The Newbie Commandments

[Stratadrake]

Work in progress. This was inspired by the latest addition to my sig. Basically, it's sorta like a cross between an FAQ and a "Online Forums For Dummies".

In other words, a place to rephrase forum rules and guidelines so that newbies may understand them. (As if they'll even read )

Feel free to join in or give advice on what the "rules" should be! Starter material includes:

* * * * * * * * * *

[b]Clause A - Registration And Thou[/b]
(i) - Thou immigrants to hither forums, henceforth deemed "newbies", shalt endeavour to self-enlightenment both ere and ensuing thine registration on hither site.
(ii) - Thou shalt exploreth hither forums and acquaintance thyself to its heirarchy, natures of discourse, and elder contributors.
(iii) - If thou desireth to parade thyself around for introduction, thou shalt direct such discourse to yon Self-Promotion or Spam areas of hither board. Thou shalt not commit such actions in supervised discussions.
(iv) - Thou shalt abandoneth all claims to authority possessed in other discussion boards, of which the elder contributors herein know not and care not.

[b]Clause B - The FAC Forums And Thou[/b]
(i) - Thou shalt commit to knowledge the diverse array of forums supporting each nature of discourse and use them well:
(ii) - Thou shalt be wary the dark corners of [u]Unmoderated[/u], and not be caught wandering around inside if thou art easily offended.
(iii) - Thou shalt keepeth in mind the unfettered miscellany and unadulterated wilderness that is the true nature of [u]Spam[/u]. Thou should not complain should thy Spam thread be pulled off-course or torn apart by the ravenous wolf pack known solely as 'Organised Spam'.
(iv) - Thou shalt acknowledge the hallowed sanctity of the two [u]Critique Panel[/u] forums, and not confuse their nature with superficial [u]Self-Promotion[/u], for which there is already a place. Transgressant topics will be expelled from those sanctuaries without warning or notice.
(v) - Thou shalt commit to memory the difference between [u]General/Games[/u] and [u]Game Discussion[/u], reserving video-game discourse for the latter and studying the activities of the former to ascertain its true nature.

[b]Clause C - Posting And Thou[/b]
(i) - Thou shalt contribute to existing avenues of discourse before creating a new topic in the forums. This deed shalt help acquaintance thyself with thine elders.
(ii) - Thou shalt always posesseth an avenue of discourse before creating a new thread. Thou shalt not create topics like "Herein Is The Thread For Discussing _______" or its accursed ilk.
(iii) - Thou shalt always seeketh out the correct room for such discourse. If thou desireth to talk about video games, for example, thou shalt direct thyself to Game Dicsussion and not relegate themselves to [u]General Discussion[/u]. If thou art vexed by a problem, thou should seek out solace and enlightenment in Help. If thou cannot locate a proper location for thy discourse, thou may use Spam for miscellany, bearing in mind the individual natures of certain areas, as described by the previous Clause.
(iv) - Thou shalt explore the depths of yon proper forum, to ascertain thyself as to whether thy desired thread of discourse has ere been expounded. Thou shalt not prefer to host a discourse in the presence of other threads bearing the same.
(v) - Thou shalt heed the above [i]especially[/i] when thou should be vexed by a problem. Thou are not alone in encountering thine problem; thou should endeavor to study the FAQ thread and explore the Help forum in their full capacity. Odds are favorable that thou may yet discover the solution by thine own merits. Failure to heed this warning may result in scourging by elder members before thou art enlightened as to the solution,
(vi) - Thou shalt not double-post. If thou comes to realization of something forgotten, thou shalt utilise yon "edit" button presiding above thy posts, and make thine additions, amendments, or recantations appropriately.

[b]Clause D - Internet Discussion Boards And Thou[/b]
(i) - Thou shalt comprehend and understand the true nature of forums.
(ii) - Thou shalt not regard hither forums as online chat or phone discourse; forums are not. When thou hast made thy contribution, thou shalt not stand idly by thy contribution awaiting an instant response, for an instant responses shalt not arrive. Rather, thou shalt be productive and spend thy time performing something else. Thou shouldeth wait at least a day's pence before returning to see if other contributions have been made after thine.
(iii) - Thou shalt not assume thyself despised if thy topic goes unregarded for many hours, even days; for thou is not. Thou shalt instead show patience and fortitude, even should thou hast to wait a fortnight before contributions to thy thread arrive.
(iv) - Thou shalt not profess thine member title, post count, or "member level" above others. Thy member level increases with thy post count, but bestows upon thee no new blessings, ever.

