Charecter Discriptions?

[Defender_of_Darkness]

This thread is about how you like to discribe your Charecters in a Fan-fic, Im preticular about strata's answer because we all know that he is the best at fanfic. that wasnt a suck-up dont worry strata. ANYWAYS...How do you do your charecter? And If possible an Exsample?????

[Stratadrake]

[quote]because we all know that he is the best at fanfic.[/quote]
Heh, you're only saying that because you don't know anyone better than I am.

But I do.
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[Dark_AngelXX]

Ohh, can I write a description of one my original characters? ^^
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[theWriter]

I believe so. This is a writing thread (I fink) for everyone, so yeah.

From my story "Eyes", which is basically about a girl who has conversion hysteria. I like to describe more personality than looks, though I don't really know why. It's a helluva lot easier in first person to write more about personality, and for some reason, I don't want to give the reader a hard-core, in depth look at my character's appearance. Given the personality traits, I just want them to make they're own assumptions. Here's how I usually write out "description": (note: this takes place from the perspective of a blind person)

[quote]We're here. Mom announces voice bright. From the back, Jake and I groan grumpily, awakened from a nearly there sleep moment. Nicole suddenly comes alive, her voice rising by about ten something decibels and making me wince in true pain.

Of course we're already here. The road has turned from asphalt, to bumpy asphalt, to gravel. How could anyone not feel the difference?


Huh. Maybe they're blind.

We roll to a halt and all of us poor children in the back dive for the van door. Except me. I've learned my lesson. Stay away from lunching teenagers. They bump heads.

Sure enough, I hear a loud crack and Jake mutters curses at Nicole, who retaliates. The parents are oblivious, due to the fact that they too have jumped out of the car post haste. I wait a few moments as Nicole shoves the door open and leaps out, as well as Jake, before grabbing my cane and sunglasses, typical blind material, and tap my way out of the van, sliding carefully out on my behind and shutting the door behind me. I stand perfectly still for a few moments and try to get a feeling for where I am.

We're obviously on a farm of some sort. It smells very loamy, and I can tell that I'm severely close to a forest. Besides the humidity, there's also a faint manure stench in the air. Mmmm....Tangy.

I also sense water. I don't know where, but I am sure as hell going to stay away from it. It just rained, too. That nice, just fresh smell cloaks the majority of the other things, pleasant and otherwise I could be sniffing, so I shrug and tap my way on, bumping into a car, feeling my way around it, and then walking to where I hear Mom, Dad shouting greetings to people I don't know.

don't mind they left me behind. They wanted to get outta the car too.

I just was smart enough to wait.

Nicole must notice I'm lagging behind, bless her heart, and she hurries back over to me, gripping me by the elbow and guiding me to the front door. I thank her before Mom and Dad look over to me and I can tell they're grinning their adult faces off.

I'm so happy we're here! Mom says, delighted. You'll have so much fun, all of you. Just wait.

Waiting, sweetheart. Just waiting.

Jake, Nicole and I must think on the same wavelength, because I feel the whoosh of air as Jake taps Nicole and I on the shoulder. We all know what that means, but we're polite enough to not say anything. It's good that Ma and Pa are so excited, but it's mainly because they've been cooped up in a god-forsaken van for the past three hours and need an outlet, hence all the festivities and brightness.

I hear someone thunk down the stairsSomeone a little on the chunky side.and slide to the front door. He fiddles with the lock before swinging the door wide open and grinning.

Hey, Rob! He gives my dad a hand-shake before turning to Mom. Oh my god, Hailey, you look gorgeous! C'mere, you! He reaches out to Mom and gives her a big smooch.

This is my mom's brother, just to clarify for all you pervs out there.

He then turns to us as Mom introduces the motley crew.

This is Jake, she says, pointing to my older brother. Jake nods his head and waves, Nicole, Nicole gives a small hello and a forced smile, and Mia. I take off my sunglasses and blink at him solidly before putting them back on, giving a small how-do-you-do.

Well hey, he says, apparently unperturbed by my blindness, I'm your uncle Will, and welcome to our humble abode.

The entire family gives random mutterings of hello before we squeeze our way through the doorway and into the house. The door slams and I stand for a moment at the threshold, evaluating.

