May I Get A Rating On My Fanfic?!

[CaelCyndar]

Here is my fanfic....

Chapter One




My name is Cael Cyndar.I dont hurt anybody, unless they provoke me. I can be mean sometimes, and nice. But not all of the time. But now we live in a desert in planet Gun smoke. Now I'm after what my family is after. The Amulet of Fire. I have three friends, Vash, Millie, Wolfwood, and Maryl. He is sweet and he can really fight. He doesn't like to hurt or kill anything. I respect him, but he needs to toughen up....

I have a special power. Unlike Vash, I can change into a giant whitish dragon. My face sort-of looks like an wolf with horns. Both me and Vash partners, and will be for life. I went to Vash's hideout. He came out. I thought he was really cute. But I don't say anything about it...to anyone. I found Vash with Maryl, Wolfwood, and Millie. "Vash...may I talk to you about something?" he was looking down and I could see a couple of tears, he sat down on the ground. I sat down next to him; hand over his shoulder, "Vash are you okay?" he replied, Im fine....but ....well... Everybody I touch dies." A couple more tears dropped down his depressed face, "Well you hold me. And I haven't died...." I said with a smile. I can understand what he is going thru. People are looking for him. The reward for his capture is 60,000,000,000 double - dollars. I'm a guard. He doesn't get mad if I'm trying to save him and/or the others. But sometimes I may kill the attacker. He gets mad and grabs me by the scruff of my shirt He wasn't going to shoot! Why did you do this?!" I don't do anything but run off. I find a place for the night. I don't like it if someone is mad. I don't want to make them madder than what they were. I was being attacked. Vash saved me. He just knocked out the group with the top of his gun. He didn't shoot. What is the point of having a gun, if you are not going to shoot? Oh well...I guess you could teach someone like that. And Vash has yellow hair. Pointy hair at that! He is sweet and sometimes funny. But when it comes to friends and family, he gets serious. He is a "Humanoid Typhoon". But they gave him this name, Vash the Stampede. I like him, but he loved this woman, Rim when he was a kid. She died on the ship they were on.

But this is the only place on Mars with water, and plants. It is beautiful. His brother, Knives killed everyone on the ship. He must have planned the attack. I feel sorry for Vash. But that is in the past. I protect Vash from eating donuts, and from danger. I for one....well I can't be alone, especially in a battle. I get my courage from Vash, Millie, Maryl, and Wolfwood. Wolfwood can be a pain sometimes, but when Vash is trying to correct what he has done wrong, Wolfwood would punch Vash, and he falls to the ground. I usually stand in front of Vash and would chase him off, by running and shooting my gun. He appreciates it, but Vash says that it would be better off if I'd let him handle it. But I don't care about that, especially if he is injured. Maryl and Millie would help take care of Vash. It was almost sunset. But before I left, Vash told me, "Thanks for everything..." and started waving. I thought along the way to my hideout," It seems that Vash is really attached to me, Millie and Maryl. But about Wolfwood...." The next day, Millie came rushing to home. My father and my mother died along time ago. She told me to come quick. Vash and this gunman were fighting a very harsh battle. "I'll go. Just stay here!" Millie didn't listen and came too. I ran as fast as I could. But I was too late. The man shot Vash nine times. "You are going to pay for that!!!!" I said to the gunman," Millie, Maryl! Get Vash out of here and put clean him up!! I'll take care of this loonitick right away!" I lurched forward, and shot a couple bullets. He shot me in the right leg, "Ahhh!" I pulled myself together and I tried to run as fast as I could.