[b]Clause E - Privileges And Thou[/b]
(i) - Thou shalt not intoxicate thyself upon the freedom to attach files to thy contributions. Thou shalt utilise this freedom only when the discourse calls for such action, only when thou needeth, not whenever thou pleaseth. If thou cannot restrain thy desire to use this privilege, the mods may restrain it for thou by branding thou a "Certified N00b" and revoking thy freedom to utilise attachments in the future. Thou dost not desire this fate to befall thee.
(ii) - Thou shalt abstain from attaching the same file to multiple contributions, lest thou be accused of squandering public resources. Neither shalt thou attach an image to one's contribution which may be found within thy personal gallery; instead, thou shalt prefer to provide a link to yon image within thine gallery.
(iii) - If thou wisheth to provide a small image or text adjoining all of one's contributions, thou shalt createth a signature to contain it.
(iv) - Thou shalt keepeth thy signature of reasonable size. Thou shalt not posess, par example, an image larger in thy sig than thine average contribution, or thine average monitor. If thy signature is deemed too large, thou may one day find thy signature abridged or stolen from thee, based on moderator discretion.
(v) - Thou shalt not travail over thy member title. It changeth with the passage of time and discourse, yet bestows no blessings upon thee. The ruling parties may in future tense elect to bestow upon thee an appropriate custom title, based upon thy behaviour and reputation.

[b]Clause F - Courtesy And Thou[/b]
(i) - Thou shalt not burgle the subject of discourse from a thread. Discourse may meander across several avenues, as is its nature, but thou shalt not engage in the black art of "thread hi-jacking".
(ii) - Thou shalt not strive to warrant the wrongful attention of thine Evil Overlord, Assistant Manager, Site Helpers, or Moderators. Thou shalt behave with respect and contribute as best as thee can.
(iii) - If thou hast a grievance against the ruling party, thou shalt petition it humbly and with respect, so that the ruling party may be willing to discuss the matter.
(iv) - If thou hast received wrathful attention from thine Evil Overlord or other authority, thou shalt first examine thine own behaviour for transgressions. Thou shalt not proclaim thyself innocent without reason, lest thy be humbled by reproach when thy transgressions are made clear. Rather, thou shalt humbly petition for enlightenment and counsel, that thy mistakes not be repeated in future tense.
(v) - Thou shalt conduct thyself with respect and not devote thyself to the dark art of flaming. Thou haveth the liberty to agree and disagree, but respectful behaviour shalt be expected from thee at all times.

* * * * * * * * * *

Here, too, is the translated version:

[b]Clause A - Introduction[/b]
(i) - Signing up for a new discussion board is a learning experience.
(ii) - Newbies should explore the forums thoroughly to learn which forums are which, who the regular members are, what the moderators are like (they're not bad), and so on.
(iii) - Introductory posts are not required. If you want to make one, Self-Promotion and Spam are good forums to post them in.
(iv) - If you are a moderator or other authority on a [i]different[/i] website, don't expect any special treatment from us because of it, because you won't get any.

[b]Clause B - The FAC Forums[/b]
(i) - We have a wide variety of forums, including:
(ii) - [u]Unmoderated[/u] - Contents may offend; you have been warned.
(iii) - [u]Spam[/u] - No rules! Just keep an eye out for [i]Organized Spam[/i], and stay out of their way!
(iv) - The [u]Critique Panel[/u] and [u]Fanfiction Critique[/u] forums are to be used [b]only[/b] for giving or receiving [b]serious[/b] critiques and advice to art or fics. Plain old everyday feedback is not welcome there, and if you just want to show an image off and let come what may, use [u]Self-Promotion[/u] instead.
(v) - [u]General Discussion/Games[/u] is not the same thing as [u]Game Discussion[/u]. It is for playing forum games like "Rate the Signature Above Yours", not for discussing video games.

