Bleach is the worst manga ever and other releavant rants

[Brianhjh]

This is the summary of mangas I've read this year... and if you don't agree, too bad, take note that I probably read more mangas than you, unless you grew up with it. (ie. remembers waiting for new installments of Dragon Ball)

I'm only doing this because I downloaded two months worth of Shonen Jump Raw, so I'm jumping few months into the future, kind of, and noticed the new Shonen jump line-up.

I also noticed that the line-up mangas, all 20-something of them, consisted of homoerotica and fail, but mostly fail.

Starting with Homoerotica:[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/1151544569131.jpg[/img]


[img]http://img239.imageshack.us/img239/6241/rebornnb4.jpg[/img]
1) Hitman Reborn!: Yum, Story involving highschool guys, Mafia, and Babies has become less about something and more about the benefit of nothingness, but it's still good. My favorite character Yamamoto-kun gets to wear a hoodie and an eyepatch (the one on the left), and they're my two favorite piratewears. If I had to give this infinitely intricate cesspool of yaoi doujishi fangirlbait of a manga, I'd give it an outstanding B+, the grade might be improved by adding even MORE cool looking mafia characters and lowering the age of consent to the second trisemester, (yes, I'm aware how that rhymed) moving on:

[img]http://remains.x-y.net/tt/attach/0319/050319145549899076/446458.jpg[/img]
2) Eyeshield 21: This story has moved on from the ultra-uke and ultra-seme relationship between Hiruma and that pussy with Mickey Mouse hair to actual sports, which spells doom in its relevant fangirl yaoi doujinshi market which is the bloodline of shonen jump. Its founding fathers, including Hello Kitty, said "Let in the womyns", and so they did. Yaoi, sports, and cleansiness became legal in Japan that year. Getting back the the main idea; more focus is put on the OPPOSING team rather than Sena and Hiruma's sweaty expedition ended with a night in the Sin city. A sport that requires no homosexual innuendo to be classified as a gay sport, its mangaka, Yusuke has failed in captivating the attention of the majority of the readers. Shame on you, Yusuke, Shame on you.

oh, I give it A-


3) Hands: This is a new manga, concerning Handball.

I thought that when Shonen Jump brought in Eyeshield 21, there wasn't a sport left for it to cover, unless you include Competitive eating as a sport. (ETA, since this rant was written, an anime is planned about a boy who's good-at-nothing, but finds his destiny and friends with similar powers and goes on to challenge the world, kind of like Beyblade, but with eating; is planned to preview in TVTokyo. This will be animated at Gonzo by 2 people and a filing cabinet) In retrospect, this manga is more popular in the shota market than the yaoi one, so this would not classify as a homoerotica, but illegal homoerotica, oh, and I never actually read this manga. C+

[img]http://pic.tiexue.net/pics/2006_8_4_31962_3031962.jpg[/img]
4) D. GrayMan: This manga is a proof that how characters look, in terms of health, is exactly and oppositely proportional to the health of the mangaka. I sort of remember the art style of the D. GrayMan before, and after the mangaka suffered some centripedes in his vaginas for a while, the characters look healthier than ever! Take every Shonen manga, remember how healthy the characters looked, and imagine their mangaka drawing 80 pages of comic a month. Oh, and they never get out of their house and they can technically survive on one meal a week, but they won't. I don't know much about this manga, except it's about vampires and hobbits, with or without magical powers. This is my sister's favorite manga... ...but she also likes Kingdom Hearts... ...which makes her incompetant. B

[img]http://www.geocities.com/princesssaturn_2002/img/gon_and_killua.jpg[/img]
5) Hunter X Hunter: This manga is currently on hiatus because the author has Ovarial cancer, probably contracted from his lovely WAIFU, the creator of Sailor Moon. On a note of Sailor Moon, she is the reason why little Eliah Gonzales is sent back to Cuba, "by the power of the moon, I deport your ass back to Cuba" was her trademark for a while, and then she later moved on to more important things, like forces of evil. Getting back to Hunter X Hunter... even the title itself is homoerotic, just like everything in it. Villains that emits light from its crotch area when they see the protagonist for one, and so forth. B-

[img]http://www.turbidos.com/Images/Naruto.jpg[/img]
6) Naruto: I had a tough time deciding if this was more fail or homoerotica, so I made myself a chart:

Homoerotica?:

-Lots of Unimportant and Meaningless Man-characters popping up everywhere.
-The idea of replicating yourself with sexual organs attached
-Generic "OMG, you killed my parents and all of my loved ones" archetype, the killer happens to be sexually active male relative.
-Ugly female characters
-[b]The Jingle "Pederastry makes your bones grow strong" near the end of Filler Episode 153[/b]

Fail?:

-Sasuke
-Sai

Well obviously, the homoerotic points seem to have the majority, I declare this a fabulously homoerotic manga. B


[size=24]Let's move on to: FAILURES[/size]

[img]http://game.21cn.com/zhuanti/comic/wangqiu/images/story.jpg[/img]
7) Prince of Tennis: This manga would be homoerotica if only it was drawn by a banshee with its hand cut off, thus greatly improving the art and the story flow of the manga, with less upkeep. The manga is basically about the son of a once-great Tennis player rubbing his tiny balls against random objects. Now, that would seem like it's a good contender for the Homoerotica half of the Shonen Jump lineup, but no, it simply fails because the characters look like they aren't humans at all, thus denouncing the "homo" part of the the lexicon "homoerotica". Some people define robot movents as erotica, this may come close to being one. One great quotation of the manga is "Hah-hah, you can never dodge my Dragon attack by slicing midair when it begins to exert inertia".

It's fucking [i]Tennis[/i] D-

8) Gintama: Mangas making fun of Anime is never funny. Mangas making fun of PEOPLE who are different from us is funny. Making fun of disabled and otakus are funny. Mangas that makes fun of Homoerotic mangas as stated above is never funny. Gintama is not funny.

D+

9) Majintanteinougaminuuro: Halp! Longcat is long F-

10) Bo-Bo-Bobobob-Bo-bo: No comment F

11) One Piece: This thing was booted out of the number one spot in terms of popularity long time ago, replaced by Narutards and Gay Football players, die already, or find the one piece... whichever comes first. D

12) Toraburu (To Love): This thing insults two things: 1. English language, 2. Homosexuals. The main character, other than the protagonist, is a, GIRL! F

[img]http://www.animewalls.info/uploads/bleach/70.jpg[/img]
13) Bleach: I hate this manga, I really really hate it. I end convos and block people when they say. "Oh, I'm a convicted pedophile, I preyed on boys, who just looked like you, oh, and I like BLEACH". Of course, I don't care whether someone over the internet wants to leave in the ditch, dead, what I DO care, is their poor taste. This manga started out with a unique set of artstyle, and a promising, but a generic subject. The "Defeat evil spirits" horse has been beaten to death I think by the second chapter of the New Testement. It's unoriginal, it's cliched, and it just plainly sucks balls. The subject matter isn't what sucks the most however, if I could pick five things that sucks in Bleach, I'll pick these: Characters, Continuity, Theme, Storytelling, and FUCKING OMITTING THINGS THAT NO ONE WANTS TO READ ABOUT.

Characters, Ichigo is flat and uninspiring. Rukia is the bane of Feminist movements, her um, brother is a pussy, the red haired buy is a yaoifanbrat bait, the girl with boobs is annoying as hell, [i]Chad has a different skin color than normal people[/i], All the captains of soul society remind me of power rangers.

Continuity, when I see story chart of Bleach, I see this: Ichigo's self development > Fighting hollows in the real world > Soul society > Soul society > Soul society > Soul society > Fighting hollows in the real world.

Theme, omg, you rescue ppl from evil hollows! how original!

Storytelling, HOW MANY TEAMS AND CAPTAINS DO YOU YOU HAVE TO MEMORISE IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND A STORY THAT IS BASICALLY "BOY RESCUES GIRL, THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER"?

Omission, Never did I read a manga that took 30 pages to describe one character and 3 panels to kill it, never to appear again. Do I need to find out the story behind some guy that Rukia knew before? probably not. Do I need to find out 30 different people in one team? hell no. Too much information, too much character, too much drama, non-existance story and substance.

God, I hope Ichimaru kills them all. He's the only good character, because he looks like a snake. I like snakes, they remind me of a world that doesn't have to read what is a heap of Pocky excretion by humans, or otherwise called Bleach. I give it a grade it deserve, F-.



There you go, that's my reivew of the current manga line up in the Shounen Jump. This was intended to be humourous, don't sue me, blah blah blah.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[Touzoku-joou]

Leekspin was the only good thing to ever come out of Bleach.