I had to jump, but with my leg injured, I had no chance. But I had to. I tried and I shot. It was a clean death. He fell with regret. "Huh, that is what you get!!!" Blood was spilling about on the ground, and Vash was sure to die. I prayed that night, not just for my health, but for Vash's. I was very worried. I waited in an other room, while Maryl was bandaging me up," Maryl, leave me here. I'll do it myself. Go help Millie with Vash. I'm concentrating on helping him." But Cael, I can't leave you here." "Gr-r-r-r-r-r!! Just go!!!" I growled. I was in pain al night. In the other room, I could hear Vash's voice, "Maryl." "Yes Vash." "Can you get Cael for me? I have something to say..." Maryl got up quietly; she turned and faced Vash, "Sure..." She walked into the room I was in, "Cael. Cael, wake up. Vash wants to see you..." I looked down, in anger, but then I loosened up," Maryl...is Vash going to be okay?" she replied, "Go see for yourself..." I walked into Vash's room. "Vash! Are you okay?!" Vash looked at me, and smiled, "Thanks to you, I am. If you wouldn't have given Millie and Maryl orders...I may not have lived." But I guess you could say they were in shock..." I leaped on to Vash's bed," I'm so glad you are okay...I was so worried...."He slept a long time. Every day, I helped Millie and Maryl take care of Vash. When Millie was cleaning Vash's wounds, He grabbed me and squeezed my scruff of the shirt. I growled in pain, but it was too low for anyone to hear it. After that, I went to help with getting food. Vash stayed in bed. One day, while he was sitting outside, he tried to pet Kuniko. He scratched him,"Ahhh..."One of the men was giving the man with a mustache a package, and the man in the truck yelled at the man with the package, "Hurry up and get in the truck!!" The other man hurried, "Why are you in such a hurry!?!?" "The man on the porch was Vash the Stampede!" "Vash the Stampede?!" I was asleep when I herd the door open. I thought it was Millie and Maryl. I jerked up, "Vash is gone!!!!!" I screamed. I jetted outside, "Vash!!!" I looked east of where I was standing. A truck was pulling something on the ground. I looked harder," Vash..." I ran faster than ever. "Let him go!!" The truck stopped. Vash's voice was hoarse," Cael! You must go! If they catch you, they will kill you...don't worry about me..." I laughed, You think I will leave this easily? I promise you I won't let them hurt you...."

I hid on the other side of the truck, the driver stood right in front of Vash, "How do you like this huh?!" The driver kicked Vash several times. I couldn't stand watching Vash get kicked around like that," You'll pay for that!!" I was mad. I jumped out and stood on top of Vash, I wont let you hurt Vash!! I was shot. right in the heart. I fell down on my knees. Millie and Maryl grabbed me. They rushed me to the house we lived in for the time being. I felt blood pouring out of my mouth, "Cael don't move!" "Al-r-right." My eyes slowly closed. I got up, and ran outside," Cael wait! Youre not fully healed yet!" 'I promised him that I would always be there for him. And I'm not about to break it!!" "Oh I'll never understand her..." I ran as fast as I could, towards Vash. I collapsed in front of him. "Cael wake up!" He cut the ropes and held me in his arms, "Cael! Cael! No..." I said in a very small voice," Vash I will be okay......" I got up slowly, You will pay!! Maryl!!!....get Vash out o..." "I'm staying here with you." Maryl made a speech. Both I and Vash sat on a cliff that night, singing the song we know and love, looking up at the stars. In the morning, I and Vash got ready. He put on his outfit, straightened his hair, and grabbed his gun. I combed my hair, put on my outfit, cleaned my wound and grabbed my gun. I shot outside the door. Millie ran towards us,"Vash, can you give this to Mr. Wolfwood for me?" "No problem..." he said,

We started too marched off, but before we left, Vash walked towards Maryl, hugging her he said, "Thank you!!!!" tears of joy ran down his face. Wak-k-k-k! Vash was lying on the ground with a large bump on the top of his head, " I'm injured remember!?" "I'll never understand him....." I said with a disgusted expression.......

[silver_dreams]

a bit confusing, failed to hold my attention for more than a paragraph. needs major revision and editing. did you proofread this? things are confusing.

6/10, and that's being nice