[b]Clause C - Posting And You[/b]
(i) - Please attend and contribute to existing topics before creating your own new topics. It'll help you get to know everyone else better.
(ii) - Do not create "This is the Place To Talk About ______" threads. If you don't have a subject of discussion, don't create a new thread.
(iii) - Pay attention to the little descriptions underneath each forum link and use them accordingly. Videogame discussion goes in [u]Game Discussion[/u], bug reports go in [u]Help[/u], or if all else fails, the doors of [u]Spam[/u] are always open.
(iv) - When creating a new topic, perform a little search to see if that sort of topic has been mentioned before. If it has, go post in the existing topic instead of creating a duplicate one.
(v) - ALWAYS search the [u]FAQ[/u] and [u]Help[/u] forum when you're having a problem with the site. If the problem's been encountered before, you may be able to find the answer yourself, and won't even have to ask for help. You don't know how annoying it is to have to answer the same damn question every three or four days because newbies don't do their own searching.
(vi) - Do not post multiple times in a row. There is an "edit" button that appears on every one of your posts. If you have something to add, click the "edit" button and add it on to your existing posts.

[b]Clause D - Internet Discussion Boards[/b]
(i) - Understand this:
(ii) - DO NOT treat the discussion boards like instant, online chat. When you've created a topic, don't just sit there waiting for replies -- you'll be waiting all day! Go find something else to do with your life, and wait about 24 hours or so before checking back to see if anybody's responded.
(iii) - Just because nobody responds to your topic [b]does not[/b] mean we hate you. Just be calm and patient.
(iv) - Don't think that your post count or member "level" mean anything. They don't.

[b]Clause E - Forum Privileges[/b]
(i) - DO NOT use the "Attach File" option to attach an image to every post. Only use the attachments option occasionally, when it is relevant to the topic at hand. Attach images only when needed, not for the sheer hell of it. We have a small group assignment called "Certified N00b" set aside exclusively for those who can't resist attaching images to their posts. You don't want to be put there.
(ii) - Do not attach the same file to multiple posts. It is a waste of server space and bandwidth, because each attachment is stored as a separate file. Similarly, if you want to show a picture from your FAC member gallery, do not attach a copy of that imge to your post; simply provide us a link to your gallery page instead.
(iii) - If you want a small string of text or image to appear with every post, that's what signatures are for. (My Controls > Edit Signature).
(iv) - Do not make your signature hellatiously big. If a signature is too large due to, say, a huge picture of an anime character's face, don't be surprised if one of the mods decides to chop your signature down to a smaller size.
(v) - Don't get worked up over your member title. It means nothing -- although if you're well known, the moderators may give you a unique, custom member title.

[b]Clause F - Courtesy[/b]
(i) - Don't hijack threads. Remain on topic.
(ii) - Don't annoy the webmaster, Site Helpers, or moderators.
(iii) - If you have a complaint with authority, say it respectfully and calmly. They're more likely to talk it out than if you, say, start yelling and ranting all over the place.
(iv) - If you've done something to be punished (e.g., kicked from online chat), don't be an ass and say "I didn't do anything wrong!" The authorities do not punish members for the hell of it; there had to be something you did. Calmly ask them why it happened, so that you can avoid a repeat in the future.
(v) - No flaming. Agree or disagree as you wish, but respect other people's opinions when in a debate or heated discussion.

* * * * * * * * * *

That covers a bit of what we have rules for. Any other suggestions or ideas to add?
_________________
Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
[size=9]Disclaimer: Posts may contain URLs. Click [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]at your own risk.[/url][/size]

[Powtaz]

thou shall worship Powtaz

[kathyhime85]

do us all a favor, revise that, and take out the thous and the words like that. they give me a headache!

[kathyhime85]

new one:

-thou shalt play with all the buttons before asking for help or suggesting anything!



eh, made that up. I just founf out today there is a thing at the bottom of the page that says "mark forum as read" *bangs head on keyboard*

[VR_Jay]

[quote="kathyhime85 (kathy)"] do us all a favor, revise that, and take out the thous and the words like that. they give me a headache! [/quote]
NO! Keep it as is, I love it!

Haha, the only problem is that your average 12-year-old noob will have no idea what half of this means. It's great though. ^_^

And Kathy, you just broke one of the Cardinal Rules.
_________________
[img]http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y47/VR_Jay/Anti_Commecial_Banners_by_Nevar530.jpg[/img] [img]http://s2.photobucket.com/albums/y47/VR_Jay/th_myvsweetkiss1xc.gif[/img]

[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[Lexar]

There should be mention of organised spam. It should contain this kind of message: Be carefull of organised spam, they can see you at all times if you enter their territory, and are the exact opposite of the mods. The mods are here to help you, and organised spam is here to help itself.

That would surely help out some n00bs.