The only nonfail you mentioned that interests me is Hitman Reborn!, which I've wanted to read for a while now. I think I shall go hunt for scanlations.

Amusing reviews, by the way. : D
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[url=http://www.fanart-central.net/user-Touzoku-Joou.php]FAC[/url]

[Brianhjh]

I'm still trying to get the mp3 of the song featured in leekspin.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[Fayore]

I thought it was funny. Wished the Bleach one could've lasted a little longer. 8D;

[Brianhjh]

There's couple of girls in my Japanese class that told me that Bleach was the best manga ever.


I broke their tibias.

oh and [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/adsfsdfae.jpg[/img]

new manga from Obata Takeshi, Blue Dragon, premiering in two weeks, I'm probably going to get the raws right after:

if Death Note was up there, I'd consider it to be Homosexuality more than fail, but tough call.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[Fayore]

Oh, no wonder that title seemed a little familiar -it's based off a 360 game?

Bah, I dunno. I'm not much of a Shounen Jump person. I don't even buy monthly comics anymore, though the ones that I used to were ZeroSum. :d


Where do you find the raws? This looks kinna intersting.



Also, I stopped listening to recommendations I get from people I know from school. 98% chance they don't know anything past "Bleach", "FMA", and "Death Note". :s

[Brianhjh]

Mushishi, Blade of the Immortal, Great Catsby, Hitman Reborn for the win


BTW, I love Hitman Reborn because it doesn't take itself seriously, it's so, wonderfully shonen in its purity I just love it. -Everybody else thinks it's Childish though~

EDIT: I get raws from Torrent, I have week 46-52 I think. anything after week 49 is dead.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[Fayore]

Mushishi was in Shounen Jump?

Published... by? eh? KAdokawa Shouten? I would've never guessed something like Mushishi would be in Shounen Jump. :d

The last thing I read in Shounen Jump was a promotional Summon Night EX Thesis chapter published in Shounen Jump HEROES. :d


Torrent, I see~ I haven't been reading much manga recently. Still want to get that Cybersix project up and going. :s And other stuff.


And


Hitman Reborn kinda scares me. I think it's the babies. D:

[Brianhjh]

oh noes, mushishi and BOTI isn't in Shonen jump, Mushishi is fine for SJ but BOTI would get sued by angry parents


Mushishi and Blade of the Immortal is serialized in Afternoon, along with that Baseball manga, it's a Kodansha monthly magazine, with more substance and diversity than SJ, but sadly, there's never scan for them (kinda obscure)

Hitman REborn scanslation is weird, it goes 1st volume to 4th, and then there's a gap of 4 volumes.

but nonetherless, it's arc-oriented, you miss 2 or three arcs, but nothing much.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[SilverKitsune]

I love death note. It's something different that I havent seen in a manga yet. I know few mangas/animes so hmm. I use to like samurai deeper kyo...but then i saw the anime....wtf...thats all...using 'yugios' voice killed it as well as making retard monsters.
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[img]http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a131/I_Lov_Asian_Men/phoenixsig.jpg[/img]


[b]xAmiDarkfieldx wrote:
"Your a bird, I'm a cat of the jungle. Birds can't get pregnant last I checked. They lay eggs."[/b]

[Brianhjh]

Samurai Kyo is one of the worse mangas in the universe, Death note was "ok", only because of the detailed artwork, the story faled, so much.


I actually have some Yugioh mangas, I thought the monster design and generally how the gameplay works was interesting, even though the latter half is from Konami rather than the artist. However , the over-dramatic storyline involving piece of cardboard + irrelevant and politically incorrect Egyptian references bother me to no end.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[SilverKitsune]

you read all of death note? I've read to 7. Hmm
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[img]http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a131/I_Lov_Asian_Men/phoenixsig.jpg[/img]


[b]xAmiDarkfieldx wrote:
"Your a bird, I'm a cat of the jungle. Birds can't get pregnant last I checked. They lay eggs."[/b]

[Brianhjh]

Mello dies, before he dies, he gives a secret to Nia, Nia uses it to reveal Kira's true identity, Ryukyuu kills Kira.


The end~


oh, and for better story, please read any of the recommended novels in your local library.


Comics should be comics, it will never surpass novels in terms of story flow, blame it to the medium where pictures tell the story more than words, why even try?

ETA: I personally recommend House of Spirits by Isabel Allende, Midnight's Children by Salman Rushidie is excellent, but the first part is a bit of a downer.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[Fayore]

What about anime based off novels?