Hey, it doesn't smell that bad in here, rather, like cinnamon and all those homely smells you wished for when you were a kid. It's warm too, and not too hot or cold (wow, I just made a Goldilock's reference), but just right. I stand a few more seconds, blinking and trying to figure out where everything is, before I hear a loud shriek and somebody comes tumbling down the stairs, directly towards me. I back up and try to get out of the way, but instead of moving away from me, they (whoever they is) shoots right to me and squeezes me in a frightening, bone-wrenching hug from death. I hear a loud, Southern voice blaring in my ear.

Oh my, it is so good to finahly meet y'all! The woman lets me go and I almost crumple in a heap on the floor, wheezing and gasping for air; not to mention feeling thoroughly violated. The woman moves away from me and talks down to my prostrate form.

My name's Sophie and I'm your aunt, she says, sticking a hand out.

Unsteadily I grab my cane, and rise up, sticking my hand out for her to shake. She then realizes why I'm wearing glasses and my hand is not making contact with hers.

Oh my lawd, she says, in horror. Ah am so sorry. So, so sorry. I didn't realize that you were

Blind. I finish the sentence for her, straightening my glasses and trying to regain a scrap of dignity, As is would be yes, I am blind.

She grabs at my shoulders, trying to be comforting. I am so terrible sorry, I didn't know.

That's perfectly fine, I say, smiling politely. Just don't do it again. [/quote]

Now, given personality traits, what do [b]you [/b]think she looks like?

Here's one with a description provided:

[quote]"C'mon, Pedee, you can do it," Mark said, his small hands grabbing for mine.

I was stuck in the hole. Mother of god, twelve years old and here I was, skinny frame and everything, stuck in a hole. Frantically I reached for Mark's hands, but the ground I was standing on suddenly gave way with a earthy groan and I fell down, moving even further away from Mark. His small, heart shaped face vanished for a moment from the edge of the abyss, then reappeared. He was holding a beat-up stick in his right hand, and he blinked down at me, frowning.

"Mark," I hissed, shaking some annoying brown bangs away from my face to see him better, "Mark, gimme the stick so that I can reach you."

Mark cocked his head at me curiously, blue eyes strangely amused. I'd seen that look before from my younger brother, and knew what it meant.

He was going to leave me in the hole.

Without leaving anything else to thought, reacting on the 'must beat sibling' instinct, I jumped up, using all the leg power I had gotten from playing soccer so much with my father, and kicked off the edge of the hole, grappling for Mark's bony little frame angrily.

"Little bastard," I seethed, striking out with a dirt-covered claw at his feet, vying to pull him down with me. He neatly pranced back from my outstretched hand and stepped on it. I fell back with a shriek into the hole, narrowing my grey eyes at him in rage.

For a moment I heard giggling, then Mark appeared once again, mocking his older sister for finally gaining the upper hand. He bobbed around the edge of the hole with the stick happily.

"I got you, I got you," he squeaked. From my perspective on the hole floor, I almost thought he resembled a savage. Then I remembered that he was a kindergardener and that , oh yeah, he was.

"Mark, you help me right this instant," I barked, teeth bared.

The bobbing motion stopped. Mark pause at the edge of the hole and stared down at me, contemplating. Then he grinned.

"No." he said promptly, and walked off.[/quote]

Eh?



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[VincentValentine13]

Well, I can't really do the whole quote thing...but I suppose that a good way to describe a character is to not try and over describe. I know a few fanfic writers that do this...you know like not only what the character is wearing, but also how many different shades of green are in thier, I don't know, kimono, and how many threads it looks like it has, and how it accentuated her long, gossamer-like hair, as each strand gently caught the moonlight like a silver spider-web, a web that could have belong to a black widow, or maybe a wolf spider.
I know it seems strange, but I have seen this before....who cares about all that, all I want to know is, what color are her clothes, what color is her hair. It's alright to get a little poetic, like Arthur Golding in [i]Memoirs of a Geisha[/i](great book) but don't go overboard. I want a story, not a painting that is being examined for authenticity.
I sure hope you're understanding what I'm trying to say, because I don't think I even understand it......
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[theWriter]