[Stratadrake]

[quote]There should be mention of organised spam. It should contain this kind of message: Be carefull of organised spam, they can see you at all times if you enter their territory, and are the exact opposite of the mods. The mods are here to help you, and organised spam is here to help itself.[/quote]

I put a small warning into Clause B-(iii). Should we elaborate on it, or leave it as is?

The "ravenous wolf pack" . . . .
_________________
Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
[size=9]Disclaimer: Posts may contain URLs. Click [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]at your own risk.[/url][/size]

[Lexar]

It's a fine warning like this.

If these are the commandments, then denis is god, the mods are archangels, site helpers are saints, you are mozes and spam is the hell of the forum. Just like the biblical one, there is no real hierarchy. We have a fallen angel, (powtaz) and a couple of demons. Just remember, at the apocalyps of the forum, organised spam will come to the other threads.

Wow you can take this anology pretty far :D

N00bs could be infidels.

Suspensions and signature editings, titles etc. are acts of god or devine interventions, miracles etc.

I get dizzy.

[DG-sama]

Strata... did I ever tell you you're my hero? ^^
_________________
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v142/DG-sama/avatars/kingsig.jpg[/img]

God damn you signature WORK!

[cstdenis]

This is great.

A second copy of it written in modern english may be useful tho since I doubt the average newbie will go to the effort of reading it in the form you have written it.
_________________
You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.

[kathyhime85]

*raises hand*

[VR_Jay]

[quote="Lexar (Lexar)"] If these are the commandments, then denis is god, the mods are archangels, site helpers are saints, you are mozes and spam is the hell of the forum. Just like the biblical one, there is no real hierarchy. We have a fallen angel, (powtaz) and a couple of demons. Just remember, at the apocalyps of the forum, organised spam will come to the other threads. [/quote]
And as I believe I stated before, Lasher would be Jesus while Lexar is Lucifer himself, banished from the regular forums, forced to reside in Spam until the final reconing. How many souls have you lured into your twisted relm, Lexar? Is it three at this point?

EDIT: Right now we're awaiting Lasher's second coming. ^_^
(she's been gone for a while, if you didn't know)
_________________
[img]http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y47/VR_Jay/Anti_Commecial_Banners_by_Nevar530.jpg[/img] [img]http://s2.photobucket.com/albums/y47/VR_Jay/th_myvsweetkiss1xc.gif[/img]

[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[Lexar]

No, we torture the n00bs. That's our job you know.

[Stratadrake]

[quote]A second copy of it written in modern english may be useful tho since I doubt the average newbie will go to the effort of reading it in the form you have written it.[/quote]

Blasphemy! It must be read in the mother tongue! :lol:

. . . Yeah, a common English version might make it easier to understand. Even though it loses its charm that way :(

But then, hey I know, to make it even easier for some n00b's to understand, Lexar or somebody could translate it all into 1337 !
_________________
Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
[size=9]Disclaimer: Posts may contain URLs. Click [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]at your own risk.[/url][/size]

[VR_Jay]

For the love of God, NO! L33t is the most unecessary thing to ever grace the written word. It would probably be even harder to read.
_________________
[img]http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y47/VR_Jay/Anti_Commecial_Banners_by_Nevar530.jpg[/img] [img]http://s2.photobucket.com/albums/y47/VR_Jay/th_myvsweetkiss1xc.gif[/img]

[color=black]"Your toast is burnt and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!" ~ Caboose, Red vs. Blue[/color]

[LadyoftheDeadlyDance]

Go Strata! ^_^ I loveth thy divine awesomeness and thy wordth of this charming lament of newbiethness. Thou newbies shall bow to Strata, bow newbies, bow I say! XD

[PhunkYMunkY]

[quote="VR_Jay (Will)"] For the love of God, NO! L33t is the most unecessary thing to ever grace the written word. It would probably be even harder to read. [/quote]
Clause A - Registration And Thou
(i) - Thou immigrants to hither forums, henceforth deemed "newbies", shalt endeavour to self-enlightenment both ere and ensuing thine registration on hither site.
(ii) - Thou shalt exploreth hither forums and acquaintance thyself to its heirarchy, natures of discourse, and elder contributors.