BRAVESTORYBRAVESTORYBRAVESTORYBRAVESTORYBRAVESTORY

[Brianhjh]

Goes too fast, it takes half a day ie. 12 hours to read many of the "good novels out there" and this is you reading hundreds of words per minutes and processing them. No movies are that long, sure, they have nice imageries that can tell stories on their own, but its message isn't as universal for everybody as words. More enjoyment? yes, better understanding of the story? definately, better story? nah. For story, I stick to its utmost pure form, novels.

I read manga mostly for enjoyment and eyecandy, I thought Monster and 20th Century Boys were lackluster in story, but I did enjoy horror and suspense elements, mostly caused by "hey, this didn't happen in mangas I used to read back when I was young lololololol"


EDIT: oh, and for smut.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk

[SilverKitsune]

I saw that someone dies, BUT then i scrolled down quickly. How evil. I dont want to know what happens! I dont know who dies so im allllll goood.
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[img]http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a131/I_Lov_Asian_Men/phoenixsig.jpg[/img]


[b]xAmiDarkfieldx wrote:
"Your a bird, I'm a cat of the jungle. Birds can't get pregnant last I checked. They lay eggs."[/b]

[LucidaLownes]

Yeah, I thought that was kind of rude for you to do when SilverKitsune said they'd only gotten to the 7th volume. And I was planning on checking it out...I guess I still will.

Anyway, you have your right to your opinion. I won't force my opinion of Bleach upon you.

[SilentSoul92]

I wouldn't if I were you. This is Brian your talking to.

Well, I never did understand your logic XD But I guess I can see where you're coming from for a few. The only thing killing Bleach and Naruto for me are the animes, but I still like them.

As for the others, I think I'll check out a few.

No offense to anyone, but i'll agree with Brian this time and say that DeathNote really isn't that good, but you'll never hear me say that anywhere else. 90% of the school's manga fans would kill me XD

[LucidaLownes]

haha, I figured as much. That's why I didn't try. And one of my friends said the best part of Death Note was the art. Nothing else really. Ugh, I realyl jsut hate the cahracters in Naruto. They all seem to be Gary-Stus and Mary-Sues to me.

[Brianhjh]

Yeah, but everybody in Bleach reminds me of flamboyant power rangers, every single one of them.

Naruto is better manga than Bleach, most people would say "nu-uh", calling it immature because it's somewhat directed to lower age bracket than Bleach. However, you can still have shitty manga and still have your manga marketed towards seniors and Doctors for all I care. Naruto, even though it's not something I'd pay or download to read, has better arc structure, and the artists' ability to revive character's importance even after many arcs without abondoning them is always nice, unlike Dragonball or Bleach, where "team characters" don't catch up with that of the main protagonist.

Secondly, When new characters are introduced, they have certain role or some kind of status that fits like a puzzle in Naruto, yes, seven or eight whatever Akatsuki members, people CARED because it implied how many battles there would be at the end of the story, or end of the arc. Sasori for instance, was introduced with enough background and enough relation to the current characters on hand for people to like. He also got a fabulous amount of facetime and a battle, while doing so, he also gave development leeway into Sakura and bunch. DEVELOPING OLD CHARACTERS BY CREATING CONFLICTS WITH THE NEW ONES ARE ALWAYS NICE.

On the other hand, Bleach just keeps on creating new characters after new characters and arbitrary "teams" and "councils" and "races" that just saturates the entire story with "cliques" so no one cares if some guy is captain of team 3 or 12. How many members of team 11 were introduced? just what were the significance in them? What the fuck was with that little girl that mounted on that one-piece resembling villain somewhere in Bleach? All things fly by with bright colors but with very little explanation as to why. Oh, and the cliches in Bleach. At least Naruto TRIES to be boyish mainstream, fitting for the demographic Shonen Jump is directed to. Bleach tries to be too cool for skool while fallating on garbled English and story cliches. I was laughing my ass off when the black cat turned into a voluptous woman-fighter just in time, and then Ban-kai started happening with emotional lesbian-love happening spontaneously with lame nostalgia somewhere back in the past no one should care about. That part was insinuatingly embarassing to read, also, I stopped reading right about there. Based on what Ichigo does after he goes back to the real world, it was a wise choice.


oh, and Bankai is never cool IF EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD HAS THEM.
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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Brianhjh/emesprani151.gif[/img] "Sarah's future makes me sad." - Benk