I'm not sure I do...enlighten, please.
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[VincentValentine13]

Long story short, don't do what I just did...over talk when it comes to describing your character! Make it short and sweet! See, I was able to put a moral into that!
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[Dark_AngelXX]

Well, here's part of a story I've just started writing... It's called "Letting Go" and based on a script I wrote back in November (For Bournemouth University) about two teenage friends who struggle to stay together.
I decided not to over-describe the two main characters in the opening chapter ^^


[quote]A loud rumble of thunder echoed ominously through the dark greying sky, a strong gust of wind swept across an empty apartment complex roof, scattering a mixture of litter and various decaying leaves across the concrete surface.  It wasnt unusual for such weather to cross the city of London, but it happened to irritatingly match the mood and situation that two particular teenagers were in.

One frantically slammed the door, which led to the roof, open as he panted heavily while running towards the futile railings that surrounded the proximity of the concrete covered area.  Another crash of thunder, and the high-pitch howling of the wind, drowned out the sound of his worn-out tattered trainers thudding desperately against the ground.

Finally, he reached the railings.  The wind then roughly blew the hood of his frayed black baggy hoody off his head to expose his face, his identity, to the surroundings around him.  He was distinctively Japanese and many people found his youthful, and maturing face very attractive- even with dark bags now underneath his confused bloodshot eyes.

Aki Ikeda was sixteen years old, and he was ready to meet his fate. 

His trembling hands gripped the rails, before a flash of lighting briefly exposed a jumble of red self-inflicted scratches in the shapes of Js and As, and then a deafening boom of thunder penetrated the air yet again.  Akis breathing became louder, more frantic.  The pupils of his sullen watering brown eyes abruptly widened when he heard the sound of door crashing open behind him.  He knew who the person that had been chasing after him was.

Aki! A voice urgently yelled.  The second teenager now stood at the doorway that led down to the steps.  His emerald green eyes were swollen with tears, and his darkening blond hair was sticking up messily in random directions.

He was shivering clearly, since he was dressed in nothing more than a thin loose black t-shirt and a well-fitted pair of denim jeans that were slightly creased.  But the cold climate had little to do with why he was trembling so violently, so unnaturally.  He was frightened, knowing what Aki had planned.  He was trying not to panic, though he couldnt stop himself from yelling out Akis name once again, as his eyes froze on the teenager by the railings.

Jake Ashford was also sixteen, but he was unaware of his own fate at that moment.  He was too worried about Akis.

[/quote]


Ya see? Keeping it simple can be effective =)

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[theWriter]

Yes, simple is quite effective. However, is it being said that I'm not writing simply? I'm confused. :huh:
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[silvereye]

[quote="VincentValentine13 (Vincent Cons"] It's alright to get a little poetic, like Arthur Golding in [i]Memoirs of a Geisha[/i](great book) but don't go overboard.

[/quote]
hey I`w read that one. good book!

theWriter: dont worry.
dont think it was ment that way just that so many writhers overdo there discripions. dont think it was like something bad about you writing,.

this part here is not an OC but from one of my fanfictons just to show one of the ways I dicribe persons:


Well down, I stretched my body and yawned. I suddenly saw something red move in front of me and I started to snarl, but then I remembered that there was a mirror there.

As I walked over to the mirror I laughed of my self. I looked at my own yellow eyes that looked back at me. As usual for my clan I am a large cat/dog like creature, with a long brown mane down from the top of my head and in a straight to my shoulder blades. A deep red colour of fur that was in little contrast to the orange areas on my throat, chest and belly. Behind my ears I have to long white feathers with blue tips, braided in too my mane. I had also attached a blue and a white peal to two locks of hair so that the two locks hanged down behind my ears.

I used one of my forelegs to pull down my forelock as I looked how it jumped back over my eyes. Under my eyes I had painted in to deep dark red straight lines over my cheeks on both sides.
I hade a big gold ring with a zigzag pattern on every one of my four paws. My long catlike tail swung around me and my tail tip flame burned just as usual.