_________________________________________________________________
[u]Translation (0|\/|P|_3T3[/u]___________________________________________


(|_/-\U53 /-\ - |23G15T|2/-\T10|\| /-\|\||) T|-|0U

(1) - T|-|0U 1|\/|\/|1G|2/-\|\|T5 t0 |-|1T|-|3|2 |=0|2U|\/|5, |-|3|\|(3|=0|2T|-| |)33|\/|3|) "|\|3\/\/|3135", 5|-|4|_T 3|\||)34\/0U|2 T0 53|_|=-3|\||_1G|-|T3|\|\/|3|\|T |30T|-| |-|3|23 /-\|\||) 3|\|5U1|\|G T|-|1|\|3 |23G15T|24T10|\| 0|\| |-|1T|-|3|2 51T3.
(11) - T|-|0U 5|-|4|_T 3>
Dare I continue? I think the whole 'gangsta' wannabe style type is funkin' pointless. It just makes you sound more of a moron than you probably actually are. Da cru hizzle in diz bizzle went to da skew 2dy. it wuz iight meguess bt i shudda staed off N klled sum hater`zzz.. WORD UP, YO! PEACE!

<_< Get. A. Fuckin. Life.

I know I can't talk as I just tapped all that s**t out ^ up there but still, I mean come on.. Thier way of talkin is a way of life for them.. :wacko:

[anime_chick]

[quote]Haha, the only problem is that your average 12-year-old noob will have no idea what half of this means. [/quote]

HA! I'm only 11, I'm not a n00b! Okay I'll stop now. :ph34r: But that was Great Strata! Even thought now my Head hurts... :wacko: BLEH! And the Newbies should bow down to everyone but MangaDude.....

BLEH! Bow down Newbies! LOL! I'm acting like LDD, now! Guess I've been around LDD and Silver for too long...
_________________
"Don't Worry, Just Because I Don't [u]Talk[/u] to You, Doesn't mean I [b]Hate[/b] [i]You[/i]!"
---
[b]Hare Hare Yukai ftw.[/b]
--
[img]http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c382/Anime_Chick46/ACbanner.png[/img]

[ Yes I made that banner;; Message me if you want one. ]

[Pyro_grl]

Woo & Hoo! Gotta love those commandments! The only sad thing is most people who really do need this aren't going to read it.
Anyway I especially like this part:
[quote](iv) - Thou shalt not profess thine member title, post count, or "member level" above others. Thy member level increases with thy post count, but bestows upon thee no new blessings, ever.[/quote]

Since some people skip the "n00b" stage and others stay n00bs forever, regardless of their level.

Anyway I hope at least one n00b reads this and learns something. Oh and I have another commandment for you.


Roule Playing and Thou
(I) Thou shalt follow through uponst the style whitch the author didst intend for the writings of such particular post. Thus if thine style is unbecoming of the forum, repair it.

*********
~Translation~
*********

Role Playing
(I) Don't change the style of an RP because you don't feel like being professional-like. The actions in stars and colons are great for informal RPs but if you see that the poster of the RP is writing in a sophisticated "Book" style then try to be sophisticated. It won't kill you.

In other words if somebody writes:
~Softly Marie made her way through the forest, her feet not making a sound. She hoped she'd lost him. She kept glancing back behind her to make sure he wasn't there. Still she found herself running head-first into him.
She gasped. "David!"~
You would NOT respond:
~*clutches neck of her dress* u always new i'd find u marie & here iam~
But instead would respond:
He smiled slyly, holding her by the neck of her dress which he twisted in his hand, choking her. "I'm here Marie," he told her. "Just like you always knew I would be. Because when it came down to it you could never run from me. I've always been right here."~

Yeah I just had to put that there because as a writer it's just something that annoys me when you're trying to post something seriously and your writing eloquently and stuff like that and people come along and don't even make the effort to capitalize their letters or check for spelling mistakes. It's just a pet peeve.
_________________
Nikki: Schadenfreude. Well, what's that, some kind of Nazi word or something?
Gary: Yep, it's German for happiness at the misfortune of others!
Nikki: Happiness at the misfourtune of others? That is German!

[Stratadrake]

Nice. I didn't consider RP's because of a few reasons, one being that I don't RP, and another being that the RP forum has its own rules thread already in place.
_________________
Strata here: [url=http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/242293]Nanowrimo[/url] - [url=www.fanart-central.net/user-Stratadrake.php]FAC[/url] - [url=http://stratadrake.deviantart.com]dA[/url] - [url=www.furaffinity.net/user/Stratadrake/]FA[/url]
[size=9]Disclaimer: Posts may contain URLs. Click [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]at your own risk.[/url][/size]