lighting up the sky momentarily, as they drifted slowly into port, where the choppy waves made it harder to dock.

But once docked, Galan immediately strode off the boat, thanking the captain for his troubles. He stopped a man asking "Where am I?" in a strong gellish accent.

"Golhorn" replied the man "Riddelmeers port"
"Which way would I go to reach The deep plains?"
"North" said the stranger "But I would advise taking a horse from the stables network"
"I see, thankyou" said Galan, setting off at a brisk pace to the nearest stables, where he would take a horse to The deep plains.
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Alpha_zero
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 8:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, just so that you konw that there is a link to what this story leads up to, but I have to post it. I'll put it here if anyone is interested in reading the rest of it.
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