I left the mirror and continued on out the door.

not my usual way but I`be back whit a cuote from it when I hav translated it.
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[VincentValentine13]

[quote]As usual for my clan I am a large cat/dog like creature[/quote]

Ooh ooh, big pet peeve and literary no no! My English teachers always told me to never ever ever EVER use a (/) in something like in your quote. This kinda deprives readers of seeing your own writing skilld perhpas you could try something like:

"As usual for my clan, I am a large cat-like(though some may say dog-like)creature..."
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You Know You Love A French Prince!

[Fayore]

[quote="VincentValentine13 (Vincent Cons"] Long story short, don't do what I just did...over talk when it comes to describing your character! Make it short and sweet! See, I was able to put a moral into that! [/quote]
I disagree. Simple can be useful, but it's generally more suited to younger readers. If you can employ other techniques, it's vastly more entertainling to read, andd it flows a lot more smoothly, too.

When I write character descriptions, I like to only mention the bare basics: hair, body build, and gender. Everything else I leave up to the reader to imagine, although I will start dropping more descriptions in each post I make. Dropping it all in the first post is really uneffective and feels rather amateurish to me, although if well done it's not always a pain to sift through. Also, it's really important to expand your vocabulary, particularly in adjectives. Semantics are only the bones; the description, when used effectively, creates the flesh. In example, rather than using the phrase "cat-like," "feline" would have fit as well, and it gives a better image than cat: when people think of "cat," they generally think of housecats, but when "feline" is used, it makes people think of other species in that family, so people have an idea that could range from anywhere from a kitten to a lion, or even a mesh of the two.

Another example of effective usage; "The breeze blew through his sunlit hair."

Sunlit. A golden colour. The character is blond. The word is ambiguous, though, so you could take it literally for "sunlit hair": sun shining on his hair. Image of sunshine. Breeze. It's a cool summer day. Also gives a warm tone to the sentence. Unless the setting is explicitly described elsewhere, you have two pieces of information: the character's hair is blond, and it's a sunny summer day. And he's outdoors, too. All from just one simple word.

I'd never, ever use only one word to describe everything about an important subject, though. :/ If my character were a cat, I'd probably write something like,

[quote]My tail arched elegantly in the air behind me as I padded softly through the cave, delicate nose wrinkling slightly at the stagnant air. My ears flicked ever so slightly at the minute sounds emanating from further down the cave; the echo could get quite loud at times. Our ancestral home was destroyed a mere week ago, and the clan sought refuge in this underground pit. Many of us disliked it, but we had nowhere else to go.

Upon seeing my childhood friend Taeron, I hastened my steps and drew up beside him, gently purring in his ear. "A good day to you, Taeron. I hope you have had a good dancing." He sniffed amusedly, and gently nipped me on the ear before replying.

"As I hope you. I see that you're still maintaining that golden glow of yours." We were not so far into the cave that there was no sunlight, and I'm certain that if he could see me that well, he would have seen my embarrassed expression, as well.[/quote]

Three small paragraphs put into describing a cat, and I haven't even gone into the details of her appearance yet. My style of writing relies heavily on imagery, and people say that it gives a very poetic feel to my style. Don't know how well other people could use it, though. :X
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[Nilitac_Tesgrah]

I tend to describe the characters basic traits and their age, because most of my characters are average height to that age. Well, excluding Georgie because she's a bit short due to being turned into a cricket and then having her lower half turned into a horse's body...

Here's one of my character's descriptions. It's kind of wordy, and fancy, but I tend to be a little drawn-out with this girl because she's my favorite. ^_^ Done from Georgie's POV.

[quote]They say she was a devil. Others say she was an angel in devil's clothing. Myself, I say she was just a normal girl with an enormous immune system problem that didn't have anything to do with AIDS. I'd know. I'm her sister.

We used to look alike, her and me. Twins, identical in everything except height, personality, and the fact she's the smart one even though we were both blond when we were kids. Because of the virus, she looked more like our mom, Akaya, who had black hair and kinda dark skin. Sort of like a coffee mixed with that vanilla creamer they sell, whatever the name was...

I still don't know what happened, but somehow she wasn't blond, or blue-eyed, or pale-skinned like I remembered. For a while, Alexia impersonated her and was that, but that happened long before I found my family. When I found her, me still a simple, plain, brownish-gray cricket, she looked a lot happier than she was when Dad had had her future planned.

When we were little, she'd never smiled, but she'd never cried either. She smiles a lot more, and in honest happiness.

When I went back to normal, I could clearly see how much she'd changed. Ebony hair, wavy and down to her waist. Emerald eyes, in contrast to my icy blue ones. Plus, the only time I could match her height was when I was wearing my inch-high high-heeled boots. She was usually laughing or smiling, and I rarely saw her cry. I did once when we were in the lab and we thought we wouldn't see her again... But after that, I never saw her cry.

I have to admit, for a long while, I was jealous because she really is a lot prettier than me, in my opinion. Besides, who would love-I mean, like a blond girl with a nastily-historied love-life?[/quote]

A basic history. ^_^;;
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[VincentValentine13]

[quote]Simple can be useful, but it's generally more suited to younger readers. If you can employ other techniques, it's vastly more entertainling to read, andd it flows a lot more smoothly, too. When I write character descriptions, I like to only mention the bare basics: hair, body build, and gender.[/quote]

^_^ Actually, that's a really good point! It helps, especially in fanfiction, when the person reading knows what the character looks like....though that doesn't mean you can get lazy either.

Here's an example of how I described Vincent Valentine in my story Who Am I:

[quote]The man stood at least a few inches taller then himself. Fine, raven black hair framed his pale face. His mouth was covered by the tall mantle of his blood red cloak, whcih seemed to be made of an almost silken fabric, was tattered and torn at the bottom. On his left hand was a golden claw, whose wicked-looking finger tips reflected the light of the sun. The sleeves of his black shirt went all the way to his hands, and on his right hand was a black glove. On his feet was a pair of metal shoes, who's color matched his claw. Belted on the right leg of his black pants, just above his knee, was a gun holster, partially hidden by his scarlet cloak.[/quote]

Now, I'll admit that this isn't the best description in the world....in fact, it's down-right puny, but you can see what I mean by a short description. I think it all really depends on the reader, and whether they like to have a picture painted for them or not, you know?
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[Forest]

Y'know, I've never really thought about [i]how[/i] I describe my characters, but thinking about it now, I guess I describe them bit by bit, leaving some parts open to the reader's imagination.

For example, in a Lorien based LOTR fic...

[quote]One of these was a young ellon by the name of Saeden.  He had been at his post for a couple of weeks and was exceptionally delighted to set his sights upon the grand elven city again after what had seemed like an Age.  Upon his return, he encountered Orophin who had only recently finished his chores down at the preparations.  Wiping his hands on the front of his tunic, Orophin ran to greet his fellow warden.[/quote]

So from this, you can see that Saeden is a young male elf who wears a tunic. The thing with describing Lorien elves, especially those on "the border duty", is that they all wear the same sort of clothes. So even if they are an OC, the reader will have a basic mental image of what they might look like already.

Okay, let's try a better example. Again, LOTR fandom but describing a set of humans.

[quote]Slowly, one of the elders rose to his feet.  He was thin, grey haired and looked as though he had not slept in weeks.  Even the garments which he wore seemed to drag downwards with exhaustion.[/quote]

[quote]A child, barely older than six ran forward after the seething crowd.  Excitement and anticipation hung in the air like a fell stench and the slow moving crowd hummed and buzzed with morbid curiosity as they made their way to the cliff top.  Still, the child ran on, pushing her way through, gradually getting nearer and nearer to the front.

Mother! she cried again, her voice silent against the excited cries of the people towering above her.  Suddenly, her young eyes caught a glimpse of a tall figure dressed in an ivory gown, fluttering llightly in the breeze.  Although the child could not see the figures face, she still ran forward as fast as her tiny legs could carry her.

She finally reached the figure and tugged on the dress hard.  The figure whipped sharply around, its chestnut hair flying in the wind.  The childs face brightened immediately.  Mother!  Flinging herself forward, she wrapped herself securely around her mothers leg.  Bending down, Bricta stroked her daughters hair softly.

Where are you going, mamma? The child asked, staring upwards with frightened liquid brown eyes.  Bricta fought back to keep the tears from flowing at her daughters words.  I am afraid, Naelie, I will be going away for a while said Bricta softly and finally succumbed to her tears.[/quote]


With some of the earlier stuff I wrote, I tended to write much more detailed descriptions in one go, e.g. what the character was wearing, what colour the clothes were, and always what colour the hair was. I still tend to do that, describe the hair first, but looking at it now I seem to stagger the descriptions through sentences, bringing new information when I was to put emphasis on a certain aspect of the character, such as I did with Naelie's "[i]frightened liquid brown eyes"[/i]. I guess a motto for how I write might be "little and often" heh


Hope that made sense lol.

~Forest x

[LexLuthorsVictimNJustAFriend]

I like to describe the personality of characters rather than their physical appearance. It means much more to me when my characters actions are what draw the reader in, not what he/she looks like. Don't get me wrong, I do give descriptions, but they're simple and placed into the story in subtle ways. Such as, The main character goes through some dramatic thing and then lets you know what style his hair is in when he runs his fingers through it. Stuff like that.

[theWriter]

[quote]I like to describe the personality of characters rather than their physical appearance. It means much more to me when my characters actions are what draw the reader in, not what he/she looks like. Don't get me wrong, I do give descriptions, but they're simple and placed into the story in subtle ways. Such as, The main character goes through some dramatic thing and then lets you know what style his hair is in when he runs his fingers through it. Stuff like that. [/quote]

Same. I think personality is the first thing that should always be on the list. Phyiscal later, personality first....Sometimes, however, I skim physical traits completely and just let people guess.
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[VincentValentine13]

I think you have to balance it, you know? Like, set the air around them. I like to put it like, when a person is sitting there, the character I mean, then I like to describe things through their eyes and how they carry themselves. That way, the reader can make small assumptions, and then I can rip the carpet from under them by surprising them with something they hadn't guessed. That's my opinion anyway.
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[Nilitac_Tesgrah]

I sometimes do the physical traits, then the personality, or vice-versa. It really depends on the character themselves or my mood.
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[flcladd1ct]

well, I do the following:
I don't describe characters that already exist (for instance, if I were wrinting an FMA fanfic I wouldn't bother to describe the Elirc brothers, because we all already know what they look like).
If I'm changing a character (like in the FLCL fanfic I'm picking at, Naota is older) I'll generally just point out the things that are chaged about the character in a casual way, and usually from the point of view of a character who is just entering the story.
For new charactes, I usually split the description up. I won't spend a paragraph explaining what they look like, because I find stuff like that personally the kind of thing that boggs a story down. I'll give clues as to what the character looks like ("she shakes her hair back out of her face with a flash like a shovelfull of wet sand tossed by an angry toddler") but leave the rest up to the person reading the story.
I also generally try to describe characters (and everything else) in a casual way, and I use descriptions that are apt but not really the thing I think people would expect (again, instead of saying "theres a mechanical whirring sound" I'll say something like "There is a soft strange sound, a muted whirring like a CD the player can't quite read. ")
I want to let the people reading have some play in the way the characters look, and let them form their own opinions about their personality. I write from an omnipresent point of view, but at the same time you only know what one character knows at a time. I want to make you sympathize with each character seperately, so for instance if I'm describing a love interest I'll do it from the besotted characters point of view, but if I want you to know that he/she is really a nasty person I'll add that to my description of the person when I do it from that characters POV buy the way that I write (for vulgar character I'll use curse words as casual descriptive terms, while for a more straight laced character I'll use softer language) or I'll add that to the description you get from third character.

For instance, these are bits from several different characters in the fic I'm writing (its an FLCL fanfic) you can tell by the language I use to describe things what the personality of the character I want you to associate yourself with is, for instance, here's a bit where you're changing perspective between three characters in fairly rapid succession:you can see it here so you don't have to wade through it if you don't want to. It starts off "more" on Canti, then switches to Haruko (who's descriptions are more casual and human than cantis) then to Naota (who uses language to make his father and Haruko look fairly obnoxious) then finally back to Haruko.
WARNING this chapter is clean, but the fanfic is ment for ADULTS so other chapters are not. You've been warned.

shrug* ok, I have no idea whether this was helpfull at all.
Probably not.
Oh well, its my two cents anyway.